That fresh feeling

March 25, 2005 6:44 AM

GuyFilter : preventing that last drop.

We've all had this (I guess) : no matter how long you wait, or even how hard you shake (or even twist!) it, always you will leave the bathroom knowing that one last drop of urine is gonna soil your pretty underwear - generally when you sit back at your desk, getting that "hu ho" moment.
So, on to my question : has anyone among you found a way to prevent this last drop to happen at random, or the perfect way to "get rid of it" ? How do some of you keep "that fresh feeling" ?

posted by XiBe to Health & Fitness (67 answers total)

There is no way to avoid it that I can see. I just shake vigorously and hope for the best. I do find tighty-whities to be the most absorbent.

Somebody needs to invent the Man-pon.
posted by bondcliff at 6:48 AM on March 25, 2005

you have to reach that relaxed "ah" moment while still stood there, dick in hand. which isn't easy.
that's the only way i've found. apart from peenie pads (TM), of course </obscure(?) not the 9 o'clock news reference>
posted by andrew cooke at 6:49 AM on March 25, 2005

from some stephen king story (i forget which)

No Matter How You Squirm And Dance
The Last Two Drops Go In Your Pants
posted by sandking at 6:55 AM on March 25, 2005

I have found that just letting go of it while standing there and letting your mind drift for a moment often relaxes all the muscles involved to let go of the last bit. However, since you aren't aiming, the last drops often end up hitting the outside of your pants leg.

Or, you could just pee like a woman. ;-P
posted by mischief at 7:08 AM on March 25, 2005

This is why AskMefi needs anonymous answers.
posted by jeremias at 7:10 AM on March 25, 2005

dude, if you had a good answer, you'd post it under your own name and enjoy the adulation and thanks of half the world's population (well, maybe more than half, because it's just so not cool if you go to the bathroom before bed and then sleep in your boxers....)
posted by andrew cooke at 7:12 AM on March 25, 2005

Take a piss sitting down. When you think you're done (say, a good three seconds after that little shiver goes through you), just sit around for a bit, thinking unsexy, un-pissy thoughts. You're relaxed, the last drops drop and you're dry and happy.
posted by bunglin jones at 7:14 AM on March 25, 2005

I heard it this way:

You can shake it, squeeze it, or bang it against the wall
But you have to put it in your pants for the last drop to fall
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 7:24 AM on March 25, 2005

So wipe it with, or wrap it in, a square or two of toilet paper. That'll absorb any leakage without wetting your undies. Then next bathroom break (if you wrapped), toss the paper.
posted by orthogonality at 7:26 AM on March 25, 2005

I always go in the stall and wipe afterwards. It seems to do the trick.
posted by goatdog at 7:29 AM on March 25, 2005

Didn't Miguel ask a similar question before - I recall him saying that Portugese men almost all wipe themselves when finished. (I may be wrong)
posted by kokogiak at 7:37 AM on March 25, 2005

Relax. Forefinger underneath, thumb on top, right at the root. Squeeze, then push forward, toothpaste tube style. Shake sharply, up and DOWN. At least twice. Release. Relax, wait a few seconds to make sure a repeat is not necessary. Return old boy to nest.

Usually works.
posted by Decani at 7:42 AM on March 25, 2005

Seconded goatdog. Use the stall- anything less would be uncivilized.
posted by selfnoise at 7:43 AM on March 25, 2005

The caveat to all this, of course, is that you only get two shakes. More than that, and you're playing with it.
posted by piro at 7:53 AM on March 25, 2005

I'd like to use this opportunity to lobby garment manufacturers to not be so goddam cheap, and put a decent length zipper in the fly of men's pants. It seems about the same time the beltloops started slowly disappearing from pants, they also started reducing the length of the zippers. Now I see some folks having to totally undo the front of their pants just to take a leak (not that I look, you understand). Look, I can see where this comes from, but can't SOME things NOT be subject to the Walmart Law of Cheapness? Shake it, don't break it!
posted by ackptui at 8:00 AM on March 25, 2005

Decani is 100% correct. I actually read about how to avoid the "last drop" in Playboy when I was pretty young. It works every time and comes in handy for the other situation in which the "last drop" can be a little annoying.
posted by whatevrnvrmind at 8:15 AM on March 25, 2005

I generally find that a rapid whipping action once or twice centrifically gets it all out of there. It might take some practice though.
posted by trbrts at 8:17 AM on March 25, 2005

Shaking just disburses the last drop across the tip, but wiping is inconvenient and possibly embarrassing doing it standing up in a public bathroom.

