I wanna stop washing that gray right outta my hair!
August 16, 2010 8:57 AM Subscribe
Should I let my hair go gray? And if so, what's the best way to go about it?
More details: I'm 36, and my hair is naturally very dark (almost black) and curly. I started going gray when I was in my early twenties, and have been coloring it for the past few years. Lately when the roots start showing I've noticed that my hair is getting to be 50/50 gray-black, and the gray that comes in is a nice silver color. I've known a few women who've really been able to rock the salt-n-pepper hair, and I'd like to give it a try, because it's such a pain to have to keep dying it all the time.
So my questions are:
1. What drawbacks could there be to being a youngish woman with gray hair?
2. How can I let the gray grow out without looking sloppy? I don't want to chop off all my hair (it's almost shoulder length when it's dry), so I was thinking of using semi-permanent dye until the permanent dye grows out.
Any other advice or anecdotes about going gray are welcome too!
More details: I'm 36, and my hair is naturally very dark (almost black) and curly. I started going gray when I was in my early twenties, and have been coloring it for the past few years. Lately when the roots start showing I've noticed that my hair is getting to be 50/50 gray-black, and the gray that comes in is a nice silver color. I've known a few women who've really been able to rock the salt-n-pepper hair, and I'd like to give it a try, because it's such a pain to have to keep dying it all the time.
So my questions are:
1. What drawbacks could there be to being a youngish woman with gray hair?
2. How can I let the gray grow out without looking sloppy? I don't want to chop off all my hair (it's almost shoulder length when it's dry), so I was thinking of using semi-permanent dye until the permanent dye grows out.
Any other advice or anecdotes about going gray are welcome too!
1. What drawbacks could there be to being a youngish woman with gray hair?
None.
2. How can I let the gray grow out without looking sloppy?
Just let it grow out naturally. At some point it might look a little awkward for a week or two. Fiddling about with it will make the awkward period longer.
posted by flabdablet at 9:05 AM on August 16, 2010
None.
2. How can I let the gray grow out without looking sloppy?
Just let it grow out naturally. At some point it might look a little awkward for a week or two. Fiddling about with it will make the awkward period longer.
posted by flabdablet at 9:05 AM on August 16, 2010
I love having salt and pepper hair. To answer your questions:
1. It is less and less common for women to let themselves go gray, so you'll be a bit of an oddity. Also, you lose some sex appeal -- some people just think gray hair is aging. So those are drawbacks.
2. I'd suggest you do make friends with a hair dresser who can help shape your hair while the gray is growing out. As it grows out, the length can go back to what you prefer. (I'm a little longer than chin length myself.) Alternately, put your hair up or back a lot until it has grown out. I was big on ponytails and french twists and buns.
posted by bearwife at 9:09 AM on August 16, 2010
1. It is less and less common for women to let themselves go gray, so you'll be a bit of an oddity. Also, you lose some sex appeal -- some people just think gray hair is aging. So those are drawbacks.
2. I'd suggest you do make friends with a hair dresser who can help shape your hair while the gray is growing out. As it grows out, the length can go back to what you prefer. (I'm a little longer than chin length myself.) Alternately, put your hair up or back a lot until it has grown out. I was big on ponytails and french twists and buns.
posted by bearwife at 9:09 AM on August 16, 2010
I think salt and pepper hair is beautiful. At 46, my hair is slowly graying, and I wish it were going faster (maybe I need more stress in my life. . .). That said, friends who have transitioned from dying hair to natural go to quality salons who will deal with this with subtle cutting and highlights (gray) over a few sessions until your natural hair matches, essentially, what the highlights have done.
posted by Pineapplicious at 9:12 AM on August 16, 2010
posted by Pineapplicious at 9:12 AM on August 16, 2010
If your hair is a nice silver or salt-and-pepper, as opposed to ashy or mousy, gray is fine, depending on your field. Kathleen Sebelius has done just fine with her gray hair, but if you are in a field where workers are expected to be young or at least hip, you might want to reconsider.
It's important, if you're gray, to make sure your makeup is impeccable (no bare face on the one hand or Tammy Faye on the other), your wardrobe stylish and up-to-date, and your haircut well-maintained, otherwise you will look dowdy even if your hair is a beautiful color.
As for growing out the gray, ask your hairdresser about semi-permanent color that can blend in your outgrowth and the old hair color.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:19 AM on August 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
It's important, if you're gray, to make sure your makeup is impeccable (no bare face on the one hand or Tammy Faye on the other), your wardrobe stylish and up-to-date, and your haircut well-maintained, otherwise you will look dowdy even if your hair is a beautiful color.
As for growing out the gray, ask your hairdresser about semi-permanent color that can blend in your outgrowth and the old hair color.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:19 AM on August 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Mrs. Quizicalcoatl has about a 50/50 mix of silver and dark brown hair and she's professionally successful (in response to Jacqueline) and incredibly sexy (in response to bearwife's first point and seconding Pineapplicious).
As far as advice about how to grow it out, I can't help with that - but if you're ever going bald, I'm your man!
