A lady with a "Nixon" problem.
June 28, 2011 7:52 AM Subscribe
5 o'clock shadow....on my scalp. Difficulty factor: I'm a (gender normative) lady.
So this is humiliating.
I am suffering from a bad relapse of trichotillomania (was abstinent for over a decade). I pulled enough head hair to result in visible bald patches as of this past weekend, and went ahead and shaved my head down for a "fresh start" (appearance-wise, pull-wise).
Here's the thing: I am an olive skinned lady with dark brown hair, and even with the closest shave I could manage with trimmers and a lady razor (nothing else on hand right now), you can still see dark shadow where the hair follicles were left alone, and paler, irregularly shaped "islands" where the hair was pulled bald.
Is there some secret that darkhaired men with shaved heads (and only partial hair loss) know that I don't? Would tanning my scalp even out the toning and make it less obvious? Is there a better way to keep this shaved down? I do own a wig but was hoping to also have the option to just be a bald headed chick without visible craziness going on above the ears if I so chose (swimming, sleepovers, etc), while I waited for the bald patches to fill in enough to grow it all back out evenly. I also would like to not have to explain I am a hair puller to every single medical professional in a non-related area (I do get help for this), as it is my experience as a woman that anything that broadcasts, "rare bizarre psych presentation" makes other legitimate physical symptoms nearly impossible to get addressed (ask me sometime how long it took to get bloodwork ordered to prove I had a serious autoimmune condition while I battled docs who said it must be all in my head since I seemed like a nervous sort).
Please don't tell me "not to worry about it" or "I'm sure it looks fine." The first is not possible and the second is false. Looking for advice only. Also, the shape of the patches missing make it clear that I did not have alopecia areata (which occurs in circular patches), so I can't go with that either. Also, I find this whole situation humiliating--there is very little understanding or tolerance for this sort of hairloss, particularly in women.
Email for followup: trichylady@gmail.com
So this is humiliating.
I am suffering from a bad relapse of trichotillomania (was abstinent for over a decade). I pulled enough head hair to result in visible bald patches as of this past weekend, and went ahead and shaved my head down for a "fresh start" (appearance-wise, pull-wise).
Here's the thing: I am an olive skinned lady with dark brown hair, and even with the closest shave I could manage with trimmers and a lady razor (nothing else on hand right now), you can still see dark shadow where the hair follicles were left alone, and paler, irregularly shaped "islands" where the hair was pulled bald.
Is there some secret that darkhaired men with shaved heads (and only partial hair loss) know that I don't? Would tanning my scalp even out the toning and make it less obvious? Is there a better way to keep this shaved down? I do own a wig but was hoping to also have the option to just be a bald headed chick without visible craziness going on above the ears if I so chose (swimming, sleepovers, etc), while I waited for the bald patches to fill in enough to grow it all back out evenly. I also would like to not have to explain I am a hair puller to every single medical professional in a non-related area (I do get help for this), as it is my experience as a woman that anything that broadcasts, "rare bizarre psych presentation" makes other legitimate physical symptoms nearly impossible to get addressed (ask me sometime how long it took to get bloodwork ordered to prove I had a serious autoimmune condition while I battled docs who said it must be all in my head since I seemed like a nervous sort).
Please don't tell me "not to worry about it" or "I'm sure it looks fine." The first is not possible and the second is false. Looking for advice only. Also, the shape of the patches missing make it clear that I did not have alopecia areata (which occurs in circular patches), so I can't go with that either. Also, I find this whole situation humiliating--there is very little understanding or tolerance for this sort of hairloss, particularly in women.
Email for followup: trichylady@gmail.com
Also, the shape of the patches missing make it clear that I did not have alopecia areata (which occurs in circular patches), so I can't go with that either.
A few things come to mind here: 1) You know that alopecia areata presents in circular patches, but almost no one else does. 2) Do you think that anyone will get close enough to inspect the irregular borders of your pulled patches? 3) Who's business is it anyway?
My advice to you - don't worry so much about it, I don't think it's as big of a deal as you think it'll be. Focus that energy on making yourself well, instead.
posted by deadmessenger at 7:57 AM on June 28, 2011 [3 favorites]
A few things come to mind here: 1) You know that alopecia areata presents in circular patches, but almost no one else does. 2) Do you think that anyone will get close enough to inspect the irregular borders of your pulled patches? 3) Who's business is it anyway?
