What is going on here?
June 15, 2011 10:05 AM Subscribe
I'm in the middle of a casual relationship nightmare and I would like to know what is happening.
I am a 29yo female and I have been seeing a guy for six months, and things were going well at first. We understood that it was going to be casual because we both were planning on leaving for different towns in August, and things for a while were a lot of fun. We do a lot activities together, hang out with his friends, and it sometimes feels like it is something more than a casual relationship.
A couple of months ago, he met a girl that he really liked, but it turned out she was a lesbian. They became really good friends. He didn't tell me until this week what had happened, but since then, he's hung out with her loads, and is inviting me along to their get-togethers. His friends have asked me, Have you ever kissed a girl before? Of which I'd say no, and they'd give me this pitying look and say that's too bad.
Things became really bad when I went to meet them at a club and she brought a girl along on a date. This made him very upset and he started to act out--grabbing me onstage to dance in front of the crowd, flashing cash in front of her--and when I decided to go outside the club for a smoke, he followed me and started talking (without me saying anything) about how much he liked me, but he won't be in town very much longer, and how he sometimes imagines us in the new town he is moving to, and although he kind of wants me to move with him, he wants her to move with him too, but she won't "because she's a lesbian" he said, and pointed her and her date out in the crowd.
I became really upset by all this, even though we never talked about dating exclusively because we were "casual", and he said that if I couldn't handle a casual relationship instead of enjoying the present moment, I should end it.
At this point, I know he doesn't really like me any more, and that this is just a placeholder before he "starts over". And I guess I should probably end it before it gets worse, which I guess I will do sooner rather than later. Question is, why would anyone say or do these things instead of just breaking up? Why are his roommates asking me about my sexual past?
I am a 29yo female and I have been seeing a guy for six months, and things were going well at first. We understood that it was going to be casual because we both were planning on leaving for different towns in August, and things for a while were a lot of fun. We do a lot activities together, hang out with his friends, and it sometimes feels like it is something more than a casual relationship.
A couple of months ago, he met a girl that he really liked, but it turned out she was a lesbian. They became really good friends. He didn't tell me until this week what had happened, but since then, he's hung out with her loads, and is inviting me along to their get-togethers. His friends have asked me, Have you ever kissed a girl before? Of which I'd say no, and they'd give me this pitying look and say that's too bad.
Things became really bad when I went to meet them at a club and she brought a girl along on a date. This made him very upset and he started to act out--grabbing me onstage to dance in front of the crowd, flashing cash in front of her--and when I decided to go outside the club for a smoke, he followed me and started talking (without me saying anything) about how much he liked me, but he won't be in town very much longer, and how he sometimes imagines us in the new town he is moving to, and although he kind of wants me to move with him, he wants her to move with him too, but she won't "because she's a lesbian" he said, and pointed her and her date out in the crowd.
I became really upset by all this, even though we never talked about dating exclusively because we were "casual", and he said that if I couldn't handle a casual relationship instead of enjoying the present moment, I should end it.
At this point, I know he doesn't really like me any more, and that this is just a placeholder before he "starts over". And I guess I should probably end it before it gets worse, which I guess I will do sooner rather than later. Question is, why would anyone say or do these things instead of just breaking up? Why are his roommates asking me about my sexual past?
His roommates are asking about your sexual past because they're hoping to inspire you to be the conduit in a threesome so that he can get with the lesbian crush. He's behaving this way because he's a coward, and won't break up because he's also hoping that you'll be the conduit for a threesome. Run, don't walk.
posted by amelioration at 10:10 AM on June 15, 2011 [76 favorites]
posted by amelioration at 10:10 AM on June 15, 2011 [76 favorites]
At this point, I know he doesn't really like me any more, and that this is just a placeholder before he "starts over". And I guess I should probably end it before it gets worse, which I guess I will do sooner rather than later. Question is, why would anyone say or do these things instead of just breaking up? Why are his roommates asking me about my sexual past?
Who cares why? None of this makes any sense. Just leave it.
posted by sweetkid at 10:10 AM on June 15, 2011 [5 favorites]
Who cares why? None of this makes any sense. Just leave it.
posted by sweetkid at 10:10 AM on June 15, 2011 [5 favorites]
His roommates are asking you about your sexual past because their idiot roommate has fallen in love with a lesbian, and because they all watch too much porn, he or they or both imagine that he can get her into bed with him by getting her into bed with you.
