Kids in the basement?
January 16, 2011 7:10 PM Subscribe
Is it acceptable to try to have a second child if our housing restraints mean one child would be sleeping in the (very nice and finished) basement?
My husband and I are the parents of an amazing and sweet 13 month old little girl, and are starting to toy with the idea of a sibling for her. We always pictured having a second child.
We're both professionals, and are fully able to care for in every way (financially, emotionally, physically) a second child, but we live in a house that has two bedrooms upstairs and one in the finished basement. Upstairs there is a master and a large room, along with all the normal rooms (family room, living room, kitchen, dining room, sunroom). The upstairs floorplan doesn't allow for making a third room out of the communal spaces. The basement has a family room and a second bedroom, along with a laundry room. The basement also has a door that goes out to the garage.
Because we have made the decision to go to one income so that I can stay home with the wee one(s), we're not able to move into a bigger home for the foreseeable future. We live in a market where housing is rather expensive.
Is it irresponsible to have a child knowing that one of them, or the parents will have a basement bedroom?
My husband and I are the parents of an amazing and sweet 13 month old little girl, and are starting to toy with the idea of a sibling for her. We always pictured having a second child.
We're both professionals, and are fully able to care for in every way (financially, emotionally, physically) a second child, but we live in a house that has two bedrooms upstairs and one in the finished basement. Upstairs there is a master and a large room, along with all the normal rooms (family room, living room, kitchen, dining room, sunroom). The upstairs floorplan doesn't allow for making a third room out of the communal spaces. The basement has a family room and a second bedroom, along with a laundry room. The basement also has a door that goes out to the garage.
Because we have made the decision to go to one income so that I can stay home with the wee one(s), we're not able to move into a bigger home for the foreseeable future. We live in a market where housing is rather expensive.
Is it irresponsible to have a child knowing that one of them, or the parents will have a basement bedroom?
If you had a baby, the baby could sleep in your room for awhile, and then the two kids could share a room until the older one feels comfortable being downstairs by herself. It would make a nice playroom in the meanwhile. Sooner or later, they'll be fighting over who gets to live downstairs.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:14 PM on January 16, 2011 [10 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:14 PM on January 16, 2011 [10 favorites]
If your concern is leaving a 2 year old (13+9 = 24 months minimum for your oldest) it's perfectly acceptable, in my view, to keep kids in the same room up to age 5 or so even if you have the means to keep them separate. After that, I suspect most five year olds would think of having a basement bedroom as perhaps the coolest thing in the entire world.
Of course, if you didn't have the means, lots of families around the world sleep everybody in the same room without too much chaos.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 7:14 PM on January 16, 2011
Of course, if you didn't have the means, lots of families around the world sleep everybody in the same room without too much chaos.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 7:14 PM on January 16, 2011
I think it's perfectly acceptable for kids to share a room up until they are about 10 years old - I did, and it didn't hurt me. I know plenty of same-sex siblings who shared even longer than that, but opposite-sex siblings might find that uncomfortable. Still, it doesn't matter, because as soon as one kid is old enough to want their own room, the basement is there as an option!
posted by lollusc at 7:17 PM on January 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by lollusc at 7:17 PM on January 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
I had a basement bedroom as a teenager, and it was much, much better than the smaller and less private upstairs bedroom I lived in before. I'd say that two siblings can share a bedroom when they're young, and if they stop wanting to share when they get older, the more introverted of the two would probably kill to have a more secluded and private bedroom.
As long as it's finished and heated, a basement room's totally fine and more than merely "acceptable."
posted by explosion at 7:17 PM on January 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
As long as it's finished and heated, a basement room's totally fine and more than merely "acceptable."
posted by explosion at 7:17 PM on January 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
Is your basement bedroom considered to be "legal" based on the building codes where you are? Does it have a second means of egress? (i.e a window that is large enough to be considered an exit in case of emergency)
This would really be my only consideration in this case.
Your kids (when they get a bit older) will dig the privacy aspect of being in the basement - in fact, when they are teens they will likely fight over who gets the bedroom basement with the easily sneak-outable garage door.