My advice to you - don't worry so much about it, I don't think it's as big of a deal as you think it'll be. Focus that energy on making yourself well, instead.
posted by deadmessenger at 7:57 AM on June 28, 2011 [3 favorites]
Alopecia areata does not always occur in circular patches, even if it usually does. So maybe you could still go for that? It seems unlikely anyone would accuse you of lying, and if they do, wow, just walk away from that rudeness without replying.
It seems to me that the more easy, breezy, unconcerned (or even pleased) you are about your new look, the less anyone will find anything amiss.
posted by guessthis at 8:03 AM on June 28, 2011
It seems to me that the more easy, breezy, unconcerned (or even pleased) you are about your new look, the less anyone will find anything amiss.
posted by guessthis at 8:03 AM on June 28, 2011
I also would like to not have to explain I am a hair puller
I would guess unless you told someone this, no one would imagine it assuming your hair loss was natural or a result of chemotherapy - or none of their business.
Also, the shape of the patches missing make it clear that I did not have alopecia areata (which occurs in circular patches), so I can't go with that either.
Clear to whom? Experts maybe, but the average person?
On preview, what deadmessenger said. Don't over think it.
posted by three blind mice at 8:06 AM on June 28, 2011
I would guess unless you told someone this, no one would imagine it assuming your hair loss was natural or a result of chemotherapy - or none of their business.
Also, the shape of the patches missing make it clear that I did not have alopecia areata (which occurs in circular patches), so I can't go with that either.
Clear to whom? Experts maybe, but the average person?
On preview, what deadmessenger said. Don't over think it.
posted by three blind mice at 8:06 AM on June 28, 2011
My friend was in cop school and had to have really short hair - and he just went with actually shaving it Mr. Clean Style. He liked Bald Guyz products for getting a good close shave along with this thing that is like a matchbox car for your head, with a razor - HeadBlade. His chromed dome was magnifique.
Also, unless you know someone with Alopecia you have no idea what it looks like and I hope to FSM that no one would be gauche enough to challenge you about it. If they are, the problem that case isn't yours, it's theirs.
posted by Medieval Maven at 8:18 AM on June 28, 2011
Also, unless you know someone with Alopecia you have no idea what it looks like and I hope to FSM that no one would be gauche enough to challenge you about it. If they are, the problem that case isn't yours, it's theirs.
posted by Medieval Maven at 8:18 AM on June 28, 2011
Something that might help while you're figuring out how to make your scalp look as good as possible (seconding notsnot's method, btw), is to remind yourself that (aside from medical professionals; I got nothing for you there except I totally get it) no one thinks about you as much as you think about you. While you're (understandably) obsessed with your head, chances are no one else is going to think twice about it. So, continue to worry about it (again, I totally get it), but keep in mind that no one else will be.
posted by cooker girl at 8:26 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by cooker girl at 8:26 AM on June 28, 2011
I would make sure to test this first, but a depilatory cream would dissolve a bit more of the dark part of the hair below the surface, and probably help blend the bald patches better. Make sure to test the product behind your ear first, though, since the skin on your scalp is probably more sensitive than on the rest of your body.
(I also have a variant of trich, and I'm sending you all kinds of good vibes.)
posted by OLechat at 8:26 AM on June 28, 2011
(I also have a variant of trich, and I'm sending you all kinds of good vibes.)
posted by OLechat at 8:26 AM on June 28, 2011
Speaking as someone who has been bald from chemo twice and has dealt with regrowth and irregular patchiness, I think that you will find that if you keep shaving down with the lady razor every day or two for the next week or so, the spots where the hair was pulled out will fill in and match up with the "shadow" areas quite quickly. It shouldn't take long for the bald patches to fill in enough to not be noticeable. It won't be perfectly matched up, but it will be less of a contrast.
posted by Felicity Rilke at 8:27 AM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Felicity Rilke at 8:27 AM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Won't the bald patches grow in pretty quickly (like plucked hair elsewhere) and make everything look the same? Or maybe you're looking for a solution in the meantime. I would wear a hat for a day or two and maybe problem solved after that (even hair growth = bald whenever you want).
