Trying to work has been hard and tough for me

June 3, 2006 8:56 PM

Why can't I make any career and goal orientated decisions at the age of 30?

Everything that's happened up until now in the work field has broken me and I just can't decide where my life is going anymore. Whether it's been set up to be fired by female bosses. Or me just getting bored with my current career (web design). Or dealing with all the flaky people and contracts that have happened in my life. It's just broken me and I really just don't know what to do anymore, or where to direct my focus, energy and life. I think I have to go back to school but by the time I get out I'll be 36 or something because I'd have to get a good degree in something and I don't have a college education. Other than that.. working in the film industry and doing websites for people have just destroyed me mentally, emotionally and financially.. I never made any money doing either... I dunno. I need help man.. and therapy isn't helping

posted by chohoh to work & money (20 comments total)

I'd recommend against going back to school unless you know exactly what you want to do and what you will do with it.

I don't have any positive advice but it sounds like you're stuck in a rut. Is it possible to take a vacation or a sabatical for a (few) month(s)? Go away. Explore a different country.

Others on the green have argued against doing PeaceCorp/other-overseas-volunteer-stuff, but those kinds of things are available if you don't have a lot of money saved up and don't want to go into debt.

As far as the age thing goes, there's a guy in my lab who didn't start his PhD until about 36 or so. Age-ism doesn't seem to be a big deal in academia, merit goes a looong way (which may not be the situation where you are/will-be).
posted by porpoise at 9:07 PM on June 3, 2006

If it's any consolation, there are lots and lots of people who do not establish their career direction until after 30 years of age. In fact, I'd say that is becoming the norm.

The things you have done, that you say have "broken" you, have probably taught you a lot more about life than you realize. These lessons will be valuable in whatever career you eventually choose. I have spoken with many business owners and professionals who say they prefer hiring someone who has done various things, and have work experience, because such people are more mature than kids fresh out of college. Your experiences so far, even if they have been disappointing, are an asset to you.

As far as determining what to do now, I'm not sure I have any good advice. Finding the right career seems to involve a lot of luck. Decide what interests you, talk to a lot of people, and try a few things.

Good luck. Things aren't nearly as bleak as they look to you right now.
posted by jayder at 9:11 PM on June 3, 2006

You are playing devils advocate against yourself and you want to stop that. I.e. being 36 when you graduate shouldn't stop you from going back to school. And who's to say it's going to take that long anyway?

There are plenty of 9 month or year programs out there that can propel you to where you want to go. What is it you really want to do?
posted by jeremias at 9:12 PM on June 3, 2006

I wouldn't recommend against going back to school. Whether it's wise depends on variables you haven't provided, but I'll say it's been my experience that engaged students discover new interests — so if you're looking for a new direction, that's a reasonable way to start.

Also, while I can't speak to Los Angeles, it's been my experience that lacking a college education tends to plunk a heavy glass ceiling onto your prospects. Web design is definitely an exception, as (I'd imagine) are film-related jobs around L.A. — but if you're looking to find a new career, odds are good that you'll need a bachelor's degree in something. (Your area of study is often less important than the fact that you earned the degree.)

As for the rest of it: You're not alone. Good luck.
posted by cribcage at 9:27 PM on June 3, 2006

It sounds like the career and the lack of a college degree might not be the underlying problem. . .

Or dealing with all the flaky people . . . Other than that.. working in the film industry and doing websites for people have just destroyed me mentally, emotionally and financially.. I never made any money doing either

I normally am not an advocate of the "run away" mentality, but maybe a move away from LA may do you some good if that is a possibility. There are tons of amazing cities out there that have lots of opportunities and lower costs of living. Even if you are making the same wages in a similar position, your financial situation will be a little more manageable. Also, I don't mean to bash L.A., but it is a city known for being flaky and fake (I know this from personal experiences with the city, and I am the first to say there are also many many great people in L.A., too). One of my closest friends just moved from Los Angeles to Scottsdale and the move has been the best thing in the world for her. She found great job opportunities not available in LA, she met some great people who connect with her, and her finances are finally getting in order (she is 25, for reference).

Think of something you enjoy doing, and evn if just out of curiousity, check out job postings in a city that is known for that. Like the outdoors? Check out Seattle. Big city living? New York or Chicago. Music? Austin. Need to get away? Try working at a bed and breakfast or a similar job in a small town far away from anything. Cost of living will be next to nothing, and you'll have lots of time to collect yourself and figure some things out.

You are the best judge of what you want/don't want, and just give yourself the chance to think clearly and do what is best for you.

