Away from Family and Friends
March 1, 2011 8:06 AM Subscribe
How do you deal with living far away from family and friends when you are married with kids?
My wife is from Trinidad. I am from Michigan. We don't want to live in either place. By the end of the year we will be moving to the U.S. ( most likely Austin ) where we will not have family or close friends. Some people think we are crazy, but we would rather choose where we want to live as opposed to have the place choose us based on jobs / family / etc.
If you are in a similar situation how do you deal with it? What do you do for Christmas and holidays? How did you build up a trusted support network? How do you stay connected to friends and family that are scattered throughout the world? Basically, how do you live a rich life when you live away from 'home'?
My wife is from Trinidad. I am from Michigan. We don't want to live in either place. By the end of the year we will be moving to the U.S. ( most likely Austin ) where we will not have family or close friends. Some people think we are crazy, but we would rather choose where we want to live as opposed to have the place choose us based on jobs / family / etc.
If you are in a similar situation how do you deal with it? What do you do for Christmas and holidays? How did you build up a trusted support network? How do you stay connected to friends and family that are scattered throughout the world? Basically, how do you live a rich life when you live away from 'home'?
What Eyebrows McGee says. It was the same for me. My parents migrated across the world to a city they had never been to before, where they knew no one. In those days, we had letters and once a year telephone calls with family that I only met 3 or 4 times.
Now, I have moved to my parents' country of birth, and there are so many more ways to keep in touch - Facebook, email, Skype.
At Christmas, make your own celebration, or go home.
Friends - you do have to accept that you will miss things, people will change, grow away. And that is hard.
posted by wingless_angel at 8:20 AM on March 1, 2011
Now, I have moved to my parents' country of birth, and there are so many more ways to keep in touch - Facebook, email, Skype.
At Christmas, make your own celebration, or go home.
Friends - you do have to accept that you will miss things, people will change, grow away. And that is hard.
posted by wingless_angel at 8:20 AM on March 1, 2011
We live about 1200 miles from my family and about 500 miles from his. We alternate holidays, except for Christmas which we've decided to spend at home no matter what. We invite anyone who wants to come and our families have taken an even odd approach where my family comes here one year and his family comes here the next year and that's worked out nicely. That part has not been a big deal-everyone has remained adult about that. Our siblings live on opposite coasts as well, making things extra interesting. It makes for nice reunions when we have them and a little sadness when we miss important things but.....that's the way life goes.
Trusted support network has been very hard for us. We have neighbors and friends that we like and will rely on in a pinch but they all have families and kids of their own that are their priority so it isn't the same as having family here. I've posted in the past about how difficult this has made it for me to keep up with my peers career wise. When the kids get sick, there is no grandma to come help out. And few friends are especially enamored of watching someone else's sick kid. It makes sense, I don't want their sick kid in my house getting my kids sick either.
Long and short of it, you need to decide what your priorities are and make the decision together. I value family more than my husband does and this has meant some tension for us. It bugs me to miss my nephew's baptism and that my children take a few days to warm up to my mom since they don't see her much. This is just a fact of life when you are so far away. For him, the career opportunity and quality of life here more than makes up for these things. We don't rule out making a different decision in the future but for right now, he is right.
Also as an aside-I am an Austin native. It is a fantastic place to live and raise a child. I highly recommend it.
posted by supercapitalist at 8:20 AM on March 1, 2011
Trusted support network has been very hard for us. We have neighbors and friends that we like and will rely on in a pinch but they all have families and kids of their own that are their priority so it isn't the same as having family here. I've posted in the past about how difficult this has made it for me to keep up with my peers career wise. When the kids get sick, there is no grandma to come help out. And few friends are especially enamored of watching someone else's sick kid. It makes sense, I don't want their sick kid in my house getting my kids sick either.
