How do I catch a newspaper thief?

March 10, 2005 7:11 PM

Every Thursday morning without fail, I get my newspaper only to find that someone has stolen the Food and Drink section. This is my favorite section of an otherwise worthless paper (the AJC) and I want to catch the thief in the act so I can dole out the appropriate punishment and prevent this from happening again. I live in an apartment along a long corridor and the paper is delivered directly to my door. How do I catch the thieving punk who ruins my Thursday mornings?
posted by TheGoldenOne to law & government (39 comments total)

Another thread on this very topic is lurking out there somewhere -- I just can't find it...
posted by Dick Paris at 7:18 PM on March 10, 2005

Your delivery person may have seen him/her. Over the course of delivering papers on a route, I eventually saw 80% of the people I delivered to. Getting a contact # for either the route supervisor, or the actual delivery person should be rather easy. delivery problem linky

I'm not familiar with the AJC, but if it was the times, I'd pick up a copy at 5am, take out the F&D section, and replace it with a note simply saying "This is my favorite section, please leave it."

or a color print out of some beyond the pale body modification picture off the .net, dunno.
posted by Jack Karaoke at 7:33 PM on March 10, 2005

You know...I read this kids' mystery book when I myself was a kid. The mystery in the book was this very same problem. And they solved it by....get this....sprinkling prodigious quantities of white flour in a thin layer between the pages of the paper. When the perp picked the paper up, it left a trail of white flour right to the person's apartment door. I think, in the story, that the kids were waiting for this to happen, and then they banged on the panicked perp's door to find him (of course) wearing a big flour mark across his shirt.

So of course, if your paper comes in a bag, you'll have to remove the bag for the purposes of the investigation.

Here's the hitch: If I were a paper thief, and I picked up a paper that ejected a flour-cloud all over me, I'd drop it like a hot potato and get outta there. So I think you have to be able to observe, somehow, anyway.
posted by Miko at 7:36 PM on March 10, 2005

As a general rule, as long as the paper isn't delivered too early, you can ask you newspaper delivery to give a quick knock or ring your doorbell when they do the delivery, so you can make sure to grab it right away. (This works better if you've already tipped them well during the holidays.)

If you want to discourage the behavior without having to pounce on it every morning, the tried-and-true solution is to wait for the paper to be delivered, slip in a note to the effect of "I know who you are", leave it back out in the corridor and hope that works.

Depending on the brazenness of the thief, though, that may not really work. I had a good friend whose family lived on the same block in DC as Felix Bloch, who was arrested for espionage. For an entire summer, while they were making a show of keeping him under surveillance, the street was lined with Secret Service cars--all US-make sedans, with two guys in the front seat, wearing shades and engines idling for the AC all day long. The big problem for the residents was that every morning, the agents would just get out of their cars and take the sports sections out of every paper on the block. I stayed with them for a week while this was happening, and every morning you'd walk down the street, and there are 12 cars, with the guys just sitting there reading your sports sections. What're you going to do--call out a Secret Service agent for stealing part of your paper?
posted by LairBob at 7:41 PM on March 10, 2005

I am the only person in my building to subscribe to the Chicago Tribune and I get my whole paper stolen very often, at least once every week or so. There is only one thing I have figured out that reduces this. Get up earlier.
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 7:46 PM on March 10, 2005

It would be great if you could put something under it that would emit a really loud noise when the paper was removed by an unsuspecting person. They'd probably never touch it agiain.

I see the embarassment factor as being a really necessary peice of the solution. The kind of person that would do this would probably only be amused to find a note inside the paper. They've still got the paper, after all, and if you really knew who they were, you wouldn't need to plant a note. You'll need to come up with something that gives them an adrenaline shock that they won't forget - a horrible feeling that they may be exposed for the evildoer that they are. So: loud noise, mark on clothing, flashbulb going off, something like that.

Of course, there's always the possibility that it might just be some kind of not-too-with-it older person who you'd just end up feeling sorry for. That possibility is a strong argument for just a note.
posted by Miko at 7:50 PM on March 10, 2005

[It's obvious that I care way too much about the paper, isn't it. I get it from my mom, who used to insist that she be the very first to read the virgin paper when it arrived at the house. She did not want to read the paper second, after it got 'eye tracks' on it.]
posted by Miko at 7:51 PM on March 10, 2005

Back in 1969 I lived in one of two second-floor apts. in a building in a rather rough neighborhood. My roommate worked nights, came home ~ 6 am. One day my neighbor from across the hall knocked on the door and demanded his paper, which he claimed we'd been stealing ever since we moved in. I denied it, he went away. He came back a few days later, same complaint but far more irate. I denied it again. About three days later he pounded on the door and, when I opened it, stuck a shotgun in my face. He wanted his paper NOW. I talked him out of shooting me by suggesting that the paperboy was stiffing him.

I closed the door, shaken, and, deciding to take a walk, opened the closet to get my coat. It was full of newspapers, still wrapped, that my idiot roommate had picked up every morning assuming that I had subscribed. I never did find out why he'd thought I wanted them in the closet.