Best of luck.
posted by galimatias at 9:51 PM on June 3, 2006

You're going to be 36 anyway. Would you rather be 36 with a degree or 36 without a degree? It doesn't really matter whether you took out four years from 18-22 or from 32-36. Age 36 will show up at the same time, no matter what your path. You'll still have another 20 years before you can take early retirement -- or 30 if you retire at 65. Heck, if trends continue, you might not retire until you're 70 or even older -- maybe you'll dabble in contract work and consulting. That's 34 years from now. You're just getting started.

But don't go to school unless you know what you want. Do take some time to plan.
posted by acoutu at 9:54 PM on June 3, 2006 [1 favorite]

If you go back to school, i suggest you look into adult accelerated programs at various colleges (usually private colleges) in your area. They're faster, less adolescent, more to the point, and work with your schedule. Yes, they're more expensive. But consider the opportunity cost of your lost wages and you may realize it's what you need.

But acoutu is right -- you're gonna be 36 anyway. In fact, it's a pretty safe bet that you're going to be 50. Wouldn't you rather be 50 with a degree and a smile?
posted by Jonasio at 10:08 PM on June 3, 2006

chohoh, you're never too old to go back to school. (on preview: what acoutu said above) And there are often all sorts of different programs you can get into that will catapult you well on your way to a degree in just a short amount of time. Check out some of your community colleges - you may be able to transfer into a great four-year college as a junior after just a year or so at a two-year school and do it on the cheap.

I too have been struck by how stressed and disappointed I am in the "office environments" I've worked in. People suck. Some of the most narcissistic and vicious people I've ever met have worked just a thin cubical wall away from me.

At 26 I decided that I didn't want to work in IT anymore because of this - so I bounced around for a while and worked some odd jobs. Eventually I started writing and decided I want to go back to school for journalism... after a semester or two that mutated into a taste for history and political science.

The thing I've learned is that everyone takes a different path in life and that path itself doesn't matter so much so long as you arrive at destination that is satisfactory to you.

That said, set some goals and sort them by your ability to attain them given your current situation. Maybe you want to buy a house - that should be a long term goal. On the other hand your short term goals can include getting back into school, etc.

One last piece of advice: work to minimize distractions and try to find a place where you can focus and plan on your goals while researching your options. Maybe this means tossing out your TV or finding a nice quite coffee shop and notebook... whatever... just get to a place (either physically or mentally) where you can plan out the next few months and then just roll with it. Take it one month at a time.

Good luck!
posted by wfrgms at 10:49 PM on June 3, 2006 [1 favorite]

Because life is just what happens when you busy making other plans - John Lennon
posted by SwingingJohnson1968 at 11:20 PM on June 3, 2006

I've started going back to school at 38 but the difference between now and about ten years ago, i'm actually studying what I really love (i beg your pardon - it's web design/multimedia) where as previously I dropped out after struggling through a couple of years of accounting.

Some of the best advice I ever got was to do what I'd do if I didn't need money. I always always wanted to work with graphics/art, but never felt I was good enough. So I fell into administration but it bores me to tears. I've had more than enough. Most of my problem in my current job is that I don't have a lot of respect for my hierarchy. I've considered changing jobs but staying in the same field and that frankly horrifies me. Like Groundhog Day but without learning how to play the piano.

So what do you love? Any ideas? What did you love as a kid? Is it important to you to earn enough to live, or to earn enough for a new car every second year, and an overseas holiday? Also, industries to avoid, I will include the real estate people (in my area - ymmv) as a group of people who don't seem to treat others with respect (nor pay on time).

What would you do if you could do anything?
posted by b33j at 11:24 PM on June 3, 2006

Yeah! What would you do if you could do anything?
posted by SwingingJohnson1968 at 11:32 PM on June 3, 2006

i did this for a lot of years (now 38)...i still haven't figured out what to be when i grow up...but i stopped caring about it...the advice i would offer (which some might see as counterproductive) is to consider not making work/career the center of your life...simplify: find something that doesn't suck too bad to pay the bills, figure out what you have/need money-/possession-wise that's really important and what's bullshit/status/desire for its own sake...put more value on your time than on money, and use that time to live your life...if you want to advance yourself, take some classes (and experience the joy of taking a course in something you really enjoy and want to put time into, thus getting much more out of it, as opposed to the poor suckers around you who suffer through it to rack up credits)...