Bottom-line: Do whatever you're comfortable with. There will always be someone who doesn't like your hair and there will always be someone who will love it.
posted by Quizicalcoatl at 9:19 AM on August 16, 2010 [5 favorites]
As far as advice about how to grow it out, I can't help with that - but if you're ever going bald, I'm your man!
Bottom-line: Do whatever you're comfortable with. There will always be someone who doesn't like your hair and there will always be someone who will love it.
posted by Quizicalcoatl at 9:19 AM on August 16, 2010 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I am 32. I started getting gray hair when I was 23 and I am now pretty much solidly salt-and-pepper (my natural hair color is a medium brown). I recently began letting the color grow out of my hair for some of the same reasons you're suggesting and also because I've been watching my mom go completely silver. Her hair looks beautiful and she gets tons of compliments on it. Her face is completely unlined, so a lot of people think she's much younger than she is, even with the silver.
So, for #2 first:
First, I switched from salon highlights to all-over color done at home and processed for about 5 minutes fewer than recommended. After a few rounds of that, I switched the all-over color I was using to a more gentle, non-ammonia formula by the same manufacturer and in the same color. After a few rounds of that, I switched to a semi-permanent formula, again by the same manufacturer and in the same color. This has been over the last 18 months. The salon color was gone within 6 months -- you couldn't even see remnants. Since everything on top of that was the same color, it's just been growing out very nicely and gradually.
Now, to be fair, I had a chin-length bob when this started and I've been cutting shorter and shorter during this process. (I now have a short pixie cut.) But even before I started getting it cut radically shorter, the growing out process was going well. YMMV, of course -- I have been using a warm reddish brown color, and those tend to fade fast anyway, so I haven't had a strong root line at any point in this process.
As for #1, I have also had concerns about looking older than I am, especially because I'm in the early years of a second career and competing for jobs with people several years younger than me. But I haven't found that the gray really ages me in any significant way. Now, this is probably at least in part due to good skin and a petite stature -- I just look young in general. But I've also found that having a more youthful haircut offsets some of the aging effect of the gray. A good stylist can help you figure this out, as bearwife suggests.
posted by devinemissk at 9:25 AM on August 16, 2010
So, for #2 first:
First, I switched from salon highlights to all-over color done at home and processed for about 5 minutes fewer than recommended. After a few rounds of that, I switched the all-over color I was using to a more gentle, non-ammonia formula by the same manufacturer and in the same color. After a few rounds of that, I switched to a semi-permanent formula, again by the same manufacturer and in the same color. This has been over the last 18 months. The salon color was gone within 6 months -- you couldn't even see remnants. Since everything on top of that was the same color, it's just been growing out very nicely and gradually.
Now, to be fair, I had a chin-length bob when this started and I've been cutting shorter and shorter during this process. (I now have a short pixie cut.) But even before I started getting it cut radically shorter, the growing out process was going well. YMMV, of course -- I have been using a warm reddish brown color, and those tend to fade fast anyway, so I haven't had a strong root line at any point in this process.
As for #1, I have also had concerns about looking older than I am, especially because I'm in the early years of a second career and competing for jobs with people several years younger than me. But I haven't found that the gray really ages me in any significant way. Now, this is probably at least in part due to good skin and a petite stature -- I just look young in general. But I've also found that having a more youthful haircut offsets some of the aging effect of the gray. A good stylist can help you figure this out, as bearwife suggests.
posted by devinemissk at 9:25 AM on August 16, 2010
Make sure that it's even all over your head--if the front is salt and pepper and the back is still dark at the roots, keep coloring.
If you're going to have gray hair, everything else needs to be fabulous! Cut, jewelry, etc., otherwise, most women end up looking dowdy (sad but true.)
posted by Ideefixe at 9:25 AM on August 16, 2010
If you're going to have gray hair, everything else needs to be fabulous! Cut, jewelry, etc., otherwise, most women end up looking dowdy (sad but true.)
posted by Ideefixe at 9:25 AM on August 16, 2010
The transition from colored to natural will far easier, and less jarring, now than it will be 10 years from now. Just let it go.
posted by Thorzdad at 9:26 AM on August 16, 2010
posted by Thorzdad at 9:26 AM on August 16, 2010
Best answer: I let my hair go gray a few years ago, and so far have not regretted it. It came in as silver and white streaks in my ash blonde hair, and I like it way better than I liked my youthful natural color which was kind of blah.
My hair was long at the time and I'd been dying it a noticeably different color than my natural color, so in order to avoid the stripe I wound up cutting my hair short to get rid of the brown. (I've since grown it long again because I discovered that on me, short gray hair looks grandmotherly.)
I'm not sure if the semi-perm color method would work well or not, I'd be concerned about the dye staining the white hair permanently. I'd talk to a colorist about that. One method I've heard of some women using is to have their hair streaked to blend the growing-in hair with the colored hair.
Some of the advice I've read about going gray I disagree with. You don't have to be skinny, you don't have to dress "classy", and you don't have to keep your hair cut "short and chic" to make gray hair work. But you do need to dress and groom yourself attractively with some sort of style, because the downside to gray is that it can make you look frumpy and much older if you are a person whose style of dress is plain.
