Yeah, I know I sound funny!
May 20, 2010 10:54 AM Subscribe
How can I break up the monotony of first conversations? (+strange accent situation)
First, some context: I was born and raised in New Zealand, but I have a very strange accent: quite thick Californian with a lot of American phrases, but some words in a distinctly Kiwi accent too. I tend to mix Kiwi and American idiom completely obliviously. Short explanation: dad's an American emigre, mum's the daughter of emigres, I never had the strongest Kiwi accent and never fit in that well in NZ society, then I went travelling for three (3) months in the States and really really connected with the people I met, and had some wonderful personal experiences, and came away sounding American as fuck. I have spent 3 months total out of 21 years in the States.
People notice this immediately, and I often get asked (by New Zealanders!) where in the States I'm from. 99% of my first conversations with someone will be me explaining my accent. Sometimes people flat out refuse to believe me, sometimes people think I am an American pretending to be Kiwi, sometimes a Kiwi playing American.
And it does indeed get pretty boring - it's nice to be unique but I have to tell the story every time I meet someone, and that happens a lot. I don't like the feeling that having to go through the same spiel over and over makes me kinda terse either. And I'm kinda suspicious that my explanation isn't very attention-grabbing. I admit that I'm not too relaxed in conversations, so I was wondering if my mefites could offer me any tips on how to take this quirk and make good conversation out of it.
How to break up the monotony for me, how to make a more interesting story for them, how to turn the conversation on to the other person and get things flowing, etc. etc... general conversation tips would not be unwelcome either.
Also just to mention, I'm a uni student and conversations do not tend to be on the 'inspiring stories of personal growth' level, more the 'drinking story funny youtube video' kinda stuff.
Thank you!
First, some context: I was born and raised in New Zealand, but I have a very strange accent: quite thick Californian with a lot of American phrases, but some words in a distinctly Kiwi accent too. I tend to mix Kiwi and American idiom completely obliviously. Short explanation: dad's an American emigre, mum's the daughter of emigres, I never had the strongest Kiwi accent and never fit in that well in NZ society, then I went travelling for three (3) months in the States and really really connected with the people I met, and had some wonderful personal experiences, and came away sounding American as fuck. I have spent 3 months total out of 21 years in the States.
People notice this immediately, and I often get asked (by New Zealanders!) where in the States I'm from. 99% of my first conversations with someone will be me explaining my accent. Sometimes people flat out refuse to believe me, sometimes people think I am an American pretending to be Kiwi, sometimes a Kiwi playing American.
And it does indeed get pretty boring - it's nice to be unique but I have to tell the story every time I meet someone, and that happens a lot. I don't like the feeling that having to go through the same spiel over and over makes me kinda terse either. And I'm kinda suspicious that my explanation isn't very attention-grabbing. I admit that I'm not too relaxed in conversations, so I was wondering if my mefites could offer me any tips on how to take this quirk and make good conversation out of it.
How to break up the monotony for me, how to make a more interesting story for them, how to turn the conversation on to the other person and get things flowing, etc. etc... general conversation tips would not be unwelcome either.
Also just to mention, I'm a uni student and conversations do not tend to be on the 'inspiring stories of personal growth' level, more the 'drinking story funny youtube video' kinda stuff.
Thank you!
Depending on how truthful you feel you need to be, you could just make up different stories to entertain yourself. "Ah, well you see, I was kidnapped by a Californian cult at the age of 3...." or "You ever hear about those crazy brain injuries where the victim suddenly starts talking in a foreign accent? Would you believe...?
Really though, JJ86's answer is probably the better one.
posted by thebrokedown at 11:09 AM on May 20, 2010
Really though, JJ86's answer is probably the better one.
posted by thebrokedown at 11:09 AM on May 20, 2010
Best answer: My guess is that your story is too interesting rather than not interesting enough. The problem is that the people you are talking to don't have even the remotest chance of beating you at the "Stuff White People Like" competitive life-experience-through-travel game, and they think anything they try to say in reply will expose what they see as their provincialism.
posted by AlsoMike at 11:21 AM on May 20, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by AlsoMike at 11:21 AM on May 20, 2010 [2 favorites]
Short explanation: your dad is american. That can be the whole story if you like. My friend was born in Australia but has his dad's English accent.
posted by jacalata at 11:36 AM on May 20, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by jacalata at 11:36 AM on May 20, 2010 [2 favorites]
If you just want to give the briefest explanation possible so you can move on to other conversational topics, "My family is from the U.S. but I was born and raised in New Zealand, so I ended up with a mixed accent" should suffice.
posted by Jacqueline at 11:43 AM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Jacqueline at 11:43 AM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
One of my exes lived in Massachusetts, but spent most of her life between England and Texas. It made for an odd accent. When asked where she was from, she’d pick a country (occasionally it’d be imaginary), and stick with it for the entire conversation, making up more and more detailed lies about her childhood as she went on.
So that’s one way to deal with it.
Maybe you could make up some calling cards with the information on it?
posted by dinty_moore at 11:55 AM on May 20, 2010
So that’s one way to deal with it.
