What do I do?
November 30, 2010 8:00 PM Subscribe
I think I'm clinically depressed, and it's screwing me up academically. What do I do to salvage the last couple weeks of the semester?
This sounds exactly like me. Long story short I think I do need counseling and medication for depression? anxiety? I'm not sure, but what steps do I need to take short-term to get through this semester without self-sabotaging myself even more?
I sort of went through this freshmen year (I'm a junior now) but managed to get a 4.0 all of sophomore year, somehow I found the motivation. But the past month or so has been a downward spiral and I just want to give up.
It's too embarrassing and would take too long to get into all the specifics but I consistently self-sabotage myself by procrastinating to the point where I'm now actually failing exams. I'm not used to failure, I was a stellar student in high school (in terms of grades, not in terms of study habits). I'm also missing classes (I skipped one today that even takes attendance) and not doing assignments that count for a big part of my grade. There's one that was due today and I still haven't finished it! Maybe it's stupid of me to be writing here when I have all this work piled up, but I decided to ask for help because later I might be too ashamed to do so. At least this is the internet and I don't know any of you personally :( I'm more or less always locked up inside my room, haven't left the house since... Saturday night when I got back from home after Thanksgiving break.
Sorry this is more of a rant, I don't know, to let someone know I have a problem, a cry for help.
This sounds exactly like me. Long story short I think I do need counseling and medication for depression? anxiety? I'm not sure, but what steps do I need to take short-term to get through this semester without self-sabotaging myself even more?
I sort of went through this freshmen year (I'm a junior now) but managed to get a 4.0 all of sophomore year, somehow I found the motivation. But the past month or so has been a downward spiral and I just want to give up.
It's too embarrassing and would take too long to get into all the specifics but I consistently self-sabotage myself by procrastinating to the point where I'm now actually failing exams. I'm not used to failure, I was a stellar student in high school (in terms of grades, not in terms of study habits). I'm also missing classes (I skipped one today that even takes attendance) and not doing assignments that count for a big part of my grade. There's one that was due today and I still haven't finished it! Maybe it's stupid of me to be writing here when I have all this work piled up, but I decided to ask for help because later I might be too ashamed to do so. At least this is the internet and I don't know any of you personally :( I'm more or less always locked up inside my room, haven't left the house since... Saturday night when I got back from home after Thanksgiving break.
Sorry this is more of a rant, I don't know, to let someone know I have a problem, a cry for help.
Your university should have a student health center, perhaps even a mental health office. Call those people and tell them that you're feeling overwhelmed and need to talk to someone. They'll help you make an appointment with a counselor, who can then help you decide what you'd like to do. Counseling and medication are both options you could explore if you'd like to.
posted by decathecting at 8:06 PM on November 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by decathecting at 8:06 PM on November 30, 2010 [2 favorites]
Check out your school's options for medical withdrawal. You may qualify to drop all your courses without a penalty, but you'll need to get a doctor's note -- so you should act quickly if it's a possibility for you. Even if you don't take this route, check out your university's mental health services. I've had mixed results with them, but it's a good first point of contact to determine what your options are. They deal with people in your situation all the time.
posted by katemonster at 8:11 PM on November 30, 2010
posted by katemonster at 8:11 PM on November 30, 2010
You say you've taken medication for hypothyroidism in the past.. does that mean you don't any more? Did you actually have hypothyroidism and it went away? I think this is a really important detail you should make sure to discuss with whoever you wind up seeing. Your school's doctor's office and/or counseling center are a great place to start. Don't worry about withdrawing yet - first things first, you need to see a doctor.
posted by amethysts at 8:19 PM on November 30, 2010
posted by amethysts at 8:19 PM on November 30, 2010
You should reach out to student health services and the dean of students (the titles might be different, if you post the name of your institution people can help you find the right phone numbers.) Medical withdrawal and incompletes in these classes are both good options.
posted by SMPA at 8:20 PM on November 30, 2010
posted by SMPA at 8:20 PM on November 30, 2010
I went through a similar thing when I was in my junior year in undergrad and my second year at law school. I'm mostly chiming in to say I've been there and survived. My solution was to have my mom fly across the country to help me out (um, not embarrassing at all for a 27-year-old).