Hold it from beginning to midstream to direct the flow but let it hang on its own when you're done. Don't rush. Follow with a little squeeze and you're done. And don't use the porthole on your undies since it tends to constrict.

Bottom line: you'll never be completely dry unless you wipe (which I won't do) but you can minimize leakage.
posted by terrier319 at 8:25 AM on March 25, 2005

Well, that's settled, now about that other issue with guys' undies... skidmarks. Is it a bad wipe job? Gas passing gone horribly awry?
posted by Jazz Hands at 8:25 AM on March 25, 2005

Seconding Decani and whatevrnvrmind, and adding the version I've heard to the theme:

You can shake it, flick it, wiggle and dance...
...but that last little drop always lands in your pants.
posted by djwudi at 8:26 AM on March 25, 2005

The only way to prevent this is to squeege all the way from hilt to tip, like a tube of toothpaste, into some toilet paper, and then mash the toilet paper around onto the head. Release, breathe, wait 10 seconds, and repeat. You will get toilet paper fibers inside the opening of your urethra, but you should minimize if not eliminate the last drops of urine.
posted by scarabic at 8:33 AM on March 25, 2005

I'd just like to note that as a (married!) woman, I had no idea men had this problem. Thanks for making my husband's dinner conversation tonight a little more embarrassing.
posted by junkbox at 8:36 AM on March 25, 2005

Should your shake method fail you, consider the hand dryer:

Gentlemen, your problems are solved. Never again will you endure this socially awkward situation. When faced with spottage, merely activate the dryer, place your hands at your sides and thrust your pelvis forward.

The hot air impacts the crotch/fly area directly, rapidly evaporating the offending discharge. No more piss on your khaki Dockers.

Try that with one of your paper towels.
posted by aladfar at 8:50 AM on March 25, 2005

I think Benjamin Franklin forgot to include these last couple of drops along with death and taxes.

C'est la vie.
posted by xmutex at 9:02 AM on March 25, 2005

Good god. I had no idea there were men who wipe their penis. That just seems... like something one might have learned from mommy as a baby and never quite grew out of. Unbecoming.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:03 AM on March 25, 2005

Second five fresh fish. Don't mean to ridicule a man who wipes, but that strikes me as a bit obsessive. For the record, I also refuse to piss sitting down, unless, of course, the room is spinning after a long night out.
posted by terrier319 at 9:10 AM on March 25, 2005

Hmm, whatevrnvrmind, I coulda sworn reading a different strategy from the same source; it involves a quick prod to the shaft in the 'taint' area, I suppose to the prostrate? I find this to be pretty efficacious.
posted by kimota at 9:11 AM on March 25, 2005

Wring it with both hands, as you would a wet sock.
This is a sure-fire way to rid yourself of persistent post-pee pecker drip.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:12 AM on March 25, 2005

Nah. I always dealt with the two drops until one day I though "Well, why not wipe?". Problem solved. Life's so much easier without all that bullshit machismo, anyhow.
posted by squidlarkin at 9:13 AM on March 25, 2005

If a hand dryer is unavailable, I will lay it across a dish rack for a few minutes. If I'm at a bar, I'll just use a coaster.
posted by horsewithnoname at 9:14 AM on March 25, 2005

I subscribe to the toothpaste tube method for the most part. I think that I read this technique in Men's Health some time ago. The muscle that expels the last drops of urine from urethra can sort of trap some urine behind it. Expelling the last bit can be helped along by relaxing and applying a little pressure along the perineum from about halfway back to front with a finger. This can be accomplished discreetly at a urinal, by the way.
posted by KrustyKlingon at 9:21 AM on March 25, 2005

This horse walks into a bar ...
posted by mischief at 9:30 AM on March 25, 2005

I'd add that I always wipe if I'm in a stall. The "squeeze 'n' shake" method is for urinals, when no paper is handy. To those who find wiping somehow unmanly, I have no response. Well, I do, but I suspect you'll get a more effective one from ladies unfortunate enough to receive the benefits of your macho disdain for genital hygiene.
posted by Decani at 9:33 AM on March 25, 2005

Yup, use a little tissue paper. I go into the stall anyway (my mantra - why stand when you can sit?), and this is the ONLY way I've ever solved this problem.