Long and short of it, you need to decide what your priorities are and make the decision together. I value family more than my husband does and this has meant some tension for us. It bugs me to miss my nephew's baptism and that my children take a few days to warm up to my mom since they don't see her much. This is just a fact of life when you are so far away. For him, the career opportunity and quality of life here more than makes up for these things. We don't rule out making a different decision in the future but for right now, he is right.
Also as an aside-I am an Austin native. It is a fantastic place to live and raise a child. I highly recommend it.
posted by supercapitalist at 8:20 AM on March 1, 2011
We moved away from our families, then we had a kid, and eventually we moved back to where one of the parents are. the decision was difficult because we had developed friends and a support network where we were. And we did that mostly through our church and our neighbors. So, pick where you live carefully (like, live in a place with neighbors).
Before we had kids, we just racked up a lot of miles. We were within five hours of our families, so we drove. A lot. And our families drove. A lot. We saved our vacation every year for the holidays and split time between the families. We didn't take a vacation alone for a while - we always used our vacation to visit our family and friends. We also dealt with it by knowing we could change our minds.
But in the end, we just decided that our priority was to be near our family - not to pick where we lived based on where we wanted to live, but based on where we had a support network and where we could provide this support. This became evident once we had a kid, and as our parents get older. Now we get to use our vacations to travel to places we want to go, instead of traveling to see the people we want to see. And we have free babysitters. And the gift of time with our parents (and the gift of seeing our parents with our kids).
Oh, and here's something else; when you live far away, there is one big advantage: when you do see your families, they are very excited to see you. when you live close, you are just part of the day to day mundanity and drama. So take advantage of that.
(I'm a Michigan native; we came back).
posted by dpx.mfx at 8:47 AM on March 1, 2011
Before we had kids, we just racked up a lot of miles. We were within five hours of our families, so we drove. A lot. And our families drove. A lot. We saved our vacation every year for the holidays and split time between the families. We didn't take a vacation alone for a while - we always used our vacation to visit our family and friends. We also dealt with it by knowing we could change our minds.
But in the end, we just decided that our priority was to be near our family - not to pick where we lived based on where we wanted to live, but based on where we had a support network and where we could provide this support. This became evident once we had a kid, and as our parents get older. Now we get to use our vacations to travel to places we want to go, instead of traveling to see the people we want to see. And we have free babysitters. And the gift of time with our parents (and the gift of seeing our parents with our kids).
Oh, and here's something else; when you live far away, there is one big advantage: when you do see your families, they are very excited to see you. when you live close, you are just part of the day to day mundanity and drama. So take advantage of that.
(I'm a Michigan native; we came back).
posted by dpx.mfx at 8:47 AM on March 1, 2011
Response by poster: I should note that we are not from the same hometown so going 'home' is not a straightforward option. It is even more difficult as we are from different countries.
posted by jasondigitized at 8:51 AM on March 1, 2011
posted by jasondigitized at 8:51 AM on March 1, 2011
I should note that we are not from the same hometown so going 'home' is not a straightforward option.
I don't have kids. My parents and my spouse's parents do not live in the same hometown. For most of our relationship, they lived 3000 miles apart and we lived 2000 miles from either of them.
We save up to visit one set of parents every 12 months or so - sometimes a summer holiday with my in-laws and then Christmas with my folks, or a family summer holiday and Christmas with my in-laws, or a summer holiday with my folks and Christmas here in TX. They come visit us once every few years. We stay connected with Facebook, texting, and free long distance. A lot of my friends are starting to get into Skype and apparently children love talking to their grandparents or aunts over video chat.
posted by muddgirl at 8:58 AM on March 1, 2011
I don't have kids. My parents and my spouse's parents do not live in the same hometown. For most of our relationship, they lived 3000 miles apart and we lived 2000 miles from either of them.