You also have to be prepared for some people to think you are older than you are. For some people, no matter how great you look they are going to see silver hair and think "older lady". If you don't think you can have a sense of humor about this, then you're not going to be happy gray. On the other hand, a lot of people find gray hair very sexy (or chic, or striking) particularly on a young person. So you may find yourself getting more attention in that way.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 9:32 AM on August 16, 2010
My hair was long at the time and I'd been dying it a noticeably different color than my natural color, so in order to avoid the stripe I wound up cutting my hair short to get rid of the brown. (I've since grown it long again because I discovered that on me, short gray hair looks grandmotherly.)
I'm not sure if the semi-perm color method would work well or not, I'd be concerned about the dye staining the white hair permanently. I'd talk to a colorist about that. One method I've heard of some women using is to have their hair streaked to blend the growing-in hair with the colored hair.
Some of the advice I've read about going gray I disagree with. You don't have to be skinny, you don't have to dress "classy", and you don't have to keep your hair cut "short and chic" to make gray hair work. But you do need to dress and groom yourself attractively with some sort of style, because the downside to gray is that it can make you look frumpy and much older if you are a person whose style of dress is plain.
You also have to be prepared for some people to think you are older than you are. For some people, no matter how great you look they are going to see silver hair and think "older lady". If you don't think you can have a sense of humor about this, then you're not going to be happy gray. On the other hand, a lot of people find gray hair very sexy (or chic, or striking) particularly on a young person. So you may find yourself getting more attention in that way.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 9:32 AM on August 16, 2010
Best answer: Going Grey Looking Great was the site my sister used when at 42 she decided to stop coloring her hair.
She took an intermediate step of having lowlights put into her hair to avoid the "skunk streak" look, but for about 8 months, it was obvious she had stopped coloring (not bad, just obvious).
She's much happier with her hair now, although she thought (based on her roots) it would come in more silvery but it's a mousy brown with a lot of gray. She's still happy with it.
The only caveat is that she now wears eyeliner, mascara, lipstick and bronzer (she was makeup-free as a brunette) because otherwise, she looks very washed out.
And people do think she looks older now.
posted by dzaz at 9:35 AM on August 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
She took an intermediate step of having lowlights put into her hair to avoid the "skunk streak" look, but for about 8 months, it was obvious she had stopped coloring (not bad, just obvious).
She's much happier with her hair now, although she thought (based on her roots) it would come in more silvery but it's a mousy brown with a lot of gray. She's still happy with it.
The only caveat is that she now wears eyeliner, mascara, lipstick and bronzer (she was makeup-free as a brunette) because otherwise, she looks very washed out.
And people do think she looks older now.
posted by dzaz at 9:35 AM on August 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Earlier this year it was apparently trendy to streak your hair with gray.
Other than that, I just think of Emmy Lou Harris, who has this awesome silver anime hair, and I kind of want it. Go for it if you're comfortable. If you're not, the lucky thing is you can always go back. My mom has been dying her hair for ages, and she just keeps getting lighter over time - I'm not sure if she will ever let herself go truly gray - so much of her identity is tied up in being a redhead - but it makes her happy. Point being, make yourself happy and you'll be fine.
posted by Medieval Maven at 9:40 AM on August 16, 2010
Other than that, I just think of Emmy Lou Harris, who has this awesome silver anime hair, and I kind of want it. Go for it if you're comfortable. If you're not, the lucky thing is you can always go back. My mom has been dying her hair for ages, and she just keeps getting lighter over time - I'm not sure if she will ever let herself go truly gray - so much of her identity is tied up in being a redhead - but it makes her happy. Point being, make yourself happy and you'll be fine.
posted by Medieval Maven at 9:40 AM on August 16, 2010
I'm a man, so it's be easier for me to accept my grey hair. That, and I've had it since I was 15 (30 now). Having never dyed my hair I don't know how to grow it out. It will look a little weird sometimes, but I think you'll be happy afterwards.
I find women with grey hair to be very attractive. Of course, it's probably related to my own early greying but who wants to get into psychological reasons of attractions.
It also, to me anyway, shows a huge level of confidence. And that's always attractive.
The only drawback I can think of is if your face hasn't aged well. Please, I don't mean anything by that all. It's just that grey hair is associated with aging and if your face isn't youthful then you will look older. If you've taken care of yourself, have good genes, or just lucky I think you'll look great.
posted by damionbroadaway at 9:45 AM on August 16, 2010
I find women with grey hair to be very attractive. Of course, it's probably related to my own early greying but who wants to get into psychological reasons of attractions.
It also, to me anyway, shows a huge level of confidence. And that's always attractive.
