A heart that hurts is a heart that works.
October 15, 2010 12:46 PM Subscribe
Turning a corner in the breakup process. How do I stay grounded while my heart catches up with my head?
posted by Ceci n'est pas un sockpuppet to Human Relations (6 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I'm not going to post the whole back story, doesn't really matter and you can read through my previous questions if you want the details, it's all there in a couple of waaaay tl;dr questions. I have a tendency to get overwhelmed in the details, so I'm mostly leaving them out here, I can fill in gaps if need be.
LTR gay couple, first relationship so some rose-coloured glasses inexperience going on. But lots of love and growing up together. He got emotionally involved with someone else, and we both realized we couldn't fight for each other any more, that we didn't work despite how much we love each other.
2 months go by, and they've been hard but I know we made the right decision. Realizing how much better off I am out of the relationship, and all the ways I buried parts of myself and denied myself. I'm standing straighter, not smoking (6 weeks!). Work is going great, and I'm making a strong effort to be social.
I haven't really been able to express the following to anyone in a way that doesn't sound sad, but: I feel so much that this a great turning point, a maturation. I feel ready to take on so much in my life now, because I know in the final balance I'm all I can count on, so I better get out there and make it happen.
So my head is mostly in these great optimistic places, but my heart is still owie. I know this will take time, and that just because I've made a breakthrough doesn't mean the pain will go away. And I'm not only grieving the loss of the relationship, but really the significant loss of innocence in my life, as well as the growing pains of growing up.
So I've really got two questions for this stage in my life:
1) How can I encourage my heart to catch up to my head? I know this is not entirely possible, so when I'm feeling low how can I remind myself that it's natural and will heal in time?
2) How can I avoid taking on too much? I want to do everything right now, throw myself into work, meet new friends, eat healthy, work out, find a great new apartment, manage my finances properly, dress better, etc etc etc... The list is endless and I know I'll burn myself out if I try to take on too much.
All I was focused on for weeks was getting myself to work, and not smoking. That was all I could handle. I'm nearing the end of a wonderful period of retreat, and when I get back to my life I want to hit the ground running. But I don't know how to make sure I don't crash and burn, and hold on the surprising amount of protective self confidence I've had since this all went down.