We save up to visit one set of parents every 12 months or so - sometimes a summer holiday with my in-laws and then Christmas with my folks, or a family summer holiday and Christmas with my in-laws, or a summer holiday with my folks and Christmas here in TX. They come visit us once every few years. We stay connected with Facebook, texting, and free long distance. A lot of my friends are starting to get into Skype and apparently children love talking to their grandparents or aunts over video chat.
posted by muddgirl at 8:58 AM on March 1, 2011
Last night, we "skyped" with the parents as they watched their grandchild eat spaghetti.
Technology has come a long way, and while not as good as actual contact, it is light years better than a letter every couple of months like the old days.
Christmas, well, it's not much different from when there were no grandchildren.
Sometimes we all meet somewhere, sometimes we all do our own thing.
In a few weeks, we're going to see the rest of the extended family, which involves an 11 1/2 hour flight.
It's not something we plan on doing every year, but every couple of years, maybe.
As far as a support network, with kids, it often comes built-in.
Childbirth classes, story-times, playgrounds, etc, these are all places to meet people who have essentially the same interest as you, that is to say raising good kids.
It is so much easier to meet people when you have kids than when you don't. I wouldn't even worry about that at all.
posted by madajb at 9:02 AM on March 1, 2011
Technology has come a long way, and while not as good as actual contact, it is light years better than a letter every couple of months like the old days.
Christmas, well, it's not much different from when there were no grandchildren.
Sometimes we all meet somewhere, sometimes we all do our own thing.
In a few weeks, we're going to see the rest of the extended family, which involves an 11 1/2 hour flight.
It's not something we plan on doing every year, but every couple of years, maybe.
As far as a support network, with kids, it often comes built-in.
Childbirth classes, story-times, playgrounds, etc, these are all places to meet people who have essentially the same interest as you, that is to say raising good kids.
It is so much easier to meet people when you have kids than when you don't. I wouldn't even worry about that at all.
posted by madajb at 9:02 AM on March 1, 2011
(our parents are not located in the same place, either, although they are much closer together than yours. We found that by living near one set, we see both sets more. Instead of splitting our travel into visiting each set of parents/families, we visit one set, and get to do "fun" travel.)
FWIW, in our adopted home town, we had friends that were close enough to be considered family. As I mentioned, we made those friends through our church, and some through our work. It took us at least three-four years to make those connections.
posted by dpx.mfx at 9:05 AM on March 1, 2011
FWIW, in our adopted home town, we had friends that were close enough to be considered family. As I mentioned, we made those friends through our church, and some through our work. It took us at least three-four years to make those connections.
posted by dpx.mfx at 9:05 AM on March 1, 2011
First, Austin is a fabulous choice if you're going to live away from your families. It's very family friendly and there are lots of people that have made the same decision as you, they are raising their families away from their hometowns, living in Austin. My sister and her husband are one of them (they live in Round Rock and wouldn't consider moving. Ever.).
Also, my parents raised us away from their families-my mother's family was about 3 hours away and my father's family was a 20 hour drive. We actually spent most holidays just the 5 of us and to me, that was normal. It was weird for me to see people on tv that spent more than just a week at a time with their grandparents-it just wasn't how we lived. We're in 3 different cities as adults (Seattle, Austin and Jacksonville) and none of us live close to our parents (or inlaws). We skype (my son and his cousin LOVE to talk to each other on video), email, facebook and honestly, it's probably just as much contact as if we all lived in the same place.
If your kids are in school, daycare or any sort of sport/lessons, you'll meet all sorts of people that way-and they become your go-to "family" when there's an immediate need. I probably like some of them better than my own family.
posted by hollygoheavy at 9:43 AM on March 1, 2011
Also, my parents raised us away from their families-my mother's family was about 3 hours away and my father's family was a 20 hour drive. We actually spent most holidays just the 5 of us and to me, that was normal. It was weird for me to see people on tv that spent more than just a week at a time with their grandparents-it just wasn't how we lived. We're in 3 different cities as adults (Seattle, Austin and Jacksonville) and none of us live close to our parents (or inlaws). We skype (my son and his cousin LOVE to talk to each other on video), email, facebook and honestly, it's probably just as much contact as if we all lived in the same place.
