I love you. Now leave me alone.
May 12, 2011 10:11 AM Subscribe
How to create/preserve a solitary brain-active morning routine when living with a distracting partner.
posted by taramosalata to Writing & Language (18 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
My s.o. and I moved in together some months ago. It's going beautifully so far, but for one thorny issue. I miss my mornings alone terribly. My s.o. is wonderful in the mornings -- super-cheerful, playful, a natural mood-brightener -- but by the same token chatty and in need of attention. It's sort of his play time before diving into a long, intense work day. I want him to have that, and so participate in the random cutesy shenanigans, but don't actually want to. (This isn't about sex, at night for us, but affectionate, child-like physical/verbal goofiness.)
Quiet mornings have always been important to my mood, creativity, and productivity. When living alone, I'd brainstorm/sketch/journal for about an hour over breakfast, right after getting up, before showering and preparing for work. I can rarely do that now. When interacting with him instead, I can feel my elusive, early-morning mental brightness fading away. And because he's not a brainy person in the morning, attempts at stimulating conversation usually become frustratingly jokey-pokey. Other partners I've lived with either had morning habits similar to mine, or got up significantly earlier / later than me, so this conflict is new to me.
For the super-brilliant consistently creative person I imagine it wouldn't be a problem. But I already have difficulty concentrating throughout the day, and am out at events or with friends in the evenings, so that morning hour feels crucial. I've gently explained the situation to my s.o., and while he understands, he can't help his natural behavior and so hasn't changed, and I don't necessarily want him to. Increasingly, though, I feel like I'm humoring him and counting the minutes while desperate for him just to leave for work already -- and when he does, I'd feel stressed and brain-empty anyway.
I need to resolve these feelings before they ossify into resentment. I tried forcing myself to get up an hour earlier, and that worked for about a week, but my body wasn't having it. I will keep trying, however, because I can't see any other solution. Can anyone else?