If you are worried about the basement "feel", make sure you all spend a lot of time in the family room downstairs. This will help make the lower level of your home feel like it is part of the house and not just "downstairs"
posted by davey_darling at 7:17 PM on January 16, 2011 [6 favorites]
This would really be my only consideration in this case.
Your kids (when they get a bit older) will dig the privacy aspect of being in the basement - in fact, when they are teens they will likely fight over who gets the bedroom basement with the easily sneak-outable garage door.
If you are worried about the basement "feel", make sure you all spend a lot of time in the family room downstairs. This will help make the lower level of your home feel like it is part of the house and not just "downstairs"
posted by davey_darling at 7:17 PM on January 16, 2011 [6 favorites]
My brother is 18 months older than me (more-or-less the age difference for your children) and we shared a room from the minute I started sleeping through the night until I was 4 or 5. I believe my crib was in my parent's room before then. At a certain point, my brother was "mature enough" to sleep in the downstairs bedroom.
On preview, what everyone else said.
posted by muddgirl at 7:18 PM on January 16, 2011
On preview, what everyone else said.
posted by muddgirl at 7:18 PM on January 16, 2011
Response by poster: Man, there has been no child who's been ruined by having a basement bedroom, unless it was full of horrible killing spores. I'm betting it will be a bonus when they get older. Just keep them in the same room when they're young so your or a sibling's near when they're sick/have nightmares/find monsters under the bed/etc, and when they get old enough that they start complaining they have no privacy and would love that room in the basement, c'mon mom, please, you move them then.
Kids really don't need their own bedrooms. The human race has been surviving and thriving for thousands of years without that particular luxury, so worrying about the placement goes above and beyond.
posted by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on January 16, 2011
Kids really don't need their own bedrooms. The human race has been surviving and thriving for thousands of years without that particular luxury, so worrying about the placement goes above and beyond.
posted by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on January 16, 2011
I don't see any problem with that. I don't think you'd want to put a really young child in the basement, but if they shared the room until they were older, there's nothing wrong with someone sleeping in a finished basement. (Although, actually, I wouldn't think it was irresponsible even if the kids had to share a room forever. Not ideal, but not irresponsible.)
posted by geegollygosh at 7:18 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by geegollygosh at 7:18 PM on January 16, 2011
I think this is not a reason not to have a second child, but I can also see how you wouldn't want to put a toddler two floors away from you. So: keep your younger child in your bedroom until everyone is sleeping through the night, and then move them in with your older child. Nighttime sleep should be fine, and for naps, if they're both still napping (and praise be if they are), set up a Pack 'n' Play in your room, because it's unlikely they'll nap in the same room rather than keeping each other up playing peekaboo.
Good luck, and in my opinion as a fellow at-home parent, the time with you is worth more than extra space.
posted by palliser at 7:20 PM on January 16, 2011
Good luck, and in my opinion as a fellow at-home parent, the time with you is worth more than extra space.
posted by palliser at 7:20 PM on January 16, 2011
Having a room in the basement was the best gift my parents ever gave me (but it bears mentioning that I could easily sneak out the ground level windows in the back yard after they went to sleep!
posted by orville sash at 7:21 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by orville sash at 7:21 PM on January 16, 2011
I shared a bedroom with my little sister for years until my parents were comfortable moving my older sister downstairs to the finished basement. Nothing wrong with it -- and maybe you'll move to a bigger house before the girls are old enough to need separate rooms.
posted by Felicity Rilke at 7:24 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by Felicity Rilke at 7:24 PM on January 16, 2011
Might be a good idea to have the basement checked for radon.
posted by Behemoth at 7:29 PM on January 16, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by Behemoth at 7:29 PM on January 16, 2011 [6 favorites]
Would you have the same concerns if you had a house where some of the bedrooms were on the main floor and some of them were upstairs?
When they're very young, having them within earshot at night is a good idea, but past the time when they start going to to school, it shouldn't present much of a problem for them to be a flight of stairs below you. Or for you to be below them and them both on the main floor, if you'd prefer that they had the easier exit in case of fire or other emergency.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:29 PM on January 16, 2011
When they're very young, having them within earshot at night is a good idea, but past the time when they start going to to school, it shouldn't present much of a problem for them to be a flight of stairs below you. Or for you to be below them and them both on the main floor, if you'd prefer that they had the easier exit in case of fire or other emergency.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:29 PM on January 16, 2011
Whatever happens, don't make this important life decision based on...real estate.