If your kids are in school, daycare or any sort of sport/lessons, you'll meet all sorts of people that way-and they become your go-to "family" when there's an immediate need. I probably like some of them better than my own family.
posted by hollygoheavy at 9:43 AM on March 1, 2011
I moved away from Ohio, and I do miss having my siblings nearby, but, knowing what I know now, 30+ years later, I would make the same decision.
posted by theora55 at 9:59 AM on March 1, 2011
posted by theora55 at 9:59 AM on March 1, 2011
I think it depends a bit on where you live and if other people around you are like you - in that they too are living away from family and friends.
My family is on the east coast. My husband's family is in the mid-west. We live in the southwest. And it's hard. BUT, I think part of the difficulty is that we are literally surrounded by people who grew up here, whose parents and siblings live a few minutes away, who went to high school here and still have their high school group of friends.
Honestly, I feel very unneeded. No one needs my help or friendship - they have lifelong friends and family at their fingertips.
On the other hand, when we were growing up, our little family (my mom, dad, siblings) did not live near other family. BUT, there were numerous families and individuals in our community who were in the same situation as we were and that bound us all together. Being in the same boat made it tolerable and fun and made lasting friendships.
As for holidays . . . that's hard too! For a while we'd visit my parents every other year for Christmas. The next year we'd visit my husband's family. This got old pretty quick especially when we added kids into the mix. Traveling/flying during the holidays just plain sucks. Someone would inevitably be sick, packing presents, the costs, etc. was just too much. So, we started celebrating at home. That sucked for its own reasons. But I guess it was a bit better than the travel hell. Now that the kids are getting a bit older, we're going to revisit having Christmas/holidays with our families again.
As for keeping in touch - I keep a blog with our day-to-day doings and lots of pictures. It's a nice easy way to keep everyone up-to-date. I also talk to my parents at least weekly and email frequently. My parents also make the effort to come visit us at least once a year. The kids and I spend each summer with my parents back east.
posted by Sassyfras at 10:06 AM on March 1, 2011
My family is on the east coast. My husband's family is in the mid-west. We live in the southwest. And it's hard. BUT, I think part of the difficulty is that we are literally surrounded by people who grew up here, whose parents and siblings live a few minutes away, who went to high school here and still have their high school group of friends.
Honestly, I feel very unneeded. No one needs my help or friendship - they have lifelong friends and family at their fingertips.
On the other hand, when we were growing up, our little family (my mom, dad, siblings) did not live near other family. BUT, there were numerous families and individuals in our community who were in the same situation as we were and that bound us all together. Being in the same boat made it tolerable and fun and made lasting friendships.
As for holidays . . . that's hard too! For a while we'd visit my parents every other year for Christmas. The next year we'd visit my husband's family. This got old pretty quick especially when we added kids into the mix. Traveling/flying during the holidays just plain sucks. Someone would inevitably be sick, packing presents, the costs, etc. was just too much. So, we started celebrating at home. That sucked for its own reasons. But I guess it was a bit better than the travel hell. Now that the kids are getting a bit older, we're going to revisit having Christmas/holidays with our families again.
As for keeping in touch - I keep a blog with our day-to-day doings and lots of pictures. It's a nice easy way to keep everyone up-to-date. I also talk to my parents at least weekly and email frequently. My parents also make the effort to come visit us at least once a year. The kids and I spend each summer with my parents back east.
posted by Sassyfras at 10:06 AM on March 1, 2011
Oh, a few more things . . . we have never had a family vacation - just my husband, myself and our children. Any time we travel it's to visit our respective families. That's where the money and time off work goes. Also, my husband and I rarely go out on dates. Babysitting and the cost of a night out is too much. I am secretly angry with people who go out left and right because their mom lives down the street and watches the kids whenever. At the same time though, I kinda feel like a super hero because I can handle a lot of stuff my friends wouldn't dream of handling. I don't have the option of calling dear old mom or sis to watch my kids while I go to the dentist. So, my kids come with me and they've learned patience and how to occupy themselves quietly while I get my things done. My husband and I have really learned to rely on each other. We're can't count on family to pick up slack or to get us out of a bind, we do that ourselves. We sacrifice a lot for each other. We figure stuff out on our own.
