I want to leave my job...how do I finagle this?
June 21, 2010 10:13 AM Subscribe
I wanted to title this "give me permission to quit my job"...but I think I'm settled on that. Now what? Lots more inside.
I had a job. For a variety of reasons (including workplace drama created by my superiors, not enough social contact, changes to working hours/conditions, and additionally, not feeling like there was room for growth) it was stressing me out to the nth degree, to the point that I started planning to leave to work on a farm/WWOOF (because I was really worn down but wasn't sure whether I could find a new job - more on that later - and didn't want to just leave without anything concrete to go to.) I will admit that some of the problem was me not being great at stress management and organization, or being assertive in the workplace, but by friends' comments when I told them about work, I think there was some atypical craziness going on.
Then I realized that instead of working on a farm, I should deal with the issue that was stopping me from applying for new jobs: I don't have the diploma for my bachelor's degree because I had an incomplete in one class. So, I am taking a short summer class (at my fairly well-ranked alma mater in a different city) to knock off that incomplete and get the piece of paper. (Previously, I had no idea how to present this to potential employers, and I was really embarrassed about it, so it stopped me from applying for most jobs.)
But: for some reason, instead of just quitting with the legit reason of needing to take a class in another city, I said that I needed to be away for X amount of time. To my surprise, I was told that I could take that as unpaid leave and come back afterwards. I figured I might do that, because hey, the job market sucks.
Several weeks into this all, I really, really, really don't want to go back ever again. It's not that I don't want to work - it's that I don't want to work at that job. Right now I think I would literally rather clean houses or scoop dog poop, although in the long term that will be a problem in terms of building a career/resume.
My problem is that I don't really have references. I feel like I wasn't doing a good job prior to leaving - due to the stress and frustration and drama and being overwhelmed with stuff being thrown at me - and I don't feel like I left on great terms. This job I'm leaving is the place where I've worked the longest and done the most skilled work, and I was unemployed for a year before working there (see above re: being afraid to apply for jobs.) And if I leave like this, I don't think I can ask my supervisors/boss to be a reference for me for new places in the same city, and there are essentially no coworkers. (Am I right there?)
How do I finagle this (both the quitting and the transitioning to something else/applying for other jobs)? Am I totally nuts for not going back? How can I make sure this leads to the best outcome? I'm not even sure what to else ask here, but I feel like I need some advice. I can support myself for a bit (about a year though I would really not want to burn through savings like that) without a job, but I worry that I won't be able to find anything else, or "recover" careerwise. Not that I had a career before, but in terms of creating one.
I had a job. For a variety of reasons (including workplace drama created by my superiors, not enough social contact, changes to working hours/conditions, and additionally, not feeling like there was room for growth) it was stressing me out to the nth degree, to the point that I started planning to leave to work on a farm/WWOOF (because I was really worn down but wasn't sure whether I could find a new job - more on that later - and didn't want to just leave without anything concrete to go to.) I will admit that some of the problem was me not being great at stress management and organization, or being assertive in the workplace, but by friends' comments when I told them about work, I think there was some atypical craziness going on.
Then I realized that instead of working on a farm, I should deal with the issue that was stopping me from applying for new jobs: I don't have the diploma for my bachelor's degree because I had an incomplete in one class. So, I am taking a short summer class (at my fairly well-ranked alma mater in a different city) to knock off that incomplete and get the piece of paper. (Previously, I had no idea how to present this to potential employers, and I was really embarrassed about it, so it stopped me from applying for most jobs.)
But: for some reason, instead of just quitting with the legit reason of needing to take a class in another city, I said that I needed to be away for X amount of time. To my surprise, I was told that I could take that as unpaid leave and come back afterwards. I figured I might do that, because hey, the job market sucks.
Several weeks into this all, I really, really, really don't want to go back ever again. It's not that I don't want to work - it's that I don't want to work at that job. Right now I think I would literally rather clean houses or scoop dog poop, although in the long term that will be a problem in terms of building a career/resume.
My problem is that I don't really have references. I feel like I wasn't doing a good job prior to leaving - due to the stress and frustration and drama and being overwhelmed with stuff being thrown at me - and I don't feel like I left on great terms. This job I'm leaving is the place where I've worked the longest and done the most skilled work, and I was unemployed for a year before working there (see above re: being afraid to apply for jobs.) And if I leave like this, I don't think I can ask my supervisors/boss to be a reference for me for new places in the same city, and there are essentially no coworkers. (Am I right there?)
How do I finagle this (both the quitting and the transitioning to something else/applying for other jobs)? Am I totally nuts for not going back? How can I make sure this leads to the best outcome? I'm not even sure what to else ask here, but I feel like I need some advice. I can support myself for a bit (about a year though I would really not want to burn through savings like that) without a job, but I worry that I won't be able to find anything else, or "recover" careerwise. Not that I had a career before, but in terms of creating one.