It sounds like you have every single thing in place to be ready to have another child. Let the two kids share a room. Not only will it not harm them, it's an overall plus for bonding and will give them an even richer shared history, in addition to developing sharing/negotiation skills and understanding of compromise and peaceful co-existence.
Your daughter is even at an excellent age to accommodate a younger sib; she will adapt so nicely. When they're both school-age, you can think about reassigning rooms or moving.
posted by Miko at 7:32 PM on January 16, 2011
It sounds like you have every single thing in place to be ready to have another child. Let the two kids share a room. Not only will it not harm them, it's an overall plus for bonding and will give them an even richer shared history, in addition to developing sharing/negotiation skills and understanding of compromise and peaceful co-existence.
Your daughter is even at an excellent age to accommodate a younger sib; she will adapt so nicely. When they're both school-age, you can think about reassigning rooms or moving.
posted by Miko at 7:32 PM on January 16, 2011
My parents had a second child and my room was a finished basement and I loved it! I was 12 when I went into it though. It worked out really well because it gave me the space I needed as a teen but the comfort still for my parents. Enjoy parenthood its an amazing thing!
posted by 4Spokenwords at 7:34 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by 4Spokenwords at 7:34 PM on January 16, 2011
I shared a bedroom with my little brother for his first couple years of life, although I don't remember it (I was 3-4ish). Then my sister came along and I shared with her until she was 3 and I was 9. It's pretty normal for kids to have to share - I knew a girl in 5th grade who still had to share with her brother because of lack of space, and both kids turned out just fine. Also I chose to live in an unfinished attic and then basement in my angsty teen years. My boys will share a room even though we have 3 bedrooms (littler one's just three weeks old and will be with us for 8 or so months). So yeah, you're golden.
posted by kpht at 7:38 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by kpht at 7:38 PM on January 16, 2011
Have the kids share the room upstairs for a few years. Then, your older child will feel super grown up with the basement room later on.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:38 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:38 PM on January 16, 2011
Absolutely not. I shared a bedroom with three other siblings until I was 11. Our parents likely did the same. One room per person is by no means the norm.
posted by gjc at 7:41 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by gjc at 7:41 PM on January 16, 2011
I had hoped that my children would share a bedroom, but it hasn't turned out workable so far because the baby sleeps many more hours than her sister. While I was trying to have them in the same room, my older girl didn't have a room to retreat to for several hours a day (or to go get her clothes out of, etc) and that was problematic.
So, my suggestion is to assign them the same bedroom (upstairs) while they are little, but have the basement room set up and childproofed as a play room where they can play and hang out, and keep their clothes and toys down there too. That way nobody needs to go into the bedroom while the other is sleeping. When they're older, one of them can use it as a bedroom.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:42 PM on January 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
So, my suggestion is to assign them the same bedroom (upstairs) while they are little, but have the basement room set up and childproofed as a play room where they can play and hang out, and keep their clothes and toys down there too. That way nobody needs to go into the bedroom while the other is sleeping. When they're older, one of them can use it as a bedroom.
posted by fingersandtoes at 7:42 PM on January 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
The only thing better than a basement bedroom is the apartment above the garage. Seriously, no kid over the age of about 10 would say no to a basement room, assuming the basement doesn't have an oubliette and a tribe of feral sewer rats. Hell, I would have put up with the oubliette...
posted by dejah420 at 7:44 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by dejah420 at 7:44 PM on January 16, 2011
I slept in the basement during the summers (it was much cooler there) and it *rocked*. I started sleeping there when I was about 4. It was a finished basement, just far away enough from my siblings that I felt totally independant and cool.
posted by OLechat at 7:44 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by OLechat at 7:44 PM on January 16, 2011
You're very, very lucky to have that many bedrooms.
Speaking as someone who was once a kid who had to share a bedroom, and a bed, with her mother because we couldn't afford adequate housing on two parents' working-class wages, it is not true that "kids don't need their own bedrooms".
