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March 27, 2011 9:16 PM

I need an online RSVP service for select wedding guests to RSVP for our Rehearsal Dinner without hurting anyone's feelings.

Not all of our invited wedding guests will be invited to the rehearsal dinner, so we want to avoid any mention of the rehearsal dinner on our official wedding website that everyone has access to. However, we need a way for people to RSVP and give their meal preference without what turns out to be the substantial expense of adding another reply card plus reply postage to our already expensive paper invitations. We're including separate invites for the dinner. The free wedding website (weddingchannel.com) doesn't have functionality for adequately hidden links. In other words, we couldn't hide the link to "rehearsal dinner" nor keep other guests from seeing they weren't given the password to that area.

So, I am looking for an online reservation service that is free or inexpensive like rsvpmenow.com, but they seem a bit fly by night and untrustworthy. Does anyone in the hive have any suggestions for a reasonable yet trustworthy online RSVP service? Evite, etc. is not really an option because we don't need evites, just the ability to RSVP electronically.

posted by Dr. Lurker to computers & internet (12 answers total)

Anything other than a paper invite will be perceived as tacky.

AFAIK, rehersal dinners are expected to only include the wedding party: immediate family, bridesmaids and groomsmen.
posted by brujita at 9:29 PM on March 27, 2011

And the person performing it.
posted by brujita at 9:30 PM on March 27, 2011

I think it is quite standard that only certain guests to be invited to the wedding rehearsal, so I seriously doubt you would be hurting feelings, unless you are not inviting the normal rehearsal dinner crowd. I believe traditionally it is the bride and groom, their immediate family, and their wedding parties. Though, I opted not to have a wedding party OR a rehearsal dinner for me wedding, so I am not an authority on this.

When my hubby and I decided to include a separate card with our wedding website link on it, we decided to go with a full-color double-sided business card from Moo. We put a picture of a sentimental place on the front and a short and simple "for more information..." on the other side. It was beautiful, and only cost us $25 for 50 cards. I'm not sure if that would work for you, but I hope it at least helps.
posted by two lights above the sea at 9:35 PM on March 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Ok. Lets call it a night before dinner for out of town guests and family. We are including a paper invite, but I don't want a paper response card. We do have a paper response card for the wedding. I'm not concerned about what tradition dictates.
posted by Dr. Lurker at 9:42 PM on March 27, 2011

An online friend of mine is using Wedding Window and it seems to have that kind of functionality. I think you'd have to assign everyone a separate password though (or maybe you'd have to have just two passwords: one just for the people invited to the wedding, and one for the people invited to the wedding AND the rehearsal dinner? Not sure -- check before you sign up). You could get clear labels to print the information and affix them to the back of the invitations; then you'd just have to be careful that the right people receive the right password.

May I ask: why do a paper response card at all? The wedding website can collect all of the information you need (responses, meal choices, contact info, etc) and you can save some trees. I absolutely don't think this is tacky -- I'm doing it, and the feedback we've gotten on our website (which is at Wedquarters -- highly recommended but I don't think it has the functionality you want) is great. The older people think it's neat; the younger people have no problem with it. For those who may not use computers, give them a contact number or just print response cards for them.
posted by pised at 10:00 PM on March 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

The hosts of our rehearsal dinner sent out paper invites for the rehearsal dinner, with an 'email or call' for the rsvp. No need for a mailed-back rsvp, along the vein of how the rehearsal dinner is traditionally not a big to-do, just the get-together for out-of-towners, etc. the night before. I've also gotten a lot of invitations that way. It worked fine, although as for the wedding, some people didn't rsvp, so we just gave them a quick call a week or two or whatever time the caterer needs before the dinner.

If you need a meal choice made, I would put the choices on the rehearsal invite. Some people will still leave you messages without including their choice...then you can just choose for them.
posted by Tandem Affinity at 10:00 PM on March 27, 2011 [2 favorites]

Evite, etc. is not really an option because we don't need evites, just the ability to RSVP electronically.

You're willing to do the paper invites but want internet RSVPs. Why not just do everything also by internet? By discounting eVite, it sounds like you're stuck on some symmetry thing of not sending an additional invitation electronically. You can mention the dinner in any way you like in the wedding invitations, but do an additional invitation via eVite or email response, whatever works. Getting an invitation by mail so that they know how to plan their trip and following up by email/eVite/whatever for RSVPs works fine.
posted by girlhacker at 10:04 PM on March 27, 2011

Why not an email? I think people understand and expect that only certain people are invited to the rehearsal dinner (and, more relevantly, understand that those invited - e.g. the bridal party, groomsmen, and close family - are *expected* to attend, barring some extraordinary circumstance). Are you having such an enormously highly-attended rehearsal dinner that a computer program is required to keep track? (Not trying to be condescending, just wondering whether you haven't succumbed to wedding-fever).
posted by moxiedoll at 10:21 PM on March 27, 2011

Moxiedoll-yes.
posted by Dr. Lurker at 10:23 PM on March 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Oops! I didn't mean to imply that tradition is CORRECT. Hell--my wedding was so untraditional I think the pope would have probably spit on me! You just didn't give any info as to who you were inviting to your rehearsal, so I assumed it was traditional. I guess that's why they say that when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. Have a wonderful wedding. Best wishes and congrats!
posted by two lights above the sea at 11:28 PM on March 27, 2011

While not designed as an RSVP service, surveymonkey.com could do this. Create a "survey" with are you coming/yes/no, and meal choices. Put the link on the paper invites. Surveymonkey will keep a talley at a link only you have access to.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 12:02 AM on March 28, 2011

Along the lines of what ImproviseOrDie suggested - if you are a gmail user, try google docs forms. No new registration required and it's incredibly simple to set up a form. You can shorten the URL and put it on the invite, but probably even better to do a reminder email with it. You can also just quickly fill in the form/spreadsheet for guests who RSVP by phone or email, if you want all the data in one place.
posted by Salamandrous at 2:27 AM on March 28, 2011