Maybe you could make up some calling cards with the information on it?
posted by dinty_moore at 11:55 AM on May 20, 2010
Best answer: I have a very strange first name that also happens to be a pop culture reference from well after my birth. Every single time I am introduced to someone new the conversation goes something like:
"Hi, I'm $256RealName."
"Like in $ConsumerProduct in $PopularMediaFranchise?"
"Yep."
"Is that a nickname?"
"No, that's my real name."
"Really? I've never heard that before. Where's it from?"
etc. etc.
When I don't feel like having the conversation, I shortcut it like this:
"Hi, I'm $256RealName."
"Like in $ConsumerProduct in $PopularMediaFranchise?"
"Yeah, I know. My parents were hippies. Anyway, $SomethingInterestingandUnrelated..."
In your case it would go more like:
"I noticed your accent. Where in the States are you from?"
"Oh, I'm a kiwi. Just my dad's American and I guess I picked up his accent. Anyway, $SomethingInterestingandUnrelated..."
You can't just refuse to address it, that will only make people more interested. But you can summarize and then change the subject.
The funny thing is that, while my parents were hippies, the story behind my name is actually somewhat interesting (to people who haven't heard it a million times. And, if I get to know someone, eventually I'll tell them about it. It's just that, like you, I don't want to have that story be the first one I'm obliged to tell in every single interaction I have.
posted by 256 at 12:33 PM on May 20, 2010 [3 favorites]
"Hi, I'm $256RealName."
"Like in $ConsumerProduct in $PopularMediaFranchise?"
"Yep."
"Is that a nickname?"
"No, that's my real name."
"Really? I've never heard that before. Where's it from?"
etc. etc.
When I don't feel like having the conversation, I shortcut it like this:
"Hi, I'm $256RealName."
"Like in $ConsumerProduct in $PopularMediaFranchise?"
"Yeah, I know. My parents were hippies. Anyway, $SomethingInterestingandUnrelated..."
In your case it would go more like:
"I noticed your accent. Where in the States are you from?"
"Oh, I'm a kiwi. Just my dad's American and I guess I picked up his accent. Anyway, $SomethingInterestingandUnrelated..."
You can't just refuse to address it, that will only make people more interested. But you can summarize and then change the subject.
The funny thing is that, while my parents were hippies, the story behind my name is actually somewhat interesting (to people who haven't heard it a million times. And, if I get to know someone, eventually I'll tell them about it. It's just that, like you, I don't want to have that story be the first one I'm obliged to tell in every single interaction I have.
posted by 256 at 12:33 PM on May 20, 2010 [3 favorites]
Oh, I'm actually South African/Scottish/Canadian/Japanese... If you make up a new answer each time, it adds to your mystique!
posted by chairface at 1:44 PM on May 20, 2010
posted by chairface at 1:44 PM on May 20, 2010
Response by poster: I like the idea of being intentionally obtuse, but it always seems like a thin line to me between playfully mysterious and just being a weird jerk. I'm not sure if the sorts of social settings I'm in don't lend themselves well to more intricate conversations. There tends to be a lot of beer and loud music involved when i meet people, and most convos are shouted.
posted by schmichael at 1:48 PM on May 20, 2010
posted by schmichael at 1:48 PM on May 20, 2010
Well you could do like the gecko in the Geico commercial and say "actually I'm from..." oops sorry, I have to take this call...
posted by MsKim at 3:46 PM on May 20, 2010
posted by MsKim at 3:46 PM on May 20, 2010
Nthing "short, truthful answer and immediate segue to something else." My finance has a noticeable Eastern European accent, and it's often the first thing people comment on. She's extremely graceful about not letting it dominate the conversation unless she wants it to; she just says what country she's from and moves on. No problem.
For what it's worth, it was the first thing I commented on when I met her. I now know that she's asked about it all the time, but from my perspective, I was looking for a hook for the conversation, and that was the first thing that presented itself. I wasn't trying to be tedious; I know that people with unusual names, height, tattoos, etc. often get asked about them immediately in "getting to know you" conversations. We're not all Noel Coward; other people can use a life raft in a conversation, too.
As far as general conversation tips, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a little dated and hokey, but its tips are pretty timeless.
posted by Clambone at 4:31 PM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
For what it's worth, it was the first thing I commented on when I met her. I now know that she's asked about it all the time, but from my perspective, I was looking for a hook for the conversation, and that was the first thing that presented itself. I wasn't trying to be tedious; I know that people with unusual names, height, tattoos, etc. often get asked about them immediately in "getting to know you" conversations. We're not all Noel Coward; other people can use a life raft in a conversation, too.
As far as general conversation tips, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a little dated and hokey, but its tips are pretty timeless.
posted by Clambone at 4:31 PM on May 20, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think you should get some business cards printed up, and when people ask you, you say, "This should explain everything," and hand them the card. And then they read the card, and it says, "This card doesn't actually explain anything, sorry. However, if you scratch it, it smells like strawberries." But it doesn't.
posted by Menthol at 5:11 PM on May 20, 2010 [7 favorites]
posted by Menthol at 5:11 PM on May 20, 2010 [7 favorites]
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posted by JJ86 at 11:00 AM on May 20, 2010