Do you really need this shit for a relationship that's already got a clearly defined expiry date?
posted by jacquilynne at 10:11 AM on June 15, 2011 [14 favorites]
Do you really need this shit for a relationship that's already got a clearly defined expiry date?
posted by jacquilynne at 10:11 AM on June 15, 2011 [14 favorites]
Question is, why would anyone say or do these things instead of just breaking up?
Sounds to me like the obvious -- he was upset to see her on a date with something else, and was trying to use you to make himself feel better. To throw in her face how desirable he was, how much $$$ she was missing out on by not being with him.
As to this:
he followed me and started talking (without me saying anything) about how much he liked me, but he won't be in town very much longer, and how he sometimes imagines us in the new town he is moving to
It sounds like he was trying to mess with your emotions, to nudge you to respond in kind so he could feel validated, like someone was really into him, liked him, and wanted him even if he didn't feel the same way.
It's really low that after doing this, trying to get what he wants out of you by hinting at more of a future, he accuses YOU of not being able to handle a casual relationship and not living in the moment.
This guy sounds like he has issues and I think you are right to end it because it's causing you distress.
posted by Ashley801 at 10:13 AM on June 15, 2011 [6 favorites]
Sounds to me like the obvious -- he was upset to see her on a date with something else, and was trying to use you to make himself feel better. To throw in her face how desirable he was, how much $$$ she was missing out on by not being with him.
As to this:
he followed me and started talking (without me saying anything) about how much he liked me, but he won't be in town very much longer, and how he sometimes imagines us in the new town he is moving to
It sounds like he was trying to mess with your emotions, to nudge you to respond in kind so he could feel validated, like someone was really into him, liked him, and wanted him even if he didn't feel the same way.
It's really low that after doing this, trying to get what he wants out of you by hinting at more of a future, he accuses YOU of not being able to handle a casual relationship and not living in the moment.
This guy sounds like he has issues and I think you are right to end it because it's causing you distress.
posted by Ashley801 at 10:13 AM on June 15, 2011 [6 favorites]
Question is, why would anyone say or do these things instead of just breaking up? Why are his roommates asking me about my sexual past?
1. Not everyone has emotional intelligence to actually talk to people about things that matter (and often their friends are similarly lacking).
2. Nthing the lesbian love sandwich dream.
3. You don't need this. He is leaving. He is not committed. AND, you're not enjoying this (if you were, could be a different scenario). Ditch him and get the love and respect you want!
posted by anya32 at 10:14 AM on June 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
1. Not everyone has emotional intelligence to actually talk to people about things that matter (and often their friends are similarly lacking).
2. Nthing the lesbian love sandwich dream.
3. You don't need this. He is leaving. He is not committed. AND, you're not enjoying this (if you were, could be a different scenario). Ditch him and get the love and respect you want!
posted by anya32 at 10:14 AM on June 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
Because the girl he wants to be with won't have sex with him, and you will, and he wants sex more than not-sex.
posted by brainmouse at 10:14 AM on June 15, 2011 [10 favorites]
posted by brainmouse at 10:14 AM on June 15, 2011 [10 favorites]
This doesn't sound casual at all. In fact, the way you make this sound is the exact opposite of casual. You will have to decide for yourself what your definition of casual is, but if I were in your situation, I wouldn't want the drama and would either talk to him or leave him flat out.
posted by TheBones at 10:23 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by TheBones at 10:23 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
This is just typical frat boy bullshit. Move on.
posted by empath at 10:23 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by empath at 10:23 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Good god. Why 'the lesbian' doesn't see through this either is beyond me. Dude wants a threesome. Dude probably wants his buddies to watch too.
posted by spicynuts at 10:26 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by spicynuts at 10:26 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
He craves attention, and he wants a threesome, and also he sucks.
He's using "casual" as an excuse to act with zero consideration for you or the other girl. That way, if he ever pisses you off or hurts your feelings, he'll blame you for being "too emotionally involved." This is a weasely dick move.
Also, he sucks.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:30 AM on June 15, 2011 [32 favorites]
He's using "casual" as an excuse to act with zero consideration for you or the other girl. That way, if he ever pisses you off or hurts your feelings, he'll blame you for being "too emotionally involved." This is a weasely dick move.
Also, he sucks.
