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What is the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything?
June 17, 2010 12:30 PM   Subscribe

What are the greatest 100 questions in English-language pop culture?

I'm working on a Web site based on what is, in essence, a customized database where people can ask questions and the site will generate answers. It's about one company in particular, so the tags are all kinda context-sensitive and the questions/answers will be quite limited in scope.

But I also have permission to load the thing with some Easter eggs.

So I want questions -- questions -- that are generally well known by geeks and non-geeks alike, and that have answers. Not "pop culture facts phrased as a question," but things that were originally questions.

For instance:
Q: Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks?
A: Shaft!

is good.

Q: How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?
A: Blowin’ in the wind.

Also good.

Q: Who is Luke Skywalkers's father?
A: Anakin Skywalker, also known as Darth Vader.

No good. Trivia question.

Q: When you're a Jet, are you a Jet all the way?
A: From your first cigarette, to your last dying day!

No good. Not originally a question.

This is going to be in English, for an English audience, so great questions that are not English are also not so great.

Summing up: popularly known questions, with answers, that were originally phrased as a question. Both question and answer, please, as I'm not as well-versed in pop culture as I like to think I am.
posted by Shepherd to Media & Arts (167 answers total) 41 users marked this as a favorite
 
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

3 (or we may never know)
posted by Admiral Haddock at 12:33 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Who you gonna call?
posted by pseudostrabismus at 12:34 PM on June 17, 2010 [10 favorites]


Q: What is the Ultimate Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything?
A: 42.


Q: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
A: African or European?
posted by utsutsu at 12:35 PM on June 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


Q. Are we not men?

A. We are Devo!

Q. Whose house?

A. Run's house!
posted by "Elbows" O'Donoghue at 12:36 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q) Legs shaved?
A) Half way
posted by bondcliff at 12:36 PM on June 17, 2010 [5 favorites]


Who shot J.R.?
posted by yeti at 12:36 PM on June 17, 2010


Q. Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?

A. "I am, George, I am."
posted by aught at 12:37 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


What's in the box?
posted by sharkfu at 12:38 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?

I'mma get, get, get, get, you drunk, get you love drunk off my humps.
posted by CharlieSue at 12:39 PM on June 17, 2010 [5 favorites]


Q) Are there any balls down there?
A) About the biggest pair you ever seen, dingleberry!
posted by bondcliff at 12:40 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Who let the dogs out?
posted by Phire at 12:41 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Who's on first?
A: AGGHHHHHH!
posted by jamaro at 12:41 PM on June 17, 2010


Live or Die?

Die!

Wrong. (honks nose)
posted by yeti at 12:42 PM on June 17, 2010


know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question:
Q. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

A. I gots to know.
posted by bonehead at 12:42 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q) How 'bout some more beans, Mr. Taggart?
A) I'd say you've had enough.
posted by bondcliff at 12:44 PM on June 17, 2010


Tea and cake, or death?
posted by davidjmcgee at 12:44 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Didn't see your title. To replace it, I offer:

Q: What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

A: What?
posted by utsutsu at 12:46 PM on June 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


Q: Who run Bartertown?
A: MasterBlaster.
Q: MasterBlaster what?
A: MasterBlaster ... runs ... Bartertown.
posted by haltingproblemsolved at 12:46 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: Do they speak English in What?

A: What?
posted by The World Famous at 12:46 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: Conan! What is best in life?

A: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:47 PM on June 17, 2010 [14 favorites]


Q: Do you expect me to talk?
A: No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.
posted by Devoidoid at 12:48 PM on June 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


Q: If you're the federales, where are your badges?

A: Badges? We don't need no steenking badges!"
posted by Max Power at 12:49 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


War! (huh!) What is it good for?

Absolutely nothing!
posted by SuperSquirrel at 12:49 PM on June 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


Q: You expect me to talk?

A: No, Mister Bond, I expect you to die!
posted by entropicamericana at 12:50 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew, cover it with chocolate and a miracle or two?
A: The Candyman
posted by Balonious Assault at 12:50 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Why does the porridge bird lay his eggs in the air?
posted by Devoidoid at 12:51 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q) Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
A) Hell no!