I echo the advice to go to the medical center. It was such a great experience for me - they usually have a sort of triage program where you can see a counselor at the school for a few sessions (our was 6) and then they refer you out. It's great because they can get a sense of your issues and the kind of help you need/want. They can also get you started on medication that may help, although most anti-depressants take a few weeks to kick in. They should be able to give you something to take if you get another panic attack (and yes, it sounds like you had one). Those meds kick in quickly.
Medical withdrawal sounds like a great option, especially this late in the semester. Sometimes you just need to take care of yourself. Trust me, I know it's embarrassing, but depression/anxiety is also really common and (amazingly) usually fixable (or at least manageable).
Good luck.
posted by lvanshima at 8:23 PM on November 30, 2010
I echo the advice to go to the medical center. It was such a great experience for me - they usually have a sort of triage program where you can see a counselor at the school for a few sessions (our was 6) and then they refer you out. It's great because they can get a sense of your issues and the kind of help you need/want. They can also get you started on medication that may help, although most anti-depressants take a few weeks to kick in. They should be able to give you something to take if you get another panic attack (and yes, it sounds like you had one). Those meds kick in quickly.
Medical withdrawal sounds like a great option, especially this late in the semester. Sometimes you just need to take care of yourself. Trust me, I know it's embarrassing, but depression/anxiety is also really common and (amazingly) usually fixable (or at least manageable).
Good luck.
posted by lvanshima at 8:23 PM on November 30, 2010
Also supporting the medical withdrawal option. I left school in towards the end of my second semester junior year for depression-related issues. Once it was clear what the issue was, the school was extremely supportive -- it was easy to drop my classes, and they gave me as much time as I needed away from school to sort things out before returning to finish. Without the pressure of getting the most out of an expensive education, I could focus more directly on my own health.
It's a big step to come here and ask for help -- I'm glad you did! It's another big step to go to your school and ask for help. But every time you ask for help you get better at talking about whats going on for you, and you often get more help than you might have thought possible. Take care of yourself and keep on asking for help.
posted by cubby at 8:30 PM on November 30, 2010
It's a big step to come here and ask for help -- I'm glad you did! It's another big step to go to your school and ask for help. But every time you ask for help you get better at talking about whats going on for you, and you often get more help than you might have thought possible. Take care of yourself and keep on asking for help.
posted by cubby at 8:30 PM on November 30, 2010
Response by poster: So I guess the general consensus is that I need to go to my counseling center (ours is separate from the student health center though.. should I be going to both?) Honestly the idea of having to withdraw from my classes panics me even more because.. it was an entire semester's worth of tuition wasted then. But maybe I can just drop some courses and get a grade for a course I'm still doing well in? (Just one, my Japanese class.)
@amethysts: I took the medication when my THS levels were borderline, and stopped after one test showed they weren't. They've been normal for around a year, I believe? I still get it tested regularly though whenever I get a blood test (just had one last Saturday)
Thank you everyone for your support, I really needed it T_T
posted by qvinx at 8:33 PM on November 30, 2010
@amethysts: I took the medication when my THS levels were borderline, and stopped after one test showed they weren't. They've been normal for around a year, I believe? I still get it tested regularly though whenever I get a blood test (just had one last Saturday)
Thank you everyone for your support, I really needed it T_T
posted by qvinx at 8:33 PM on November 30, 2010
I just want to point out that your school counseling center may need some help understanding the problem. I had a similar problem when I was in undergrad, and the counseling center declared that I couldn't possibly be depressed because I was cheerfully chatting with them, even though I was spending all day in bed and never going to class or really functioning otherwise. Point being, stand up for yourself if you have to. I wish I'd known then that I could insist on getting the help I needed, despite their reticence, since failing to get it really messed me up.
posted by Eshkol at 8:43 PM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Eshkol at 8:43 PM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
PLEASE go see an academic counselor. I'm like you in a lot of ways, in that I coasted through high school and some university before hitting a wall. What you're going through is way more common than you think it is, and your school has a support network designed specifically to help people in your situation. There are people who's full time job is to help you succeed at school.