Unmanly? Seriously folks . . .
posted by tr33hggr at 9:39 AM on March 25, 2005

At home, I always - always - sit down to pee. So much more comfortable, no droplets to gross out the wife, and I can wipe myself dry. Why this is seen as undignified I have no idea. At work it depends on how much of a hurry I'm in, but I'd much prefer to sit.

On preview:what tr33hggr said.
posted by schoolgirl report at 9:40 AM on March 25, 2005

as a woman, I just want to echo Decani. It's, just, really dumb, to think that hygiene is "unmanly"! If your sexual identity is reduced by the mode in which you relieve yourself, you're really letting external expectations define you way too much.
posted by mdn at 10:14 AM on March 25, 2005

hygiene? you saying it's unhealthy somehow to have an extra, ahem, drop? lady, i ain't getting yeast infections, running to the doctor every other moment, or worrying which way to wipe. ok?
posted by andrew cooke at 10:25 AM on March 25, 2005

Game on!
posted by Decani at 10:28 AM on March 25, 2005

You can leave as much urine on your penis as you want, but don't be surprised if you find it hard to find a female who wants to put her mouth on that. I mean, would you want to give oral pleasure to a woman who didn't wipe?
posted by beth at 10:31 AM on March 25, 2005

Or, to be inclusive, to anyone who doesn't wipe?
posted by idest at 10:38 AM on March 25, 2005

Yes, sorry, I should have used gender-neutral language.

s/female/person/

s/her/their/

s/woman/person/
posted by beth at 10:39 AM on March 25, 2005

As for the original question: Isn't that what the guy at the counter with the towel is for?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:43 AM on March 25, 2005

I hear he gets a lot of tips.
posted by idest at 10:44 AM on March 25, 2005

Thanks, idest. I was hoping someone would pick up my set (so to speak).
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:49 AM on March 25, 2005

hygiene? you saying it's unhealthy somehow to have an extra, ahem, drop? lady, i ain't getting yeast infections, running to the doctor every other moment, or worrying which way to wipe. ok?

I've no particular interest in discussing whether a drop of pee is sufficient cause for declaring uncleanliness, but if you are specifically not cleaning up because it's unmanly you've got your priorities wrong. If you honestly consider it unnecessary or obsessive, like super anti-bacterial soap, that's a different argument, which I think has been done enough times that we can skip it :).
posted by mdn at 10:50 AM on March 25, 2005

I just wipe it on my sock.
posted by Carbolic at 11:07 AM on March 25, 2005

One of the very few things that men have over women is the ability to comfortably stand while urinating (go on a backpacking trip with several women to gain a true appreciation of this). To give this up by sitting and wiping goes against the most fundamental tenets of our sex. Shame on all of you!

As the women are smarter, more creative, and better able to withstand intense pain and duress, we men must capitalize on our limited assets. Stand up for God's sake!
posted by aladfar at 11:13 AM on March 25, 2005

It's, just, really dumb, to think that hygiene is "unmanly"!

*sneezes, wipes nose on shirt-tail*

blasphemer.
posted by jonmc at 11:27 AM on March 25, 2005

beth - for what it's worth it's never even crossed my mind to worry about whether or not 'she wipes". and i can honestly say that, now that the issue is raised, i don't care. does any man here care? seems like wiping (urine) or not doesn't much change the general squiffiness of things down there, at least to me.
posted by andrew cooke at 11:50 AM on March 25, 2005

andrew: the "general squiffiness" of things down there? You're going to be fighting the ladies off now, you grimy pheromone wizard.
posted by Decani at 12:18 PM on March 25, 2005

Or lads. He said, in case of mistaken assumption...
posted by Decani at 12:24 PM on March 25, 2005

You know this has bothered me recently cause IT DIDN'T USED TO BE A PROBLEM. Sometime in the last year or two I've been having these droppage issues and it pisses me off. Is it a getting older thing?
posted by aspo at 12:48 PM on March 25, 2005

Yes. Once you hit 30, your hose becomes a sprinkler system.