Q) What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
A) Fix the cigarette lighter.
posted by bondcliff at 12:52 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
A: The Shadow knows.
posted by davidjmcgee at 12:54 PM on June 17, 2010 [5 favorites]


Q: Can't somebody else do it?

A: The garbage man can!
posted by glenngulia at 12:54 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


A couple from Ghostbusters:

Q: Are you the Keymaster?
A: Yes. Actually I'm a friend of his, he asked me to meet him here.

Q: Is this true?
AL Yes it's true. This man has no dick.
posted by smackfu at 12:55 PM on June 17, 2010


More Ghostbusters...

Q: Where do these stairs go?

A: They go up.
posted by glenngulia at 12:56 PM on June 17, 2010


Q. Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

A. Just like me, they long to be close to you.
posted by MexicanYenta at 12:57 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: "How many lights do you see?"

A: There. Are. Four. Lights!
posted by yeti at 12:57 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Q: What is love?
A: Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:59 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Q. What song is it you wanna hear?

A. Freebird!

(from the live recording)
posted by MexicanYenta at 12:59 PM on June 17, 2010


M-I-C-see you real soon-K-E-Y-why?

Because we like you!
posted by artifarce at 1:00 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Why do birds suddenly appear?
A: Just like me, they long to be close to you.

(unfortunately How do you solve a problem like Maria? has no answer.)
posted by aimedwander at 1:00 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
A: Practice, practice, practice.

Q: Do you know the Muffin Man?
A: Yes, I know the Muffin Man who lives in Drury Lane.

Q: What's cooler than being cool?
A: ICE COLD!
posted by 2or3things at 1:00 PM on June 17, 2010 [5 favorites]


Whatcha gonna do when you get out of jail?
I'm gonna have some fun!

posted by dogmom at 1:01 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


From Jay & Slient Bob Strike Back...

Q: What the f*** is the internet?

A: [can't find the exact line because I'm at work and the sites are blocked]
posted by glenngulia at 1:01 PM on June 17, 2010


Who wrote the Book of Love?
posted by mneekadon at 1:01 PM on June 17, 2010


A quick reminder: I need questions with answers.
posted by Shepherd at 1:03 PM on June 17, 2010


To Be or Not to Be?

ummmmmm. wait - I'm thinking... hold on I'll get back to you soon... just not sure...
posted by Babblesort at 1:04 PM on June 17, 2010


How is babby formed?
posted by randomkeystrike at 1:04 PM on June 17, 2010


Thug: Who are you?
Batman: I'm Batman.
posted by hot_monster at 1:04 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
A: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
posted by EndsOfInvention at 1:04 PM on June 17, 2010


Q) You know how I know you're gay?
A) You like Coldplay.

(Or, you know, pick a bunch of them.)
posted by Skot at 1:04 PM on June 17, 2010


Q; What's the secret to comed...
A: Timing!
posted by smelvis at 1:04 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Who wears short shorts?
A: She wears short shorts!

Q: She's bald?
A: She's BALD!
posted by moviehawk at 1:06 PM on June 17, 2010


The actual answer to Max Power's "where are your badges?" is “Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges! I DON’T HAVE TO SHOW YOU ANY STINKING BADGES!”
posted by Elsa at 1:06 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Well Elsa it's been years.
posted by Max Power at 1:07 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Whhhhhhhhooooooooooo lives in a pineapple under the sea?

A: Sponge Bob Square Pants!
posted by 23skidoo at 1:08 PM on June 17, 2010 [5 favorites]


You've already got swallows but you need these too...

Q: What is your name?
A: My name is Sir Launcelot of Camelot.

Q: What is your quest?
A: To seek the holy grail.

Q: What is your favorite color?
A: Blue! No—

Q: What is the capital of Assyria?
A: I don't know that!

Also...

Q: Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
A: The same thing we do every night, Pinky — try to take over the world!

