How do I do something nice for Mother's Day when I normally try to avoid my mother?
April 30, 2011 10:26 AM Subscribe
What do I do for Mother's Day given that (1) she has brought me quite a bit of stress over the past few years and (2) her own mother passed away a few months ago?
posted by Terriniski to human relations (10 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
My mother is a primary source of stress/tension in my life. She gave up a lot of her life to raise me and my three siblings, and she thinks that justifies constant involvement in and control over our lives. While I appreciate the sacrifices she's made, these actions are seeming less relevant to our current relationship compared to the stress she now inflicts. Most of the time, I find myself doing things to keep the peace so that I don't ruin things for everyone else in the family. This is generally easy to do because I live 1500 miles away, am married, and have a satisfying personal life such that interaction with my mom can be pretty limited.
My maternal grandma passed away earlier this year, and grandma had been living with my mom (my family, really) for the past 26 years or so. I expect this will be an especially difficult Mother's Day for my mom. And I know that the pain she will be feeling this year trumps my own discomfort in dealing with my mom. (While I dislike my mother, I still care and wish her the best as long as she's not dishing out the worst.)
For holidays, my siblings and I all chip into a savings account for my parents to use for traveling in retirement. Under the circumstances, I feel like we should do more for Mother's Day, so I asked my siblings for ideas. My brother, who is feeling the same stress I am, shot back a sympathetically snarky reply. My sister said mom would most appreciate a heartfelt card. The past few years I have sent Mother's Day cards that basically say, "Thank you for everything you've done for me." I could write this again as a way to comfort my mom, but I feel like it's getting old and I'm meaning it less and less.
(1) Should I suck it up again and just write something nice that I'm not necessarily feeling?
(2) Is there something else I could do that would be a nice gesture without requiring me to say something I don't really mean?