Toothbrush phobia?

March 10, 2005 10:13 AM

Are you grossed out by your partner's dental care routine?

My future-wife is completely skeeved out by the thought of accidentally using my toothbrush and has to leave the room if I pull out the floss. Is this normal? And, from what she's said, it's not because I have bad breath, a nasty toothbrush, or mouth funkiness.

posted by bshort to human relations (23 comments total)

I don't care if I see someone else doing it, but I hate (hate!) when people walk in on me while I'm brushing my teeth. Something about having a mouth full of toothpaste makes me feel vulnerable and I don't want other people around for that.
posted by amandaudoff at 10:22 AM on March 10, 2005

She may just be squicked about anyone's dental stuff, not specifically yours. Some people are like that. My husband can't stand the site of someone filing their nails. We've all got bizarre quirks.
posted by Kellydamnit at 10:23 AM on March 10, 2005

My ex was incredibly grossed out by the way it feels when you pull apart a cotton ball. He didn't like to buy cotton balls, think about cotton balls, and he especially didn't like to watch me remove my nail polish with cotton balls.

Is your oral hygiene truly satisfactory (perhaps confirmed by your dentist)? Does she have any problem kissing you?

My hunch is that this is just an idiosyncrasy your lady possess.
posted by Specklet at 10:28 AM on March 10, 2005

I can relate. Everytime I take a dump, she runs out.
posted by jon_kill at 10:29 AM on March 10, 2005

My live-in boyfriend is so attached to his dental routine that he carries around one of those rubber tipped hygeine picks and lets it dangle out of him mouth when he's doing homework sometimes. I draw the line when he whips out the floss during movies. I'm not sure "grossed out" is the term I would use, I'm more like "keep your dental hygeine in the bathroom where it belongs" On the other hand, we'll share toothbrushes if there's some good reason to, so I don't think it's an equivalent situation.
posted by jessamyn at 10:35 AM on March 10, 2005

My g.f. and I do everything under the sun in front of each other, so take this with a grain of salt, but that seems a peculiar hangup to me. You're poking around in each other's mouths (and other places) with your tongues (or, at least I hope you are). Your toothbruth, assuming you rinse it off after each use reasonably well, is actually a fairly clean instrument. I can sympathize a bit more on the floss front, since we're dealing with bits of chewed food, but still.

On the "bigger picture" front- do you and your partner have issues with boundaries in general, or is this the only area? Do you live together now? If not, are you both prepared for more things like this to crop up? You're going to be sharing every bit of your intimate space with this person for the rest of your lives.
posted by mkultra at 10:36 AM on March 10, 2005

jessamyn writes, "I draw the line when he whips out the floss during movies."

OK, that's nasty.
posted by mkultra at 10:37 AM on March 10, 2005

Toothbrushing, flossing? Nothing to get upset about over that, but to each his own. I wouldn't worry about her squeamishness. Everyone has their quirks.
posted by caddis at 11:07 AM on March 10, 2005

Just a thing, and nothing to worry about. My thing is similar -- I don't quite get grossed out, but I don't want anything or anyone touching my toothbrush. When we travel, I have to double and triple wrap the toothbrush so that it doesn't touch anything other than the wrapping.
posted by xorowo at 11:31 AM on March 10, 2005

I also wrap my toothbrush in several layers (usually paper towel, then a ziploc or plastic wrap) when I have to take it anywhere. I once had a can of hairspray unload in my bag and...man, that was so nasty. I also put a naked brush in my purse once and just had to throw it away. There was ink on it.

But I also have a thing about spit. I don't want to see it or touch it (except in the expected ways) or think about it, and the idea of old spit - which is what is on toothbrushes, and it does not matter how much you rinse - gives me the huhs.

On the other hand, one day my now-husband and I were at his place or my place and one of us didn't have a toothbrush and we shared one and I thought "well, it's okay", which is one of the many reasons he's my husband. But I would rather not share or be more than generally involved in his dental hygiene if I have a choice.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:53 AM on March 10, 2005

My wife often leaves her toothbrush laying next to the sink, on its side, in a small pool of water, overnight. And then proceeds to use it in the morning as if there were nothing wrong. I've started rinsing it well and placing it upright in the holder whenever I see it.
posted by pmbuko at 12:20 PM on March 10, 2005

I would never, ever use anyone else's toothbrush (just the thought of it makes me gag...bleaugh. I would actually just not brush my teeth if the only other option was using a toothbrush that someone else has used) and I don't like the idea of seeing/knowing too much about anyones dental routine. So your girlfriend sounds a bit like me and I have no problem with kissing (or other fun mouth stuff). Just a quirk.
posted by eatcherry at 12:26 PM on March 10, 2005

Is your oral hygiene truly satisfactory (perhaps confirmed by your dentist)? Does she have any problem kissing you?

Nope, no problem with the kissing.
posted by bshort at 12:40 PM on March 10, 2005

Well, let's keep in mind that everything you've left on your brush (any bacteria, etc., except Hepatitis which can live for a little longer in a dry environment) dies when it dries. Also, our cells are very selective in terms of what they take in, so even if there was anything on your toothbrush, little chance it would be of risk. So she has nothing to be afraid of.

