Creating a parody college application

May 13, 2010 7:37 PM

Quirky or unusual application/interview/survey questions?

I want a friend to teach me something (writing+a little art).

We have similar senses of humor, so I'm going to create a fake college application and fill it in as a prospective "student".

Right now I'm having a hard time coming up with interesting short answer/multiple choice questions that don't involve cheese. The most ideal questions would be almost plausible, but slightly off the wall, like "If there's no I in team, why is there meat?"

What suggestions have you, hive mind?

posted by itesser to grab bag (21 answers total)

"Where do you see yourself in 5 minutes?"
posted by The Whelk at 7:46 PM on May 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

Print a captcha on the paper application.
posted by schmod at 7:58 PM on May 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Alternatively, have that captcha be a colorblindness test.
posted by schmod at 7:59 PM on May 13, 2010

I once had a teacher who gave a surprise quiz and one of the two questions was, "What's the difference between a duck?"
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:11 PM on May 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

What would you do if you were God?



Correct answer: the same thing.
posted by philip-random at 8:12 PM on May 13, 2010

Think of your ideal day, and write a short paragraph describing its opposite.


What Cute Overload post do you feel best exemplifies your feelings about your educational career?


Please include any additional information you believe distinguishes you from other applicants.
posted by amtho at 8:12 PM on May 13, 2010

what would you say is your greatest week of the year?
posted by Solon and Thanks at 8:13 PM on May 13, 2010

"Legal Name"
"Illegal Name"

"A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, in what ways are you like most applicants to this school?"

"Are you holding?"
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:16 PM on May 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Why are manhole covers round?
posted by griphus at 8:29 PM on May 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

"How do your parents describe you?"
posted by lazywhinerkid at 8:35 PM on May 13, 2010

The University of Chicago is famous for its unusual application essays. Here are some from years past.
posted by coppermoss at 8:45 PM on May 13, 2010 [2 favorites]

"Why is a duck?" and other variations on anti-jokes.

("Because one leg is both the same.")
posted by danceswithlight at 8:47 PM on May 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

I was asked in an interview yesterday, "How do you make a hamburger?"
posted by DMan at 9:21 PM on May 13, 2010

Why are manhole covers round?

Because the public utility companies don't like Reuleaux polygons.
posted by tss at 10:43 PM on May 13, 2010

What would you do if you won a killer whale in a sweepstakes? You have 4 weeks of lead time to prepare, and the whale will be delivered to any place you choose.
posted by Afroblanco at 12:08 AM on May 14, 2010

(assume that the whale is alive, mature, and in good condition)
posted by Afroblanco at 12:09 AM on May 14, 2010

How's it going?

Are you going to finish that?

How is babby formed?

Describe a thing and explain how that thing affected some stuff.

Also, take a look at the completed questionnaires in the Rejection Collection books (cartoons by New Yorker artists that didn't make it!) - they include prompts for drawing and writing, and are really funny.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:21 AM on May 14, 2010

"In 15 words or less, justify your own existence."
posted by Mayor West at 4:34 AM on May 14, 2010

itesser: Right now I'm having a hard time coming up with interesting short answer/multiple choice questions that don't involve cheese.

Cheese seems like a great theme to tie it all together. Sprinkle cheese questions liberally throughout the whole thing. Here are some that spring to mind.

The city of Muenster was taken over by crazed Anabaptists in the 16th Century and was the site of a horrible massacre, yet today it's a delicious, delicous cheese. Why is that?

Europeans brought cheese to the New World. Is that adequate compensation for the decimation of the American peoples who were here before Columbus sailed the ocean blue?

In no fewer than 500 words, describe the heady bouquet of Limburger.

What is your favorite non-calf rennet?

Would you eat your mother if she were a cheese? What about your father or siblings? What if they were goat cheese?

In his Nicomachean Ethics Aristotle defines as his principal virtue what he calls megalopsychia, which often is translated to "greatness of soul" or "magnanimity" but there is much uncertainty what exactly the philosopher meant by the word and Aristotelians have debated its meaning for centuries. Could it be a type of cheese? If so, what kind?

Assume that Veganism is the correct moral philosophy, that not only is the eating of all flesh unethical but also the use and consumption of animal products. Would eating cheese in this world be worth an eternal damnation in the fires of Hell?
posted by Kattullus at 5:01 AM on May 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

All these answers are great, and exactly the kind of thing I'm looking for!

Thanks!
posted by itesser at 7:54 AM on May 14, 2010

I liked this question from the "Hey Ash Whatcha Playin'" FPP:

When poured onto cereal, is milk: a broth, a sauce, or a beverage?
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:32 PM on May 14, 2010