Te-fuckin'-mesis!
December 19, 2010 2:23 AM Subscribe
Point me to some examples of high-quality (preferably written) cursing. I'm looking for the sort of epically coherent, graphic, even eloquent profanity that gets you quoted years afterward. Off the top of my head, I can think of the famous Patton speech, most of Full Metal Jacket, and this lovely blog post on swine flu. Got any more?
All media are welcome, but, since I'm trying to learn to write good cursing, I'm particularly interested in examples where the language stands on its own. So a bad example would be that scene from The Wire where every line is some variation of "fuck". On paper this just looks like 38 fucks in a row.
All media are welcome, but, since I'm trying to learn to write good cursing, I'm particularly interested in examples where the language stands on its own. So a bad example would be that scene from The Wire where every line is some variation of "fuck". On paper this just looks like 38 fucks in a row.
Seconding Homeboy Trouble - Malcolm Tucker is the poster boy for what you're looking for.
posted by Kirn at 3:28 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by Kirn at 3:28 AM on December 19, 2010
The book Eat, Pray, Love is not my favourite book, but it does have a wonderful account of an Italian man swearing at a footballer from the stands at tremendous volume. The richness of this abuse is such that Elizabeth Gilbert wishes to put her head in this man's lap and simply listen to him swear all day.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:32 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by DarlingBri at 3:32 AM on December 19, 2010
Better Off Ted (cancelled too soon!) had an episode where all the characters were told to curse by a mistyped memo. While the language was toned down for ABC audiences, they also released a gag reel of alternative takes for everyone else's pleasure.
I wouldn't call it epically coherent or particularly eloquent, but it does feature a nice variety of relatively unusual obscenities.
posted by iguessgabby at 3:58 AM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
I wouldn't call it epically coherent or particularly eloquent, but it does feature a nice variety of relatively unusual obscenities.
posted by iguessgabby at 3:58 AM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
Altough not explicit, Jean Shepherd often waxed eloquently about how the Old Man worked in profanity the way that other artists might work in stone or oils. While I can't quote specifically, I recall something to the effect that he wove a tapestry that still hang in the sky above Indiana.
posted by plinth at 3:58 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by plinth at 3:58 AM on December 19, 2010
One could argue that eloquent cursing is the entire premise of Deadwood.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 4:37 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 4:37 AM on December 19, 2010
Mamet?
posted by leading question at 4:37 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by leading question at 4:37 AM on December 19, 2010
Yes, Deadwood is fucking poetry. Here's Calamity Jane: "Every day takes figuring out all over again how to fucking live."
posted by booth at 5:20 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by booth at 5:20 AM on December 19, 2010
Charlie Brooker's old "TV Go Home" stuff contained pant-moisteningly splendid examples of gratuitous and creative swearing, perhaps most notably in the recurring "Cunt" series, which spawned Nathan Barley, of course.
Much to my distress I note that the site appears to have been taken down. Odd, because it was there just a few months ago. I know there's a book available and it's probably possible to find examples of pages here and there on the web. Highly recommended.
posted by Decani at 5:27 AM on December 19, 2010
Much to my distress I note that the site appears to have been taken down. Odd, because it was there just a few months ago. I know there's a book available and it's probably possible to find examples of pages here and there on the web. Highly recommended.
posted by Decani at 5:27 AM on December 19, 2010
Found one example. Far from the best, but it gives a flavour:
6:40 - Unstoppable Cinema Vacuum
Stars of the latest Hollywood releases spout well-rehearsed soundbites and introduce oft-repeated clips in spiritless pre-recorded PR-sanctioned "interviews" conducted by some gurning, masturbating chimpanzee of a presenter who in any sane world would have their lips sewn together with wire by an angry mob within twenty minutes of this glib fucking rubbish hitting the screens like the stinking shower of shit that it is.
Producer: Cunt Froth. Simpering subtitles..... 5895.
That one is relatively tame.
posted by Decani at 5:34 AM on December 19, 2010
6:40 - Unstoppable Cinema Vacuum
Stars of the latest Hollywood releases spout well-rehearsed soundbites and introduce oft-repeated clips in spiritless pre-recorded PR-sanctioned "interviews" conducted by some gurning, masturbating chimpanzee of a presenter who in any sane world would have their lips sewn together with wire by an angry mob within twenty minutes of this glib fucking rubbish hitting the screens like the stinking shower of shit that it is.