Belonging to a group will help. I belong to a church and so I have a small network of people I can call on if I need a helping hand.
posted by Sassyfras at 10:15 AM on March 1, 2011
Belonging to a group will help. I belong to a church and so I have a small network of people I can call on if I need a helping hand.
posted by Sassyfras at 10:15 AM on March 1, 2011
My husband and I have two small kids and live in New England. We have one set of parents in the southeast and the other in the southwest so we've always had the puzzle of fun travel versus family-visit travel.
When we first married (before kids) we did alternating holidays with our parents but we've started re-examining this policy as our kids have gotten older and we want more of our "own" traditions. We change our minds every year on what we're going to do so I guess my advice is to stay flexible. The best holiday plans are those that make you happiest, not necessarily those that you've always done. Also, it's crazy expensive and can be maddening to travel at the holidays (with weather delays etc.) so we've started trying to do more summer or off-season visits when possible. Anyway, here are some of the things that help me keep connected to family and friends far away -
Facebook or some other social networking site - It provides the background noise of peoples lives that I really enjoy. Kids birthday parties, a new dog, family vacation photos....it's a great way to get a feel for how people are doing. It's also really helps with coordinating activities when we do go back home to visit.
Skype - My kids love to talk to their grandparents and cousins on Skype. They might just run in and out of the room or pop up in our laps every now and then...but everyone enjoys it.
Holiday Cards - I never thought I'd be this person but I LOVE getting and sending holiday cards. I'm not a big fan of the letters but we get them from others and I always read them. I try to send a regular 4x6 picture of all of us or just the kids so people can stick it to the fridge and think of us every time the go get milk.
Creating your own network - I think that having kids makes this part lots easier because you''ll have access to other parents through daycare or school. Ask a parent you see at pick-up or drop off out for coffee. Friend them on Facebook and set up a dad's night out or a mom's night out for all the parents in your kids classroom. This just happened at my youngest son's preschool class for the moms and it was great. Anyway, just keep putting yourself out there and you'll begin to create a network for yourself.
Good luck!
posted by victoriab at 11:11 AM on March 1, 2011
When we first married (before kids) we did alternating holidays with our parents but we've started re-examining this policy as our kids have gotten older and we want more of our "own" traditions. We change our minds every year on what we're going to do so I guess my advice is to stay flexible. The best holiday plans are those that make you happiest, not necessarily those that you've always done. Also, it's crazy expensive and can be maddening to travel at the holidays (with weather delays etc.) so we've started trying to do more summer or off-season visits when possible. Anyway, here are some of the things that help me keep connected to family and friends far away -
Facebook or some other social networking site - It provides the background noise of peoples lives that I really enjoy. Kids birthday parties, a new dog, family vacation photos....it's a great way to get a feel for how people are doing. It's also really helps with coordinating activities when we do go back home to visit.
Skype - My kids love to talk to their grandparents and cousins on Skype. They might just run in and out of the room or pop up in our laps every now and then...but everyone enjoys it.
Holiday Cards - I never thought I'd be this person but I LOVE getting and sending holiday cards. I'm not a big fan of the letters but we get them from others and I always read them. I try to send a regular 4x6 picture of all of us or just the kids so people can stick it to the fridge and think of us every time the go get milk.
