Inspirational stories need to regain hope
March 2, 2010 7:03 AM Subscribe
Does anyone have or know of an inspirational story about someone who lost everything and had to start over in mid-life? What helped get through the low period and start over?
I have a friend who was an executive at a multinational firm, the company pulled out of the U.S. and he had the choice to go to Europe with them, but decided to stay, and lose his job, due to his recent divorce and child custody issues. A year went by and no equivalent job has turned up. He can't get a lesser job in same field because no one will hire "over-qualified." It appears he will have to start over, but he is struggling with loss of hope, confidence, and also feeling bitter that the world is "against him."
He is smart, attractive, and good personality, but seems to want to give up. Anyone know of someone who has overcome this and how?
I have a friend who was an executive at a multinational firm, the company pulled out of the U.S. and he had the choice to go to Europe with them, but decided to stay, and lose his job, due to his recent divorce and child custody issues. A year went by and no equivalent job has turned up. He can't get a lesser job in same field because no one will hire "over-qualified." It appears he will have to start over, but he is struggling with loss of hope, confidence, and also feeling bitter that the world is "against him."
He is smart, attractive, and good personality, but seems to want to give up. Anyone know of someone who has overcome this and how?
Ooh. I'm 25, and there's a lot of pressure on young people to "do something" with their life, so whenever I come across a story like that, or a person that's done something like that when they're older, it sticks with me... kind of a relief to know you're never really stuck on any given path. Personally, the coolest older people I've met are ones that have hopped across multiple careers that barely have anything to do with one another; those same people seem to be always reading and learning and trying to keep from stagnating, and they're a huge inspiration to me. I've never been as inspired by someone who kept the same career their whole life -- aside from famous people, for your average person keeping the same career tends to translate into doing the exact same thing for years upon years. I dunno, it's always struck me as dreary.
Anyway, examples. I always found Harvey Milk's story inspiring as an example of the whole "it's never too late to drastically change your life or do something meaningful" idea. When he got to San Francisco he had hardly any money. The movie Milk is much abridged, but the feeling of starting one's life over entirely in middle age comes across strongly -- might be more effective than reading a Wikipedia article, and even if it doesn't help it'll have been a couple hours used watching a great movie.
Mark Twain didn't write Tom Sawyer until he was in his 40s. Before that, he just had a series of odd jobs. I've always liked the idea that if one career doesn't work out, it's never wasted -- you can use that experience even for something vastly different. There's a pressure on people to pick a path and stick with it, but if you think about it, that's kind of arbitrary and often boring, and especially nowadays some of the coolest jobs are for people with experience in disparate areas.
Tangent here, but: The book A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink gets into that; might help your friend jog his imagination for new jobs to look for -- not because it's a book about finding particular jobs, but because it might help him to get a new perspective on his skillset and how useful it could be for jobs he'd never thought of. Another book that comes to mind is Refuse to Choose! by Barbara Sher -- its audience is people that don't want to stick to one career path, so maybe reading about why that's so appealing to so many people will help your friend feel less depressed about having to start over, and more excited.
Along the lines of Mark Twain, there are tons of authors that didn't start writing until they were middle-aged or older. Musicians are another group where some of them didn't start seriously writing and performing their own music until they were middle-aged -- although that seems to be less the case in my generation.
I'll comment again if I think of more specific examples; it's way early right now, heh.
posted by Nattie at 7:35 AM on March 2, 2010 [9 favorites]
Anyway, examples. I always found Harvey Milk's story inspiring as an example of the whole "it's never too late to drastically change your life or do something meaningful" idea. When he got to San Francisco he had hardly any money. The movie Milk is much abridged, but the feeling of starting one's life over entirely in middle age comes across strongly -- might be more effective than reading a Wikipedia article, and even if it doesn't help it'll have been a couple hours used watching a great movie.