It may turn out that withdrawing from the semester and starting fresh in January is the best option, but it's also very likely that you'll get the help you need to finish this semester strong. Either way, realizing that this is a problem you can solve (which is something you seem to be well on the way to doing) is going to go a long way in making sure that you have success down the line once you get through this.
Good Luck!
posted by auto-correct at 8:46 PM on November 30, 2010
It may turn out that withdrawing from the semester and starting fresh in January is the best option, but it's also very likely that you'll get the help you need to finish this semester strong. Either way, realizing that this is a problem you can solve (which is something you seem to be well on the way to doing) is going to go a long way in making sure that you have success down the line once you get through this.
Good Luck!
posted by auto-correct at 8:46 PM on November 30, 2010
Response by poster: @Eshkol: That's another thing I'm worried about. I visited it once during freshman year and the counselor I met wasn't very helpful. I felt I was being judged and she just thought I was lazy...
posted by qvinx at 8:47 PM on November 30, 2010
posted by qvinx at 8:47 PM on November 30, 2010
I took a medical withdrawal once, claiming depression when I wasn't really very bad off, just dramatically unwise and immature. Yes, it feels very embarrassing to admit you have an issue (indeed, insofar as I was depressed, it was mainly a situational by-product of making such poor decisions and having to withdraw). But it was strategically the right choice, allowing me to get my shit together and graduate with an awesome GPA, and I don't regret it in the slightest. You'll come back from this.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 8:47 PM on November 30, 2010
posted by Monsieur Caution at 8:47 PM on November 30, 2010
In my experience, no regimen of drug therapy and counselling can provide you with motivation or willpower. I've been on and off antidepressants and in and out of therapy for most of my undergraduate experience but I've found that my lack of motivation to do schoolwork has been consistently building throughout 3rd and 4th year, and the only thing that really gets me going anymore is the intense fear of failure which kicks in a few days before a test/due date of a big assignment.
In summary, you may want to seek counselling for your emerging anxiety/depression symptoms, but your motivation issues need to be dealt with pretty much on a personal level - therapy and medication cannot fix such a conscious-level problem.
posted by tehloki at 8:57 PM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
In summary, you may want to seek counselling for your emerging anxiety/depression symptoms, but your motivation issues need to be dealt with pretty much on a personal level - therapy and medication cannot fix such a conscious-level problem.
posted by tehloki at 8:57 PM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
Er, yeah. College councilors can be awful. They hand out diagnoses like candy. It can be downright irresponsible. (Fun story: One told me that I just needed to get laid, and that my stress would go away afterward. Even though she might have been 100% correct, it wasn't exactly helpful or responsible advice)
In any event, you should definitely do the things mentioned above. Find someone to talk to; possibly outside of your college's counseling center. Also consider the possibility of a medical withdrawal or deferral. There's no shame in doing it -- I tried to "take the high road" one year, and took finals while I had pneumonia, which effectively destroyed my GPA, and took my grad school ambitions along with it, because I was too proud/stupid to go to get deferred from my exams. If you're in no condition to take your final exams, then you are in no condition to take your final exams.
In the meantime, if you do decide to tough it out, try to get plenty of sunlight and exercise.
posted by schmod at 9:16 PM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
In any event, you should definitely do the things mentioned above. Find someone to talk to; possibly outside of your college's counseling center. Also consider the possibility of a medical withdrawal or deferral. There's no shame in doing it -- I tried to "take the high road" one year, and took finals while I had pneumonia, which effectively destroyed my GPA, and took my grad school ambitions along with it, because I was too proud/stupid to go to get deferred from my exams. If you're in no condition to take your final exams, then you are in no condition to take your final exams.