posted by theredpen at 8:28 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by theredpen at 8:28 AM on June 28, 2011
Having used a depilatory cream (Nair) on my scalp to remove the last of it, I suggest very strongly that you do NOT do this. (sorry OLechat - I thought it was a good idea too, until the bubbling and fizzing and instant blisters).
posted by b33j at 8:40 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by b33j at 8:40 AM on June 28, 2011
To remove the last of my hair, that is, not the last of my scalp.
posted by b33j at 8:40 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by b33j at 8:40 AM on June 28, 2011
I know more than the average person about both hair loss and skin picking/hair pulling, and I would not assume that someone whose scalp looks like yours lost their hair due to trichotillomania. So in terms of your fear people 'outing' you, I don't think that it's a realistic concern.
However, I imagine that your hair-pulling is a result of anxiety and some form of obsessions/compulsions, and you are probably going to be hper-aware about it no matter what. I think in order to keep yourself from constantly thinking about it and checking yourself in a mirror (and therefore increasing your anxiety), maybe a wig is the best way to go for a while. My mom wears a wig, and it's not obvious at all. And the people at wig shops are really nice and can help you find a new one if you don't like the one you have.
posted by radioamy at 8:57 AM on June 28, 2011
However, I imagine that your hair-pulling is a result of anxiety and some form of obsessions/compulsions, and you are probably going to be hper-aware about it no matter what. I think in order to keep yourself from constantly thinking about it and checking yourself in a mirror (and therefore increasing your anxiety), maybe a wig is the best way to go for a while. My mom wears a wig, and it's not obvious at all. And the people at wig shops are really nice and can help you find a new one if you don't like the one you have.
posted by radioamy at 8:57 AM on June 28, 2011
While I've never shaved my head completely bald, I know a couple of guys who do so regularly and swear by the HeadBlade. Apparently, the marketing is true, and it makes it way easier to eliminate any last traces of stubble when shaving your head.
Presumably, this will allow you to get a closer shave than your current razor.
If that's not an option, then about all you can do is to shave your head literally every other day (every day is probably a bit too much for your scalp to handle) until the bald patches start to grow in and match the rest of your head. From there, you can let it grow in as you'd like.
posted by asnider at 8:59 AM on June 28, 2011
Presumably, this will allow you to get a closer shave than your current razor.
If that's not an option, then about all you can do is to shave your head literally every other day (every day is probably a bit too much for your scalp to handle) until the bald patches start to grow in and match the rest of your head. From there, you can let it grow in as you'd like.
posted by asnider at 8:59 AM on June 28, 2011
You can wear a swim cap at the pool. If anyone asks, you can say that your scalp sunburns, or that your head gets cold without one, or that you wear one so that you'll be more visible (or that you're training for an open water swim/triathlon and will be required to wear one for visibility, and you need to get used to swimming with one).
posted by anaelith at 9:00 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by anaelith at 9:00 AM on June 28, 2011
I never thought of a swim cap - that would be really fun if you got a retro-style one!
posted by radioamy at 9:02 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by radioamy at 9:02 AM on June 28, 2011
Most people's reaction is going to be: You SHAVED your head?!
almost no one is going to go: You have bald spots on your shaved head!
And if anyone does, then tell them you have Alopecia Areata. They won't know any different then to believe you.
posted by royalsong at 9:09 AM on June 28, 2011
almost no one is going to go: You have bald spots on your shaved head!
And if anyone does, then tell them you have Alopecia Areata. They won't know any different then to believe you.
posted by royalsong at 9:09 AM on June 28, 2011
Hi, male trich sufferer here who gets this problem on my face -- I shave down very close to try and hide the areas where I've plucked out my beard-stubble. Basically this requires me to shave that area very closely, very frequently, to keep the totally bald patches hidden. I usually feel like I can still see them, even after a close shave, but no one has ever commented on them (and my friends aren't shy about pointing things out), so they must not be very noticeable to others.