The only drawback I can think of is if your face hasn't aged well. Please, I don't mean anything by that all. It's just that grey hair is associated with aging and if your face isn't youthful then you will look older. If you've taken care of yourself, have good genes, or just lucky I think you'll look great.
posted by damionbroadaway at 9:45 AM on August 16, 2010
I had black hair, and have never colored it. There's some black at the very back but it's mostly silver - white with threads of black. It does make me look older, and I consider coloring it. I do get a lot of compliments; it's striking. I use a silicon-based shine gel that makes it more manageable and the shine makes it more silver and not dull. Try the semi-transparent color; I suspect it will help the transition.
posted by theora55 at 9:51 AM on August 16, 2010
posted by theora55 at 9:51 AM on August 16, 2010
There's such tremendous appearance discrimination against women, especially older women.
In fact, you may find the opposite. Some may find you less attractive, sure, though this isn't at all true in general. I think salt-and-pepper hair is rather sexy myself. Regardless, many women of my aquaintance who have let themselves go gray find that they get taken more seriously at work and that their opinions carry more weight.
I'd try it. You can always dye your hair again.
posted by bonehead at 9:55 AM on August 16, 2010
In fact, you may find the opposite. Some may find you less attractive, sure, though this isn't at all true in general. I think salt-and-pepper hair is rather sexy myself. Regardless, many women of my aquaintance who have let themselves go gray find that they get taken more seriously at work and that their opinions carry more weight.
I'd try it. You can always dye your hair again.
posted by bonehead at 9:55 AM on August 16, 2010
This More Magazine article seconds what a lot of folks have been saying about the hotness of silver vixens.
posted by annaramma at 9:58 AM on August 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by annaramma at 9:58 AM on August 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
I'm 32, female, with a pretty substantial amount of gray in my hair, though not yet 50-50 (my first gray hairs emerged in high school). I actually get compliments on it pretty frequently, I like it, and I'm too lazy and cheap to color it. For what it's worth, other than the gray hair I have a pretty youthful appearance (minimal facial lines, etc.) and I feel like that makes it "safer" for me to go gray. My underlying hair color is medium ashy brown.
You might look good with gray hair or you might not, but as you say, you're giving it a try - if you don't like the way it looks you can just dye it again!
No tips on how to grow it out - how long is your hair now? If it's very curly and you don't want to sacrifice length in the meantime it will probably take a long time to grow out.
posted by mskyle at 10:00 AM on August 16, 2010
You might look good with gray hair or you might not, but as you say, you're giving it a try - if you don't like the way it looks you can just dye it again!
No tips on how to grow it out - how long is your hair now? If it's very curly and you don't want to sacrifice length in the meantime it will probably take a long time to grow out.
posted by mskyle at 10:00 AM on August 16, 2010
A 50ish female friend who was looking for (and has landed) a new job in the Bay Area found she got a lot more positive response during and after interviews when she dyed her hair to hide the gray.
Gray hair is strongly associated with age by a lot of people: are you okay with being perceived as older than you are by people on first meeting?
posted by thatdawnperson at 10:05 AM on August 16, 2010
Gray hair is strongly associated with age by a lot of people: are you okay with being perceived as older than you are by people on first meeting?
posted by thatdawnperson at 10:05 AM on August 16, 2010
I have some gray hair (a man). People frequently comment on how great it is and ask me if it is real. I've been very surprised at how many people tell me that it looks great (almost strangers have done it). Of course it they didn't like it they wouldn't tell me, but I don't usually get comments about any other physical characteristics.
posted by a womble is an active kind of sloth at 10:07 AM on August 16, 2010
posted by a womble is an active kind of sloth at 10:07 AM on August 16, 2010
In my limited experience, men get a bigger pass on the grey hair thing than do women. Not advocating it, just noting it.
posted by adipocere at 10:12 AM on August 16, 2010
posted by adipocere at 10:12 AM on August 16, 2010
Best answer: A 50ish female friend who was looking for (and has landed) a new job in the Bay Area found she got a lot more positive response during and after interviews when she dyed her hair to hide the gray.
Thatdawnperson: I live in the Bay Area, and this is one reason I dye my (prematurely gray) hair. The Bay Area is heavily reliant on computer and high-tech (read: image-conscious) industries. If the OP doesn't live on the east or west coast, and is looking in a more traditional industry, gray might not matter nearly as much and might indeed give her added gravitas. So YMMV.
And to build on something Serene Empress Dork noted: gray hair and a plain style don't really mix well. (In fact, even without gray hair, IME it's harder to pull off the "fresh-scrubbed look" as one gets older.) If your style is no makeup, little or no jewelry, serviceable but not fashionable clothing - gray is MUCH harder to pull off successfully.
OP needs to consider where she lives, in what industry she works, and what her style is while asking "gray - yea or nay." Because gray can be super-glamorous and professional-looking if done right, but it's not for everyone.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 10:33 AM on August 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Thatdawnperson: I live in the Bay Area, and this is one reason I dye my (prematurely gray) hair. The Bay Area is heavily reliant on computer and high-tech (read: image-conscious) industries. If the OP doesn't live on the east or west coast, and is looking in a more traditional industry, gray might not matter nearly as much and might indeed give her added gravitas. So YMMV.