Creating your own network - I think that having kids makes this part lots easier because you''ll have access to other parents through daycare or school. Ask a parent you see at pick-up or drop off out for coffee. Friend them on Facebook and set up a dad's night out or a mom's night out for all the parents in your kids classroom. This just happened at my youngest son's preschool class for the moms and it was great. Anyway, just keep putting yourself out there and you'll begin to create a network for yourself.
Good luck!
posted by victoriab at 11:11 AM on March 1, 2011
We live about 1200 miles from both of our parents. We have two girls, no family in this area. Job and home (and at one point, school) keep us here. Although we occasionally consider moving home, this has become the place that we put down roots for now. Our girls know nothing else but life here. Here's how we work it out:
1. We go home to visit when we can. This is not always every year. Our family understands, which is big. Our family also has an open invitation to come and visit us any time they would like. So our parents, who would like to know our grandchildren, often visit us, especially on the years that we don't go home.
2. We have established a trusted support network that we can lean on. It's hard, though, as it's not quite as easy as being able to drop the kids off with grandma and grandpa if we want to head out on a date or a parent is sick. But we have made good connections through work and church, etc., that have helped us to have something of a home away from home.
It feels totally normal to us, although not always ideal. A little more tricky to get things done without immediate family at times. Fortunately, we have families that are understanding that we can't always come home and don't abuse boundary issues by visiting more than is appropriate, or push us to come home when we are unable. If any of these things aren't true for you, it would take a little more thinking and planning.
posted by SpacemanStix at 11:12 AM on March 1, 2011
1. We go home to visit when we can. This is not always every year. Our family understands, which is big. Our family also has an open invitation to come and visit us any time they would like. So our parents, who would like to know our grandchildren, often visit us, especially on the years that we don't go home.
2. We have established a trusted support network that we can lean on. It's hard, though, as it's not quite as easy as being able to drop the kids off with grandma and grandpa if we want to head out on a date or a parent is sick. But we have made good connections through work and church, etc., that have helped us to have something of a home away from home.
It feels totally normal to us, although not always ideal. A little more tricky to get things done without immediate family at times. Fortunately, we have families that are understanding that we can't always come home and don't abuse boundary issues by visiting more than is appropriate, or push us to come home when we are unable. If any of these things aren't true for you, it would take a little more thinking and planning.
posted by SpacemanStix at 11:12 AM on March 1, 2011
Personally, we rejoice. At least in the case of my family.
Practically, we alternate the year-end holidays, and visit the other family at least once during that year. And there's a standing open house policy to family any time they want to visit.
posted by papercake at 11:31 AM on March 1, 2011
Practically, we alternate the year-end holidays, and visit the other family at least once during that year. And there's a standing open house policy to family any time they want to visit.
posted by papercake at 11:31 AM on March 1, 2011
My family had this situation when I was growing up. My mom's family lived about 2 (large) states away from us, but she's not close with them. My dad's family lived a plane ride away, so we saw them a couple of times a year but that was it.
A big benefit to us was that my mom is super social, so she creates connections wherever she goes. We were also living in a large-ish city, so there were more people to meet and less of a culture of "we all grew up here and already know one another." I consider myself to be much, much closer to our family friends than I am to my actual family members. Most of these friends live relatively far from their extended families as well, so we all do Christmas dinner together and other such traditions. They also mostly have kids the same age as me and my siblings, so there's some of that "common life situation" stuff going on that helps to bond people. But yes, you can DEFINITELY build a strong and meaningful community from "just" friends.
posted by Bebo at 11:33 AM on March 1, 2011
A big benefit to us was that my mom is super social, so she creates connections wherever she goes. We were also living in a large-ish city, so there were more people to meet and less of a culture of "we all grew up here and already know one another." I consider myself to be much, much closer to our family friends than I am to my actual family members. Most of these friends live relatively far from their extended families as well, so we all do Christmas dinner together and other such traditions. They also mostly have kids the same age as me and my siblings, so there's some of that "common life situation" stuff going on that helps to bond people. But yes, you can DEFINITELY build a strong and meaningful community from "just" friends.
posted by Bebo at 11:33 AM on March 1, 2011
Pretty much what Eyebrows McGee said. Both our sets of parents live on the other side of the world. We both work, and we have two small kids. We stay in touch with friends through facebook mostly. We stay in touch with family using email, skype/iChat, youtube, and flickr. We stopped flying home for Christmas every year before we had kids, mostly because its the worst time of the year to travel, and the most expensive. Family is welcome to visit us whenever they want.