Just keep as close a shave as possible for the next couple weeks, and try to wear some distinctive jewelry to make you feel feminine and to draw the eye from expanses of blank space :)
Memail me if you want.
posted by hermitosis at 9:21 AM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Just keep as close a shave as possible for the next couple weeks, and try to wear some distinctive jewelry to make you feel feminine and to draw the eye from expanses of blank space :)
Memail me if you want.
posted by hermitosis at 9:21 AM on June 28, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also anon, I think you'll find that trich isn't as unusual as you thought - and MeFites are great about sharing their personal stories to make you feel less alon (thanks hermitosis!). I don't have a full-blown disorder, but I definitely pick at my skin and eyelashes out of anxiety (and then I wonder why my lashes are so uneven!). Honestly the fact that you admit that you have a problem and are working towards solving it is a great step.
posted by radioamy at 9:35 AM on June 28, 2011
posted by radioamy at 9:35 AM on June 28, 2011
Notsnot has you on the right track here.
I'm not balding, but I shaved my head for a few years when I was younger. I'm also olive-skinned with dark hair like you, OP.
The key to getting a really good shave is to do it straight out of a hot shower while your head is still wet. Gel-based shaving cream is essential, though conditioner will do in a pinch. Then just shave with hot water to clean off the razor. I used to find it quite soothing, actually.
I hope you're feeling better.
posted by CRM114 at 9:40 AM on June 28, 2011
I'm not balding, but I shaved my head for a few years when I was younger. I'm also olive-skinned with dark hair like you, OP.
The key to getting a really good shave is to do it straight out of a hot shower while your head is still wet. Gel-based shaving cream is essential, though conditioner will do in a pinch. Then just shave with hot water to clean off the razor. I used to find it quite soothing, actually.
I hope you're feeling better.
posted by CRM114 at 9:40 AM on June 28, 2011
I think you've gotten some good head-shaving advice. However, one bit of advice that I think is quite good that may get overlooked was offered by @hermitosis -- which is to provide an eye catching distraction. Don't underestimate the power of an attractive, bright piece of jewelry -- a chunky necklace or large earrings for example -- or a distinctive scarf around your neck or whatever. These kinds of things attract attention, make you feel more confident, and distract the eye from whatever else is going on. Be bold.
People are /not/ as observant as you think. Numerous studies on the unreliability of eye-witness testimony have demonstrated this. ;)
Oh, one more bit of advice! Sunscreen! Your hair has protected your head from the sun. In the absence of shade provided by hair, you will want to put sunblock on your scalp. Having a red, flaking head will /not/ help matters at all.
posted by driley at 2:05 PM on June 28, 2011
People are /not/ as observant as you think. Numerous studies on the unreliability of eye-witness testimony have demonstrated this. ;)
Oh, one more bit of advice! Sunscreen! Your hair has protected your head from the sun. In the absence of shade provided by hair, you will want to put sunblock on your scalp. Having a red, flaking head will /not/ help matters at all.
posted by driley at 2:05 PM on June 28, 2011
My friend with trich shaved her head a few months ago after a bad attack. She says it seems like most people assume she's going through chemo, and nobody gets personal about the previously shaved and patchy/now slowly growing out hair. Maybe you won't need to tell people much of anything?
I know what you mean about doctors assuming that having one issue means all your problems are in your head, though. Are you up for wearing the wig, a hat, or a scarf just to doctor appointments?
posted by galadriel at 3:17 PM on June 28, 2011
I know what you mean about doctors assuming that having one issue means all your problems are in your head, though. Are you up for wearing the wig, a hat, or a scarf just to doctor appointments?
posted by galadriel at 3:17 PM on June 28, 2011
The pulled out hair is missing down to the root, beneath your skin. The shaved stuff is still there and will effect the way light interacts with your skin. So... not really fixable. You can wait a few days and shave it again; repeat until the patch matches the rest of your head. In graphics*:
*Did I mention my job is boring?
posted by chairface at 4:01 PM on June 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
____ _____ ____ ____ skin surface
| | |||
| | |||
| | |||
V V
pulled shaved
As time passes, the pulled section will grow out and look the same but you'll need to wait and keep the shaved stuff shaved. *Did I mention my job is boring?
posted by chairface at 4:01 PM on June 28, 2011 [2 favorites]
I have AA and I can assure you that it does not always cause circular hair loss patterns. In fact, it almost never results in circular patches on my small. Good luck and be well, OP.
posted by Maisie at 7:38 PM on June 29, 2011
posted by Maisie at 7:38 PM on June 29, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
Also, this may be an old wives' tale, but do this when you're decaffeinated.
posted by notsnot at 7:56 AM on June 28, 2011