Two things about references:
1) They are very overrated. Most people will only confirm the fact you worked there, due to legal issues, and anyway most hiring companies only call references AFTER they've basically decided to hire you. It's more of a check-up then an actual part of the decision.
2) So many people seem to think you are obligated to list your boss from your most recent job. Not at all! Most places only ask for two or three- just cherry-pick three people from any point in your career who will say good things about you. if you are young and don't have any past bosses, use a college professor or someone you interned for.
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:44 AM on June 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
1) They are very overrated. Most people will only confirm the fact you worked there, due to legal issues, and anyway most hiring companies only call references AFTER they've basically decided to hire you. It's more of a check-up then an actual part of the decision.
2) So many people seem to think you are obligated to list your boss from your most recent job. Not at all! Most places only ask for two or three- just cherry-pick three people from any point in your career who will say good things about you. if you are young and don't have any past bosses, use a college professor or someone you interned for.
posted by drjimmy11 at 10:44 AM on June 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
Seconding the references being overrated thing. I just got a PhD and I was having trouble finding an academic job, so I started going through what people have written on how to find a non-academic job after grad school. One thing that they all agreed on is that academic hiring is really the only place where references carry a lot of weight. (It's not clear to me how they get away with this from an HR point of view, come to think of it.)
Not that I had a career before, but in terms of creating one.
but the career you have isn't in What You Want To Do, is it? (what do you want to do?)
posted by madcaptenor at 1:18 PM on June 21, 2010
Not that I had a career before, but in terms of creating one.
but the career you have isn't in What You Want To Do, is it? (what do you want to do?)
posted by madcaptenor at 1:18 PM on June 21, 2010
Agree with the others about not worrying about a reference from your current job, and also you should be able to pick up a reference from whoever is teaching the class you're taking. Make a point to go to any tutorials or office hours or whatever and contribute to class where possible then just ask near the end of the course. It's part of what University teachers do so won't be considered weird. They won't know you really well but will still be able to say something about you, and that's all you can hope for from most references anyway.
You can also start looking for a new job near the end of your course, so might not even need to go back for a bit. It's usually easier to find a job while you're employed so, if you can stand it, go back to work and keep looking if you haven't found something first. But either way, you've upskilled now so moving on to a better job is not at all unexpected (and your next job doesn't even have to be better, it sounds like trying something different would be a good start for you right now).
posted by shelleycat at 2:06 PM on June 21, 2010
You can also start looking for a new job near the end of your course, so might not even need to go back for a bit. It's usually easier to find a job while you're employed so, if you can stand it, go back to work and keep looking if you haven't found something first. But either way, you've upskilled now so moving on to a better job is not at all unexpected (and your next job doesn't even have to be better, it sounds like trying something different would be a good start for you right now).
posted by shelleycat at 2:06 PM on June 21, 2010
Response by poster: WCityMike, that's what I did. I'm supposed to return soon and I can't bear the thought of going back, hence current dilemma.
posted by clever anonymous username at 6:58 PM on June 21, 2010
posted by clever anonymous username at 6:58 PM on June 21, 2010
I wouldn't try to over think things especially when you're stressed out. The chances are, you've already considered all the available options. You know what you need to do, if you don't wanna go back. If you're afraid of the small stuff like references, then you're gonna have to go back to the current job. The thing is that you shouldn't let small things get in the way of good changes in your life. Like Wcitymike said, take the most out of this chance. Even if you go back, spend majority of your free time looking for another job. A job that's going to give you better opportunities, not only the job itself, but with your personal life. Don't stay where you're not happy. Good luck, don't give up, and believe in yourself!
posted by icollectpurses at 10:15 PM on June 21, 2010
posted by icollectpurses at 10:15 PM on June 21, 2010
Response by poster: WCityMike, you've just expressed everything I have considered and worried about, which stopped me from leaving this job months ago. I hear the horror stories and I give that stuff an enormous amount of weight in my head. But my decision has basically been made.
posted by clever anonymous username at 4:55 AM on June 22, 2010
posted by clever anonymous username at 4:55 AM on June 22, 2010
Response by poster: For what it's worth, after much thought and stress I psyched myself up to return to the job, got back to the city where it was (with significant difficulty, due to some personal and housing-related crises while I was away), and when I checked in with my boss, I was essentially told "haha, just kidding, we didn't save the job for you!"
I'm glad to be done with it.
posted by clever anonymous username at 7:51 PM on October 24, 2010
I'm glad to be done with it.
posted by clever anonymous username at 7:51 PM on October 24, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by clever anonymous username at 10:15 AM on June 21, 2010