If proximity is a problem, they can share till they're older.
posted by tel3path at 7:56 PM on January 16, 2011
Speaking as someone who was once a kid who had to share a bedroom, and a bed, with her mother because we couldn't afford adequate housing on two parents' working-class wages, it is not true that "kids don't need their own bedrooms".
If proximity is a problem, they can share till they're older.
posted by tel3path at 7:56 PM on January 16, 2011
I lived in a basement bedroom, and it was the least of my problems, though I recommend that, in a decade when your older child is tempted by the idea of 2am TV watching, you keep a close eye on what's happening in that family room. My basement bedroom meant I got to see every 3am Deep Space Nine repeat and no one noticed.
posted by SMPA at 7:56 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by SMPA at 7:56 PM on January 16, 2011
There is no reason why siblings can't share a room until they're school age for opposite sex and indefinitely for same sex. I shared a room with my little sister most of my childhood.
My middle child was totally jazzed when we found out he would get a little brother. He actually wanted somebody to sleep in his room with him. He was disappointed when we told him that while the baby was little he'd be in our room.
I totally agree with the above posters who say that when the kids are teenagers they'll be fighting over who gets to sleep in the basement.
My best friend has a similar set up to what you have, she's got two bedrooms and a bath upstairs and more bedrooms downstairs with the playroom. Her three year old girl sleeps upstairs and her five year old son sleeps downstairs. They don't have any problems, and their son loves it. He likes being close to his toys and he thinks upstairs is for babies.
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:17 PM on January 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
My middle child was totally jazzed when we found out he would get a little brother. He actually wanted somebody to sleep in his room with him. He was disappointed when we told him that while the baby was little he'd be in our room.
I totally agree with the above posters who say that when the kids are teenagers they'll be fighting over who gets to sleep in the basement.
My best friend has a similar set up to what you have, she's got two bedrooms and a bath upstairs and more bedrooms downstairs with the playroom. Her three year old girl sleeps upstairs and her five year old son sleeps downstairs. They don't have any problems, and their son loves it. He likes being close to his toys and he thinks upstairs is for babies.
posted by TooFewShoes at 8:17 PM on January 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
Didn't anyone on here see that clip of Octomom with Suze Orman last week?
If you cannot afford another bedroom can you really afford another kid?
Let's assume it takes $250,000 to raise a kid these days (estimate from a quick search of articles). Let's assume it takes $50,000 for you to switch homes to a new one with an extra bedroom.
Speaking practically, if you don't have the $50,000 to get another bedroom then you really don't have the $250,000 for the extra kid.
posted by thorny at 8:19 PM on January 16, 2011
If you cannot afford another bedroom can you really afford another kid?
Let's assume it takes $250,000 to raise a kid these days (estimate from a quick search of articles). Let's assume it takes $50,000 for you to switch homes to a new one with an extra bedroom.
Speaking practically, if you don't have the $50,000 to get another bedroom then you really don't have the $250,000 for the extra kid.
posted by thorny at 8:19 PM on January 16, 2011
I spent YEARS convincing my parents to move their basement office to my bedroom and let me live in the basement. Basement rooms are the best.
posted by equivocator at 8:21 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by equivocator at 8:21 PM on January 16, 2011
Kids back in the old days always shared rooms-heck, shared BEDS were the norm in my generation for quite some time. (That last bit same sex of course.)
Go ahead and have another baby!
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:28 PM on January 16, 2011
Go ahead and have another baby!
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 8:28 PM on January 16, 2011
I had a bedroom in the finished basement of our house when I was around 16-17 years old, and I LOVED it. It was private enough that my night-owl ways didn't bug my parents, but it wasn't overly isolated. Plus I had my own bathroom. I miss that room...
posted by sarcasticah at 8:33 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by sarcasticah at 8:33 PM on January 16, 2011
Once my brother (he's three years younger) was old enough to get into a bed, we shared a room until I was about 7. We had bunkbeds, and our bedtime was the same, so it was no hassle at all. It's so exceedingly common for young siblings to share a room for at least a couple years that I can't think of a friend who didn't (other than single children, obviously).
posted by me3dia at 8:56 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by me3dia at 8:56 PM on January 16, 2011
My sons share a bedroom. I have a 3 bed house, but choose to have our sons share, because I think its psychologically beneficial to them. Big brother (3) likes to have company at night, and was thrilled when little brother (1.5) moved in to his room at 8 months old. They have learned to sleep through each others noises, and big brother looks out for his little brother, rather than just viewing him as a rival. Big brother is prone to nightmares, but is soothed somewhat by the presence of little brother, because he doesn't like to be alone. I hope they will form a closer bond as they get older and learn to share their space.
