All I want for Christmas is...two butt cheeks

December 17, 2009 9:01 PM

Ravenously hungry in the middle of the night, lazy, and bored with my known options. Also: eating plenty in the daylight. Bonus round: I'm poor.

I've been adding some physical activity to my life. 10 - 20 minutes of bike riding, 2-4 days a week. I got the brilliant idea that building some upper body strength would improve my confidence, so I went to a rock climbing gym. Which I love. I'll be going back (the confidence? I brought some of it home from the gym! It doesn't even smell bad!).

But. I'm already to small for the regular adult harness. I eat nearly all day long - nuts, fruit, cheese ravioli, ice cream when it's BOGO at Publix. I try to drink juice instead of water (again, I stock up at sales) and I just started making alcoholic drinks with I syrup, limes, and seltzer.

Oatmeal with whole milk for breakfast. Eggs. Plenty of bacon (on sale a lot! I have 2 packs in the freezer!), fruit, and fresh veggies in my diet.

I carry candy bars everywhere when if remember to look for them cheap - bags of Baby Ruth bars were on sale last week.

I live alone, so buying bread is not cost effective, especially as even when toasted, previously frozen bread is...ick.
Protein shakes are expensive, the stuff made with powder requires lots of willpower (to be less polite, that shit is nasty) and I really think eating is fun. I don't want my unconceived children to ever see me choking down something I clearly don't enjoy.
Help me improve my lifestyle, not just find a quick fix. Exercise depletes my calories quickly. Before I added the climbing 2 days ago I was down 10 pounds below my comfort level. If I can't stem this tide, I'll have to quit climbing. (also, I got a package deal with a harness that's too big. If I keep going with this I need to sell it and buy one that fits, but I'm not investing until Im pretty sure I can sustain it.)

Metafilter, fatten me up. Delicious beans and rice recipes that feature
lard? Yes please. Websites for reaaly good grocery coupons on junk food I can eat at home? (I like doritoes, and ice cream, but sadly I often prefer more natural choices. Butter is natural though...) I'd like things I can prepare ahead, that might freeze well (or not), some things that require little prep - adding calories to a hot dog? I'm game.

My bloodwork is good, you are not my doctor, and I am not asking for medical advice.i

posted by bilabial to Food & Drink (20 answers total)

Drink milk, lots of it.
posted by axismundi at 9:23 PM on December 17, 2009

I asked a similar question a while back which might have some useful answers for you.
posted by frobozz at 9:28 PM on December 17, 2009

rice! RICE! rice is delicious, easy to make, super cheap to buy. saute some garlic in butter, add rice, and you've got super delicious fried rice that goes with nearly anything. add eggs! add! scallions! add shrimp! add anything you've got in the house!
posted by lia at 9:31 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

How about a milkshake with whole milk and ice cream? Or whole milk and yogurt? Add in some peanut butter.

Actually, peanut butter on anything would be good. Apples and peanut butter are yummy.

I'd skip the juice and go for water, and instead try to get those calories in food. Maybe you are filling up on the juice too much?
posted by bluedaisy at 9:38 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Second milk. The cheapest source of protein in bulk you're going to find. Especially if you're ramping up your activity level, your muscles want you to eat more.

Eat something first thing when you get up, don't wait - this helps immensely. Eat lunch. Have a mid-afternoon snack. Eat dinner. Then, have a snack before bed. Drink milk all day long. Each meal should be about a palm-sized portion of lean protein, like a chicken breast (the grocery store whole cooked chickens in the deli are pretty inexpensive, and ideal for lazy non-cooks like me,) plus about twice that much of a carbohydrate, preferably non-bread or potato. I like to chop up an apple.

If you find that's still not enough, you want to add more fat, not carbs. A handful of almonds doesn't seem like much to eat, but will stave off the hunger pangs for quite a while.
posted by ctmf at 9:46 PM on December 17, 2009

Most granolas, especially the homemade kind, are high in protein, complex carbs and fat in good proportions and it can be eaten dry, with whole milk, mixed with yogurt or heated with butter and milk. if you make it you can fine-tune the flavors and include local honey, for instance.