Anyway, maybe someone in your building is living with my old roommate.
posted by words1 at 8:05 PM on March 10, 2005

I found what worked for me was I got up early, about
5 AM which is when the paper is delivered, and waited for the thief. When he did show up, it was some guy who was walking his dog and who didn't even live on my street. When he reached for my paper I opened the door and started taking photos of him. Between the flash going off, me yelling at him to quit stealing my paper and his dog barking it was rather chaotic. The next day I got up early and waited to see if he tried it again but he never came down my street and no one has stolen my paper since then.
posted by govtdrone at 8:05 PM on March 10, 2005

Instead of trying to catch the thief, can you have the paper carrier hide the paper somewhere in the building where only they and you know where it is? When this was happening to me I had the paper put under the stairs where no one would look.
posted by jholland at 8:06 PM on March 10, 2005

Why catch the punk when you can liberally coat the section of interest with itching powder?
posted by orthogonality at 8:07 PM on March 10, 2005

I remember those booby trap firecrackers (strings coming out of each end, pull em and it explodes with a loud bang, negligible 'explosive' power) that I got a kick out of, as a kid.

Could cause a heart attack, though. Good thing my sister had a strong ticker.
posted by BleachBypass at 8:25 PM on March 10, 2005

Get up early. Lurk on the other side of the door while the paperboy delivers your paper. Then wait. When the thief has his fingers almost on your paper, surge out from your front door while screaming REALLY LOUD! Make sure this wakes up the neighbors, too. Shame the crapulous mecreant and you'll never see him again :)

Seriously - get up earlier than the thief.

And tell your paper's customer service department about this missing section. They may ask the delivery guy to be more vigilant about depositing the paper right at your door (and knocking - good advice!).
posted by seawallrunner at 8:37 PM on March 10, 2005

Forget screaming. Get an airhorn and a camcorder, and deliver unto the Internets the next Star Wars Kid. It's like American Idol for degenerate criminals.
posted by Danelope at 8:40 PM on March 10, 2005

You could try using a webcan like my friend sallypnut:

http://www.hotcrankypeople.com/archives/2005/02/trash_can_watch_1.html
posted by abbyladybug at 9:07 PM on March 10, 2005

My grandmother used to have her paper stolen in her building (yeah, I would have liked to catch the bastards, but whatever). What she did was put a bag with some bells attached to it on the doorknob with a note for the paperboy to put the newspaper in said bag. It seemed to work for her.
posted by helvetica at 9:11 PM on March 10, 2005

Design and print out a coupon for an irresistible free massage by Natasha. Get up early, and slip it into the Food and Drink section. Wait until someone phones and asks for Natasha, and have an adventure planned.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:30 PM on March 10, 2005

A thought: it could have ben omitted. Im my area, the paper used to be assembled by the delivery boy (younguns still were the carriers at the time). If this is still the case, maybe the person in charge of assembling the paper is lazy. I know we would used to get all sorts of crazy things--duplicates, missing sections, out of order, you name it.

I don't subscribe anymore, but I know delivery has changed since then.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 9:32 PM on March 10, 2005

I love the Natasha idea, but RikiTikiTavi has a good point worth considering.
posted by squirrel at 9:38 PM on March 10, 2005

1. buy paper the night before. Place in bag that you saved from previous week.

2. remove the coveted section

3. smear vaseline mixed with sulfur or something stinky inside the section.

4. reload paper and place in front of door.
posted by mecran01 at 10:17 PM on March 10, 2005

Here's that earlier thread. Odd, though; searching "sports section" in the google search returned nothing... I wonder why?

I still like the "funny" option in my answer for that question.
posted by taz at 2:08 AM on March 11, 2005

Get a letterbox. Get paper delivery person to put paper through letterbox.
posted by biffa at 3:51 AM on March 11, 2005

I'm with everyone else who says to get up early and catch the culprit. I also like the suggestion where they said to take pictures while you start yelling at the person. But just for fun, you can do what my uncle did when he lived in a highrise and someone kept stealing his paper: one morning he got up early and got the paper before it was stolen...he then opened it up and took a big dump in it, rolled the paper back up and put it back in the hall. Apparently the paper (Globe and Mail) never got stolen again.
posted by furtive at 4:20 AM on March 11, 2005

Print out a message ("Please stop stealing my paper, or next time you get the bat/I'll subscribe you to every porn catalog I can find/pictures will go to the landlord/I'll paint "THEEF" on your door/etc") for every apartment on your floor. Slip one copy underneath each door. That should increase the paranoia level (unless there's a ring of paper thieves, each stealing one section of the paper from a doorstep in order to form one, super-paper).

