Bringing dates home when you have roommates?
May 4, 2011 6:46 PM
What is the protocol for bringing a date home when you have roommates that use your common area?
So lets say you have 4 other roommates in a group house. You've been seeing a girl for a few weeks now, and while you haven't kissed her yet, you'd like to try to pull the "would you like to come back to my place" line and get her somewhere private and try. Problem is, roommates are almost always hanging around in the common area of the house - which is by no means a bad thing - but at any given time of day or night there is almost always 1 or 2 people that like to hang around and surf on their laptop/watch TV. It is the only common area in the house, unfortunately...aside from that, we have our bedrooms and a small kitchen and that's it.
What is the procedure for ensuring that no one is there if I do succeed in bringing her home? I'd prefer not to walk in with my date and be like "hey can we have some privacy" and stand there while they scram as that would kind of awkward and also spoil the implications of everything. I'd also hate to bring my date directly to my bedroom as there is nowhere to sit other than on my bed, which may make her uncomfortable. I'm thinking maybe I could send an email out to all the roommies saying something like "might be bringing a date back on X night, could we have some privacy in the common room" but frankly I've only lived here for two months and don't know if I'm on that level with them yet - everyone is friendly with each other but not necessarily friends and I don't want to make things awkward, or accidentally come off as stubborn or controlling by telling people what to do .
So people who date AND have multiple roommates - what do you do?
So lets say you have 4 other roommates in a group house. You've been seeing a girl for a few weeks now, and while you haven't kissed her yet, you'd like to try to pull the "would you like to come back to my place" line and get her somewhere private and try. Problem is, roommates are almost always hanging around in the common area of the house - which is by no means a bad thing - but at any given time of day or night there is almost always 1 or 2 people that like to hang around and surf on their laptop/watch TV. It is the only common area in the house, unfortunately...aside from that, we have our bedrooms and a small kitchen and that's it.
What is the procedure for ensuring that no one is there if I do succeed in bringing her home? I'd prefer not to walk in with my date and be like "hey can we have some privacy" and stand there while they scram as that would kind of awkward and also spoil the implications of everything. I'd also hate to bring my date directly to my bedroom as there is nowhere to sit other than on my bed, which may make her uncomfortable. I'm thinking maybe I could send an email out to all the roommies saying something like "might be bringing a date back on X night, could we have some privacy in the common room" but frankly I've only lived here for two months and don't know if I'm on that level with them yet - everyone is friendly with each other but not necessarily friends and I don't want to make things awkward, or accidentally come off as stubborn or controlling by telling people what to do .
So people who date AND have multiple roommates - what do you do?
You would text one of the roommates you know will be home and ask if you can use the living room to entertain a lady. That roomie would tell the other roomies. If they're cool with you and want to help you out, they'll get out of your way.
posted by two lights above the sea at 6:58 PM on May 4, 2011
posted by two lights above the sea at 6:58 PM on May 4, 2011
Seconding thepinksuperhero. You can kiss her outside you know! Though, I'll admit I have brought girls over that I hadn't kissed yet, but I didn't make a big deal about "coming over my place," it was just somewhere to hang out afterwards.
posted by modernserf at 7:00 PM on May 4, 2011
posted by modernserf at 7:00 PM on May 4, 2011
I'd sit down with my 4 other roommates and ask, so, folks, how have you handled bringing dates home in the past?
One tactic I'd avoid: Hustling your date straight into your room. If you can't get your roommates to clear out of the common room amicably, it would be sort of gauche to shunt date-lady straight back to your room. Introduce her to whomever is in the common area, show her around, and maybe on the tour suggest that y'all could spend some quiet time alone together in your room.
Taking her back to your room because it's the only place in the house where you're guaranteed a bit of privacy doesn't imply anything inappropriate or overly-suggestive to me. Sit on the bed, or if you're not going straight into make-out mode maybe the floor. Offer her the first comfort and make do for yourself after that.
posted by carsonb at 7:00 PM on May 4, 2011
One tactic I'd avoid: Hustling your date straight into your room. If you can't get your roommates to clear out of the common room amicably, it would be sort of gauche to shunt date-lady straight back to your room. Introduce her to whomever is in the common area, show her around, and maybe on the tour suggest that y'all could spend some quiet time alone together in your room.
Taking her back to your room because it's the only place in the house where you're guaranteed a bit of privacy doesn't imply anything inappropriate or overly-suggestive to me. Sit on the bed, or if you're not going straight into make-out mode maybe the floor. Offer her the first comfort and make do for yourself after that.
posted by carsonb at 7:00 PM on May 4, 2011
reorganize your room so it looks like more of a common area. clean up, make the bed, throw the pillows (and any throw pillows you can steal from the common area) against the wall (daybed style), set up your computer/laptop so it's good for movie watching. invite her in, have some snacks, watch a movie. this was pretty standard when i was dating in the roommate having ages.
posted by nadawi at 7:18 PM on May 4, 2011
posted by nadawi at 7:18 PM on May 4, 2011
What's your kitchen like? Is there somewhere to sit? Any chance that you could make a cup of tea or have a beer or something and hang out in there?