Mark Twain didn't write Tom Sawyer until he was in his 40s. Before that, he just had a series of odd jobs. I've always liked the idea that if one career doesn't work out, it's never wasted -- you can use that experience even for something vastly different. There's a pressure on people to pick a path and stick with it, but if you think about it, that's kind of arbitrary and often boring, and especially nowadays some of the coolest jobs are for people with experience in disparate areas.
Tangent here, but: The book A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink gets into that; might help your friend jog his imagination for new jobs to look for -- not because it's a book about finding particular jobs, but because it might help him to get a new perspective on his skillset and how useful it could be for jobs he'd never thought of. Another book that comes to mind is Refuse to Choose! by Barbara Sher -- its audience is people that don't want to stick to one career path, so maybe reading about why that's so appealing to so many people will help your friend feel less depressed about having to start over, and more excited.
Along the lines of Mark Twain, there are tons of authors that didn't start writing until they were middle-aged or older. Musicians are another group where some of them didn't start seriously writing and performing their own music until they were middle-aged -- although that seems to be less the case in my generation.
I'll comment again if I think of more specific examples; it's way early right now, heh.
posted by Nattie at 7:35 AM on March 2, 2010 [9 favorites]
Mine happened at quarter-life (well, at least I certainly hope it was at quarter-life and not mid-life, given I was 28 at the time...). Long story short, I'd been in an increasingly abusive relationship for several years, had difficulty getting hired since I was in the catch-22 of being a foreigner who couldn't get a work permit without first, y'know, getting hired, and although my freelance business was strong, it was nonetheless freelancing, which meant irregular revenues, the occasional client who paid late (or not at all), that sort of thing.
I left my boyfriend after a perfect storm of him hitting me, threatening my life, and proposing marriage so that he could sleep with other women who flirted with him without needing to commit (yes, he put his proposal in those words). This was in April of 2004. He took everything except for my clothes. The apartment (lease solely in his name, since, again, I was a foreigner without a job contract), car (ditto), furniture, cookware, computer (my livelihood, since I was a freelancer) and cat. Yes. He took my cat and gave him (the cat) away as a Christmas present. To the best friend of his new girlfriend. After having invited me to his place to take care of my cat while he (ex-bf) was away on Christmas vacation.
Ever tried convincing a landlord that you'll be a good renter despite the fact that you have no guarantor, no family in the country, no job contract, and irregular income? It doesn't work. I lived in a hotel apartment for half a year. Imagine my depression... I had nothing but clothes and the cheapest laptop I could afford, and couldn't return to my home country, the US, for both financial, familial, and health reasons. Because on top of everything else, I'd grown up in an abusive family (parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents) and I have a preexisting condition — freelancing and preexisting conditions do not go well together in the US.
I continued blogging throughout this, doing what I could to get by. Thanks to my blog, the amazing occurred: two fellow translators who read my blog and owned rental properties in my city, had a furnished apartment opening up for rental. They emailed me and asked if I'd like it. I gladly accepted their generosity. (They've become good friends.) A few months later, one of my favorite clients called me onto a new project, which eventually turned into a permanent job contract; I'd finally lived in France long enough to earn a residence permit, which allows you to work without the extra hassle of temporary, year-long permits you get before qualifying for that one. (Long story.) So they were able to hire me without a problem.
The best friend of my ex's girlfriend got tired of my cat's fur (her words) and gave my cat back to me. Yay!
With a regular income and my own place, I was able to slowly buy furniture and put money towards savings. Two years ago — four years after the nasty breakup — I purchased my own apartment.
Now I'm doing great. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy and know what it means to be free. Being forced to depend on myself was an excellent learning experience, if frightening and depressing at times.
