I want to hang out with my friend!
July 8, 2010 7:51 PM Subscribe
I invited a friend to go to an event, and then she invited her boyfriend and other friends. I don't really want to hang out with her other friends! What do I do now?
posted by so_gracefully to Human Relations (44 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I'm 27 and female, and my friend is too. I don't have a ton of close friends my own age, so I am providing that detail in sort of wondering if this is some kind of cultural thing I'm missing, which I think is fully possible. I had been in a pretty isolated relationship-bubble for most of my 20s, am just now beginning to interact socially with other people again, and it's freaking confusing.
I emailed this good friend about a cool event that's coming up that I'm excited about (and the event is a big public festival type thing, not like a private party or hanging out at my house to watch a movie or something), and invited her to go with me. When she wrote back, she said that she thought it sounded awesome, and that she had asked her boyfriend and some other people if they wanted to go too. I was kind of put off for a few reasons, and am needing some perspective.
This friend of mine is a really social, very outgoing, group-oriented person, so I totally understand that she invited those other friends because she likes them and thinks it would be fun to have lots of people go together. I'm not angry about it, I don't think she was trying to do something harmful to me or anything like that, but I don't want to hang out in a big group with lots of people I don't know! I am much more of a one-on-one or small groups person, and I'd invited her because I love hanging out with her and we have a lot of fun. I recently came out of a very rough breakup, I have a parent who is ill right now, I'm really stressed with work, and just want to feel the comfort and enjoyment of being with a close friend. The idea of hanging out with a bunch of people I don't know very well feels like a lot of pressure that I don't feel confident about handling gracefully. And now I'm so anxious I don't even want to go. I asked my friend to go because I was trying really hard to get myself out to have some fun, but now I'm totally shutting down at the thought of going.
Part of me is thinking to go anyway, but go by myself and just not meet up with her/her friends there. I'm not sure if I am overreacting or being overly sensitive about her inviting other people, and want to understand that a little better. Alternatively, should I try to make myself enjoy hanging out with people I don't really want to hang out with, just because it's theoretically good for me since I won't be moping around in pajamas all weekend? I'm pretty stuck in ruminative oblivion at this point... please hope me!