I would be uncomfortable putting a child down in a finished basement until they are old enough to be past most instances of nightmares and are relatively self-sufficient.
posted by Joh at 9:21 PM on January 16, 2011
I would be uncomfortable putting a child down in a finished basement until they are old enough to be past most instances of nightmares and are relatively self-sufficient.
posted by Joh at 9:21 PM on January 16, 2011
If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't even consider this a problem. I agree with others who say that the baby can stay in your room as a newborn and then transition to share a room with big sister for a while. When sister is four or five, transition her (or yourselves) to the basement, maybe with a monitor system so you can hear if she has a problem or gets scared. I wouldn't hesitate for a moment. It'll all work out.
I feel the need to register my annoyance with the "how much it costs to raise a kid" surveys like the ones thorny has been looking at. The way those are usually calculated includes a lot of expenses you are already paying. Things like 1/3 of your housing and utility costs get put on the "kid" side of the ledger, even though it doesn't cost you any more to heat or cool your home with her than without her. Ditto for transportation. I think we spent about $1000 on our daughter the first year of her life, and she managed to have food and clothes. Since you already have a little girl, you have a good idea what your budget will be, and your own understanding of your finances is a whole lot more helpful than "OMG on Suze Orman they said you're in for half a million now!" Maybe you had already decided to ignore that stuff, but if you need someone to give you permission to blow it off: "with the powers vested in me as a low-income parent of two, I hereby empower you to disregard the naysayers and use your own best judgment."
posted by Pater Aletheias at 9:56 PM on January 16, 2011 [6 favorites]
I feel the need to register my annoyance with the "how much it costs to raise a kid" surveys like the ones thorny has been looking at. The way those are usually calculated includes a lot of expenses you are already paying. Things like 1/3 of your housing and utility costs get put on the "kid" side of the ledger, even though it doesn't cost you any more to heat or cool your home with her than without her. Ditto for transportation. I think we spent about $1000 on our daughter the first year of her life, and she managed to have food and clothes. Since you already have a little girl, you have a good idea what your budget will be, and your own understanding of your finances is a whole lot more helpful than "OMG on Suze Orman they said you're in for half a million now!" Maybe you had already decided to ignore that stuff, but if you need someone to give you permission to blow it off: "with the powers vested in me as a low-income parent of two, I hereby empower you to disregard the naysayers and use your own best judgment."
posted by Pater Aletheias at 9:56 PM on January 16, 2011 [6 favorites]
I live in a city. In fact, where I live, most people live in condos - and that includes the wealthiest people too. Even if you have a house ($1M+), it's still basically 2BR on the main, unless you are going up into this $1.5m+ mark, so most people, even those who bought before the market went crazy, are still in a 2BR. Around here, it's pretty common to have kids share a room till they're 7-9yo if they are opposite sex. My kids (same sex) share the same room. They are not unusual in that regard. Their room is actually pretty tiny, but it works for them (3 and 6).
I, personally, would not want my child to sleep in a basement bedroom until I felt they were able to deal with fires, earthquakes, intruders, noises and other issues. I'm not sure a 9yo would be okay at that age for me, personally. However, it sounds like you will have eight years to work that out. I know some people have worked out alarm systems, intercoms and so on to deal with it around that age. And, really, lots of other issues will present themselves before your child is 9 and you may end up making other decisions or moving anyway. So, if that's the only thing holding you back and all other analyses say "yes", then go for it.
posted by acoutu at 9:56 PM on January 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
I, personally, would not want my child to sleep in a basement bedroom until I felt they were able to deal with fires, earthquakes, intruders, noises and other issues. I'm not sure a 9yo would be okay at that age for me, personally. However, it sounds like you will have eight years to work that out. I know some people have worked out alarm systems, intercoms and so on to deal with it around that age. And, really, lots of other issues will present themselves before your child is 9 and you may end up making other decisions or moving anyway. So, if that's the only thing holding you back and all other analyses say "yes", then go for it.
