suggestions for sexy talk?

April 20, 2005 10:31 AM

I have a sexual relationship with a woman who really enjoys dirty talk.

I also enjoy it. No issue there. There's nothing much outlandish about it, no role playing or degredation or any specific fetishes at work. Just a running narrative that goes along with the physical act of sex. Things you'd usually never say out loud. My issue is that fresh material is the name of the game, and I find myself using the same vocab and lines too often. I need some inspiration. Can anyone suggest any sexy writings I should read? Movies I should watch? Anything that will widen the reperetoire? I'm an old Anais Nin fan, and I've read Joyce's letters to Nora. These are things that come to mind, though quality porn would work just as well. This is a longshot, but if you have any specific *lines* to share they are also welcome. I have no compunctions about stealing lines wholesale. This is for pleasure, not profit.

posted by anonymous to human relations (25 comments total)

Nothing is less sexy than hearing a non-actor recite scripted lines of lust.

Say what comes into your head -- from the way you phrase your question, it sounds as if perhaps you think you or she might enjoy more "outlandish... role playing or degradation or... specific fetishes", but are holding back from that out of a sense that that would be wrong.

But no one enjoys a lover who hold back. If your thing (or hers) really is degradation fantasies, or pretending you're both mountain goats or anime characters or gingerbread people ("Eat my raisins, bitch! Eat my candy buttons too!"), discuss that with her and then let loose.

She'll enjoy you most when you're able to let go and enjoy yourself the most.
posted by orthogonality at 10:52 AM on April 20, 2005

This near endless supply should have you into her petticoats in no time.
posted by sourwookie at 11:29 AM on April 20, 2005

I agree that scripted language would be very bad.

I suppose the two things I would do in your place would be to try to work, mentally, on disabling the mental boundaries we all have up, even in intimate moments, so that it can just flow from wherever. You know what I mean? I suppose I'm saying that we all have internal censors ... if you can get yours to shut up entirely, instead of most of the way, while you're having sex, it might help. Or you might get the Seinfeld line coming out of your lips, which would be bad. :)

Other thing would be to just try to expose yourself to a lot more erotica -- yes, movies'd probably do, but better for your purposes would be erotic literature -- in order to put more into the subconscious pool of knowledge that you'd be pulling from.
posted by WCityMike at 11:29 AM on April 20, 2005

Carol Queen does a fair bit about exploring this in her book Exhibitionism for the Shy. This may help you some.

On preview, she tries to break down those mental boundaries that WCityMike is talking about.
posted by Joe Schlabotnik at 11:35 AM on April 20, 2005

Try phone sex- by encapsulating the whole act in a verbal narrative, it forces you to be creative and fresh, or it's just boring.
posted by mkultra at 12:02 PM on April 20, 2005

Turn the tables and ask her to tell you what she's doing to you at any given moment, what it feels like, etc. Interview style.
posted by rainbaby at 12:20 PM on April 20, 2005

Learn some filthy words and phrases from languages you don't normally speak.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:38 PM on April 20, 2005

She could be "Natasha" the slightly unwilling but utlimately totally into it gorgeous Russian bride, and you could be Stephen, the gorgeous but shy American (hence why the Russian bride), who's a total nut in the sack. Throw some decently pronounced Russian words in there and you'll have a fantastic time (Russian is so sexy!). Hell, read some of the great Russian writers and then pretend to be characters from their books - you can talk dirty about betrayal of so-and-so, but how much you love it anyway....

Well, so yeah, role playing = fun, and a way to create a whole new environment for otherwise repetative dirty talk.
posted by lorrer at 1:01 PM on April 20, 2005

Brit / Aussie / American / someotherplacetribeorculture slang (apply where appropriate). Easy, fun, and kewl.
posted by magullo at 1:09 PM on April 20, 2005

Having been brought up in quite a strongly feminist environment, I was shocked when, in my early teens, a sexual partner called me "a filthy cunt" during sex. It was so completely against what I had been told was acceptable, and therefore somehow oddly sexy. I use it now and again and it goes down well (mostly.) I also quite liked it when someone told me "I am going to give you the fuck of your life".
posted by skylar at 1:20 PM on April 20, 2005

I told an ex of mine once that I was going to fuck him until he couldn't walk. He looked at me and said, "No, you're going to fuck me until you can't walk."