And to build on something Serene Empress Dork noted: gray hair and a plain style don't really mix well. (In fact, even without gray hair, IME it's harder to pull off the "fresh-scrubbed look" as one gets older.) If your style is no makeup, little or no jewelry, serviceable but not fashionable clothing - gray is MUCH harder to pull off successfully.
OP needs to consider where she lives, in what industry she works, and what her style is while asking "gray - yea or nay." Because gray can be super-glamorous and professional-looking if done right, but it's not for everyone.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 10:33 AM on August 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
If you're going to have gray hair, everything else needs to be fabulous! Cut, jewelry, etc., otherwise, most women end up looking dowdy (sad but true.)
I have to agree with this. Like you, I'm 36 and probably at least 50/50 gray. I tried letting it grow out, but when I looked in the mirror all I saw was DOWDY DOWDY DOWDY (I almost never wear makeup, my hair styling is basically "dry with a towel, comb a part into it and go" and my fashion sense is basically "black goes with everything, right?")
So basically, I couldn't rock it, and started dyeing it again not too long ago.
posted by Lucinda at 10:33 AM on August 16, 2010
I have to agree with this. Like you, I'm 36 and probably at least 50/50 gray. I tried letting it grow out, but when I looked in the mirror all I saw was DOWDY DOWDY DOWDY (I almost never wear makeup, my hair styling is basically "dry with a towel, comb a part into it and go" and my fashion sense is basically "black goes with everything, right?")
So basically, I couldn't rock it, and started dyeing it again not too long ago.
posted by Lucinda at 10:33 AM on August 16, 2010
Mrs. Quizicalcoatl has about a 50/50 mix of silver and dark brown hair and she's professionally successful (in response to Jacqueline) and incredibly sexy (in response to bearwife's first point and seconding Pineapplicious).
Mr. and Mrs. Quizicalcoatl sound as though they look a lot like Mr. and Mrs. Bearwife! I am professionally where I want to be too, and my dear hubby tells me I am a "stone fox," but I don't get the same hubba hubba response from younger men that I used to when I dyed my hair. I don't miss it a bit, and like the gravitas as well as the unusualness of having silver and dark hair, but it's just a reaction I've noticed.
posted by bearwife at 10:36 AM on August 16, 2010
Mr. and Mrs. Quizicalcoatl sound as though they look a lot like Mr. and Mrs. Bearwife! I am professionally where I want to be too, and my dear hubby tells me I am a "stone fox," but I don't get the same hubba hubba response from younger men that I used to when I dyed my hair. I don't miss it a bit, and like the gravitas as well as the unusualness of having silver and dark hair, but it's just a reaction I've noticed.
posted by bearwife at 10:36 AM on August 16, 2010
I don't think it's a good idea. There's such tremendous appearance discrimination against women, especially older women.
...which is perpetuated when attractive, vital women hide their naturally graying hair under haircolor instead of rocking a naturally attractive, vital look.
posted by applemeat at 10:36 AM on August 16, 2010 [13 favorites]
...which is perpetuated when attractive, vital women hide their naturally graying hair under haircolor instead of rocking a naturally attractive, vital look.
posted by applemeat at 10:36 AM on August 16, 2010 [13 favorites]
P.S. I've started wearing some different wardrobe colors since I went natural -- I now wear more silver and pale gray, along with brighter colors to set them off, and I wear more silver jewelry too. You can do some fun things with your clothes and jewelry when you have salt and pepper hair.
posted by bearwife at 10:38 AM on August 16, 2010
posted by bearwife at 10:38 AM on August 16, 2010
My whole family has the premature gray thing. My mother started coloring her hair to cover the gray at 22. At 45, she decided to go gray, because she'd been coloring her hair for half her life. She worked with her colorist to lighten it gradually until she could just let it go. It took maybe six months. Her gray is a really sparkly silver-white, very nice kind of gray.
Fast forward twenty years. At 65, she commented that she regretted going gray when she did. At 45, she was not old, but she said that as soon as she went gray people started treating her like an old woman. She said if she could do it over again she would have waited at least another 10 years.
All three of her daughters inherited the premature gray gene. Two of us cover it, one of us does not, and her brown hair is sprinkled with salt and pepper. I was out to dinner a few years ago with my sister who does not cover the gray. She is six years older than me chronologically. The server commented on how she could tell we were mother and daughter because of the resemblance between us.
Yeah. Random strangers thought my six-years-older-than-me sister was my mother. So if you can handle that kind of thing, great.
posted by ambrosia at 10:44 AM on August 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Fast forward twenty years. At 65, she commented that she regretted going gray when she did. At 45, she was not old, but she said that as soon as she went gray people started treating her like an old woman. She said if she could do it over again she would have waited at least another 10 years.
All three of her daughters inherited the premature gray gene. Two of us cover it, one of us does not, and her brown hair is sprinkled with salt and pepper. I was out to dinner a few years ago with my sister who does not cover the gray. She is six years older than me chronologically. The server commented on how she could tell we were mother and daughter because of the resemblance between us.