Q: What you gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?
A: I'ma get get get get you drunk, get you love drunk off my hump.

Q: What's the deal with airplane food?
A: I know! Could this stuff taste any worse? It's like, "Thanks, but no thanks. I'm still stuffed from that huge bag of smoked almonds!"
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 1:10 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Can you hear me, Major Tom?
A: Here am I floating in my tin can, far above the moon. Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do.
posted by Balonious Assault at 1:10 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: What are you going to do next?
A: I'm going to Disney World(/land)!
posted by cloudburst at 1:14 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?

A: I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.
posted by yeti at 1:15 PM on June 17, 2010 [17 favorites]


Q: What makes a King out of a slave?
What makes the flag on the mast to wave?
What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk?
What makes the muskrat guard his musk?
What makes the Sphinx the Seventh Wonder?
What makes the dawn come up like thunder?
What makes the Hottentot so hot?
What puts the ape in ape-ricot?
What have they got that I ain't got?

A: Courage.
posted by heyforfour at 1:16 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: You know what?
A: Chicken butt!
posted by Balonious Assault at 1:20 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: Are there lilac trees in the heart of town? Can you hear a lark in any other part of town? Does enchantment pour out of every door?
A: No, it's just on the street where you live.
posted by davidjmcgee at 1:20 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: Who can turn the world on with her smile? Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

A: Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it. With each glance and every little movement, you show it.
posted by jgirl at 1:21 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking... you talking to me?"
A: "Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? OK."
- Taxi Driver

"What are we going to do tonight, Brain?" "The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world!."

The answer to "Who shot JR?" is "Kristin Shepard".
posted by knile at 1:23 PM on June 17, 2010


From Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure:

Q: Okay, wait. If you guys are really us, what number are we thinking of?

A: 69, dudes!
posted by 23skidoo at 1:23 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: What is the matrix?
A: The answer is out there, Neo, and it's looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to.
posted by thisisnotbruce at 1:24 PM on June 17, 2010


Wayne Campbell: Asphinctersayswhat?
Noah Vanderhoff: What?
Wayne Campbell: Exactly.
posted by kmtiszen at 1:28 PM on June 17, 2010


But only one will survive I wonder who it will be?
Mr Rogers/none
posted by furisto at 1:28 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Have you ever seen the sun set . . . at three p.m.?
A: Aye, once. When I was sailing 'round the arctic --


Q: Professor, what's another word for pirate treasure?
A: Well I think it's booty. That's what it is.

posted by Xalf at 1:30 PM on June 17, 2010


Dude, where's my car?
-Dude, there it is!
posted by karminai at 1:31 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: What's the capital of Louisiana?
A: Baton Rouge, Cindy! Baton Rouge!
posted by activitystory at 1:33 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


a corollary of devoidoid (here's the original):


Q: Do you really expect me to do a coordinate substitution while strapped to a centrifuge?
A: No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.
posted by chicago2penn at 1:34 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: How high's the water, mama?
A: Five feet high and risin'
posted by Miss Otis' Egrets at 1:35 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q. What will I be?
A. Que sera, sera.
posted by yawper at 1:36 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Fucking magnets, how do they work?

A: I don'’t want to talk to a scientist, ya'll MF lying and getting me pissed
posted by benzenedream at 1:37 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q. Who was that masked man?
A. The Lone Ranger.
posted by yawper at 1:39 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: What's a quickie?

A: $20, same as in town.
posted by benzenedream at 1:39 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q. How do I love thee?
A. Let me count the ways...
posted by yawper at 1:40 PM on June 17, 2010


Q. Why does God need a starship?
A. You doubt me?
posted by jeffamaphone at 1:45 PM on June 17, 2010


Fabienne: Whose motorcycle is this?
Butch: It's a chopper, baby.
Fabienne: Whose chopper is this?
Butch: It's Zed's.
Fabienne: Who's Zed?
Butch: Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.
posted by gaspode at 1:45 PM on June 17, 2010


Q. Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?
A. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Q. Heavy. What is it?
A. The stuff that dreams are made of.
posted by equalpants at 1:45 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q. Where's the money, Lebowski?
A. You've got the wrong guy. I'm the dude, man.
posted by the jam at 1:49 PM on June 17, 2010


Jerry: "What the hell's a Velvet Fog?"
A: Mel Torme.

