How can I remove my picture from a website without hurting a friend's mom?
April 12, 2010 4:11 AM   Subscribe

How can I remove my picture from a website without hurting a friend's mom?

So, my husband and I took some vacations in Peru. Naturally, I took pictures and put them on line (facebook). My husband later raised the concern that he (working in a sort of public business) wouldn't like to have personal pictures of him and his family. So I decided to google him to see if people would be able to find out about his private life.

When I did, I saw that somebody had put one of our pictures from Peru on this website that offers flats in Lima. They put us under a sign that says "people who stayed with us" And they even wrote our names! Later I realized that it was a friend's mom, who apparently has opened her house for backpackers.

The thing is, it pisses me off a little. We never stayed with them and I understand public domain and how things I post are...public, but outright lying, and using my pictures and our names without asking me...it bothers me.

Please tell me if you think it isn't such a big deal. I would have liked it if they had asked about it. But name and last name, I dunno. It makes me feel uncomfortable. If you think I should actually do something about it, what, and how?
posted by Tarumba to Human Relations (13 answers total)
 
If you think I should actually do something about it, what, and how?

Send them a note saying you are not comfortable having your name and photo on the internet. It is a reasonable request and they should accommodate you just fine (especially considering you never even stayed with them.)
posted by Hiker at 4:16 AM on April 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


Best answer: I'd be angry too, and you could threaten to sue (not sure you could win, though). I think a mildly-worded request would surely convince her to take it down, though. What about sending her an email like this (cc-ing your friend, whose mother is running this business):

Hi [Name],

My husband is concerned about having our family's photos in the Internet because he works for [Business]. I googled our name, and found our photo on your website! Could you please remove the photo and our name, so we can keep our privacy?

Your flat looks lovely. We hope to see it (in real life, not virtually) someday.

Thanks in advance,

Tarumba
posted by Houstonian at 4:18 AM on April 12, 2010 [7 favorites]


If they didn't take the photograph and they didn't get permission to do it, then they aren't really allowed to use it. There is no public domain about it. They've stolen the photograph and used it in advertising their business.

You could be nice and just ask that it be taken down, or you could send them an invoice and get paid for the advertising time that your picture was up there. I get the idea that you just want the picture down though. Regardless, get the idea that you put it on the internet so it's fair game out of your head. Putting this online does not put it into the public domain.
posted by theichibun at 4:33 AM on April 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


Just ask them to remove it. They clearly shouldn't have done so in the first place. Don't say anything else when you contact them and don't apologize.
posted by beerbajay at 4:52 AM on April 12, 2010


Did they take the pic or did you ?
posted by majortom1981 at 5:06 AM on April 12, 2010


Remarkably, a lot of people are still under the impression that "it's free because it's on the internet!", so don't be surprised if they get sniffy at you. If all you want is to have your picture taken down and not ruffle any feathers, to avoid problems with your friend, just say "I saw that you used our pictures on the website - could you do me a favour and take them down?"

I find it helpful to explain it with something mysterious like "we have had problems in the past concerning pictures of us in the internet. You know how it is."

If you meet resistance you can step it up a notch.
posted by Omnomnom at 5:10 AM on April 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: Oh they didn't take the pic, We got it in circumstances completely unrelated to them. I'm sure they got the pic from facebook, because it's the only place were I have it "in public" and because her daughter is my friend (only friends can see my profile).

I think I could ask my friend about it? I will definitely write them a note.

Thanks!
posted by Tarumba at 6:45 AM on April 12, 2010


I don't see a reason to ask your friend about it. Speak with the family directly. You did not release the picture to them for use. Additionally, you stated you did not stay there. The use of your picture and names in this context is false advertising. Tell them to take down the pic and your names because of these two reasons. If not, you have reason to put negative reviews of their business out in the public domain.
posted by onhazier at 6:57 AM on April 12, 2010


Best answer: The great thing about friends is you can just talk to them honestly. The first approach should be a polite and simple "hey, we'd rather you didn't use that photo of ours to advertise your place...." There is no reason to start talking about laws and lawyers and permission at first when friends are involved - they probably haven't thought of any of this, and if someone did the same to them, they probably wouldn't care. And that's okay.
If they are friends, they should be willing to either take it down or convince you to let them keep it up, without any hard feelings whatsoever.

If not, they aren't really friends, and you do what you feel you need to do to feel right about the situation.
posted by TravellingDen at 7:40 AM on April 12, 2010


My husband later raised the concern that he (working in a sort of public business) wouldn't like to have personal pictures of him and his family.

I think you should just e-mail the friend and ask them to take the information and picture down. However, I would suggest that your husband is being overly concerned, if these were just extremely vanilla, normal vacation pictures. As a customer, I wouldn't find anything at all offensive or wrong about finding such pictures via google or even facebook. Also, keep in mind that you can increase your privacy settings on facebook so that only your friends can see pictures you post.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:59 AM on April 12, 2010


Best answer: If the only problem is the connection between your name and picture, you could just explain the circumstances with your husband's job and ask your mom's friend to change the name on the picture to something fictitious. Since they are already willing to lie that you stayed with them, why not invent the names, too? No reason to hurt her feelings, just explain why you can't have your name with the picture.

Once it's out there, it's in the archives forever, but at least this means that there would be fewer ties between the pic and your names, so someone searching your husband's name is less likely to find that picture without some effort.
posted by parkerjackson at 8:00 AM on April 12, 2010


Understand that she is totally in the wrong here. You have nothing to apologize for in asking her to remove the picture. The fact is she stole the picture from your Facebook page and used it to falsely advertise her flat. Even more appalling, she used your real, full names to do this. I would be pissed if anyone, friend or not, used me for that purpose without even asking permission or at least letting me know. I doubt the woman ever thought you'd find out about it, and she had to have known what she was doing since she would know you've never stayed there and lied to the public about it. Very shady.
posted by wondermouse at 9:48 AM on April 12, 2010 [1 favorite]


I would not frame this, personally, as 'Husband is sensitive about his online presence, you know how it is...' but as 'You can't use our names and photo to advertise your flat. Please remove them.' Your reasons for wanting this done are none of their business.
If it were me, because it's a friend's mother I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they didn't know what they were doing, but I would still insist politely but firmly that the names and photo be taken down. Unless they refused or left them up anyway, at which point I would, with a show of reluctance, threaten or take the appropriate legal moves (whatever they may be). Also, I would contact the mother directly unless the friend had some part in it (maybe they passed the photo on to mum?)
I would hit the roof if this happened to me. Good luck.
posted by k_tron at 4:48 PM on April 12, 2010 [2 favorites]


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