Yeah. Random strangers thought my six-years-older-than-me sister was my mother. So if you can handle that kind of thing, great.
posted by ambrosia at 10:44 AM on August 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
I admit that I tend to use gray as a shortcut to gauge age, often incorrectly. It's just something my mind does without me thinking about it. I have two coworkers, one naturally gray and one who dyes, and I was SHOCKED to find out the gray-haired coworker was about ten years younger than the dyed-hair coworker. In my mind gray=old, and I can't seem to help it. Just my $0.02 -- I don't think I'm the only one who thinks this way.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:59 AM on August 16, 2010
posted by rabbitrabbit at 10:59 AM on August 16, 2010
I'm actually really surprised by these responses! I thought people would be more supportive of going gray early....Personally I think its kind of sexy....so does my partner who asks me all the time to just grow in the grays...However...I just turned 27 years old and have not made the change. Currently my hair is about 50/50 gray to dark brown and I do lowlights, highlights and cover the remaining with my natural color to hide the grays. Mostly I do this because my hair is long and it would take forever and that I am getting married in 9 months and do not want to be a silver bride. My mom at 62 finally grew out her hair and it is now a nice silver color and it actually has made her look MUCH younger. I think because she was dyeing it dark brown and the loss of pigmentation in her skin exasperated her aging process. I will probably go gray within the next ten years because looking older is better for my business (therapist) and its a pain in the ass to color all the time...not to mention expensive.
I have read numerous blogs about this process and the one thing that really made me rethink my plan of going gray in the next few years is to hear women talk about going through the whole process of growing out their hair only to hate it and starting dyeing it again. I do not want that. Best of luck!
posted by janelikes at 11:12 AM on August 16, 2010
I have read numerous blogs about this process and the one thing that really made me rethink my plan of going gray in the next few years is to hear women talk about going through the whole process of growing out their hair only to hate it and starting dyeing it again. I do not want that. Best of luck!
posted by janelikes at 11:12 AM on August 16, 2010
I have completely silver hair and am 49 - haven't dyed it in years. I went gray young and my hair doesn't take dye well so that made the decision easy. I'm not a terribly make-up oriented person but make sure I have a good cut and that my hair is in great shape. I get a lot of compliments on my hair - partly due to my great stylist. I'm an artist and tend to dress funky and go for interesting earrings. I have no doubt that it makes me look older and probably has been a negative at times but for me it's a political statement, sheer lack of time and interest to spend on it and the fact that my hair just plain doesn't hold dye well so I just aim to rock my silver.
posted by leslies at 11:18 AM on August 16, 2010
posted by leslies at 11:18 AM on August 16, 2010
I (female) love gray/salt and pepper hair. I have a 24 year old friend (male) who has been graying for years and he looks great. I have a 27 year old friend (female) who has been graying for years and she looks great.
If you have a stylish cut and look sharp in how you dress and carry yourself, you're going to look great no matter what color your hair is. Some people might judge you, but personally I'd prefer the ease of not constantly worrying about roots showing to making other people more comfortable.
Part of me is sad that no one in my family seems to go gray ever (parents are both mid-late 50s and nothing), and I'm actually a little bit jealous of people with gorgeous salt and pepper hair.
posted by phunniemee at 11:20 AM on August 16, 2010
If you have a stylish cut and look sharp in how you dress and carry yourself, you're going to look great no matter what color your hair is. Some people might judge you, but personally I'd prefer the ease of not constantly worrying about roots showing to making other people more comfortable.
Part of me is sad that no one in my family seems to go gray ever (parents are both mid-late 50s and nothing), and I'm actually a little bit jealous of people with gorgeous salt and pepper hair.
posted by phunniemee at 11:20 AM on August 16, 2010
I have to agree with this. Like you, I'm 36 and probably at least 50/50 gray. I tried letting it grow out, but when I looked in the mirror all I saw was DOWDY DOWDY DOWDY
This is a huge reason I have a very fashion-forward pixie cut right now. (Think Emma Watson's new do.) My stylist and I have worked very hard to get me a good cut that doesn't scream "MOM HAIR!" with all my gray. (Not that there's anything wrong with mom hair, it's just not right for me and for the stage I'm at in my career.) I also wear makeup daily, with a strong eye, and I really like statement jewelry. It works for me, the way I style myself. But yeah, one of the reasons I started doing highlights in the first place was how dowdy and mousy my shoulder-length hair looked with even just a hint of gray at the crown.
posted by devinemissk at 11:30 AM on August 16, 2010
This is a huge reason I have a very fashion-forward pixie cut right now. (Think Emma Watson's new do.) My stylist and I have worked very hard to get me a good cut that doesn't scream "MOM HAIR!" with all my gray. (Not that there's anything wrong with mom hair, it's just not right for me and for the stage I'm at in my career.) I also wear makeup daily, with a strong eye, and I really like statement jewelry. It works for me, the way I style myself. But yeah, one of the reasons I started doing highlights in the first place was how dowdy and mousy my shoulder-length hair looked with even just a hint of gray at the crown.
posted by devinemissk at 11:30 AM on August 16, 2010
Make sure that it's even all over your head--if the front is salt and pepper and the back is still dark at the roots, keep coloring.