posted by acoutu at 9:56 PM on January 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
Lived with my brother for several years, then had my room in the basement, it was awesome! My wife's room was in the basement, no less than four of my uncles had rooms in a basement. Maybe it's a regional thing (we're all from Canada mostly Alberta and Ontario), but I don't even know why this question is being asked.
posted by furtive at 9:56 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by furtive at 9:56 PM on January 16, 2011
When I was a kid we moved from a house with two bedrooms (I shared a bedroom with my younger sister) to a house with four bedrooms (three beautiful bedrooms upstairs, and one in the finished family room-basement area. My parents were bemused when I immediately and authoritatively claimed the basement bedroom even though it was smaller than the spacious upstairs bedroom they thought would be mine, and had no windows. Are you kidding me? IT WAS MY LAIR. I had a LAIR. And my mom got a sewing room upstairs. Much to her surprise.
Thorny: Speaking practically, if you don't have the $50,000 to get another bedroom then you really don't have the $250,000 for the extra kid.
If this were the only matrix for having kids, there would be a lot fewer of us commenting here. Because we wouldn't exist. I sure wouldn't.
No one should use Octomom as the basis for any kind of decision, except possibly what not to watch on television tonight.
posted by taz at 10:00 PM on January 16, 2011 [8 favorites]
Thorny: Speaking practically, if you don't have the $50,000 to get another bedroom then you really don't have the $250,000 for the extra kid.
If this were the only matrix for having kids, there would be a lot fewer of us commenting here. Because we wouldn't exist. I sure wouldn't.
No one should use Octomom as the basis for any kind of decision, except possibly what not to watch on television tonight.
posted by taz at 10:00 PM on January 16, 2011 [8 favorites]
I babysit for a family that (until they moved recently) had a master upstairs, an upstairs bedroom with bunk bed, and a downstairs bedroom for the daughter (older than her brother, two kids total). She would sleep downstairs when she wanted to, but sometimes she would sleep in the bunk bed upstairs. Depended on how independent/scared she felt that night. And it worked great.
posted by R a c h e l at 10:32 PM on January 16, 2011
posted by R a c h e l at 10:32 PM on January 16, 2011
I don't think I'd put either kid in a room on a different floor with an external door at that age. But as has been soundly noted upthread, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the kids sharing a room, especially as it sounds like you've got plenty of space to set up a playroom/nap space in the common areas when the kids need some time apart.
When the kids are both a bit older, you can decide who gets the basement.
posted by desuetude at 10:36 PM on January 16, 2011
When the kids are both a bit older, you can decide who gets the basement.
posted by desuetude at 10:36 PM on January 16, 2011
Response by poster: Speaking practically, if you don't have the $50,000 to get another bedroom then you really don't have the $250,000 for the extra kid.
This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read on Metafilter and really encapsulates the incredibly distorted view the developed world, and especially America, have of what is an acceptable standard of living. There are so many inaccurate assumptions packed in here, one of the major ones being that not only must children have their own bedrooms, but if they don't it would be better if they'd never been born. Please re-read that a couple of times if you don't find that statement immediately ridiculous. You're basically telling everyone who ever grew up in bunk beds that their parents failed them, much less the children who, gasp, shared a bed with siblings or children in the rest of the world who may even share rooms with their parents. HEAVENS.
posted by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on January 16, 2011
This is one of the dumbest things I've ever read on Metafilter and really encapsulates the incredibly distorted view the developed world, and especially America, have of what is an acceptable standard of living. There are so many inaccurate assumptions packed in here, one of the major ones being that not only must children have their own bedrooms, but if they don't it would be better if they'd never been born. Please re-read that a couple of times if you don't find that statement immediately ridiculous. You're basically telling everyone who ever grew up in bunk beds that their parents failed them, much less the children who, gasp, shared a bed with siblings or children in the rest of the world who may even share rooms with their parents. HEAVENS.
posted by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on January 16, 2011
It's already been said once, but I just wanted to say it again louder: RADON!
