Master of my fate, but not of my baby shower?
November 13, 2009 8:23 PM Subscribe
ETIQUETTE FILTER: Why is it taboo for an expectant mother to publicize her own baby shower?
posted by mynameismandab to Society & Culture (32 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I'm not good with social graces, so someone please explain to me why it's okay to publicize/send out invitations to your own wedding, but "tacky" to publicize/send out invitations to your own baby shower?
Both events are celebrations of significant life events. Both are traditionally hosted by a third party external to the celebrants (although nowadays both may be paid for by the celebrants themselves). Neither carry an expectation of a gift--in neither celebration is a gift required for admission. OR conversely, BOTH carry an expectation of a gift--there are registries for both events at just about every major retailer in the country.
I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant with my baby boy, and eager to celebrate with my friends. As soon as I told her the news, my good friend T asked if she could throw me a baby shower.
In order for T to know where to send the invitations, I had to get addresses from people, so they knew an invitation was forthcoming. My hostess also created an event page on Facebook, but needed me to actually be an administrator in order for my friends to receive the facebook invitation. So on the event page, I actually had to send facebook invitations to my own shower.
My husband and I paid for our own modest wedding at a time when it was nearly financially devastating for us to do so. We sent out our own invitations and didn't have a registry (we could have used cash, but never made that known to our guests). NOW we are financially stable and don't need people to buy our baby supplies for us. We just wanted to commemorate the birth of our first child together.
However, we acknowledge that not everyone can afford the expensive but necessary items (travel system, breast pump, diapers, etc.) all by themselves and can benefit from the kindness of their friends and family for items like clothes, bibs, and blankets. Isn't that why people create registries in the first place--how else do their friends and family know what they will need?
People can invite people to their own weddings and include registry information. But people cannot invite people to their own baby showers, and invitations Certainly are not supposed to include registry information. But when my friends have these kinds of major life events, I want to know exactly what kinds of things my friends are needing. A published registry would help me buy useful, appreciated gifts for them.
Both weddings and babies can be expensive and the celebrants of both could benefit from the generosity of their guests. So what gives? Why the weird double standard?
Also, what if no one offers to give a shower for a mom-to-be? Why is it tacky for an expectant mom to invite people to an event to share in the joy of her upcoming new arrival? Especially if the mother-to-be is in financial need?