Has your friend considered becoming a freelance business consultant? (Yeah, I know, after what I said about freelancing... but it will at least give him an income and something constructive to focus on.)
posted by fraula at 7:48 AM on March 2, 2010 [13 favorites]
I left my boyfriend after a perfect storm of him hitting me, threatening my life, and proposing marriage so that he could sleep with other women who flirted with him without needing to commit (yes, he put his proposal in those words). This was in April of 2004. He took everything except for my clothes. The apartment (lease solely in his name, since, again, I was a foreigner without a job contract), car (ditto), furniture, cookware, computer (my livelihood, since I was a freelancer) and cat. Yes. He took my cat and gave him (the cat) away as a Christmas present. To the best friend of his new girlfriend. After having invited me to his place to take care of my cat while he (ex-bf) was away on Christmas vacation.
Ever tried convincing a landlord that you'll be a good renter despite the fact that you have no guarantor, no family in the country, no job contract, and irregular income? It doesn't work. I lived in a hotel apartment for half a year. Imagine my depression... I had nothing but clothes and the cheapest laptop I could afford, and couldn't return to my home country, the US, for both financial, familial, and health reasons. Because on top of everything else, I'd grown up in an abusive family (parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents) and I have a preexisting condition — freelancing and preexisting conditions do not go well together in the US.
I continued blogging throughout this, doing what I could to get by. Thanks to my blog, the amazing occurred: two fellow translators who read my blog and owned rental properties in my city, had a furnished apartment opening up for rental. They emailed me and asked if I'd like it. I gladly accepted their generosity. (They've become good friends.) A few months later, one of my favorite clients called me onto a new project, which eventually turned into a permanent job contract; I'd finally lived in France long enough to earn a residence permit, which allows you to work without the extra hassle of temporary, year-long permits you get before qualifying for that one. (Long story.) So they were able to hire me without a problem.
The best friend of my ex's girlfriend got tired of my cat's fur (her words) and gave my cat back to me. Yay!
With a regular income and my own place, I was able to slowly buy furniture and put money towards savings. Two years ago — four years after the nasty breakup — I purchased my own apartment.
Now I'm doing great. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy and know what it means to be free. Being forced to depend on myself was an excellent learning experience, if frightening and depressing at times.
Has your friend considered becoming a freelance business consultant? (Yeah, I know, after what I said about freelancing... but it will at least give him an income and something constructive to focus on.)
posted by fraula at 7:48 AM on March 2, 2010 [13 favorites]
Should have added: freelancing in something you love is also a great way to build a network. In essence that's how I got my job; I'd networked with the right people and my name was on their minds when a position came up.
posted by fraula at 7:53 AM on March 2, 2010
posted by fraula at 7:53 AM on March 2, 2010
The Cliff Walk by Don Snyder is exactly this type of thing.
posted by something something at 7:55 AM on March 2, 2010
posted by something something at 7:55 AM on March 2, 2010
Frank O'Dea overcame homelessness before founding the Canadian coffee shop chain Second Cup, which now has 360 stores in Canada.
posted by orange swan at 8:01 AM on March 2, 2010
posted by orange swan at 8:01 AM on March 2, 2010
By age 32, Buckminster Fuller was broke, jobless, drunk much of the time, and had lost a child to spinal meningitis. He contemplated suicide, but instead decided to embark on "an experiment, to find what a single individual [could] contribute to changing the world and benefiting all humanity".
He went on to change the way people thought about design, architecture, humanism, and renewable energy. He lived to be 87.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 8:14 AM on March 2, 2010 [4 favorites]
He went on to change the way people thought about design, architecture, humanism, and renewable energy. He lived to be 87.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 8:14 AM on March 2, 2010 [4 favorites]
Yup, I came by to mention Fuller too.
posted by crocomancer at 8:23 AM on March 2, 2010
posted by crocomancer at 8:23 AM on March 2, 2010
The Pursuit of Happyness is based on a real guy.
posted by cecic at 8:37 AM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by cecic at 8:37 AM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]
Nthing Fuller - he's written some good autobiographical material.
posted by phrontist at 8:38 AM on March 2, 2010
posted by phrontist at 8:38 AM on March 2, 2010
Response by poster: fraula - thanks for your story, that truly is inspirational. Good luck to you!
