Am I autistic?

August 8, 2010 8:03 PM

Seriously... am I autistic?

It's a loaded question, yes, but why can't I seem to function like a normal person? I've always had quirks as a kid. Flapping my hands and arms. Pacing back and forth. Had to touch things. Took things literal most of the time. Fixated on certain things in pictures in a magazine and things in the background of a show or movie. Had trouble making friends my own age so I befriended older mature people. Always had trouble studying and faked it 'til I made it on most tests. Always a disorganized person. That's my biggest one. I feel overwhelmed trying to clean my room. I never know where to put things. My movements are still odd... like... a child's. Just a little bit. I recently saw my movements on a video camera... it... looked off. I was so surprised. Like my arms swung like a 6 year old. I can't explain that one too well. But many of these quirks are still with me. Otherwise, I function well as any other adult. Through all the mess I pay all my bills on time, start projects, work hard but have trouble following through big important tasks. I'm wondering if the biggest secret about me is that I'm autistic and my parents were in denial... cause I think it kinda runs in the family, though we never got tested for it. I feel slow sometimes... like really. When I'm with others, I can't make decisions as clearly, I always look nervous. I sound like I don't know what I'm doing when I know what I want to do. Regular jobs are hard for me to do as well. Should I get tested?

posted by InterestedInKnowing to Health & Fitness (18 answers total)

What are you looking to get out of this? Are you looking to validate or prove something? Do you define yourself by these behaviors? Are you just interested?
posted by TheBones at 8:06 PM on August 8, 2010

Sure - get tested. It can't hurt.
posted by k8t at 8:06 PM on August 8, 2010

Response by poster: Not to prove anything but maybe someone with insight can relate to some of this. Is it just overanalyzing or is there something to this? And where could I get tested? Because I'm an adult and sometimes I don't feel like one. I feel ashamed at my immature behavior sometimes on things that should come better with age... like not overreacting when something at work goes wrong and it went wrong because I took the details of my job so seriously and literal that I missed common sense.
posted by InterestedInKnowing at 8:14 PM on August 8, 2010

Regardless of what is going on with you, if anything at all, it is waaaay more likely that your parents are clueless rather than hiding something from you (especially to spare you anguish). So you can strike that off your list right now.

Go get tested and then travel onwards from there.

Also, it takes a lot of introspection and insight to A) notice and analyze your behaviors, and B) ask for advice/clarification/help. Just sayin'
posted by iamkimiam at 8:17 PM on August 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Autism isn't a particularly clearly-defined disorder. There is no "yes or no" test for it, and you're definitely not full-on Autistic.

I'm no expert, but your condition sounds a lot more like ADHD with a bit of OCD thrown in (which could be why you're worrying about this so much). Unlike Autism, ADHD can be treated with meds, and mild OCD can be easily dealt with.

If you're worried, and have insurance that will pay for it, go talk to a doctor.
posted by schmod at 8:27 PM on August 8, 2010

"Autism" is a broad range of diagnoses, ranging from Aspergers (itself a broad range) to full-blown autism. Maybe you're autistic, and maybe you're not. Perhaps you have ADD or ADHD. While I agree that a test certainly can't hurt, I can't really imagine how it would help, either. Unless you really need a diagnosis for your own personal reasons (which you may, and which is fine), you're not going to learn too much by attaching a label to yourself. If it was me, I would rather spend the money on a cognitive behavior therapist.
Everyone has a touch of the weird; the only thing you can do is to figure out how to work within it.
posted by Gilbert at 8:33 PM on August 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

There are a lot of things that can look sorta like autism that aren't autism. ADHD, OCD, tic disorders, and mood disorders to name a few (and I'm not even scraping the surface here). If you really want to give it a name, then go get tested. If you tell me where you are I may be able to tell you of a diagnostic facility that specializes in differential diagnosis of ASDs near you.

BUT (and sorry to recycle) here is a copy and paste of another response I gave some time back to someone asking a similar question which may provide some food for thought:

I work on an autism diagnostic team and while I mostly work with children, I have tested some adults. The biggest question my team always poses when working with an adult is: Why do you want this diagnosis now? What purpose does it serve? How will this label - this note in a medical chart - impact your life?

If you're looking for SSI because it is impossible for you to work, then you should definitely get tested. If you're cultivating obsessive/compulsive tendencies or depression or anxiety due to your difficulties, then you may want to see if an ASD might be exacerbating your problems. But if you're just looking for tools or coping strategies, you may find what you're looking for in self-help books, especially considering that there are very few therapists who specialize in adults with high functioning autism/Aspergers anyway. The label is superfluous if you can find something that works for you.