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:30 AM on June 15, 2011 [32 favorites]
When "he said that if I couldn't handle a casual relationship instead of enjoying the present moment, I should end it." he was being really manipulative. So if you dump him you're some stuck up prude who can't enjoy the moment? That's total crap! So is going after a women he knows isn't interested in him.
It doesn't matter why he's doing this the bottom line is that he doesn't seem to be able to take into account other peoples feelings and is groping around at ways to make himself feel better regardless of the consequences.
You deserve better than this! Casual relationships should be fun and easy not and when there not, or they don't make you happy, then you dump them.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 10:46 AM on June 15, 2011 [7 favorites]
It doesn't matter why he's doing this the bottom line is that he doesn't seem to be able to take into account other peoples feelings and is groping around at ways to make himself feel better regardless of the consequences.
You deserve better than this! Casual relationships should be fun and easy not and when there not, or they don't make you happy, then you dump them.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 10:46 AM on June 15, 2011 [7 favorites]
Lots of people would rather experience the adrenaline rush of drama instead of being reasonable, sensible, or kind. That's why. Possibly also they have mistaken themselves for a reality TV show.
Your participation in this is your choice, though there's quite a bit of manipulation going on to keep you in the game (otherwise the drama's not as juicy). You could choose to go do something else; it'll probably be more boring, but it'll probably be more enjoyable and better for your mental health.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:53 AM on June 15, 2011 [4 favorites]
Your participation in this is your choice, though there's quite a bit of manipulation going on to keep you in the game (otherwise the drama's not as juicy). You could choose to go do something else; it'll probably be more boring, but it'll probably be more enjoyable and better for your mental health.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:53 AM on June 15, 2011 [4 favorites]
I'm glad I'm not the only one who read the "they want a threesome" in OP's question.
Nowhere in your description does this relationship sound casual or fun. End it.
posted by guster4lovers at 10:59 AM on June 15, 2011
Nowhere in your description does this relationship sound casual or fun. End it.
posted by guster4lovers at 10:59 AM on June 15, 2011
This made him very upset and he started to act out--grabbing me onstage to dance in front of the crowd, flashing cash in front of her--and when I decided blah blah
I once directed a classical music show out in the woods, project of three weeks. One of the musicians, curly dude with come-hither eyebrows and a lot of casual success on his record, got a bee in the bonnet about one of the singers (the poor girl was just coming out of a nasty breakup and was not at all in the mood, bless her).
Talktalk. Oh how angelic she was and what a great musician. I listened for hours on end to his superlatives.
Fast forward past a few blundering moves and a rebuke, all of a sudden, I learned, she sang out of tune and was haughty and unbearable. Again I had to listen to that nonsense for hours at a time. Beer was involved, too, in these talks (and patience. Man....).
Meaning to say that when not-too-self-reflective guys get their hormones in a twist, reason flies out of the window faster than you can say "barf". Run. Fast.
The typical answer here in cat threads is "cats are weird". The typical answer in 3yr-old-kids threads is "kids are weird". Do I have to go on?
posted by Namlit at 11:04 AM on June 15, 2011 [4 favorites]
I once directed a classical music show out in the woods, project of three weeks. One of the musicians, curly dude with come-hither eyebrows and a lot of casual success on his record, got a bee in the bonnet about one of the singers (the poor girl was just coming out of a nasty breakup and was not at all in the mood, bless her).
Talktalk. Oh how angelic she was and what a great musician. I listened for hours on end to his superlatives.
Fast forward past a few blundering moves and a rebuke, all of a sudden, I learned, she sang out of tune and was haughty and unbearable. Again I had to listen to that nonsense for hours at a time. Beer was involved, too, in these talks (and patience. Man....).
Meaning to say that when not-too-self-reflective guys get their hormones in a twist, reason flies out of the window faster than you can say "barf". Run. Fast.
The typical answer here in cat threads is "cats are weird". The typical answer in 3yr-old-kids threads is "kids are weird". Do I have to go on?
posted by Namlit at 11:04 AM on June 15, 2011 [4 favorites]
Who cares why they do it? They're douches. Drop the whole scene.
posted by rhizome at 11:05 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by rhizome at 11:05 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Question is, why would anyone say or do these things instead of just breaking up?