Nattie - what a great outlook on life, thanks for sharing that. I have not seen Milk, I will have to watch it.
Thanks for the book & story recommendations, I have placed my order for The Cliff Walk, and When All You Have Is Hope By Frank O'Dea (Canadian Edition).
I will check Fuller, he sounds interesting.
Thanks all!
posted by Goodgrief at 8:54 AM on March 2, 2010
Nattie - what a great outlook on life, thanks for sharing that. I have not seen Milk, I will have to watch it.
Thanks for the book & story recommendations, I have placed my order for The Cliff Walk, and When All You Have Is Hope By Frank O'Dea (Canadian Edition).
I will check Fuller, he sounds interesting.
Thanks all!
posted by Goodgrief at 8:54 AM on March 2, 2010
This sounds strikingly similar to How Starbucks Saved My Life, by Michael Gates Gill:
The son of New Yorker writer Brendan Gill grew up meeting the likes of Ezra Pound and Ernest Hemingway. A Yale education led to a job at prestigious J. Walter Thompson Advertising. But at 63, the younger Gill's sweet life has gone sour. Long fired from JWT, his own business is collapsing and an ill-advised affair has resulted in a new son and a divorce. At this low point, and in need of health insurance for a just diagnosed brain tumor, Gill fills out an application for Starbucks and is assigned to the store on 93rd and Broadway in New York City, staffed primarily by African-Americans.
I will confess that I only heard of the book because a family member of mine once knew Gill in passing, and that I didn't think the book was a masterpiece of literature. But it is interesting, and does seem weirdly appropriate here.
posted by sallybrown at 12:17 PM on March 2, 2010
The son of New Yorker writer Brendan Gill grew up meeting the likes of Ezra Pound and Ernest Hemingway. A Yale education led to a job at prestigious J. Walter Thompson Advertising. But at 63, the younger Gill's sweet life has gone sour. Long fired from JWT, his own business is collapsing and an ill-advised affair has resulted in a new son and a divorce. At this low point, and in need of health insurance for a just diagnosed brain tumor, Gill fills out an application for Starbucks and is assigned to the store on 93rd and Broadway in New York City, staffed primarily by African-Americans.
I will confess that I only heard of the book because a family member of mine once knew Gill in passing, and that I didn't think the book was a masterpiece of literature. But it is interesting, and does seem weirdly appropriate here.
posted by sallybrown at 12:17 PM on March 2, 2010
I love JK Rowling's 2008 Harvard commencement speech about failure.
posted by pear at 1:22 PM on March 2, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by pear at 1:22 PM on March 2, 2010 [2 favorites]
I went through a bit of a mess in the last few years. Sorry if this gets long...
Lost my job, dealt with a sick family member which didn't allow me the time or flexibility to look for a new one, 7 year marriage ended, kicked out of house (not in my name), due to financial collapse I was unable to find a job in my chosen career (staring down 2 years of unemployment), loss of almost all my friends, having to find an apartment with zero income...I really thought I was cooked. Lost everything at 30.
I'm still not sure what got me through. I was depressed, I was angry, I was terrified, I was sad, I was bitter...but underneath the swirl of emotions surrounding my situation, I knew one thing: I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I dedicated myself to getting there. It was like, the first step to getting "whole" again was getting my career back and that was my sole focus. I got a million rejections for being "over qualified," which I was, but I just kept going. I had to be upfront and say, "Look, the economy is making finding a job difficult, I've been out of it due to a family illness and I'm willing to start over and work my way up, here's where my experience can actually HELP you, etc..." I applied for jobs literally like the one I took right out of college 8 years earlier. It didn't matter. If it was in my industry I applied, even to work for people with whom I used to work side-by-side. And I told everyone I was doing it. In the meantime, I took a temp job with a friend of a friend that I hated so much the stress made me lose my hair and 40 lbs. It was awful. And I did it every day for 8 months, because it was the only job I could find (and my boss knew it.)