Tommy: I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
Henry Hill: Just... you know, how you tell the story, what?
posted by fso at 1:50 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: What does a yellow light mean?
A: Slow down.

posted by HE Amb. T. S. L. DuVal at 1:50 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Q: Bueller?
A: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
posted by entropicamericana at 1:55 PM on June 17, 2010


Q What time is love?
A Oooooooh Oooooooooh

posted by anagrama at 1:56 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Do you know what it takes to sell real estate?

A: It takes brass balls to sell real estate.
posted by The World Famous at 1:58 PM on June 17, 2010


Q Where are you going with that gun in your hand?
A Going down to shoot my old lady
posted by anagrama at 2:00 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: Where are we going?
A: Planet 10

Q: When are we going?
A: Real soon

Q: How much more black could this be?
A: None. None more black
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 2:02 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of man?
A: The Shadow knows
posted by It's Never Lurgi at 2:04 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: Where are we going, fellas?
A: To the top, Johnny!
Q: Where's that, fellas?
A: To the toppermost of the poppermost!
posted by The World Famous at 2:05 PM on June 17, 2010


Q But what does it do?
A That's the beauty of it - it doesn't DO anything
posted by anagrama at 2:08 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Psycho killer: qu'est-ce que c'est?
A: Fa fa fa fa fa, fa fa fa fa fa.
posted by Greg Nog at 2:08 PM on June 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


Q. What do you want to do with your life?
A. I wanna rock!
posted by mochapickle at 2:11 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: Why can't you just make 10 louder?
A: But this one goes to 11!
posted by Lutoslawski at 2:16 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Won't somebody tell me what 'diddy wah diddy' means?
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 2:21 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

A: (Choose wisely)
posted by GJSchaller at 2:25 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: What about the R.O.U.S.es?
A: Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exi---aaaaaaaaah!

Q: Stop, hey, what's that sound?
A: Everybody look what's going down.

Q: What is it that everybody has, and pirates and thieves try to take?
A: The booty.

Q: Who is John Galt?
A: [1200 pages of condescending capitalism and misogyny.]
posted by krakedhalo at 2:30 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Who is John Galt?

(Like it or not.)
posted by Joe Beese at 2:33 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Why are we here?
A: Because we're here, roll the bones.
posted by Daily Alice at 2:39 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: What kind of magic spell to use?
A: Slime and snails
Or puppy dogs' tails
Thunder or lightening
posted by kitcat at 2:40 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Who dat man?
Q: Who dat man?
A: It's Gabriel!
posted by Rash at 2:48 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: What's a dickfer?
A: For peeing, silly.

(Spies Like Us, also works with buttfer/pooping, South Park)
posted by Ghidorah at 2:53 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: War. What is it good for?
A: Absolutely nothing.

Q: What's the word?
A: Thunderbird.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:55 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Whose motorcycle is this?

It's a chopper, baby.

Whose chopper is this?

Zed's.

Who's Zed?

Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:02 PM on June 17, 2010


On preview, I suck at this game.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:02 PM on June 17, 2010


Oh wait ...

Jules: [Jules shoots the man on the couch] I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules: What country are you from?
Brett: What? What? Wh - ?
Jules: "What" ain't no country I've ever heard of. They speak English in What?
Brett: What?
Jules: English, motherfucker, do you speak it?
Brett: Yes! Yes!
Jules: Then you know what I'm sayin'!
Brett: Yes!
Jules: Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: What?
Jules: Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more goddamn time!
Brett: He's big.
Jules: Go on.
Brett: He's black.
Jules: Does he look like a bitch?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:04 PM on June 17, 2010


And finally...