I disagree with this- silver streaks can look awesome. I agree with many of the people above- that silver works very well with good haircuts and thoughtful outfits.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:50 AM on August 16, 2010
I disagree with this- silver streaks can look awesome. I agree with many of the people above- that silver works very well with good haircuts and thoughtful outfits.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:50 AM on August 16, 2010
Best answer: The opposite (or complement, really) of the grey-hair-age-gender-thingy also applies here. Women who are building careers in academia, management, finance, law, medicine, etc. often benefit from grey hair, in the sense that it provides them with a certain air of mature experience and authority. My mother, for example, found that her patients as well as her colleagues (in administrative contexts) challenged her a lot less often once she let her grey grow out. The advantage of grey on a professional woman is that it counteracts a lot of "ditzy" / "overemotional" / "irresponsible" sexist stereotypes that exist out there; the disadvantage is that there is another set of sexist stereotypes that stick to older women all too well ("bitch" / "everybody's mom" / "loveless & bitter spinster" / etc.).
So the grey may help you to be taken more seriously in some contexts (this applies for men, too, I think), this all depends on whether appearing older is advantageous and comfortable for you.
(Also, consider investing in those "for grey hair" shampoos/conditioners that include some blue or violet toner. It'll help keep the grey silvery instead of yellow or brassy.)
posted by LMGM at 12:13 PM on August 16, 2010
So the grey may help you to be taken more seriously in some contexts (this applies for men, too, I think), this all depends on whether appearing older is advantageous and comfortable for you.
(Also, consider investing in those "for grey hair" shampoos/conditioners that include some blue or violet toner. It'll help keep the grey silvery instead of yellow or brassy.)
posted by LMGM at 12:13 PM on August 16, 2010
Best answer: I think this really depends on your level of confidence and what you, personally, really think about how grey/salt and pepper hair looks on you.
It's true that some people think grey looks bad on a woman but plenty don't. Personally I think it looks absolutely rockin' and sexy, not least because it's like a badge of gutsy independence. When I see a proudly grey-locked woman I see a confident, spunky woman who doesn't give a damn about following the crowd, and who is happy to do her own thing and let people take her as they find her. That's incredibly attractive.
posted by Decani at 12:50 PM on August 16, 2010
It's true that some people think grey looks bad on a woman but plenty don't. Personally I think it looks absolutely rockin' and sexy, not least because it's like a badge of gutsy independence. When I see a proudly grey-locked woman I see a confident, spunky woman who doesn't give a damn about following the crowd, and who is happy to do her own thing and let people take her as they find her. That's incredibly attractive.
posted by Decani at 12:50 PM on August 16, 2010
Losing your sex appeal and becoming matronly isn't a given with gray hair. If sex appeal is an image you like to project you can accomplish that with clothes that flatter your figure, alluring makeup and sexy shoes. More magazine often features fashion models who are gray-haired and extremely sexy. The silver hair just makes them more striking.
There is a bellydance teacher in my area who has long silver hair down to her waist. She is gorgeous and sexy and nobody in their right mind would look at her and think "loveless and bitter spinster!"
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:57 PM on August 16, 2010
There is a bellydance teacher in my area who has long silver hair down to her waist. She is gorgeous and sexy and nobody in their right mind would look at her and think "loveless and bitter spinster!"
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:57 PM on August 16, 2010
Datapoint/anecdote: I decided to stop coloring when A) I seemed to have roots showing within a week of coloring, and B) I started viewing the time spend coloring as totally wasted. I gave up around age 44ish and have never considered going back to color. However, I am neither dating, looking for a job nor overly concerned about what someone else thinks about my hair or age. Gray at age 36 might add a lot more years than on someone who is somewhat older. You might want to consider Photoshopping a recent picture into various hair colors, and if a decision doesn't jump out at you, show the options to some friends whose opinions you can trust.
posted by sageleaf at 1:26 PM on August 16, 2010
posted by sageleaf at 1:26 PM on August 16, 2010
I am a guy, and I say go for it. I don't think it'll automatically add a decade to your perceived age.
Note: I am 40 and have a roughly 60/40 dark/gray distribution. Even at that, most people don't think I'm 40.
posted by O9scar at 1:43 PM on August 16, 2010
Note: I am 40 and have a roughly 60/40 dark/gray distribution. Even at that, most people don't think I'm 40.
posted by O9scar at 1:43 PM on August 16, 2010
Best answer: I can see the appeal of not having to pay for the color up-keep. It gets expensive! I don't mind the time investment, because I like to go to my hair stylist often and change up my color and cut. But a lot of people hate the bother and expense, so going natural makes sense. With that said, you will appear much older than your actual age to a lot of people, so do consider that aspect. I also personally do not think grey hair looks good past the shoulders, but that's very subjective.
The transition from colored to natural will far easier, and less jarring, now than it will be 10 years from now. Just let it go.
Eh, this isn't necessarily true. You can work with a colorist to gradually go lighter if you want at any time.