Finally, about 2 years after I lost my last job, I was hired in my new one. Which, btw, is a dream and ended up being at a higher level than my previous one. I don't know if it was because of luck or sheer belief in what I was doing, but it happened, and stuff like that never happens to me. Once I started my new job, everything did a 180. I started meeting new people, making new friends, having money to pay off debts and generally feeling like a productive member of society. I became Buzzkillington 2.0, the new and improved, happier and healthier, stronger and smarter version.
I know that's just my path - I knew that getting my career back would be the "missing piece" that would help make me whole again. That "missing piece" may be something else for your friend, but I feel like that singular focus helped me get to who I am today.
Ovid said it first: "Have patience and endure; this unhappiness will soon be benficial," and he was right. So right I tattooed it on my body to remind me of what I went through and how I got through it alive.
I don't know if my story can help your friend, but I hope he takes all of these responses to heart and can get back on his feet again. It is possible, it does happen and it can happen to him.
posted by buzzkillington at 1:51 PM on March 2, 2010 [8 favorites]
Lost my job, dealt with a sick family member which didn't allow me the time or flexibility to look for a new one, 7 year marriage ended, kicked out of house (not in my name), due to financial collapse I was unable to find a job in my chosen career (staring down 2 years of unemployment), loss of almost all my friends, having to find an apartment with zero income...I really thought I was cooked. Lost everything at 30.
I'm still not sure what got me through. I was depressed, I was angry, I was terrified, I was sad, I was bitter...but underneath the swirl of emotions surrounding my situation, I knew one thing: I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I dedicated myself to getting there. It was like, the first step to getting "whole" again was getting my career back and that was my sole focus. I got a million rejections for being "over qualified," which I was, but I just kept going. I had to be upfront and say, "Look, the economy is making finding a job difficult, I've been out of it due to a family illness and I'm willing to start over and work my way up, here's where my experience can actually HELP you, etc..." I applied for jobs literally like the one I took right out of college 8 years earlier. It didn't matter. If it was in my industry I applied, even to work for people with whom I used to work side-by-side. And I told everyone I was doing it. In the meantime, I took a temp job with a friend of a friend that I hated so much the stress made me lose my hair and 40 lbs. It was awful. And I did it every day for 8 months, because it was the only job I could find (and my boss knew it.)
Finally, about 2 years after I lost my last job, I was hired in my new one. Which, btw, is a dream and ended up being at a higher level than my previous one. I don't know if it was because of luck or sheer belief in what I was doing, but it happened, and stuff like that never happens to me. Once I started my new job, everything did a 180. I started meeting new people, making new friends, having money to pay off debts and generally feeling like a productive member of society. I became Buzzkillington 2.0, the new and improved, happier and healthier, stronger and smarter version.
I know that's just my path - I knew that getting my career back would be the "missing piece" that would help make me whole again. That "missing piece" may be something else for your friend, but I feel like that singular focus helped me get to who I am today.
Ovid said it first: "Have patience and endure; this unhappiness will soon be benficial," and he was right. So right I tattooed it on my body to remind me of what I went through and how I got through it alive.
I don't know if my story can help your friend, but I hope he takes all of these responses to heart and can get back on his feet again. It is possible, it does happen and it can happen to him.
posted by buzzkillington at 1:51 PM on March 2, 2010 [8 favorites]
I lost everything I had several years ago through a car accident and it's fallout. No need to go into details but I was scared beyond belief. Then a really interesting thing happened...I woke up one morning and my first thought was "I'm still here." It was the beginning of something that I've tried and tried to recapture. I can't describe it adequately, other than to say that it was grace. I finally knew that all the stuff is just stuff, and that we're all frightened, and the best I could do was just give myself to the people around me. My life was magic for several months, and I can pinpoint the very moment it started slipping away from me. Life is fine now and I wouldn't want to go through that again, but I've just never been able to get behind the veil in the same way again. And that's all I actually want.