Radon testing is cheap, and radon remediation is cheaper than some of the complications that can arise is young children.
There are any number of social reasons why one child living in the basement could be good or bad, but there are some very good medical reasons why nobody (especially a child who's still developing!) should be spending 8+ hours a day in an environment full of radon.
(Disclaimer: I live in the basement in my house, by choice, and it is AWESOME)
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 10:52 PM on January 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
Radon testing is cheap, and radon remediation is cheaper than some of the complications that can arise is young children.
There are any number of social reasons why one child living in the basement could be good or bad, but there are some very good medical reasons why nobody (especially a child who's still developing!) should be spending 8+ hours a day in an environment full of radon.
(Disclaimer: I live in the basement in my house, by choice, and it is AWESOME)
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 10:52 PM on January 16, 2011 [2 favorites]
I agree with everyone about having them share a room for a while. I have two little ones who share a room and share it on the weekends with their brother (my stepson). We have a 2 bedroom townhome and they all have the biggest room. My son is 4 and his little sister is 2, stepson is 11.
I'd like for at least my little girl to have her own room, but right now it's not feasible. She slept with us in our room till she was one and we moved her in with her brothers. My 3 yr old likes having someone in their at night and they get to talk to someone till they fall asleep.
Sometimes it can be awful, like when they wont go to sleep, get up run around or just plain ornery. But overall the little ones are very close, love to spend time together and the 3 year old would do anything for his little sister.
There's nothing wrong with not having your own room.
posted by Sweetmag at 11:50 PM on January 16, 2011
I'd like for at least my little girl to have her own room, but right now it's not feasible. She slept with us in our room till she was one and we moved her in with her brothers. My 3 yr old likes having someone in their at night and they get to talk to someone till they fall asleep.
Sometimes it can be awful, like when they wont go to sleep, get up run around or just plain ornery. But overall the little ones are very close, love to spend time together and the 3 year old would do anything for his little sister.
There's nothing wrong with not having your own room.
posted by Sweetmag at 11:50 PM on January 16, 2011
I shared a room with both of my siblings until I went to college; we still all sleep in that room when we're visiting the family. Beyond the usual sort of spats about scheduling, different wake-up times, and cleaning the room, I don't think any of us had any real problems with it, and in some ways it was really sort of fun. (For reference, we're all in the college/grad school/etc. stage right now, so we're not talking about kids growing up in the '50s or anything.) This isn't to say that having one's own room isn't nice, of course - it is, and I've enjoyed it a great deal ever since I moved out! - but sharing a room really is not a terrible, terrible thing.
As everyone else says, let the kids stay together while they're still little (and you want them to be reasonably close to your room), and let one of them decamp to the basement when the older one hits middle school or something - if they want to.
posted by ubersturm at 12:36 AM on January 17, 2011
As everyone else says, let the kids stay together while they're still little (and you want them to be reasonably close to your room), and let one of them decamp to the basement when the older one hits middle school or something - if they want to.
posted by ubersturm at 12:36 AM on January 17, 2011
I shared a room with my younger brother until I was 10 and he was 8 by choice. We had another room available and empty but we wanted to share.
posted by atrazine at 3:58 AM on January 17, 2011
posted by atrazine at 3:58 AM on January 17, 2011
I shared a room with my sister until she left home when I turned seven. I loved having my own room afterward - and it was probably hard for a teenager to share with a toddler.
But if my parents had taken the decision not to have me because they couldn't find an extra bedroom for their surprise baby, then I wouldn't be here now. Many many kids share rooms growing up. Plus, when my sister moved out, I had the bunk-beds my dad built for sleepovers. The only problem I would have had with sleeping in the basement is the lack of light - though I am someone who as an adult would love a double-aspect room.
posted by mippy at 6:59 AM on January 17, 2011
But if my parents had taken the decision not to have me because they couldn't find an extra bedroom for their surprise baby, then I wouldn't be here now. Many many kids share rooms growing up. Plus, when my sister moved out, I had the bunk-beds my dad built for sleepovers. The only problem I would have had with sleeping in the basement is the lack of light - though I am someone who as an adult would love a double-aspect room.
posted by mippy at 6:59 AM on January 17, 2011
I have a friend who lives in a tiny house. Her two (VERY loved, VERY wanted) opposite-sex children share a bedroom and they're just fine. They're currently 10 and 4 and things aren't changing for the foreseeable future.