Plus, it keeps you full as HELL if you eat 2/3-1 cup at once. For me, I can go almost 9 hours without eating... maybe this would help with the ravenous part? If you make granola at home from the bulk bins at, say, Kroger it might be cheaper than buying the prepackaged variety. Target has a lot of things like this in their store brand snack food aisles.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 9:48 PM on December 17, 2009

Drink big Belgian Trappist Ales like Chimay.
posted by bonobothegreat at 10:21 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

I live alone, so buying bread is not cost effective

so make your own? it tastes better (and is cheaper) and you can put whatever stuff you want in it (butter, eggs, whole wheat flour, etc). I do have a bread machine, but it's not necessary if you have the time to do it yourself. I use the machine at least once a week.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 10:22 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm a bit surprised by all the dairy-pushing here. If you're going to overdose on cow products, I suggest you go organic; otherwise, you may be pumping your body full of hormones.

In my experience, quality is more important than quantity. Better to have loads of vegetables, protein like chicken and tuna, and carbs like rice, potatoes and pasta, rather than filling up on bacon, Doritos and ice cream.
posted by Paris Elk at 10:23 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm a bit surprised by all the dairy-pushing here. If you're going to overdose on cow products, I suggest you go organic; otherwise, you may be pumping your body full of hormones.
I drink organic milk, but even many of the major (non-organic) brands have stopped using growth hormones in response to the vast public outcry in the past couple of years.
posted by ishotjr at 11:22 PM on December 17, 2009 [2 favorites]

Bake a bunch of russet potatoes a day ahead, and store them in the fridge. Then, when you're hungry, cut one in half, warm it a bit in the microwave, butter it if you like, put some cheese on the halves and broil them in the oven until the cheese is golden brown. Add salt and pepper.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:36 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Rice and beans fuel poor folk everywhere, in some combination or another. Dried beans cost something like 1/10th the price of canned beans, and all you need to do is soak them overnight. You can make batches of plain cooked beans and freeze them in one person portions, and thaw them as required.

Some rice and bean combos include:

-Short grain rice and black beans with garlic and cilantro
-Japanese sushi rice and soy beans with mirin and bonito flakes (plus anything pickled you want)
-red beans and rice with some chopped up bacon and dark greens
-brown rice and pinto beans with chili powder and a chopped pepper
-jasmine rice and chickpeas with cumin, mint and almonds

Really, take any type of rice + any type of bean (or multiple types of beans) + salt +something green + bonus flavors and you're good to go. Make your batches of beans ahead of time, and use a rice cooker so you don't burn anything. Flavor your beans however you like, get creative, and put whatever is getting a little old in the fridge chopped up and sauteed on top. Bonus round: fried egg on top.
posted by Mizu at 11:39 PM on December 17, 2009 [4 favorites]

Cook with more good oil (eg olive oil), add more oily dressing. Eat peanut butter sandwiches. Eat nuts. Eat boiled eggs. Eat sweet potatoes/yams (they roast up nice and can be microwaved easily and are filling).
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 11:42 PM on December 17, 2009 [1 favorite]

Agree with ArgentCorvid's Bread machine - The machines are $5-$20 at thrift shops, and the bread is <$1/loaf if you buy yeast in bulk. The two-pound loaves last me for a week of lunches or so, and it keeps fine if you keep it in plastic in the fridge.
posted by Orb2069 at 11:44 PM on December 17, 2009

Butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon on toast.
French toast keeps ok for a week in the fridge.
Whipping cream probably has one of the highest calorie / weight ratios of any food. Add sugar and a bit of rum and put it on everything.
Coconut milk based Thai curries are also incredibly caloric.
Anything with cream cheese, esp. dips, and in general all whole milk cheese is high calorie.
posted by benzenedream at 12:30 AM on December 18, 2009

Look into the more interesting whole grains, many of which contain protein AND complex carbohydrates. Quinoa, millet, bulgur, amaranth, barley, etc. You can use them as an alternate for your breakfast oatmeal, or you can make dinner with any of them (or a mixture, cooking times vary, so you need to add them in order of how long they cook) with whatever veggies and/or leftover meat that needs using, stock, and some brie or similar cheese for creaminess.
posted by desuetude at 7:21 AM on December 18, 2009

Buy rice in bulk and eat lots of it.