Of course, if they keep it up, you may still have to track them down and punish them.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:03 AM on March 11, 2005

robocop is bleeding: A lot of people who don't steal things don't like being accused of stealing things.
posted by biffa at 5:09 AM on March 11, 2005

That's hilarious...I really thought I had related that story before, but I googled several different ways to try and drag it up, and failed. Finally decided I must've been remembering wrong (and that, of course, the opportunity could not pass without the opportunity to regale people with that bit of personal trivia).
posted by LairBob at 5:34 AM on March 11, 2005

I seond talking to the delivery person first. I ran a route for many years and had to assemble papers. Often my distributor shorted me on one section or another and I had to make Sophie's choice decisions for my customers. One client told me straight that the real estate section was the most important section for him, so I made sure he got it.
posted by plinth at 6:29 AM on March 11, 2005

LairBob--I remember that story from another AskMe thread as well. Not sure why googling won't bring it up, but you've DEFINTELY told that story here before. I wouldn't forget such an interesting one!
posted by handful of rain at 6:37 AM on March 11, 2005

Stay up all night drinking Jim Beam. Around 4 AM, set yourself up outside your apt. door with a lawn chair, a cooler full of lunch meats and whiskey, and a fly swatter. You will preferably be naked. Sit. And wait.
posted by tr33hggr at 7:02 AM on March 11, 2005

"What she did was put a bag with some bells attached to it on the doorknob with a note for the paperboy to put the newspaper in said bag. It seemed to work for her."

Only a grandmother could come up with that.
posted by Frasermoo at 7:19 AM on March 11, 2005

LairBob: I nearly posted to ask you how often you were planning to tell that story, so I think you must have told it before.
posted by biffa at 7:45 AM on March 11, 2005

Ugh...yeah, it's definitely in that thread that taz managed to dig up. Well, at least now you all know what all my real-life acquaintances already know...I'm an inveterate recycler of stories. Ah, well.
posted by LairBob at 7:51 AM on March 11, 2005

Not to be too pollyanna, but an alternate theory is that whoever is doing it may not have any malicious intent, they're just mistakenly assuming that you don't read this less-than-popular section. For example, if someone who lived in my building assumed I wasn't much of a sports fan and stole my sports section, I would think it was kind of cool that what would otherwise go to waste was getting read (saving another paper being bought just to get at that section, with all other sections thrown away.) Of course, if they took "style" I'd be livid.

Obviously it's a little misguided for someone to make such assumptions, and it's not nice to take your property without asking, but it may be jumping the gun to assume it's a malicious thief. Before taking any extreme measures, I personally would start with just a note taped to the door for thursday morning--"hey, Food and Wine is my favorite, but you're welcome to the Auto section :)" or something similar. If it's a person like I describe above they might just feel horrible and embarrassed and stop doing it.
posted by eileen at 8:14 AM on March 11, 2005

Advantage: tr33hggr.
posted by squirrel at 9:30 AM on March 11, 2005

not have any malicious intent, they're just mistakenly assuming that you don't read this less-than-popular section

It's very nice what you're saying, but I think taking what's not yours is by definition malicious intent. There's no question in the person's mind about whose paper it is. They're taking advantage and hoping not to be caught. They're not paying for the section. It's not being given to them. It's just plain stealing.
posted by Miko at 12:19 PM on March 11, 2005

Miko, surely you are right about this being stealing, but I think eileen has a good point as well. A lot of people find good ways to self-justify that their actions really aren't that bad at all. Therefore, the person may not realize how "malicious" the act is, so a simple reminder could be all it takes.

If the problem can be resolved in a civilized manner, why resort to more drastic actions first?

My suggestion would be to follow eileen's suggestion first, and if the section is still missing then go for a more drastic solution of catching/embarassing/scaring the person.
posted by tuxster at 12:43 PM on March 11, 2005

Yeah, I'm definitely NOT justifying it , it is stealing. Just saying I'd leave a note and not assume this person was so intent on getting your particular food and wine section that it was necessary to engage in bugs-bunny-style measures to protect it. A little embarrassment to someone who already knows what they're doing is wrong might go a long way.
posted by eileen at 12:54 PM on March 11, 2005

Go to the source --I'd first talk with the paper's delivery courier before doing anything.
Because as mentioned above this section may be omitted out of the paper.

Make the courier responsible for the paper. Also if you notify a paper's courier by a certain time, in regards to having problems with the news paper delivery; a replacement paper may be delivered that same evening to you.
posted by thomcatspike at 1:04 PM on March 11, 2005

definitely contact the newspaper. If nothing else they'll usually credit you the street price of the paper. eileen makes a good point and it's possible the person stealing that section had an agreement with the last person to live there and doesn't realize they moved.

I had a kinda similar agreement with an old guy I didn't know. My bike broke down in front of his place one day on my way back from work, we got to talking, and the guy (eighty if a day and walking with crutches) asked me if I'd mind grabbing a copy of the local free rag from it's drop box a couple blocks away and dropping it off on his walk. I stopped right by the box most days waiting to cross the highway so I said sure. If the guy ever died/moved away I probably would have drove the new occupants crazy.
posted by Mitheral at 2:19 PM on March 11, 2005