In the meantime, if you do decide to tough it out, try to get plenty of sunlight and exercise.
posted by schmod at 9:16 PM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
After you go to the counseling center, go to the disabilities office. You may be entitled to accommodations that would allow you to finish out the semester.
posted by Wordwoman at 9:19 PM on November 30, 2010
posted by Wordwoman at 9:19 PM on November 30, 2010
It may also be possible for you to take an 'incomplete' in one or more courses and defer your final exams to a later date, rather than withdrawing altogether. I had to do this a couple semesters ago; it required getting a doctor's note and filling out a form, which then basically got rubber-stamped by the Dean of Students. It was a pretty painless process, and I'm very glad I did it. It meant doing a take-home exam over Christmas break, which sucked out loud, but it was ultimately the right thing to do.
If you want to know more about your options in this area, I suggest just going to the Dean of Students office and straight-up asking the secretary. Say something like: "Hi. I'd like to know more about deferring exams for medical reasons or taking a medical withdrawal. Who can I talk to about this?" They'll be able to point you in the right direction, and probably schedule an appointment with the appropriate person.
posted by Commander Rachek at 9:28 PM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
If you want to know more about your options in this area, I suggest just going to the Dean of Students office and straight-up asking the secretary. Say something like: "Hi. I'd like to know more about deferring exams for medical reasons or taking a medical withdrawal. Who can I talk to about this?" They'll be able to point you in the right direction, and probably schedule an appointment with the appropriate person.
posted by Commander Rachek at 9:28 PM on November 30, 2010 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Honestly the idea of having to withdraw from my classes panics me even more because.. it was an entire semester's worth of tuition wasted then. But maybe I can just drop some courses and get a grade for a course I'm still doing well in? (Just one, my Japanese class.)
It won't be wasted. Odds are you can take an incomplete (in all or some of your classes) and work with the professors to create a new schedule to complete the work. This happens frequently (several people I know are taking incompletes in various classes this semester for a wide variety of reasons), so don't feel bad about it at all. Deferring the other course work will help you focus your attention on getting treatment for your depression and also to really do well in your Japanese class. Finishing that one class with a good grade will give your mindset a boost and help you power through the other classes later.
Even in a worst case scenario where they make you formally withdraw from everything and you have to start over, this is not a wasted semester by any means. You learned quite a lot about your health, how to find and use resources to help you, and how to ultimately get better. That's extremely important information to know, and well worth the cost of a semester's worth of tuition.
posted by lilac girl at 10:03 PM on November 30, 2010
It won't be wasted. Odds are you can take an incomplete (in all or some of your classes) and work with the professors to create a new schedule to complete the work. This happens frequently (several people I know are taking incompletes in various classes this semester for a wide variety of reasons), so don't feel bad about it at all. Deferring the other course work will help you focus your attention on getting treatment for your depression and also to really do well in your Japanese class. Finishing that one class with a good grade will give your mindset a boost and help you power through the other classes later.
Even in a worst case scenario where they make you formally withdraw from everything and you have to start over, this is not a wasted semester by any means. You learned quite a lot about your health, how to find and use resources to help you, and how to ultimately get better. That's extremely important information to know, and well worth the cost of a semester's worth of tuition.
posted by lilac girl at 10:03 PM on November 30, 2010
Just want to follow up on the motivation issue. Depression/anxiety can have profound effects on your ability to concentrate and get work done - it has for me - there is a real likelihood that medication and/or talk therapy will help with this.
posted by lvanshima at 10:09 PM on November 30, 2010
posted by lvanshima at 10:09 PM on November 30, 2010
My aunt is a psych prof. She suggested budgeting my "worry breaks" so I use the 55 on, 5 off system. Use a timer. Work for 55 minutes straight. When it goes off, set it for 5 minutes, sit somewhere else without distraction and worry your ass off. When that timer goes off, set it for 55 and get back to work.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:37 PM on November 30, 2010
posted by Ironmouth at 10:37 PM on November 30, 2010
Please get help.