One of the hottest things I've ever heard.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:45 PM on April 20, 2005

Tell her what you are about to do, what you want to do to her but throw some dirty words in there:
i.e. (actually these sounds comical when said with a straight face)

"I want to fuck you so hard"
"I am going to fuck you hard"
"I want to bend you over the couch and take you"
"I want you to ride me like the pony express"
etc.
etc.
posted by countzen at 1:52 PM on April 20, 2005

Just don't use the word "boobs."
posted by elisabeth r at 2:16 PM on April 20, 2005

The intent of "dirty" talk isn't to dazzle your partner with your words but to enhance the experience. You definitely shouldn't be looking for lines to impress her, amigo. I have a feeling you're trying too hard... that said, I've gotten lots and lots and lots of compliments about my sex talk so here's what I do:

- Recite poetry. Poetry is great for this. It has a way of really bringing you and her into the moment.
- Compliment her. The only thing people like more than being complimented is being complimented while they're naked. Lavish praise with words and actions.
- Tease ie playfully insult. (Women like this, men don't. Men are insecure crybabies.)
- Jokes. Though some people get weirded out by jokes.
- Make up stories about her body and play them out with your hands. "Jack and Jill went up the hill...", you get the idea.
- Focus on what the other person unique. Scars, flabby underarms, or bony knees can all be tremendously sexy. I fixate on these things. I even give these things names. They love this. (If there are no scars, make some.)
- Don't be afraid to say anything no matter how silly, offensive, or stupid it may sound. Take it easy on the swearing though.
- If it feels good, say it. Over and over. And if it doesn't feel good, dammit, say it.
- Needs. This is the big one, bien sur. Say what you want. Be particular.
- Tell a story. Foreshadowing, conflict, a climax, and a resolution. If you do it well, it works really well. This is why roleplay works.
- Keep talking when it's over. Personally, it creeps me out when the other person shuts up afterwards. It can kill the whole experience.
posted by nixerman at 2:23 PM on April 20, 2005

Sex talk in public, unexpected places is also pretty keen. Just be careful not to talk too loudly since another person might think you're talking to her.
posted by nixerman at 2:25 PM on April 20, 2005

Inspiration for dirty talk is the same as any other kind of inspiration — you need to get excited about your materials. If you get yourself enthusiastic about sexual language, it'll come more naturally to you.

Tell dirty jokes. Listen to dirty jokes. Pay attention to phrases that sound lewd out of context, or to phrases that are supposed to be sexy but just sound dumb. Take note of weird euphemisms. Get curious about how other people talk about sex. Have fun with it. The point isn't to memorize all this stuff, but just to get more fluent in the language you'll be using.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:25 PM on April 20, 2005

"I'll tell you this, I am about to give you the business and I don't want to hear any guff about it."
posted by Gortuk at 2:59 PM on April 20, 2005

During my first serious relationship, I attempted to talk dirty upon request by saying "I wanna fuck you." (okay, look, it was highschool...).. anyway... apparently this was the entirely wrong thing to say (don't ask me why she requested it, I have no idea) because she had been the victim of a rape a few years prior, wherein that line came up. Well, that really ruined the moment for her especially, and made me feel really horrible for a long time, and caused dirty talk to become a kind of taboo for me. Working through that and understanding where this irrational fear came from really helped. Perhaps you have a similar mental barrier? Search for it and see if you can work with it.

Having said that, I really enjoy talking during sex, even if it's not dirty. It seems like you do, too... so good luck working on it!
posted by odinsdream at 3:57 PM on April 20, 2005

"Are those the panties that your mother laid out for you?"
posted by fixedgear at 4:08 PM on April 20, 2005

Get ready for efficient German sex, object of my affections!
Only works if you're German.

Try reading The Pearl or The Pornographers. I used to date a girl who thought that the descriptions of sex in Tom Robbins novels were really good. I thought they were crap. I was fine with copping their style to get her off though.
posted by klangklangston at 4:35 PM on April 20, 2005

Read this one in a science fiction novel: "Request permission to initiate docking maneuvers!" That whole kind of plotline might work if you're both complete geeks, or if you don't might laughing while you're making love.
posted by kindall at 4:54 PM on April 20, 2005

Perhaps you have a similar mental barrier?

Unlikely, since he says he likes it too! I think immersing oneself in someone else's erotic style or even just erotic-friendly different milieux is definitely the best way to get fresh material. Unerotic in context but fabulously filthy and possibly inspiring: Deadwood.
posted by redfoxtail at 4:57 PM on April 20, 2005

Aussie slang (apply where appropriate)

"Look out, luv, I'm gonnu ram me tackle in ya spadger!"
"Geez, yer a top root, Bazza."
"Too right, Shazza. Shake ya jubbly noras, ya westie slag."
"Aw yeah, Bazza, get yer jumbuck in me tucker bag!"
"I'm gonna flip ya like an egg on a hot rock an' do ya up the bum 'ole! Nah, leave ya uggies on - I like wool on a shiela."
"Farkin 'ell, Bazza, you've got a donger as long as Ernie Dongo's driveway!"
"You betcha darl. Get that up ya prawn sanger."
posted by obiwanwasabi at 6:00 PM on April 20, 2005

gonna, Dingo's, even.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 6:00 PM on April 20, 2005

ASSTR! Particularly ASSM.
posted by ori at 6:39 PM on April 20, 2005