For the same reason someone would put up with all this instead of just breaking up: insecurity.
posted by coolguymichael at 11:13 AM on June 15, 2011 [3 favorites]
For the same reason someone would put up with all this instead of just breaking up: insecurity.
posted by coolguymichael at 11:13 AM on June 15, 2011 [3 favorites]
When people are getting ready to start over somewhere else, their emotions get really intense and their desires are often really confusing. You get waves of loneliness, anticipation, anxiety, doubt, giddiness, all dosed with a sense that what happens *right now* matters less than what will be happening in the just-out-of-reach future. It turns you into a hungry ghost.
Both you and he are in this state, so it's no wonder that you're making each other nuts. He's not thinking clearly, he's not treating you like a real, thinking, feeling person. You didn't sign up for "anything goes," and you shouldn't have to feel bad about not wanting to be around all that mess.
Naturally, he'll blame you for everything. You'll just have to ignore that part and focus on what you know about yourself.
posted by hermitosis at 11:13 AM on June 15, 2011 [8 favorites]
Both you and he are in this state, so it's no wonder that you're making each other nuts. He's not thinking clearly, he's not treating you like a real, thinking, feeling person. You didn't sign up for "anything goes," and you shouldn't have to feel bad about not wanting to be around all that mess.
Naturally, he'll blame you for everything. You'll just have to ignore that part and focus on what you know about yourself.
posted by hermitosis at 11:13 AM on June 15, 2011 [8 favorites]
This guy is trying to use you as a bandage for his severely-bruised ego. He's doing it with you directly, and when you're not around, you're probably a go-to topic when he's with his friends. The fact that he's this upset about how a lesbian won't hook up with him just shows how wrapped up in his ego he really is.
Remind yourself over and over again that this was casual, because it's time to exercise the freedom inherent in that casual nature and walk away. It's not you. It's him.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 11:19 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Remind yourself over and over again that this was casual, because it's time to exercise the freedom inherent in that casual nature and walk away. It's not you. It's him.
posted by scaryblackdeath at 11:19 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
I don't see that anybody in this situation is treating you with respect or kindness; it's all about what they want and you just happen to be the female placeholder. I guarantee you that nothing good is going to come of your involvement with these selfish assholes. Walk away from the whole lot of them.
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 11:21 AM on June 15, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by WorkingMyWayHome at 11:21 AM on June 15, 2011 [3 favorites]
he said that if I couldn't handle a casual relationship instead of enjoying the present moment, I should end it.
This is kind of a brilliant little piece of manipulation, right here. He's redefining the word casual, equating having a casual relationship with having zero respect for the other person's feelings. Having stated his definition of casual, he's reminding you that you agreed to be in a casual relationship with him, implying that you're going back on your word by questioning his disrespectful behavior toward you. And, devastatingly, he's setting you up to feel like a loser and a failure and a prude if you choose to end the casual relationship with him based on your discomfort with his behavior.
A relationship can be casual but still mutually respectful. He's not treating you with respect--and he knows it--so you'd do well to end your involvement. Ignore his attempt to manipulate you: end things with him and go enjoy the present moment with people who make you feel good.
posted by Meg_Murry at 11:38 AM on June 15, 2011 [21 favorites]
This is kind of a brilliant little piece of manipulation, right here. He's redefining the word casual, equating having a casual relationship with having zero respect for the other person's feelings. Having stated his definition of casual, he's reminding you that you agreed to be in a casual relationship with him, implying that you're going back on your word by questioning his disrespectful behavior toward you. And, devastatingly, he's setting you up to feel like a loser and a failure and a prude if you choose to end the casual relationship with him based on your discomfort with his behavior.
A relationship can be casual but still mutually respectful. He's not treating you with respect--and he knows it--so you'd do well to end your involvement. Ignore his attempt to manipulate you: end things with him and go enjoy the present moment with people who make you feel good.
posted by Meg_Murry at 11:38 AM on June 15, 2011 [21 favorites]
He is a grade A jerk, manipulative, and is completely treating you with far less respect than you humanly deserve, including getting his friends in on it.
RUN.
posted by floweredfish at 11:52 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
RUN.
posted by floweredfish at 11:52 AM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Even I think they are trying to recruit you for a threesome. If it's THAT obvious.....
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 11:53 AM on June 15, 2011 [17 favorites]
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 11:53 AM on June 15, 2011 [17 favorites]
Question is, why would anyone say or do these things instead of just breaking up? Why are his roommates asking me about my sexual past?