I also don't see the fuss over having kids sleep on different stories than their parents. Get a baby monitor if you can't hear the kids when you're in your room.
posted by cooker girl at 7:50 AM on January 17, 2011
I also don't see the fuss over having kids sleep on different stories than their parents. Get a baby monitor if you can't hear the kids when you're in your room.
posted by cooker girl at 7:50 AM on January 17, 2011
This is totally our plan. We have a three-bedroom house with a finished basement with an egress window (really, the second means of egress is vital). We also have three children. Right now, our oldest has his own room and the two younger are sharing, but I really hope not to spend the money for a larger house, as I'd rather have it for other things. I canimagine one or even two of the kids moving downstairs eventually (I can see our two boys as teenagers enjoying having a lair down there). I figure we'll know when it's time to make the change, and in fact our nine-year-old has started to think about moving down there so it may be surprisingly soon.
Some years ago, I made friends with a woman from Ireland. She grew up in a family of 14 children. As the kind of middle-class American who grew up in an environment where every kid had his or her own room (and the houses all had a guest room and/or a den to boot), I boggled at the thought of the mansion she must have grown up in. I asked her, "How many bedrooms did your house have?" She looked at me like I had asked a really dumb question, and said, "Three, of course. One for my parents, one for the girls, and one for the boys." It really reset my sense of what was "necessary" for kids.
posted by not that girl at 8:03 AM on January 17, 2011
Some years ago, I made friends with a woman from Ireland. She grew up in a family of 14 children. As the kind of middle-class American who grew up in an environment where every kid had his or her own room (and the houses all had a guest room and/or a den to boot), I boggled at the thought of the mansion she must have grown up in. I asked her, "How many bedrooms did your house have?" She looked at me like I had asked a really dumb question, and said, "Three, of course. One for my parents, one for the girls, and one for the boys." It really reset my sense of what was "necessary" for kids.
posted by not that girl at 8:03 AM on January 17, 2011
I grew up in an environment much like you are describing - sacrifices were made so that one of my parents could stay home with their children while we grew up. One of those sacrifices was me (and one of my brothers) having a bedroom in the basement of our small house.
My childhood (and bedroom) was awesome, thank you Mom and Dad.
The one thing I would recommend buying are good Carbon Monoxide detectors - at least one per floor including the basement. In our teens, there was that winter when my brother and I started feeling like garbage - the furnace beside our bedroom was leaking CO. Things could have turned out way worse than they did...
posted by csmason at 8:13 AM on January 17, 2011
My childhood (and bedroom) was awesome, thank you Mom and Dad.
The one thing I would recommend buying are good Carbon Monoxide detectors - at least one per floor including the basement. In our teens, there was that winter when my brother and I started feeling like garbage - the furnace beside our bedroom was leaking CO. Things could have turned out way worse than they did...
posted by csmason at 8:13 AM on January 17, 2011
We have four kids and have tried several configurations of having them share or have separate rooms on the same floor as us or in the attic. Older son and daughter shared until my son was 10; they loved it. The three kids who have had stints in the attic have loved it. So I agree with all others who say a separate floor is no problem and really just wanted to say one thing here--for the year or two we had little kids on separate floors, bedtime was a pain in the neck. Bath time, story time, kids getting up in the night: all that stuff got a lot easier once we moved the little ones (I think they were 4 and 2) together into a room on the same floor as us. So I'd recommend, as others have, letting them share a room until they are self-sufficient. This for your sake, as well as theirs.
posted by torticat at 10:47 AM on January 17, 2011
posted by torticat at 10:47 AM on January 17, 2011
FWIW, I was moved to a room we built in the basement when my sister was born (I was six). Worked out fine.
posted by Chrysostom at 3:00 PM on January 17, 2011
posted by Chrysostom at 3:00 PM on January 17, 2011
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posted by moxiedoll at 7:14 PM on January 16, 2011