I think a home movie, or TV is the best time to floss. My bf and I do everything in front of each other. But there is one thing I just can't do, and it does involve brushing of teeth. Something about it being the location of all consumption/ingestion, and combining it with whatever is around at the moment, there is some association between them, and some people can't take it.

Girls with hygene phobias are very, very common. I have two friends, lesbians, who won't even fart around each other, and they have been in a committed relationship for more than a couple of years. There are some things they just won't do in front of each other, which is shocking to me. My bf and I were in a movie theater and he had taken off his shoes and the girl he was sitting next to was so horrified that she couldn't even look at him and made her bf ask him to put his shoes back on (this made my bf very, very angry for weeks afterward, a normally reserved, very gentle boy. His socks and feet were clean). In general I would never date a person who had no bathroom cleaning routine (done it, and it was completely intolerable).

So yea, just a quirk. She can't help it, so respect it, I would say.
posted by scazza at 12:50 PM on March 10, 2005

My lady friend of 6 years is happy to USE my toothbrush, but gets grossed out by watching me (or anyone else) brush their teeth. I don't get it.
posted by monkeystronghold at 2:22 PM on March 10, 2005

It's just a quirk. Everyone has them, including you. I suggest you ask your wife how you're weird, and I bet she'll come up with something!
posted by sally_jp at 2:44 PM on March 10, 2005

May the future-wife offer her opinion? I am she, and I believe the following factors, previously offered by the hive-mind, contribute to the squeamishness:

1. "I'm more like "keep your dental hygeine in the bathroom where it belongs" " - jessamyn
2. "Everyone has their quirks." -caddis
3. "She may just be squicked about anyone's dental stuff, not specifically yours. Some people are like that." -Kellydammit

I think I was just raised to believe that a) bathroom stuff stays in the bathroom, and b) bodily waste products - plaque, bits of chewed food, snot, earwax, phlegm - and their various removal devices are not really items to be shared. I wouldn't use a q-tip someone had already used to extract their earwax, either, and I'm not a big fan of spitting...however, I would use someone else's toenail clipper, and I've pretty much co-opted bshort's hairbrush. I suppose it has to do with how clean the item is (or is perceived to be) after it has been used. (A dry toothbrush seems less gross than a wet toothbrush. I have no idea if it actually is, bacteria-wise.)

But the truth is, there may be a bit of exaggeration going on here, both in the poster's phrasing of the question as well as the level to which the partner in question may appear to be averse. I would classify my level of interest as 'grossed out' rather than 'phobic,' and if I'd forgotten my toothbrush on a trip, odds are that I'd make use of bshort's pretty quickly.

I knew this was going to end up on AskMe when I accidentally DID use his toothbrush last night!
posted by hsoltz at 3:21 PM on March 10, 2005

Oh, and Lyn Never nails it - except for the toothbrush-wrapping, everything she said is spot-on as far as I'm concerned.

sally_jp, you have no idea. and welcome to MeFi!
posted by hsoltz at 3:38 PM on March 10, 2005

Just a brief everyone's weird story: I am not a toothbrush-phobe. As a matter of fact, when I travel with my boy, I don't even bring mine because I know he'll bring his and well, why carry two toothbrushes? It just doubles the chance of leaving it behind. Anyway, I mentioned this to a friend of mine who told me how gross I was and then, in the next breath, admitted to sharing undies with her roommate (but not socks, because that would be disgusting). This is why humans are crazy.

Have a happy future marriage.
posted by dame at 4:06 PM on March 10, 2005

Here's another data point regarding being troubled by others' dental hygiene habits.

My brother had what I considered to be a horrible habit of brushing so deeply into the back of his throat that he would gag loudly and repeatedly. When we traveled together for several weeks in developing nations the most disgusting thing I had to deal with was the twice-daily brushing routine. It struck me as truly awful, and I'm typically fairly tolerant of anyone's hygiene issues, including poor hygiene.

His current girlfriend broke him of the habit by promising that she would vigilantly monitor his breath and if it became detectable or offensive she would immediately alert him to the issue so that he could take care of it. Bless her.
posted by palegirl at 9:58 PM on March 10, 2005

How cute! Both parties involved in the question posted to the thread. Sha-la-la-laaaFilter!
posted by squirrel at 10:05 PM on March 10, 2005

This doesn't bother either of us in the least. I don't really see brushing as a "bathroom" activity, I just do it there because that happens to be where the sink is.

xorowo: When we travel, I have to double and triple wrap the toothbrush so that it doesn't touch anything other than the wrapping.

I've got the greatest toothbrush carrying case. It's just an ~3cm diameter clear plastic tube with rubbery material caps friction fit on both ends. It'll hold water or float with out leaking so keeps the contents free of contamination regardless of any luggage catastrophes.
posted by Mitheral at 11:53 AM on March 11, 2005

Hygeine is overrated. The other day, I accidentally dropped the deodorant stick in the toilet bowl and put it right back on the shelf. I also rinse out my mouth direct from the tap. mrs, jonmc is totally cool with all of this, or perhaps she merely loves me and realizes she can't change me, baby.
posted by jonmc at 4:39 PM on March 12, 2005