He's saying all that instead of just breaking up because he doesn't have the balls to just break it off and is looking for an excuse. He's too cowardly to just say "look, I like her better than you", so he's looking to frame this as you not doing something for him and having that be an excuse he can use and say, "hah, see? She was completely unreasonable about how I wanted to use her for my own CHASING AMY fantasy! How dare she!"
And as to why his roommates are asking you about this -- it's because not only has your guy gotten caught up in this whole CHASING AMY fantasy, he's so into it that he's gotten his roommates in on the act and they're working on you to go along with this too.
In short - your guy has a lesbian fetish so big it's not only causing him to think exclusively with his dick, it's causing him to use you. Kick him to the curb.
(I was going to crack a joke that maybe you could hook up with the lesbian friend and both of you leave him out, just for revenge's sake, but you've already had people SERIOUSLY leaning on you to try a same-sex fling and that'd just be kind of tacky on my part.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:02 PM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
He's saying all that instead of just breaking up because he doesn't have the balls to just break it off and is looking for an excuse. He's too cowardly to just say "look, I like her better than you", so he's looking to frame this as you not doing something for him and having that be an excuse he can use and say, "hah, see? She was completely unreasonable about how I wanted to use her for my own CHASING AMY fantasy! How dare she!"
And as to why his roommates are asking you about this -- it's because not only has your guy gotten caught up in this whole CHASING AMY fantasy, he's so into it that he's gotten his roommates in on the act and they're working on you to go along with this too.
In short - your guy has a lesbian fetish so big it's not only causing him to think exclusively with his dick, it's causing him to use you. Kick him to the curb.
(I was going to crack a joke that maybe you could hook up with the lesbian friend and both of you leave him out, just for revenge's sake, but you've already had people SERIOUSLY leaning on you to try a same-sex fling and that'd just be kind of tacky on my part.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:02 PM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Why are his roommates asking me about my sexual past?
Threesome.
why would anyone say or do these things instead of just breaking up?
See above.
To paraphrase Sigmund Freud: Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 12:16 PM on June 15, 2011
Threesome.
why would anyone say or do these things instead of just breaking up?
See above.
To paraphrase Sigmund Freud: Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 12:16 PM on June 15, 2011
It's one thing to pursue others in a "casual relationship", it's another to pursue others in front of you. He's disrespecting what he has with you. It is NOT asking too much --in fact it is asking less than what most people would expect as the bare minimum-- to insist that he not pursue others in front of you. And while you're on the subject of bare minimum of respect, you might also address the fact that all his friends seem to be up on where you *might* stand in his sexual fantasies.
That said, I agree with the people who say that you should express your disdain for his behavior by moving on. But whatever. Maybe you're down with the casual thing...when he's not being a complete ass.
posted by Ys at 12:45 PM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
That said, I agree with the people who say that you should express your disdain for his behavior by moving on. But whatever. Maybe you're down with the casual thing...when he's not being a complete ass.
posted by Ys at 12:45 PM on June 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Christ, what an asshole.
/obligatory
I realize I used to spend an awful lot of time wondering why badly behaved people behaved badly towards me. After a certain point, I realized - what the fuck difference does it make? The important part is I do not deserve to be treated like shit, and I won't have it. You shouldn't either. Casual does not mean fucked-up, manipulative mind games. (Unless that's your thing.)
It's called friends with benefits for a reason.
posted by Space Kitty at 2:54 PM on June 15, 2011 [6 favorites]
/obligatory
I realize I used to spend an awful lot of time wondering why badly behaved people behaved badly towards me. After a certain point, I realized - what the fuck difference does it make? The important part is I do not deserve to be treated like shit, and I won't have it. You shouldn't either. Casual does not mean fucked-up, manipulative mind games. (Unless that's your thing.)
It's called friends with benefits for a reason.
posted by Space Kitty at 2:54 PM on June 15, 2011 [6 favorites]
'instead of enjoying the present moment' - but you're not even enjoying the present moment. The present moments you're describing are pretty shitty.
posted by honey-barbara at 4:59 PM on June 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by honey-barbara at 4:59 PM on June 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
You're pretty well answered by the other folks here, and yes, they're right, he's a jackass. I want to address this:
I became really upset by all this, even though we never talked about dating exclusively because we were "casual", and he said that if I couldn't handle a casual relationship instead of enjoying the present moment, I should end it.