I was in exactly your situation, and I did nothing - I stayed at home and felt sorry for myself. I failed the semester and was put on academic probation. I left and never went back.
It's ten years later now, and while I'm successful now, I strongly regret that I never finished college.
Don't be me.
posted by edrnjevich at 10:40 PM on November 30, 2010
I was in exactly your situation, and I did nothing - I stayed at home and felt sorry for myself. I failed the semester and was put on academic probation. I left and never went back.
It's ten years later now, and while I'm successful now, I strongly regret that I never finished college.
Don't be me.
posted by edrnjevich at 10:40 PM on November 30, 2010
As all of those who have commented before, I've been there too. Yes, it's a waste of a semester's worth of tuition. But so is a slate of Fs and Ds. And this way, you don't end up being thrown out for failing all your classes.
posted by Hactar at 3:02 AM on December 1, 2010
posted by Hactar at 3:02 AM on December 1, 2010
Nthing taking incompletes and seeing someone as soon as possible. Your college health center may be a good bet, but if you're concerned about the quality of the mental health providers and you can afford it, find another doctor/psychiatrist to see. One doctor's note is generally as good as another, and there's no reason to subject yourself to crummy treatment if you can find someone better.
Lastly, now is the time to lean on friends. Have them sit with you while you call your professors, research medical withdrawal/leave or the procedure for incompletes, etc. A hand-holder can make all the difference in the world between "I just can't" and "This is hard, but I can get it done".
posted by epj at 7:41 AM on December 1, 2010
Lastly, now is the time to lean on friends. Have them sit with you while you call your professors, research medical withdrawal/leave or the procedure for incompletes, etc. A hand-holder can make all the difference in the world between "I just can't" and "This is hard, but I can get it done".
posted by epj at 7:41 AM on December 1, 2010
I've had the same thing happen to a family member.
1. Does your family know about this--could they support you emotionally while you sort yourself out? For my family member the distance from school to home was too much and he couldn't adapt.
2. Go to an academic counselor and look at medical w/drawal options.
3. Go to your health center, too, and talk to them. Get someone with an actual MD to check you out.
4. As someone pointed out sunlight and regular exercise can work wonders.
I hope you feel better. I've had friends and family where you are, and it must absolutely suck.
posted by 630 at 7:46 AM on December 1, 2010
1. Does your family know about this--could they support you emotionally while you sort yourself out? For my family member the distance from school to home was too much and he couldn't adapt.
2. Go to an academic counselor and look at medical w/drawal options.
3. Go to your health center, too, and talk to them. Get someone with an actual MD to check you out.
4. As someone pointed out sunlight and regular exercise can work wonders.
I hope you feel better. I've had friends and family where you are, and it must absolutely suck.
posted by 630 at 7:46 AM on December 1, 2010
Best answer: This was me a month ago, although I'm a sophomore. Go talk to someone at counseling or student health immediately. Counselors are usually booked full by this time in the semester, especially with finals looming, but hopefully your school has drop-in times available. Talk to them about how you're feeling, and bring up the idea of taking medical leave or incompletes. Chances are, they've dealt with this before. (Do you remember the name of the person you saw before? You can request NOT to see them, if necessary.)
In my case, my counselor helped arrange a meeting with the assistant dean/head of disability services, who explained everything to me about the procedures for taking incompletes. If your school is like mine, incompletes work on a professor-by-professor basis -- some may be reluctant to give you the incomplete, especially since you say you haven't been doing well in classes, but people are usually willing to help you when you're in this bad of shape. Talking to my professors was by far the most nerve-wracking part of the entire process, but it felt so good to be completely honest with them.