posted by cider at 7:25 PM on May 4, 2011
posted by cider at 7:25 PM on May 4, 2011
This is why my male roomates have TVs in their bedrooms: Hey wanna go back to my place and watch X? Avoids this whole problem. Pretty much like nadawi said.
posted by hepta at 7:39 PM on May 4, 2011
posted by hepta at 7:39 PM on May 4, 2011
Actually, I've found the roommates (provided they're cool people) to provide a nice transition to sexy times in the bedroom. You say "Hey, let's go back to my place," sit down in the common areas, introduce them to any roomies who happen to be seated in the area, have a nice conversation with everyone while you're watching a movie, TV, whatever. Sitting near her, putting your arm around her feels a lot more casual in that situation. Then, you can transition the conversation to "Here's the rest of the house . . . AND MY BEDROOM" or some hopefully more slick way.
posted by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on May 4, 2011
posted by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on May 4, 2011
You've been seeing her for a few weeks and you haven't kissed her?? If it were me I'd be leading you to the bedroom, buddy.
Ahem. Otherwise, this is what "watching a movie" is a euphemism for. Let your roommates know what's up and if they like you, they'll clear out when you show up with the girl and you guys can finally kiss in the privacy of your own home which I guess is important for some reason.
posted by MadamM at 7:58 PM on May 4, 2011
Ahem. Otherwise, this is what "watching a movie" is a euphemism for. Let your roommates know what's up and if they like you, they'll clear out when you show up with the girl and you guys can finally kiss in the privacy of your own home which I guess is important for some reason.
posted by MadamM at 7:58 PM on May 4, 2011
I dunno, maybe this is a guy thing? Because if you were my roommate, I'd be like, tough luck, buddy, this is my living room too, and I'm not skipping The Office so you can try to put the moves on your date.
posted by bq at 10:25 PM on May 4, 2011
posted by bq at 10:25 PM on May 4, 2011
Four roommates is really too many to expect exclusive private access to the common area. So kiss her in your room or outside or at the movies or...you'll find a place.
posted by 6550 at 11:57 PM on May 4, 2011
posted by 6550 at 11:57 PM on May 4, 2011
So long as she knows in advance that your bedroom is the only place you can talk privately (and where by 'talk' I may mean 'kiss'), it's really not a problem. If you're both from some very modest religious background or something, she may feel more comfortable if you can leave the door open.
Just make sure in advance that the place doesn't smell like dirty socks or old pizza and that the bedlinen is clean, by which I mean 'washed within the last week at least' (even if you're only sitting on the bed, it's noticeable. If you move on to something slightly more horizontal (fully clothed! on top of the duvet!) it will definitely be noticeable.).
It is totally normal to come in, grab a coffee or whatever and make introductions to anyone you may meet in passing, then disappear into your room to watch a film, play a computer game, study, or anything else.
posted by Lebannen at 3:16 AM on May 5, 2011
Just make sure in advance that the place doesn't smell like dirty socks or old pizza and that the bedlinen is clean, by which I mean 'washed within the last week at least' (even if you're only sitting on the bed, it's noticeable. If you move on to something slightly more horizontal (fully clothed! on top of the duvet!) it will definitely be noticeable.).
It is totally normal to come in, grab a coffee or whatever and make introductions to anyone you may meet in passing, then disappear into your room to watch a film, play a computer game, study, or anything else.
posted by Lebannen at 3:16 AM on May 5, 2011
"Hey would you like to come back to my place? Just an FYI, I have a few roommates and one or two of them might be around. If you like though, we can watch a movie in my room."
posted by Silvertree at 7:06 AM on May 5, 2011
posted by Silvertree at 7:06 AM on May 5, 2011
If you haven't kissed her yet, bringing her directly to your bedroom seems premature.
I think this is really individual. It depends a lot on the, for the lack of a better word, "culture" of your group. Most of my friends have roomies--or one-room apartments--and so it's common for the bedroom to be a second hangout area. There aren't necessarily implications.
Though, if you're worried she might be uncomfortable, what about leaving the door open? Unless your roomies are likely to gawk, you can still kiss, but it won't seem as likely to her that you're going to try for something more intimate.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 10:40 AM on May 5, 2011
I think this is really individual. It depends a lot on the, for the lack of a better word, "culture" of your group. Most of my friends have roomies--or one-room apartments--and so it's common for the bedroom to be a second hangout area. There aren't necessarily implications.
Though, if you're worried she might be uncomfortable, what about leaving the door open? Unless your roomies are likely to gawk, you can still kiss, but it won't seem as likely to her that you're going to try for something more intimate.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 10:40 AM on May 5, 2011
This probably doesn't apply, since you've been hanging out together so long, but when I was younger roommates were sort of reassuring if I was going over to someone's house who I didn't know very well.
posted by small_ruminant at 11:31 AM on May 5, 2011
posted by small_ruminant at 11:31 AM on May 5, 2011
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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:55 PM on May 4, 2011