You don't know me?
August 19, 2010 8:00 PM Subscribe
I have a fear that people will perceive my intentions as the exact opposite of what they really are. I'm scared the people who I feel friendly towards will perceive me as hostile, rude, or uncaring. I worry that those I love the most will think I don't care. What the heck is my problem? And what can I do to straighten myself out?
posted by chocolatemilkshakes to grab bag (8 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I have this problem all the time. I finally had a eureka moment, realizing all the instances that share this issue, and it is all over my life. To give you examples of what I mean:
I just had a new roommate move in at school. She seems really nice, I'd love to be friends, and I know that being new to school and far from home it would be good for her as well if I were friendly.
Inside I *feel* friendly towards her. And I am trying to act that way. But I fear I come across as closed. I'm pretty awkward with new people. I'm always odd when I don't know the exact protocol for a situation. I worry, should I sit and talk and ask questions for a long time? Should I give her space and let her get settled, with conversations here and there? The outcome is always that I feel I am doing the wrong thing, in this case the totally unfriendly thing.
Another situation is my family. Whenever I visit home I want them to know I love spending time with them, and love them. But I always feel like I am not getting the message across right. I often have to work and feel like they don't know I wish I could spend more quality time with them. When I do one uncaring, or unthoughtful thing, it makes me feel like they won't understand I would do anything for them.
The list goes on and on. Why do I think people are getting a vibe from me that is opposite of what I truly feel? And why the things that I care about and am deeply invested in?
If I feel extremely kind feelings toward a person, is it likely they feel I'm cold towards them?
Thanks for you thoughts.