If no professor lets you take an incomplete, then you will have the option of taking medical leave -- as I think has been explained. Yes, it feels like a waste, but remember that you're doing this for your own health. (As multiple professors told me: it's just school! It will always be there! All that matters is that you wind up with a degree.) Also think carefully about whether you will feel ready to return to school for spring semester. I've opted to come back for spring, since I've been at home for three weeks already, but in your case you may not feel ready. That's fine. Do what's best for you, regardless of whatever pressure you feel.
Believe me -- I am so, so happy I made the choice to come home when I did. If I were still at school, I would probably have jumped out a window by now. I also had the constant ear and support of my mother, which helped a lot. If you have family members you can talk to about this, don't neglect that source of support.
(If you have any questions, feel free to MeMail me -- having just gone through this whole situation, I really want to see you do what's best for you.)
posted by punchdrunkhistory at 8:41 AM on December 1, 2010
In my case, my counselor helped arrange a meeting with the assistant dean/head of disability services, who explained everything to me about the procedures for taking incompletes. If your school is like mine, incompletes work on a professor-by-professor basis -- some may be reluctant to give you the incomplete, especially since you say you haven't been doing well in classes, but people are usually willing to help you when you're in this bad of shape. Talking to my professors was by far the most nerve-wracking part of the entire process, but it felt so good to be completely honest with them.
If no professor lets you take an incomplete, then you will have the option of taking medical leave -- as I think has been explained. Yes, it feels like a waste, but remember that you're doing this for your own health. (As multiple professors told me: it's just school! It will always be there! All that matters is that you wind up with a degree.) Also think carefully about whether you will feel ready to return to school for spring semester. I've opted to come back for spring, since I've been at home for three weeks already, but in your case you may not feel ready. That's fine. Do what's best for you, regardless of whatever pressure you feel.
Believe me -- I am so, so happy I made the choice to come home when I did. If I were still at school, I would probably have jumped out a window by now. I also had the constant ear and support of my mother, which helped a lot. If you have family members you can talk to about this, don't neglect that source of support.
(If you have any questions, feel free to MeMail me -- having just gone through this whole situation, I really want to see you do what's best for you.)
posted by punchdrunkhistory at 8:41 AM on December 1, 2010
Response by poster: Well I spoke to a faculty advisor today (because I was reluctant to go straight to the counseling center) and I've sucked it up and set up an appointment with a counselor on Friday and we'll see how it goes from here.
Meanwhile I'm in the process of writing an email to my professors trying to briefly explain my situation and ask what I can do and so on...
Bummer that today I woke up determined to do something instead of just giving up, but all it's done is rain today :(
Thanks punchdrunkhistory I think I'll take you up on that offer!
Another thing I have to do now I guess is face my friends and family...
posted by qvinx at 1:47 PM on December 1, 2010
Meanwhile I'm in the process of writing an email to my professors trying to briefly explain my situation and ask what I can do and so on...
Bummer that today I woke up determined to do something instead of just giving up, but all it's done is rain today :(
Thanks punchdrunkhistory I think I'll take you up on that offer!
Another thing I have to do now I guess is face my friends and family...
posted by qvinx at 1:47 PM on December 1, 2010
@qvinx - I guess my point is, if the first counselor turns you away, don't give up, try again! I know how hard it is. I really, really do. But I wish I'd done that. And we're all here rooting for you!
posted by Eshkol at 10:26 AM on December 3, 2010
posted by Eshkol at 10:26 AM on December 3, 2010
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I also have PCOS for which I take metformin and spironolactone. I am overweight, thought not as much as I used to be (used to have a BMI over 30) so I would say that although my self-image is not that good, my confidence levels are still pretty high? If that makes sense.
I've also taken medicine for hypothyroidism in the past, which I know is linked to depression..
posted by qvinx at 8:06 PM on November 30, 2010