What do men want?
June 22, 2011 1:45 PM Subscribe
What makes a woman 'good in bed'?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (52 answers total) 81 users marked this as a favorite
As a woman, I think I have a pretty clear idea of what makes a man good or bad in bed. I've got my and my friends' experiences to draw on, but also I feel like our culture really emphasizes the importance of the man's skill in bed without paying as much attention to the woman's. (I'm talking about hetero sex here.)
Maybe I'm off base, I dunno. But if I think "man, good in bed," a whole host of associations comes up- he's patient and not pushy, yet just forceful enough to get you caught up in the experience; he knows where the clit is and how to respond to the woman's movements as she gets more excited; he can stay hard for a long time; he doesn't just focus on the boobs and crotch area, but instead pays attention to the whole body; on and on. These are obviously not what every woman wants all the time, but they're the sort of default answers to this question, I feel.
But when I've tried to ask male friends what makes a woman good in bed, they all say the same things: if you show up, don't act dead, and are willing to give blowjobs, that's enough. I just don't buy it, though! Is there really no way for a woman to improve her sexual performance other than 'don't act dead'?
I'm asking this because, while I have had a number of sexual partners, most of them have been casual and I still have absolutely no idea of whether I'm 'good in bed,' and what I could be doing differently. I haven't had any complaints, but still. This might sound really silly, but in my ideal future vision of myself I am The Best Lay Ever, and I'm just not sure how to get there from here! (Assume middle-class early 20s white chick in metro area, here.)
(And yes, I know I could secure a fuckbuddy and ask him, but I have yet to actually find one who was both good in bed and not a neurotic mess who would take that question poorly, so until I have more success on that front, I'm asking yall.)