Thats my daughter in the water
April 24, 2011 6:07 PM Subscribe
I recently found out I have a 13 year old daughter. Now what?
posted by holdkris99 to Human Relations (42 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Ok, so, I recently found out that I have a 13 year old daughter. Her mother and I dated for a couple of months way back when and then she moved away to Kentucky and that was that. Except that it wasn't. (I won't go into all of the details about how I found out except to say that paternity is established, I am paying my support payments, and I am glad this is all happening). I live in Texas, my daughter and her mother live in Kentucky. There is no ill will between her mother and I and her mom wants me to have a relationship with my daughter, particularly through these teen years. Problem is, I shouldn't say problem I guess; thing is, my daughter has not been receptive to me thus far. This is all to be understood. I call regularly, but she will not talk to me. I have visited three times in the last six months, and she just will not open up at all. This takes time I am sure. I write her regularly, send her cards or books or cd's gift cards, nothing extravagant, just little things here and there. Weird thing is that since I have come into the picture she has really been acting out, gotten in trouble for shoplifting, getting in trouble at school, the whole teen rebellion type thing I suppose. I am sure she sees me as a threat of sorts because its always been just her and her mom and her mom can be a bit naive about some things (and not to disparage her mom, it can't be easy raising a child alone). For instance, at 13 she is fairly mature, enough so that she has a facebook page saying she is 19 and she looks the part really. Things like that I have pointed out to her mom but her mom thinks it's all innocent fun. My question is I guess, how to proceed establishing a relationship with her while also expressing my concerns about things like her general safety online and things like that? I catch myself in my letters trying to be her friend because it seems like that would be an easier path to getting her to at least talk to me, but of course there are problems inherent with that approach. (n.b. I have a 12 year old son as well that does and always has lived with me, FWIW, so I have a little bit of experience with kids this age, but the situation is so not comparable). Anyway, any and all advice will be awesome and I will be happy to answer any questions y'all may have.