posted by Gusaroo at 5:33 PM on March 2, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Gusaroo at 5:33 PM on March 2, 2010 [2 favorites]
I think Viktor Frankl would be a classic, although also a bit extreme, example - you might look at his book "Man's Search For Meaning"
posted by jarekr at 11:05 PM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by jarekr at 11:05 PM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]
Oh yes, seconding Viktor Frankl! It's very inspiring, both because he survived the Holocaust and went on to do something with his life, which is way more trying than just losing one's jobs, but also because his perspective on such horrible, dehumanizing experiences is that they give you a chance for moral greatness you do not often get (whether you survive or not). After I read Man's Search for Meaning I've had this automatic echo in my head that says "I can endure anything" whenever I've had to deal with something upsetting. I've found it a helpful perspective to take, especially when it can be so much more tempting to ruminate on how your life is surely ruined.
posted by Nattie at 6:35 AM on March 3, 2010
posted by Nattie at 6:35 AM on March 3, 2010
Response by poster: I read the JK Rowling speech, it is great. She makes a comment about hitting rock bottom and building on that as her foundation (not an exact quote but the idea) that I really like, it is a great speech though.
Thanks for your story Buzzkillington, that is very similar to my friend, I am glad you came out on top!
He has already read Man's Search for Meaning. I am not sure that it wasn't too remote for him to connect with? It is truly a great story though. I think that "everyday" stories are most inspirational because we can relate to them. There are the great artists and writers that had their ups and downs, and there are the horrors and tragedies of war, but those stories are so far from our reality, it seems hard to apply their lessons to our everyday life.
I don't know where he will find inspiration, but the more ideas the better for him and anyone else in need of a hopeful story right now.
thanks again for your help everyone.
posted by Goodgrief at 3:28 PM on March 3, 2010
Thanks for your story Buzzkillington, that is very similar to my friend, I am glad you came out on top!
He has already read Man's Search for Meaning. I am not sure that it wasn't too remote for him to connect with? It is truly a great story though. I think that "everyday" stories are most inspirational because we can relate to them. There are the great artists and writers that had their ups and downs, and there are the horrors and tragedies of war, but those stories are so far from our reality, it seems hard to apply their lessons to our everyday life.
I don't know where he will find inspiration, but the more ideas the better for him and anyone else in need of a hopeful story right now.
thanks again for your help everyone.
posted by Goodgrief at 3:28 PM on March 3, 2010
By age 32, Buckminster Fuller was broke
Yup, I came by to mention Fuller too.
Nthing Fuller - he's written some good autobiographical material.
Would it have killed one of you to include a link?
posted by mlis at 10:44 PM on March 3, 2010
Yup, I came by to mention Fuller too.
Nthing Fuller - he's written some good autobiographical material.
Would it have killed one of you to include a link?
posted by mlis at 10:44 PM on March 3, 2010
This may be relevant to your interests.
Starting Over at 55.
posted by MesoFilter at 1:55 PM on March 4, 2010
Starting Over at 55.
posted by MesoFilter at 1:55 PM on March 4, 2010
This Esquire profile of Roger Ebert (which I learned about from this FPP) was really inspiring to me. Ebert certainly hasn't lost everything by any means - he still has a loving wife, a rewarding career, and genuine appreciation from his peers and his readers - but he has lost his jaw and chunks of his bones, his voice, and his ability to eat or drink.
Best of luck, and many inspirational thoughts, to your friend.
posted by kristi at 2:38 PM on March 4, 2010
Best of luck, and many inspirational thoughts, to your friend.
posted by kristi at 2:38 PM on March 4, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by kittyprecious at 7:13 AM on March 2, 2010