how to let other guys know of each other's existence when you are going out with more than one guy at a time?
June 6, 2010 7:24 PM Subscribe
How would you handle going out with multiple guys at the same time?
posted by wcmf to human relations (17 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Dear Mefi community:
I'm the 29 year old girl without dating experience who received some very good advice from the mefi community before when I posted about a jerk from my grad school that I went out with. I really appreciated the help that the mefites have give me. Now I've moved on and are dating other guys, but I'm currently facing a new dilemma and I would appreciate the mefi community's help again.
So I've met two guys online who are both great and I like them both. Guy #1 I've gone out on 3 dates with before he had to move to a different city that's 6 hours away due to his job. Technically he's only going to be working there for the summer and he said he doesn't like that city and would like to move back. But his company is headquartered in the other city and there's no 100% guarantees in life. Since he moved there, he has come back to visit me once. We only talked once on the phone after he has moved. So far we've been texting each other everyday for the past week.
I met guy #2 and went on only one date with him so far. The date went really well. I'm pretty sure he'll ask me out again.
I've only done some heavy kissing with guy #1, and the first date with guy #2 ended with a hug. Neither guys has asked me whether I'm currently dating other guys and neither has raised the question of exclusivity. Since I've went on more dates with Guy #1, I know him better than #2 at this point, but since I can't see him during the summer (he has asked me to visit him, but I don't want to make that commitment yet and he hasn't mentioned whether or when he'll come visit me again) and guy #2 lives really close to me, I can see that things can potentially build up rather quickly with #2 during the summer while guy #1 is away. Here're my questions:
1. my friend has said that I should let both guys know of each other's existence. I do think that's fair. But I don't know what to say or how to approach this? Should I do that now or wait until beginning or end of date #2 with Guy 2 to mention that to either or both of them? How should I raise this up? I have no idea what to say or how much detail I should give to either or both of them.
2. For guy #1, I felt like this is better suited to an actual phone call rather than texting. But since we've only talked once on the phone and he hasn't called me since, only texting. Would it be okay to tell him this via texting? (obviously it'll be less nerve wrecking through texting as I've never done this before, but I would call him up if this is more appropriate)
3. How physical can I get with guy #2 without being easy/slutty? I don't want to sleep with either guy until the relationship is exclusive. But I've read on several internet forums that guys expect at least kiss or making out by date #2 or #3, otherwise they'll think the girl is not into them and drop out. I would feel weird to kiss guy #2 while still going out with #1 (unless guy #1 know about guy #2 and it's common expectation that girls dating "casually" can and will kiss and making out with other guys). But then I don't want to scare #2 away with him thinking I'm not interested when I am. Is the physical aspect something I need to discuss with Guy #1 when I tell him about my seeing other guys?
Thanks very much in advance for any help and advice!