...or compromise a bit...give yourself time to sample...take some different courses (again, purely following your interests) and see if anything takes hold...better to do what you like and then see if that leads to something (and if you're passionate about it, it can) than picking something because you think you need to and then having to endure the consequences if it sucks...

i know not everyone can do it, and some might see it as wrong in changing your framework in this way...but the best conclusions i reached were (1) i'm never going to be rich, and i don't need to be; (2) happiness doesn't require a career path or college degree; and (3) for most people who put off happiness/contentment for tomorrow, tomorrow never comes...

the hardest part is that often you have to actually get off the merry-go-round before you accept that it's bullshit anyway, and most people are too scared to do that (and can be resentful of those who do)
posted by troybob at 11:33 PM on June 3, 2006 [2 favorites]

consider not making work/career the center of your life

I've tried this tact. It worked as a short-term solution and kept me mildly distracted from the bigger picture, but after a few years I came out on the other end feeling like I just wasted my time. (which isn't really accurate, as I enjoyed my life during those years, I just didn't ever figure anything out "career-wise." It was like I took a vacation from being concerned about the fact that my life was going nowhere.)
posted by shoepal at 12:06 AM on June 4, 2006

I can share my experiences with you, if you decide to go the school route.

I'm 35, and I just went back to school to finish my bachelor's degree after 15 years away. When I say "finish" I really mean "finish starting." I'm only a sophomore at this point. I'm going part time, so I'll be about 41 or so when I finish. Like others have said, you are going to be 36 whether you go to school or not.

I can give you a concrete example of the all-too-real glass ceiling: I am a technician. I work with engineers. I do the same work that they do. I make x, they make 2x. I have no possibility (with my high school diploma) of ever making 2x at this company. At any other company, I would make .75x or less.

I decided to go back to school, but first I carefully thought not only about what would be a marketable degree, but also what I would be happy doing. There's no use in going to school if you are going to dread going to work or not make any money (or both.) I chose a double major in Informatics and Chemistry because I love computer programming / administration, I love chemistry and I hope to make a good living with that skill set. Since you are not me, you will probably choose something different :)

The age discrimination factor is a big concern to me. Will a potential employer want to hire a 40-something guy fresh out of college? My hope is that the answer is "more than they will want to hire a 40-something guy who dropped out of college."

I'm not trying to tell you that you must go to school. I will tell you that there is a strong argument for going to school, if you have a plan.

Good luck.
posted by SteveTheRed at 12:20 AM on June 4, 2006

get a "life coach." google it. friend of mine claims it worked swimmingly well for her. seems to as well. no need to wait, even if you do go back to school.
posted by 3.2.3 at 7:47 AM on June 4, 2006

I'd recommend against going back to school unless you know exactly what you want to do and what you will do with it.

This advice applies more to grad school than undergrad. (I think perhaps, judging by the rest of the comment, that this is what porpoise thought you were considering.)
posted by redfoxtail at 7:52 AM on June 4, 2006

Thanks people, this is a great tool .. to help you realize that other people are either in the same boat or have been there.

It's a shame I can't go travelling due to money. I think the best thing for to me to do right now is to try and find a job where people aren't so mean, catty and narcissistical. which could be extremely hard.. pilates instructor???
posted by chohoh at 1:10 PM on June 4, 2006

You are not in bad shape. Don't forget, most people just stick with whatever career comes there way and are too fearful to change and either learn how to find fulfillment elsewhere or allow it to make them miserable.

Find something you like to do and look for any type of job in that industry - then network your way to a better job. If you really love what you do success tends to be a lot easier than if you have to force yourself to get up in the morning.
posted by any major dude at 8:41 PM on June 4, 2006

It's a shame I can't go travelling due to money.

Actually, lighting out without (much) money might be a good way to break away, learn new things, meet new people and most importantly learn about yourself (Not to mention forcing yourself to be resourceful, creative, etc.) I know a handful of folks that just took off to uncharted territories and found themselves, came back months or years later with a new found confidence and sense of purpose/drive and went on to go to grad school and get good jobs they are pleased with (so far). YMMV.
posted by shoepal at 10:05 PM on June 4, 2006

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0375758984/sr=8-1/qid=1149777787/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-0104041-6234428?%5Fencoding=UTF8">What Should I Do With My Life?: The True Story of People Who Answered the Ultimate Question, by Po Bronson, may convince you you are definitely not alone.

And, indeed, I much feel the same way. At 31, I'm a legal assistant. It pays fairly well ... but ironically, I've always wondered what would have happened if I had pursued ...

Wait for it ...

A career in computer technology, or had attempted to making a living in the theater industry.

It sounds as if we're pretty similar. This may be what people refer to as "the mid-life crisis." But we don't have money to get Jaguars. ;-)
posted by WCityMike at 7:44 AM on June 8, 2006