Also, just as an FYI, semi-permanent doesn't really wash out completely so if you are planning on doing the grow-out and gradual color on your own, keep that in mind. In fact I only use semi-permanent at the salon, and you can see the roots as the hair grows, and the color does fade, but it doesn't completely wash out and leave your natural color.
posted by JenMarie at 1:51 PM on August 16, 2010
The transition from colored to natural will far easier, and less jarring, now than it will be 10 years from now. Just let it go.
Eh, this isn't necessarily true. You can work with a colorist to gradually go lighter if you want at any time.
Also, just as an FYI, semi-permanent doesn't really wash out completely so if you are planning on doing the grow-out and gradual color on your own, keep that in mind. In fact I only use semi-permanent at the salon, and you can see the roots as the hair grows, and the color does fade, but it doesn't completely wash out and leave your natural color.
posted by JenMarie at 1:51 PM on August 16, 2010
Just dropped by for a moment to plug my favorite Lush shampoo for gray hair -- it makes it shine -- which has the amusing name of Daddy-O.
posted by bearwife at 2:04 PM on August 16, 2010
posted by bearwife at 2:04 PM on August 16, 2010
If you decide to go gray, realize that having gray hair doesn't mean no more upkeeping your hair. It's like any hair, you still want it to look healthy, good body (from what I've read/heard gray hair can be drier, which doesn't look good on anybody no matter what the hair color is) and be a flattering cut that makes you look good. And totally talk with your hair dresser about this before hand, because contrary to popular belief, going gray doesn't necessarily mean the end of color treatment/upkeep. For example, with some people, once they start going gray, there's bit of "yellowing" that happens with the white or gray hairs, and some people either get a color wash or some kind of shampoo or product that has a bit of blue in it to keep the hair looking bright and not dull.
posted by kkokkodalk at 2:05 PM on August 16, 2010
posted by kkokkodalk at 2:05 PM on August 16, 2010
Response by poster: Thanks for all the great answers. Personally, I think that gray or salt-and-pepper hair looks really pretty if it's a nice shade of gray and the hair is styled cute. There was a girl at my old dentist's office who couldn't have been past her twenties, and she had shoulder-length black hair with these beautiful strands of silver all through it. It did give her a more "serious" look than most people her age, but it definitely didn't make her look old and I thought she looked nice. But--she had a really pretty face, and perfect skin, teeth, and makeup, always.
I'm not too concerned about sex appeal--I have a boyfriend, and if I didn't, I would prefer to attract the type of man who who is attracted to a woman who is not afraid to be herself, gray hairs and all. What would concern me is the professional aspect--I wouldn't want to be taken for being older than I am, as I'm already getting a late start, career-wise. If I let it grow out, but then had to go job-hunting again, I confess I would be really really tempted to color it back.
posted by cottonswab at 3:00 PM on August 16, 2010
I'm not too concerned about sex appeal--I have a boyfriend, and if I didn't, I would prefer to attract the type of man who who is attracted to a woman who is not afraid to be herself, gray hairs and all. What would concern me is the professional aspect--I wouldn't want to be taken for being older than I am, as I'm already getting a late start, career-wise. If I let it grow out, but then had to go job-hunting again, I confess I would be really really tempted to color it back.
posted by cottonswab at 3:00 PM on August 16, 2010
Just voicing my support for ladies going hot grey. That's my plan. I am 31 and have started getting grey hair, I celebrate it (mostly) and plan to stay as well groomed and stylish as possible. Someone mentioned here that grey hair can accentuate frumpishness - I agree.
posted by mooza at 3:38 PM on August 16, 2010
posted by mooza at 3:38 PM on August 16, 2010
I started going gray in college, and my roommate convinced me to color it. I hated it. After I stopped doing permanent coloring, I did one round with the semi-permanent color. It washed out oddly, so I had some hair that was reddish from the last permanent coloring, some that was awkwardly black from the semi-permanent, some that was my natural brown color and some that was gray.
I have long hair and usually pull it back. I'm often surprised when it's down and there's so much gray. It looks like highlights sometimes. Usually though, it just looks gray. People usually guess that I'm about 6 years younger than I am (the only good family gene I got was the 'younger than you are face'), I refer them to the gray hair.
Just let it go gray. The upkeep is less, plus you never have to worry about your roots showing. That's the worst. Though I have to say that looking at a traitorous foot-long hair that just came out which is 1/3 brown and 2/3 gray also sucks.
posted by hedgehoagie at 4:18 PM on August 16, 2010
I have long hair and usually pull it back. I'm often surprised when it's down and there's so much gray. It looks like highlights sometimes. Usually though, it just looks gray. People usually guess that I'm about 6 years younger than I am (the only good family gene I got was the 'younger than you are face'), I refer them to the gray hair.
Just let it go gray. The upkeep is less, plus you never have to worry about your roots showing. That's the worst. Though I have to say that looking at a traitorous foot-long hair that just came out which is 1/3 brown and 2/3 gray also sucks.
posted by hedgehoagie at 4:18 PM on August 16, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
I don't think it's a good idea. There's such tremendous appearance discrimination against women, especially older women.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:05 AM on August 16, 2010 [4 favorites]