Producer: Cunt Froth. Simpering subtitles..... 5895.
That one is relatively tame.
posted by Decani at 5:34 AM on December 19, 2010
Can't recall if there's an actual monologue, but Midnight Run takes cursing as a threat to a completely new level of comedy
posted by Mchelly at 6:12 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by Mchelly at 6:12 AM on December 19, 2010
Terrence Stamp in "The Limey."
"How you doin' then? All right, are you? Now look, squire, you're the guv'nor here, I can see that. I'm in your manor now. So there's no need to get your knickers in a twist. Whatever this bollocks is that's going down between you and that slag Valentine, it's got nothing to do with me. I couldn't care less. Alright, mate? Let me explain. When I was in prison - second time - uh, no, telling a lie, third stretch, yeah, third, third - there was this screw what really had it in for me, and that geezer was top of my list. Two years after I got sprung, I sees him in Arnold Park. He's sittin' on a bench feedin' bloody pigeons. There was no-one about, I could've gone up behind him and snapped his fuckin' neck, *wallop!* But I left it. I could've knobbled him, but I didn't. 'Cause what I thought I wanted wasn't what I wanted. What I thought I was thinkin' about was something else. I didn't give a toss. It didn't matter, see? This berk on the bench wasn't worth my time. It meant sod-all in the end, 'cause you gotta make a choice: when to do something, and when to let it go. When it matters, and when it don't. Bide your time. That's what prison teaches you, if nothing else. Bide your time, and everything becomes clear, and you can act accordingly."
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:44 AM on December 19, 2010
"How you doin' then? All right, are you? Now look, squire, you're the guv'nor here, I can see that. I'm in your manor now. So there's no need to get your knickers in a twist. Whatever this bollocks is that's going down between you and that slag Valentine, it's got nothing to do with me. I couldn't care less. Alright, mate? Let me explain. When I was in prison - second time - uh, no, telling a lie, third stretch, yeah, third, third - there was this screw what really had it in for me, and that geezer was top of my list. Two years after I got sprung, I sees him in Arnold Park. He's sittin' on a bench feedin' bloody pigeons. There was no-one about, I could've gone up behind him and snapped his fuckin' neck, *wallop!* But I left it. I could've knobbled him, but I didn't. 'Cause what I thought I wanted wasn't what I wanted. What I thought I was thinkin' about was something else. I didn't give a toss. It didn't matter, see? This berk on the bench wasn't worth my time. It meant sod-all in the end, 'cause you gotta make a choice: when to do something, and when to let it go. When it matters, and when it don't. Bide your time. That's what prison teaches you, if nothing else. Bide your time, and everything becomes clear, and you can act accordingly."
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:44 AM on December 19, 2010
Seconding the leading question, Mamet was the beauty of swearing before Deadwood came around. Glengarry Glenn Ross is one long poem of swearing. This scene with Al Pacino and Kevin Spacey is my favorite, but the Baldwin scene is more famous.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:00 AM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Ghidorah at 7:00 AM on December 19, 2010 [2 favorites]
The rants of Francis E Dec may be of some use to you. Warning: it's offensive stuff.
posted by DarkForest at 7:25 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by DarkForest at 7:25 AM on December 19, 2010
Seconding "Homeboy Trouble" about Deadwood. Al Swearengen produces Shakespearean cursing... You really should watch all three seasons. I challenge you to find more elegant cussing.
posted by Glendale at 7:27 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by Glendale at 7:27 AM on December 19, 2010
May I suggest anything from the character "Mr. Leahey" from Trailer Park Boys. He has the most creative uses of "shit" I have ever heard.
posted by saradarlin at 8:00 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by saradarlin at 8:00 AM on December 19, 2010
...cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit...
posted by headnsouth at 8:02 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by headnsouth at 8:02 AM on December 19, 2010
Nthing Deadwood and also this film is rich with examples.
posted by hansbrough at 8:38 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by hansbrough at 8:38 AM on December 19, 2010
I enthusiastically recommend (as others have above) Mamet, Deadwood, and TV Go Home. A minor opus you may enjoy is Colin Nissan's delightful It's Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers.
posted by AkzidenzGrotesk at 8:41 AM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by AkzidenzGrotesk at 8:41 AM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]
You scullion! You rampallian! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe!