Buy chickpeas/lentils/beans dry, and soak them before cooking.

Make chili with a pork/beef ground (the mix is cheaper) in LARGE quantities and eat with copious amounts of rice. (invent a recipe, it's dead easy).

For sandwich meats, buy large unsliced sausages (like salamis), they are good money's worth and they last a while.

Chicken can be crazy cheap when you buy it on the bone (and it tastes better that way!). Slather with butter and garlic, roast in a dish with potatoes and eggplant, and use the leftover bones etc for soup.

Stop buying candy bars and doritos and stuff. Even on sale, it is a waste of food money.

Carrots, brussel sprouts, and cabbage are almost free and they make for a good bulky filler.

Eggs are a cheap source of protein too.

And finally, cottage cheese! You can have it with everything. I love the stuff.
posted by molecicco at 7:25 AM on December 18, 2009

Want cheap and fattening? or cheap and healthy? Cheap and healthy would be rice and beans... (I love rice and beans).

I know all about cheap and fattening, because I went the opposite way (cheap and less fattening), and I live on a budget too. Cheap and fattening would be hot dogs (I actually like Gwaltney chicken franks - they're usually way cheap, but I don't know if they're sold everywhere) and ice cream (Breyers All Natural is great when it's on sale!). Also, take some ground beef and make hamburger patties, they freeze wonderfully. Oh, and cheese, lots of cheese - where I come from Borden's is the lowest priced processed cheese. And, if you buy hot dogs and cheese, or better yet, cheese on a hot dog, you have a reason to buy bread! (I never buy buns) Just buy the smaller, slightly more expensive loaves, they taste better and you'll go through them quickly. Oh, and spend the money on real butter - it will add on those calories you want and taste better.

A couple of other people mentioned peanut butter. Also a great source of protien and fat. I can't recommend it enough. Read the ingredients, some have added sugar(s), and some don't - but all are great sources of yummy fat. :)
posted by patheral at 8:01 AM on December 18, 2009

Stews freeze wonderfully. Buy a lamb, beef, or pork shoulder, throw it in the crock pot with some wine and spices and carrots, onions, herbs, spices, etc. The next day, pull out the meat and pull it apart, discarding bones, hunks of fat that didnt' render, etc. I often reduce the cooking liquid too by simmering it while I'm playing with the meat.

You can make a roux and add it to the stew to thicken it for the serving you're going to eat then and there, but I like to leave the roux out of the stuff that I freeze to give me more flexibility on consistency -- sometimes I thicken it by reheating it by simmering it with rice, sometimes I want to eat it with couscous to mop up all the juices, etc.

Seconding peanut butter as a great way to keep your weight up -- when I was an underweight teenager with an overactive metabolism, this is how I kept myself from wasting away. And eggs! Enrich your tomato sauces with a tempered eggyolk, make egg-white omelets and meringue cookies with the whites. Poach or fry (overeasy) an egg as a topping for...oh gods, almost anything. Sandwiches, stews, salads, is there anything that's not better with eggyolk creating its own sauce by mingling with the ingredients?

I don't advocate upping your consumption of processed foods, though. Sure, junk filled with corn syrup and fillers is full of empty calories, but bleh, those empty calories are really, really empty.
posted by desuetude at 9:47 AM on December 18, 2009

Want cheap and fattening? or cheap and healthy?

Sorry, but low calorie is not the same thing as healthy, and high calorie is not the same thing as unhealthy. For some people, eating fewer calories (or less fat or sugar) might be a healthy change, but calories are not inherently unhealthy. Processed meat is unhealthy, it's full of nitrates and nitrites that cause cancer.

bilabial, if you're already snacking and cooking with foods you enjoy and which are good quality, it sounds like the easiest fix might be to just make some healthy, high quality, basics staples in your fridge, and add them in everywhere you can. Can you add double cream to that coffee or milkshake? Can you pour olive oil over that salad or those greens? Could you mix peanut butter or tahini into that couscous? If you can work in a tablespoon of any of those to each meal, you could easily add 400 calories a day to your diet.
posted by crabintheocean at 1:08 PM on December 18, 2009