I'll also admit that I sit down to pee more often than I used to. Mainly for the rest.
posted by jonmc at 12:50 PM on March 25, 2005

I'm still holding the opinion that wiping is a mommy habit. But, then, hell: I was once in a stall when the guy shitting beside me got up, faced the toilet and wiped his ass. Only thing I can imagine is that that's the position he assumed when mommy did the job. Ugh.

Now, sitting? It's for the truly lazy among us (unless it's nighttime, when it just makes solid sense to leave the lights off: then it's practical.) And, yes, I sit probably half the time or more: I am utterly lazy about peeing. Plus, it shakes out better. Hate it when it touches water or porcelain, though. Ugh.

Maybe the wiping thing is a habit by the uncircumcized...?
posted by five fresh fish at 12:59 PM on March 25, 2005

unless it's nighttime, when it just makes solid sense to leave the lights off: then it's practical.

What of the manly practice of echo-location? Porcelain . . . porcelain . . . floor . . . porcelain . . . water . . . bulls eye!
posted by aladfar at 2:03 PM on March 25, 2005

five fresh fish, that's a crowded stall
posted by paul_smatatoes at 2:26 PM on March 25, 2005

Can we back up a bit? The original question includes this: "no matter... how hard you shake (or even twist!) it..." and later there's this: "Wring it with both hands, as you would a wet sock." Please reassure me that nobody wrings his chicken's neck. Just joking, right?
posted by booth at 2:39 PM on March 25, 2005

?? After I'm done I just er, *clench* to make that last drop big enough that when I shake, it takes it's friends with it.

/or is there something wrong with me?
posted by PurplePorpoise at 3:07 PM on March 25, 2005

The only sure way to know you're clean is to follow up a pee by bathing in scorching hot water with a capful of bleach.

(By the way folks, just an FYI: urine is sterile.)
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 3:15 PM on March 25, 2005

(By the way folks, just an FYI: urine is sterile.)

... as it leaves your bladder - all bets are off if there are critters in your urethra.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 3:30 PM on March 25, 2005

Do more Kegels, and get a good seat for your bicycle (and remember to ride back on your pelvis bones). I think it's beer intake + age myself (I'm 43, and just had the phenomenon appear a year or two ago; it comes in infrequent spells). There are support groups available in your area.
posted by rleamon at 3:31 PM on March 25, 2005

To return to the original question: realize that the tube to be evacuated goes all the way back to just in front of the rectum. (Otherwise, an "erection" would hang down.) Place fingertips along tube in this area (between rectum and in front of testicles) and press. A satisfying few drops unavailable to muscular techniques will come forth (at least, if you're me). Shake, clothe, and bear away penis to new adventures.
posted by Aknaton at 4:35 PM on March 25, 2005

btw, sirmissalot: urine is an excellent material for feeding and breeding eldritch bacteria of many kinds. Or didn't you do that agar jelly/petri dish experiment at school?
posted by Decani at 5:49 PM on March 25, 2005

Sock it, and reap the residual adoring stares of wonderment.....
posted by lometogo at 2:35 PM on March 26, 2005

And, yes, I sit probably half the time or more: I am utterly lazy about peeing. Plus, it shakes out better. Hate it when it touches water or porcelain, though. Ugh.

You're sitting on the toilet, and it's hitting water? Mister, you're a better man than I.
posted by cortex at 9:27 PM on March 26, 2005

I've found the best way to handle this is to wear black pants.

I might be giving away too much, but I usually pee sitting down. It's because when I first start to go, it shoots randomly off to the side, then changes directions at the end. To stand up is to risk spraying all over the bathroom.

And once, a girl who wasn't wise to the world accused me of peeing myself because of drip spots. I was really really fucking embarrased.
posted by drezdn at 8:13 AM on April 19, 2005

This subject has always struck close to home. I'm "gifted" with two holes down there, and I literally cannot pee standing up without having one of the streams splashing the wall, the floor, or myself.

All those people saying that peeing standing up is some hallmark of manliness really, really piss me off. It's a goddamn natural evacuation process, your balls don't shrink to half their size if you sit down, gosh.
posted by splice at 8:29 AM on April 19, 2005