He's also a liar, because you've handled a casual relationship just fine. He is the one who wants to cohabitate with you, he is the one hinting that he wants you to move with him when he moves, he is the one telling you that he's chasing Amy and settling for you. Basically, he can't handle your casual relationship, or, I suspect, many other relationships, and so he is accusing you of breaking the rules of your arrangement to save face on his bullshit.
It is bullshit, and you should not believe him. The basic rule of any relationship, casual or otherwise, is respect for the other person, and he is not respecting you. Maybe you were getting upset because you wanted more from him, maybe you were getting upset because he was being a giant prick, but nowhere in your arrangement was there the rule that you could not get upset at jackass behavior, and getting upset is in no way an indicator of your inability to just "be cool" or whatever shitty phrase he may have had to gloss over his hurting you.
He is an asshole, his friends are assholes, and you have not broached any boundaries by reacting to him as though he were a real person with the responsibility for his actions. You will be well rid of him and his jerk crew, but when you go I would like you to bring your self-esteem with you, because you didn't do anything wrong here. As a confirmed casual relationshipper, let me assure you that you have comported yourself with all the honor and honesty of our noble order, and you should go in peace to your new town and whatever comes next for you, without looking back.
posted by Errant at 5:57 PM on June 15, 2011 [17 favorites]
I became really upset by all this, even though we never talked about dating exclusively because we were "casual", and he said that if I couldn't handle a casual relationship instead of enjoying the present moment, I should end it.
He's also a liar, because you've handled a casual relationship just fine. He is the one who wants to cohabitate with you, he is the one hinting that he wants you to move with him when he moves, he is the one telling you that he's chasing Amy and settling for you. Basically, he can't handle your casual relationship, or, I suspect, many other relationships, and so he is accusing you of breaking the rules of your arrangement to save face on his bullshit.
It is bullshit, and you should not believe him. The basic rule of any relationship, casual or otherwise, is respect for the other person, and he is not respecting you. Maybe you were getting upset because you wanted more from him, maybe you were getting upset because he was being a giant prick, but nowhere in your arrangement was there the rule that you could not get upset at jackass behavior, and getting upset is in no way an indicator of your inability to just "be cool" or whatever shitty phrase he may have had to gloss over his hurting you.
He is an asshole, his friends are assholes, and you have not broached any boundaries by reacting to him as though he were a real person with the responsibility for his actions. You will be well rid of him and his jerk crew, but when you go I would like you to bring your self-esteem with you, because you didn't do anything wrong here. As a confirmed casual relationshipper, let me assure you that you have comported yourself with all the honor and honesty of our noble order, and you should go in peace to your new town and whatever comes next for you, without looking back.
posted by Errant at 5:57 PM on June 15, 2011 [17 favorites]
Errant has it on the nose.
He's the one who isn't able to "handle a casual relationship instead of enjoying the present moment," because he's not even IN "present moments" with you because he's too busy trying to orchestrate a PENTHOUSE fantasy thing there. The reason you're upset isn't because "you can't handle a casual relationship," the reason you're upset is because he is a selfish dicksmack.
Tell the girl he's got a CHASING AMY crush on that he's been secretly trying to get in her pants, then both of you confront him and tell him to pick whichever one of his hands is his favorite and use it to fuck himself, and then don't look back.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:44 PM on June 15, 2011 [4 favorites]
He's the one who isn't able to "handle a casual relationship instead of enjoying the present moment," because he's not even IN "present moments" with you because he's too busy trying to orchestrate a PENTHOUSE fantasy thing there. The reason you're upset isn't because "you can't handle a casual relationship," the reason you're upset is because he is a selfish dicksmack.
Tell the girl he's got a CHASING AMY crush on that he's been secretly trying to get in her pants, then both of you confront him and tell him to pick whichever one of his hands is his favorite and use it to fuck himself, and then don't look back.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:44 PM on June 15, 2011 [4 favorites]
Eww! He is very confused and wants to drag you into it - just leave now before it gets worse.
posted by mleigh at 7:56 PM on June 15, 2011
posted by mleigh at 7:56 PM on June 15, 2011
People like Errant are the reason metafilter is so awesome. Go, Errant! Nobody could have said it better!
posted by small_ruminant at 10:23 PM on June 15, 2011
posted by small_ruminant at 10:23 PM on June 15, 2011
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You deserve better, even if it is just short term, casual dating.
posted by Flamingo at 10:09 AM on June 15, 2011 [73 favorites]