Jules: I want you to go in that bag, and find my wallet.
Pumpkin: Which one is it?
Jules: It's the one that says "Bad Motherfucker."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:05 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: If Snotboogie always stole the money, why'd you let him play?
A: Got to. This America, man.
posted by krakedhalo at 3:05 PM on June 17, 2010 [5 favorites]


Q: And did we tell you the name of the game, boy?
A: We call it riding the gravy train.
posted by Fortnight Bender at 3:14 PM on June 17, 2010


Mugger: your money or your life?
Jack Benny: I'm thinking.
posted by mcbriar at 3:14 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Cake or death?
A: Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry...
posted by Aster at 3:26 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: What's a tortoise?

A: You know what a turtle is? Same thing.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 3:27 PM on June 17, 2010


Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody care?
posted by aquafortis at 3:31 PM on June 17, 2010


How many lights?

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS
posted by avocet at 3:33 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: Why do you wear a mask? Were you burned by acid or something?

A: Oh no. It's just they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.
posted by huckit at 3:36 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: You down with OPP?
A: Yeah you know me!
posted by cosmic osmo at 3:42 PM on June 17, 2010


(grr, cmd-f'd that without punctuation!)
THERE. ARE. FOUR. LIGHTS.
posted by avocet at 3:45 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, ah?
A: I thought it fitting considering the rocky terrain.
posted by Johnny Assay at 3:45 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Is it safe?
A: Yes, it's safe. It's very safe. So safe you wouldn't believe it.

--or--
Q: Is it safe?
A: No, it's not safe. It's very dangerous. Be careful.
posted by kestrel251 at 3:51 PM on June 17, 2010


From Labyrinth:
(If you can start with an answer: Jareth: You remind of the babe.)
Q: Goblin: What babe?
A: Jareth: The babe with the power.
Q: Goblin: What power?
A: Jareth: The power of voodoo.
Q: Goblin: Who do?
A: Jareth: You do.
Q: Goblin: Do what?
A: Jareth: Remind me of the babe.

Full song
posted by knile at 3:54 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: What about the voice of Geddy Lee? How did it get so high? I wonder if he speaks like an ordinary guy.

A: I know him and he does.

or

Q: You're quite hostile.

A: I got a right to be hostile, man, my people been persecuted.
posted by The World Famous at 3:57 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Hey you in the back with those French braids. What do you wanna be when you grow up?

A: I wanna be a mutha fuckin hustla, you betta ask somebody
posted by Captain Najork at 4:44 PM on June 17, 2010


Brad Hamilton: Why don't you get a job, Spicoli?
Jeff Spicoli: What for?
Brad Hamilton: You need money.
Jeff Spicoli: All I need is a cool buzz, some tasty waves and I'm fine.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:46 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Who do you love?
A: I walked 47 miles of barbed wire, used a cobra snake for a neck tie. Got a brand new house on the roadside, made out of rattlesnake hide.
posted by hydrophonic at 4:52 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: Who's tripping down the streets of the city, smilin' at everybody she sees? Who's reachin' out to capture a moment?
A: Everyone knows it's Windy
posted by tyrantkitty at 4:55 PM on June 17, 2010


Labyrinth? Heck, that one goes back at least 40 years earlier, to The Bachelor and The Bobbysoxer:

You remind me of a man.
What man?
The man with the power.
What power?
The power of whoodoo.
Whoodoo?
You do!
Do what?
Remind me of a man...
posted by nakedcodemonkey at 4:55 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: Did you order the code red?
A: You're goddamn right I did!
posted by kellygrape at 5:00 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Who is Number One?
A: You are Number Six. (Alternatively: You are, Number Six)
posted by contrariwise at 5:05 PM on June 17, 2010 [4 favorites]


Q: You've just won the Super Bowl! What are you going to do next?
A: I'm going to Disney World!
posted by that girl at 5:12 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: Surely you can't be serious?
A. I am serious and don't call me Shirley.
posted by eatdonuts at 5:20 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: Who is Keyser Soze?
A: He is supposed to be Turkish. Some say his father was German. Nobody believed he was real. Nobody ever saw him or knew anybody that ever worked directly for him, but to hear Kobayashi tell it, anybody could have worked for Soze. You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone.
posted by jeffamaphone at 5:29 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: What do you get when you fall in love?
A: A girl with a pin to burst your bubble. That's what you get for all your trouble. I'll never fall in love again.