Another thing to consider: In all the self-assessment quizzes and aspergers criteria all over the internet, everyone wants to focus on the minutia and check off symptoms like a list, but they are always leaving out the most critical piece of the DSM criteria:

(III) The disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Where's your impairment? You listed bunch of quirky personality traits, but where is the thing that makes it impossible for you to function in at least one area of your life? (and interestedinknowing, you state yourself that you function just like everyone else).

You can be weird and goofy and antisocial and nerdy and not be autistic.

If you're dying to give it a name though, in my clinic we call it Oddism :)
posted by lilnublet at 8:36 PM on August 8, 2010 [12 favorites]

Coming from someone with ADHD, most of this I relate to. I'm clumsy, awkward, and have a hard time making friends. I have never been a great test taker, and I have a hard time studying things that don't interest me, and I am not talking about the normal "this is boring" type attitude. Oh no, I mean I cant focus on the material no matter how important it is for me to know it. I hyper focus on certain things, and totally miss others. I've felt slow before as well. things that people pick up quickly, it takes me a few days to "get." This makes me seem like a bit of a ditz to those who don't know me, and people sometimes brush me off. Medication has helped quite a bit, but I still feel socially awkward.

You may want to get tested for ADHD, since that is probably more likely. Of course, you could get tested for autism, but personally I would say get tested for ADHD. Hope that helps!
posted by slc228 at 8:55 PM on August 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Well, I'll see about getting tested for ADHD. At work today I almost got fired because I wasn't managing my time correctly which seems to be the number one complaint among my work history. But I gotta talk to my doctor because I've seen a CBT and it was great cause it helped me deal with my anxiety and ocd. But now, I have to deal with the non functioning aspects that my other friends take for granted, but it's a struggle for me. Like I planned to go to the beach yesterday and was totally ill prepared and didn't know how to plan for it. I never planned outings before because I never knew how to get things or people together. But thank you for all your comments! And if it turns out I'm whatever, it will help me understand where I need to be and will help me educate others on what's going on in my head.
posted by InterestedInKnowing at 8:59 PM on August 8, 2010

Yeah, I'm down with everyone else who thinks you need a pro here. There are a lot of very fine differences between being on the spectrum, having an attention issue, and being OCD or flat-out anxious, and they're hard to discern even if you're smart and attentive.

(I speak as a toe-walking, hand-flappin', bright-but-disorganized-and-weird... OCD case. Yeah, I was surprised too.)
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 9:07 PM on August 8, 2010

THIS: Not to prove anything but maybe someone with insight can relate to some of this.

combined with THIS: The biggest question my team always poses when working with an adult is: Why do you want this diagnosis now? What purpose does it serve? How will this label - this note in a medical chart - impact your life?

... gets me wondering why on earth any woman (or man) would want to be defined by anyone but themselves, unless they absolutely had to?

Seriously. Live your life. Don't over-analyze. If you're truly, legitimately STRANGE, then trust that your friends and neighbours (and perhaps the powers-that-be) will catch up with you and set you straight. Otherwise, be kind, be crazy, have fun.
posted by philip-random at 9:22 PM on August 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Speaking as someone who is pretty familiar with what you're talking about, I think it's a pretty big step to ask this question, and I hope you're getting the support you're looking for. My only reason to suggest the CBT was to point you to a way to develop coping strategies for tasks that others might take for granted.
You'll probably still hear a lot of "suck it up" or "just get it done" comments, so just expect it. Perhaps you could time your work tasks in order to keep a better mix of your daily tasks? I know what it's like to immerse yourself in something only to realize that you've spend half your day on 20% of your expected workload.
Beach outing would have been cool, but it didn't happen, so figure out what would need to be different next time. That's going to vary for everybody, so there's no way to give you specific advice.
If things get too harried, take a break to get your mind off it.
posted by Gilbert at 9:28 PM on August 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

lilnublet makes many good points. Foremost is that you have a number of quirks or symptoms that *could* be explained by autism, but could also be explained by something else altogether.

interestedinknowing- What I would do is go to a psychiatrist(*). Tell them your symptoms, and tell them how those symptoms are affecting your life. Like any other doctor, they will listen to your symptoms and ask questions or give you tests to figure out whether your symptoms are caused by some disease|disorder|syndrome. Then, they will recommend an action plan. Even if they don't determine that you meet the diagnostic criteria for any root disorder in particular, they might be able to treat the symptoms, and they will surely be able to recommend therapists to help you work out the rest.

For things like planning the beach outing. Step one is to make time for the planning. This is something that I have struggled with, because it seems like those other people who can do things like that do it effortlessly. They don't. They may have a better natural ability for planning and logistics than others, but they still have to do it. So, take that time to sit down and think about what going to the beach will require. Walk through each step and make note of the things you will need to make that step work. Write them down if you have to. When you have a plan, even if it is to not have a plan, it makes everything easier. As long as you have the flexibility to throw the plan out the window if it rains.

