Check yourself before you wreck yourself
June 6, 2011 12:11 PM Subscribe
Help me break this shame cycle.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (27 answers total) 44 users marked this as a favorite
Almost-30 female here and I've recently realized myself to be in the middle of a really bad shame cycle of self-destruction that I really could use some help breaking. I've always had my act together - financially, emotionally, have a good job, great friends, etc.
I have managed to find myself on a slippery slope however and I need some advice on how to break out of this awful cycle. I went through a really bad break-up about 4 months ago, and looking back, I think that's what could have triggered all of this. Essentially, I'll go out/stay out entirely too late, get entirely too drunk and then either wake up next to some guy who I barely remember meeting, or wake up alone but worried that I did something really stupid the night before, even when nothing did happen. That's pretty much the extent of it. I know I'm still really hurting from this break-up and he did things to me mentally which are difficult to overcome. I can't afford therapy right now, unfortunately.
I know the easiest answer to this is to just curb the alcohol and keep a head on my shoulders, but it's tough staying in on a Friday or Saturday night, especially when most of my friends are all married up and stuff. No one is around to hang out anymore because they're all busy having kids and real lives. I've tried joining meetup groups to meet new friends where I live, but they don't seem to happen often enough. Being alone sucks, and it's so hard to make new friends. I've tried breaking the cycle by hitting the bookstore, or signing up for cooking classes by myself which seems to work. I still have my moments though, and while these nights are becoming fewer and farther between, there's a new concern.
I met this guy several weeks ago and we've seemed to hit it off. However, this weekend we went out drinking together and I'm worried/anxious that I may have done something stupid that I don't remember. I'm trying to play it all off as if I didn't do anything, but what if I did? I don't know where this anxiety is stemming from exactly, but I really need to break out of these feelings of being self-destructive, when I know I'm probably just on the mend. I'm worried about getting involved with someone though...I just don't know if I can put my heart through this again.
Any advice on how to break out of this, or tips on being alone as an extrovert, or even getting to the point of trying to love again would be really helpful. Thanks.