Or

Q:What do you get when you kiss a girl?
A:You get enough germs to catch pneumonia. After you do, she'll never phone ya. I'll never fall in love again.

Q: Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
A: He made my baby fall in love with me.
posted by kitcat at 5:55 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Is that all there is?
A: If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing.
posted by kitcat at 6:16 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: What do you do with a drunken sailor?
A: Shave his belly with a rusty razor.
posted by kitcat at 6:19 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Where oh where can my baby be?
A: The lord took her away from me/She's gone to heaven so I got to be good/so I can see my baby when I leave this world.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:20 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: What's your name?
A: Fuck you. That's my name.
posted by AV at 6:42 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Can I kick it?
A: Yes, you can.
posted by Balonious Assault at 6:42 PM on June 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Q: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
A: Just like me, they long to be close to you.
posted by AV at 6:43 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: How do you spell relief?
A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S
posted by amyms at 6:47 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: What are we going to do tonight, Brain?
A: Same thing we do every night, Pinky: Try to take over the world.
posted by amyms at 6:51 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: "You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve?"

A: "You just put your lips together and blow."
posted by decathecting at 6:53 PM on June 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Q: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
A: 11 12
posted by AV at 6:55 PM on June 17, 2010


nooo! doh, link FAIL.

11 12

eah, you get it or you don't.
posted by AV at 6:57 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Why are they always after me Lucky Charms?
A: They're magically delicious!
posted by amyms at 6:58 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: Who's Beaumont?
A: A employee I had to let go.

Q: A hospital! What is it?
A: It's a building with lots of patients, but that's not important right now.
posted by mnb64 at 7:28 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: Where's the beef?!

(A: Wendy's, or, alternately, Walter Mondale)
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 7:38 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
A: Here's what she said to me: Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera, sera. What will be, will be.

Q: But what about us?
A: We'll always have Paris.

Q: Lions?
Q: And tigers?
A: And bears!

Q: Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?
A: But of course!
posted by sallybrown at 7:41 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Jessep (Jack Nicholson): You want answers?

Kaffee (Tom Cruise): I think I'm entitled to them.

Jessep: You want answers?

Kaffee: I want the truth!

Jessep: You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.

We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Kaffee: Did you order the code red?

Jessep: (quietly) I did the job you sent me to do.

Kaffee: Did you order the code red?

Jessep: You're goddamn right I did!

A Few Good Men
posted by Conrad Cornelius o'Donald o'Dell at 7:48 PM on June 17, 2010


Are we there yet?
No!
posted by TWinbrook8 at 7:51 PM on June 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: But why the rubber band?
A: It representin the struggle, man.

(T.I)

Q: "How much it cost me?"
A: About a million dollars playa, she's bossy

(Kelis, Bossy)

And this whole exchange from 99 problems

So I...pull over to the side of the road
I heard "Son do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"
Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hats real low?
Do I look like a mind reader sir, I don't know
Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo'?
"Well you was doin fifty-five in a fifty-fo' "
"Liscense and registration and step out of the car"
"Are you carryin' a weapon on you I know a lot of you are"
I ain't steppin out of shit all my paper's legit
"Well, do you mind if I look round the car a little bit?"
Well my glove compartment is locked so are the trunk in the back
And I know my rights so you gon' need a warrant for that
"Aren't you sharp as a tack, you some type of lawyer or something'?"
"Or somebody important or somethin'?"
Nah, I ain't pass the bar but i know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my shit
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 7:56 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: You know what the Midwest is?
A: Young & Restless

(Kanye West)
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 8:07 PM on June 17, 2010


Q: If you got a gun up in your waist please don't shoot up the place. (Why?)
A: Cause I see some ladies tonight that should be havin my baby, baby

(Notorious B.I.G, Big Poppa)
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 8:14 PM on June 17, 2010


Ghostbusters 2?

