"You see this ring? Leave me the **** alone!"
July 7, 2010 9:38 AM Subscribe
How can you enjoy the bar scene when you're married (with or without your spouse)?
posted by anonymous to society & culture (36 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
My new wife and I enjoy going to see live bands and karaoke nights at local bars but it's a bit awkward now that we're married. There seems to be this unspoken presumption that everyone there is single, a.k.a. available, and I don't want sleazy guys hitting on her any more than she wants women hitting on me. Wearing our wedding rings (as we always do, of course) doesn't seem to be enough.
To make matters worse, I don't dance. I don't enjoy dancing and I don't want to learn. It's simply not anywhere remotely near my circle of interests. I'll stand by the stage and nod my head if there's a concert going, or sit at a table and listen. I'm kind of a wallflower. But my wife was born to dance. She'll hit the floor alone, where she's invariably asked by other men if they can dance with her. The skeezier guys don't ask at all, they just put their arms around her and try to get close until she pushes them away. This is not cool.
My wife also likes going on "girls nights" with her friends to clubs. I'm concerned that a gaggle of girls dancing together in this setting paints an extra-large target on my wife for would-be Don Juans. Not to mention that her friends are single and receptive to that sort of thing, and don't offer her much help staying away from it.
I've told my wife that I'm not interested in being a controlling husband or telling her what to do. I want her to have fun and do what she wants to do. I don't want to become one of those couples that disappears off the social radar as soon as they get married, because "married people aren't supposed to do those things." I trust my wife too, so I'm not worried about her reciprocating male attention; I just want to help her avoid those uncomfortable situations. We're not ready to give up on bars yet.
So my questions are... how can we have fun together and minimize people trying to pick us up, when we enjoy doing different things at bars (her dancing vs. my chilling), and what are some things my wife can do when I'm not there to keep unwanted attention away? I'm mostly concerned about her wellbeing because frankly, pervy/leery/grabby men are more of a problem in these bars than women are... my wife gets much more unwanted attention than I do (plus she's on the dance floor, which puts her more "out there" I guess). I hate how I'm unable to enjoy myself now because I'm so preoccupied thinking those guys might treat her like public property. I want to relax and have fun again without always being on alert for that crap, and so does she.
Maybe the problem is mainly that I'm just jealous, but I think it's more than that.