- Henry IV Part 2
This is the foul fiend Flibbertigibbet
- King Lear
Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!
- Henry IV Part 1
Thou odoriferous stench, sound rottenness
- King John
That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?
- Henry IV Part 1
You whoreson cullionly barbermonger
- King Lear
Thou whoreson zed, thou unnecessary letter
- King Lear
You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish--O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!
- Henry IV Part 1
Your bum is the greatest thing about you, so that, in the beastliest sense, you are Pompey the Great
- Measure for Measure
Thou misshapen Dick
- Henry VI, Part 3
Out of my door, you witch, you hag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon!
- Merry Wives of Windsor
Away, you three inch fool
- Taming of the Shrew
Vile worm, you were overlooked even in thy birth
- Merry Wives of Windsor
Your peevish chastity is not worth a breakfast in the cheapest country
- Pericles
You ruinious butt, you whoreson indistinguishable cur
- Troilus and Cressida
Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood
- King Lear
posted by grumblebee at 9:28 AM on December 19, 2010 [6 favorites]
- Henry IV Part 2
This is the foul fiend Flibbertigibbet
- King Lear
Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!
- Henry IV Part 1
Thou odoriferous stench, sound rottenness
- King John
That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?
- Henry IV Part 1
You whoreson cullionly barbermonger
- King Lear
Thou whoreson zed, thou unnecessary letter
- King Lear
You starvelling, you eel-skin, you dried neat's-tongue, you bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish--O for breath to utter what is like thee!-you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck!
- Henry IV Part 1
Your bum is the greatest thing about you, so that, in the beastliest sense, you are Pompey the Great
- Measure for Measure
Thou misshapen Dick
- Henry VI, Part 3
Out of my door, you witch, you hag, you baggage, you polecat, you ronyon!
- Merry Wives of Windsor
Away, you three inch fool
- Taming of the Shrew
Vile worm, you were overlooked even in thy birth
- Merry Wives of Windsor
Your peevish chastity is not worth a breakfast in the cheapest country
- Pericles
You ruinious butt, you whoreson indistinguishable cur
- Troilus and Cressida
Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood
- King Lear
posted by grumblebee at 9:28 AM on December 19, 2010 [6 favorites]
Hunter Thompson's er... eulogy for Nixon. It's not steeped in filthy words or anything, but but through insults that run the spectrum of subtlety he indicates the depth of evil that the man represented, but also the strange fondness for him that came from that.
posted by cmoj at 11:25 AM on December 19, 2010
posted by cmoj at 11:25 AM on December 19, 2010
Proto-absurdist playwright Alfred Jarry's Ubu Roi has some great cursing. The translation of the first act linked at the bottom of the Wikipedia page is fine, but I also have a paper copy you can borrow next time you come over.
posted by bubukaba at 12:58 PM on December 19, 2010
posted by bubukaba at 12:58 PM on December 19, 2010
Ashley Morris's blog post Fuck you, you fucking fucks showed up almost verbatim on the show Treme, which featured a character based on Morris.
posted by craichead at 1:20 PM on December 19, 2010
posted by craichead at 1:20 PM on December 19, 2010
This scene from Planes, Trains and Automobiles immediately sprang to mind!
posted by meggie78 at 3:31 PM on December 19, 2010
posted by meggie78 at 3:31 PM on December 19, 2010
The Drill Sargent from Full Metal Jacket might be what you're after.
posted by klanawa at 7:24 PM on December 19, 2010
posted by klanawa at 7:24 PM on December 19, 2010
I recently re-watched "Flatliners" which had some memorable playground swearing, some quoted here (see "Young Winnie") but also the classic "Shit-face, rat-turd, ass-licking son of a bitch" memorably sampled by Carter USM on "Suppose They Gave A Funeral And Nobody Came".
posted by AmbroseChapel at 4:34 AM on December 20, 2010
posted by AmbroseChapel at 4:34 AM on December 20, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
Here's a highlight reel from In The Loop, although the movie is well worth watching.
And God fucking forbid this go even one post without mentioning that cocksucker Al Swearengen from Deadwood.
posted by Homeboy Trouble at 3:16 AM on December 19, 2010 [1 favorite]