(And of course, there are the other kind of people who don't plan anything ahead, and also make it look effortless. But the difference is that they don't care, or they even enjoy the experience of getting lost or bumming sunscreen from strangers and all that.)

philip-random- Sometimes getting to a deeper reason for certain things makes it easier to cope. Like if you go out with your friends and always get sunburnt and they don't. You don't know why, and it makes you feel freakish, especially when you have to spend the next day in a tub full of oatmeal. Then you go to the doctor and they explain that some people have less melanin in their skin and that makes them more susceptible to sunburn. Being "diagnosed" with fair skin doesn't change anything about who you are or how your skin reacts to the sun. But now you know that you aren't a freak- you just need to wear a hat.

Here's the thing: lighten up, live and let live, just be proud of who you are, suck it up, etc., are all good advice for people whose main problem is simply lack of drive or lack of confidence. But if there is an underlying disorder, this advice doesn't work anymore than it does for someone with ADHD or depression or a broken arm. Another tortured analogy: suppose one leg is a quarter inch shorter than the other. Certainly, humans over millennia have lived with and just dealt with things like this and far worse. But if you can go to a doctor who can measure your legs and tell you to wear prescription socks or whatever and that will eliminate that misery, why not?

(*) Very basically: psychiatrists are medical doctors that specialize in the brain as it applies to mood, thoughts, feelings and perceptions. (Different from neurologists who are medical doctors who specialize in the nervous system, which the brain is a part of. But they deal with the brain as an organ and how it can malfunction. ) Psychologists are medical professionals who specialize solely in the mind domain. For the most part, they deal with the mind- either assuming that the brain is functioning correctly, or in helping a patient cope with various disorders. If a computer analogy helps, it is psychiatrist-firmware, neurologist-hardware and psychologist-software.
posted by gjc at 4:34 AM on August 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

Forgot to mention: it will probably be difficult to go into a strange doctor's office and just start talking about these things. Don't worry, that's what they do for a living. Their job isn't to judge; it is more to collate and asses. If it helps, just say "I can't figure out how to explain it, here is something I wrote," and hand them a copy of this question.
posted by gjc at 4:39 AM on August 9, 2010

philip-random- Sometimes getting to a deeper reason

Sometimes it's called deeper (a spacial metaphor) but is really just a value judgment. Yes, it could be nice to know what people in our culture call things, but too often, it's unnecessarily pathologized. I suspect it's not a coincidence that a larger than average percentage of MeFites are (self or other) diagnosed as "on the spectrum".
posted by Obscure Reference at 6:30 AM on August 9, 2010

Did you ever have issues with language or communication? One of the three areas where one needs to have a deficit in order to have an autism diagnosis is in communication.
“qualitative impairments in communication as manifested by at least one of the following:
(a) delay in, or total lack of, the development of spoken language (not accompanied by an attempt to compensate through alternative modes of communication such as gesture or mime)
(b) in individuals with adequate speech, marked impairment in the ability to initiate or sustain a conversation with others
(c) stereotyped and repetitive use of language or idiosyncratic language
(d) lack of varied, spontaneous make-believe play or social imitative play appropriate to developmental level”
Do you have one of the above? If you don’t then you would not meet the diagnostic criteria for an Autism diagnosis. While the social difficulties and stereotypical movements are also things that are looked for in Autism, the communication piece is what sets it aside from a diagnosis of Asperger's (well at least for now, we’ll see what happens when the DSM V comes out). There are other things, as other people have posted (ADHD, OCD, etc), that can also look like Autism in the behavior elements too. When you get this checked out make sure to mention any IEP or special education services you may have had in school as well as any relevant developmental information, like speech or motor delays. Since the diagnostic features of Autism have to have occurred by age three, this kind of information can also be really helpful.
You might also consider genetic testing as well as a visit to a mental health professional since there are some genetic disorders (like Fragile X) that can cause Autistic like behaviors as well.
posted by Palmcorder Yajna at 9:48 AM on August 9, 2010

I'll just second some of what lilnublet said. I don't do diagnostic work, but I do behavioral therapy with autistic kids. I watch and record copious amounts of data on how autistic kids act. Every once in a while I hear people say they or someone else might be autistic, and I always think 'how would they know?' From what I gather, a diagnosis for autism usually isn't made within an hour, it's made after about three or four hours.
So I guess my opinion would be that a diagnosis may be helpful in taking care of some of your problems but you're most likely going to have to take care of them by way of the same routes anyway.
posted by P.o.B. at 11:59 AM on August 9, 2010

Another idea to consider (in addition or by itself) is that your parents have prepared you poorly for life (does not imply maliciousness on their part, can be many other reasons). If you were not trained in basic life skills like preparing to go to the beach then you will need to learn these yourself, which is much harder now that you are older, but still very possible if you are willing to work at it.
posted by meepmeow at 7:27 PM on August 9, 2010