For local network, you just build one up over time. Our local network is composed of a mixture of co-worker families who also live far from family and daycare friend families, some of whom are also far from family. Our babysitter also works at the kids' daycare, which makes for low stress all-around. We usually spend thanksgiving and christmas with a group of other families who are "far from home", and it is less stressful and more fun than holidays with family, IMHO. Its just a big dinner party, with shared food responsibilities, some alcohol, and no arguments :)
posted by Joh at 12:56 PM on March 1, 2011
For local network, you just build one up over time. Our local network is composed of a mixture of co-worker families who also live far from family and daycare friend families, some of whom are also far from family. Our babysitter also works at the kids' daycare, which makes for low stress all-around. We usually spend thanksgiving and christmas with a group of other families who are "far from home", and it is less stressful and more fun than holidays with family, IMHO. Its just a big dinner party, with shared food responsibilities, some alcohol, and no arguments :)
posted by Joh at 12:56 PM on March 1, 2011
Me, a Swede, moved to NZ, but living in Tokyo. Wife from New Zealand. We have to live our lives and we want to live in Tokyo. Both extended families are in NZ, doing their own thing. We go home about every second year. Usually not on xmas, but right after (half price). Sometimes in-laws visit us on alternating years.
We Skype regularly, sometimes with video feed. But on daily basis, we are all on email and facebook, so pictures and simple "comments/outings" are shared that way.
When we get together, it is extra nice, since people will take time off work to make sure we can maximize the time. But over all, everyone has their own life and adventure to live and know/understand that we do too. My parents moved to NZ after all, my brother spent time in South Dakota on his own, just because he wanted to. Wife's parents have lived in Burma, Amsterdam, Vancover, and now New Zealand. Wife's brother just moved to London. Technology makes it real easy to stay in touch :)
posted by lundman at 5:07 PM on March 1, 2011
We Skype regularly, sometimes with video feed. But on daily basis, we are all on email and facebook, so pictures and simple "comments/outings" are shared that way.
When we get together, it is extra nice, since people will take time off work to make sure we can maximize the time. But over all, everyone has their own life and adventure to live and know/understand that we do too. My parents moved to NZ after all, my brother spent time in South Dakota on his own, just because he wanted to. Wife's parents have lived in Burma, Amsterdam, Vancover, and now New Zealand. Wife's brother just moved to London. Technology makes it real easy to stay in touch :)
posted by lundman at 5:07 PM on March 1, 2011
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There are dozens of questions about building a support network. It isn't easy at first, and I definitely have less support available than people whose families are local. But you work it out.
For Christmas and holidays, you either a) go home; b) celebrate as a mini family; or c) celebrate with other local people, either joining their families or holding a "stray" party. We've done all of these.
I guess this is a sort-of hard question for me to answer, "how do you live a rich life when you live away from home?" because I grew up in that kind of family, I have that kind of family, and it strikes me as absolutely normal as a result. I'm very family-oriented so I don't super-love being away from my family, but it never seemed abnormal, just something you deal with when you become an adult. Creating your own rituals, maintaining family-of-origin rituals. Video chatting is a wonderful thing for staying connected (although I've only bothered with it since we had kids); I also use facebook to stay connected to far-flung friends and family.
(I feel like I have more to say but I'm not sure what would be helpful to you so please ask for clarification if I can add more!)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:16 AM on March 1, 2011