Brain freeze, dont know why, hopelessly dissapointing

February 9, 2011 2:30 PM

Help me with this brain feeze? No one visits me, I have no friend or I can get along with anyone socially great first few times. So I decided to let everything go. I cant ask help to anyone in person so this post. I do have a good job, good credit, somewhat healthy, good education {May be I never learned :) } Couple of days in a week I think as follows... I am living a life, lifestyle thats truly less than the true potential. Selling myselves less so called "plucking the low lying apple" Not stretching my comfort zone. Some people have said that may be I get depressed. The problem is I dont always try to change it. Instead I just think about all the chances I screwed up and all the people, relationships I have pissed off. Its like my brain freezes to come up with solution and want to just watch TV and eat pizza(comes later though). For few days I live a very lethargic , lazy life. Dishes lie unwashed, no laundry, no bath, no gym, exercise. I live alone, so need to be ashamed of someone might say something. I am 31 years old, live alone, never been in a relationship, no gf(as I piss off everyone in some way I cant understand). I do have a good job, good credit, somewhat healthy, good education {May be I never learned :) } Help me with this brain feeze?
posted by daveg02 to Society & Culture (7 answers total)

Put some structure in your non-working life. Set some goals, whatever they may be, and stick to them.

A suggestion to start would be to go to the gym. 3x per week, every week, after work. Plan everything else around your gym days. Don't go because you like the gym. Go because you need that structure. The benefits that come with it are just icing on the cake.

After that, think about getting a pet. Something you will need to feed every day. Nothing puts structure into your life like having someone depend on you.

Forget therapy. These are both things you can easily do if you truly want to change your current situation.
posted by eas98 at 2:44 PM on February 9, 2011

You seem to have a notion of "true potential". What does that mean to you? If your life was being lived to its fullest potential, what would it look like? Is it something you know is true about yourself, or are you going by what society says a fulfilled life looks like?

Maybe I'm just projecting, but yours seem like classic symptoms of depression. Have you considered talking to a therapist?
posted by phliar at 2:44 PM on February 9, 2011

If you're feeling down enough that you spend a lot of time dwelling on your "mistakes" or "failures" and it's interfering with you doing things you enjoy -- and you continue to feel this way despite trying to change it -- then give therapy a try.

Different therapists have different methods, so you may want to ask a therapist what their methods/goals are, and shop around to find a therapist you like. Therapy doesn't have to be all about "tell me about your childhood". It can be "let's work on practical strategies to get out of this rut you're in, and to help you figure out what you could do differently in your relationships/friendships". These practical things are obviously going to be better coming from someone who can see you in the real world, over a period of a few weeks or months.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:08 PM on February 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

Both the behaviors (leaving dishes unwashed, not bathing, not going outside) and the self-talk you describe ("you're not doing enough, you're only doing the easy things, you've got so much potential but you're just wasting it" — sound right?) sound very familiar to me. For me, those are all signs that my depression has the upper hand and I need to start taking concrete steps to deal with it, even though I don't want to.

Living with depression is like having an occupying army in your brain made up of sappers, saboteurs, and psyops experts. It wants to win, it wants you to lose, and it will do anything and everything in its power to make that happen. It will keep you immobile (because exercise helps fight depression), it will keep you from bathing (because "eww, you stink, nobody will want to be around you" — so you keep self-isolating, which makes the depression worse), it will keep you from cooking healthy meals (because eating good, nutritious meals helps fight depression, and because "you can't even feed yourself, you're such a loser") and will keep you from washing the dishes afterward (because "what a pathetic slob you are, you can't even do your own dishes").

If your financial and/or health insurance situation is such that you can get help such as therapy or antidepressants, that would be a very good thing to look into.

If you can't afford to consult a professional, something that might be helpful is the book The Depression Book: Depression as an Opportunity for Spiritual Growth by American Zen teacher Cheri Huber. I recommend her books a lot because they've made such a huge difference in my life (helping me move from being suicidally depressed to being mostly content and often downright happy). Another good book of hers is (Regardless of What You Were Taught to Believe) There is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate.
posted by Lexica at 3:12 PM on February 9, 2011 [12 favorites]

I have nothing to add but this – I have that tendency too, and the same despair.

Here's one thing I can think of: Helping others. Helping others creates magic in the soul, and sails start to unfurl.
posted by krilli at 3:45 PM on February 9, 2011 [1 favorite]

It made a startling difference in my life when I suddenly realized that EVERYONE, even those others consider big successes, largely view their own lives as a long litany of failures, punctuated by a few lucky successes. But that is unfairly shorting yourself. It sounds counter-intuitive, but because of this bias, YOU are not necessarily the best judge of yourself. All the good things about you? *Those count*, and need to be weighed in the balance.

I have become much more forgiving of my failures and shortcomings since coming to grips with this.

- aj
posted by Alaska Jack at 4:53 PM on February 9, 2011

These are all classic signs of clinical depression. It is a disease which is treatable with medicine.

See a doctor, explain your symptoms, and they will be able to help you.

It's not your fault, anymore than a broken wrist or a strep throat is your fault. A doctor can help you. Please visit one ASAP.
posted by ErikaB at 7:04 PM on February 9, 2011 [1 favorite]