Ray: You think there's a connection between this Vigo character and the... slime?
Egon: Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?
posted by lexicakes at 9:26 PM on June 17, 2010


Hey Johnny, what are you rebelling against?
What do you got?

or how about a statement followed by a question:

Look in your heart.
What heart?
posted by dobbs at 10:31 PM on June 17, 2010


Pop quiz, hot shot! Terrorist holding a police hostage with enough dynamite strapped to his chest to blow a building in half... now, what do you do?

Shoot the hostage.
posted by dobbs at 10:42 PM on June 17, 2010


Mr. Liggett: Who first suggested the idea of reproduction without sex?
David Lightman: Um, your wife?


Groucho: That's no way to carry ice. Where are your tongs
Harpo and Chico: (Stick their tongues out.)


Cheech: Dave?
Chong: Yeah, it's me. Dave.
Cheech: Dave's not here.


Groucho: What's the password?
Chicol: Swordfish,
Groucho: No, I got tired of that one. I changed it.
Chicol: Well, what's the new password?
Groucho: I've forgotten. I guess I better come out there with you.


Q: Where have all the flowers gone, long time passing?
A: Young girls picked them every one.
posted by wjm at 4:32 AM on June 18, 2010


Are we in India yet?
No
Are we in India yet?
No
Are we in India yet?
No...wait a minute...now we are!
posted by humpy at 5:19 AM on June 18, 2010


Q:What do I do when my love is away?
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day?
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)

A: No, I get by with a little help from my friends.
posted by Max Power at 7:34 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: You see what happens, Larry? You see what happens?
A: This is what happens, Larry. This is what happens when you FLEE A STRANGER IN THE ALPS.
posted by Gortuk at 8:35 AM on June 18, 2010


Q: Pardon me boys, is that the Chattanooga Choo Choo?
A: (Yes Yes) Track 29!

Dorothy: Toto too?
Good witch: Toto too!

Q: Paper or Plastic?
A: Paper (of course!)

Q: Ginger or Mary Ann?
A: Mary Ann (of course!)
posted by Fortnight Bender at 8:54 AM on June 18, 2010


> (unfortunately How do you solve a problem like Maria? has no answer.)

Sure it does; the answer just happens to be another question:

Q: How do you solve a problem like Maria?
A: How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

You can tell it's the answer at the end of the song because of the way the melody resolves or whatever the term is for how it's sung.
posted by gentilknight at 11:03 AM on June 18, 2010


Also, I'm not sure if this is pop culture, but:

Court of Inquiry: And who deigned that you are a poet? Who put you in the ranks of the poets?
Joseph Brodsky: Nobody. Who put me in the ranks of mankind?

...and then...

C: Did you study for this?
JB: Study for what?
C: To become a poet. You never tried to finish college where they prepare... where they study...
JB: I didn’t think that this was a matter of education.
C: How is that?
JB: I thought... well, I thought it came from God.
posted by gentilknight at 11:07 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Q: Why is J. Edgar Hoover on your phone?
A: I don't know, he's on everybody else's. Why shouldn't he be on mine?

posted by albrecht at 12:25 PM on June 18, 2010


Are we there yet, Papa Smurf?
Not far now, my little smurfs.
posted by gentilknight at 1:29 PM on June 18, 2010


Q: Who ARE you?!

A: I'M BATMAN
posted by chalbe at 1:57 PM on June 18, 2010


In the words of Lil Jon......WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by jasondigitized at 5:17 PM on June 18, 2010


Q: Can you dig it?
A: Yes I can.
posted by moons in june at 8:57 PM on June 18, 2010


Q: Can you dig it?
A: Yes I can.


A2: I knew that you could.
posted by amyms at 9:49 PM on June 18, 2010


Q. Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
A. That's part of what rainbows do.


Q. What time is it?
A. 4:30!
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 5:47 PM on June 19, 2010


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