Baby, your words hurt me. Severely.

November 4, 2009 4:18 PM

GrammarFilter: "I want to punch you severely."

Sometimes my partner says silly things. I forgive him because, after all, we do all have our faults--and mine is leniency. However, sometimes he makes statements like,

"I'm glad I didn't go; if I had gone, and seen hipsters running amok, I would have cried severely."

He uses 'severely' in that fashion ALL THE TIME. I finally took issue with his grammar, & he said that it can mean "to a great degree, or requiring great effort," in which case I put up with him (severely), but that's hardly a good explanation.

I understand that 'severely' is an adverb modifying 'crying.' I still think he's ENTIRELY INCORRECT. MeFi, help a girl out? Perhaps if I am correct, I can exchange my knowledge for sexual favors! WIN-WIN!

(By the way, is the usage in the title correct? It seems so, but I've typed the word so many times it doesn't even sound like English anymo'.)

posted by opossumnus to writing & language (30 comments total)

"Severely" is one of those words bro types tack on to sentences in their weird valley girl/jock pidgin.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 4:21 PM on November 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Are you having a problem with the location of 'severely' in the sentence, or the meaning of it as it relates to 'crying'?
posted by iamkimiam at 4:23 PM on November 4, 2009

Haha, oh dear. Perhaps he is turning into a bro. Frightening!

I'm taking issue with how it relates to 'crying'; I feel that, semantically, one cannot cry severely.
posted by opossumnus at 4:33 PM on November 4, 2009

Are you having a problem with the location of 'severely' in the sentence, or the meaning of it as it relates to 'crying'?

I think there are indeed two problems. Your title is correct, because one can be hurt severely, and that construction works.

In his examples, it would be more correct to say "I would have severely cried," word-order wise. Then we get to the problem that that still doesn't work. The word "severe" refers to the degree of something: A person could be "severely overmatched," because "overmatched" is something that has a degree: you're either a little or a lot overmatched.

But punching or crying do not really have degrees on their own- you kind of either do them or you don't. You could have a "severe crying fit," or give someone a "severe beating," or even a "severe punching" if you want to stretch a bit. But not "punch someone severely." So yeah, he's wrong.

yeah yeah I know prescriptive/descriptive blah blah blah as far as standard English and as far as what sounds good he is wrong.
posted by drjimmy11 at 4:35 PM on November 4, 2009

But punching or crying do not really have degrees on their own

So you cannot use an adverb to modify these verbs?
posted by zsazsa at 4:37 PM on November 4, 2009

I think the problem is that he means "profusely" while "severely" generally connotes harsh or strict treatment. It would work better if he said something like "I would have cried hard and long."
posted by bearwife at 4:38 PM on November 4, 2009 [4 favorites]

I feel that, semantically, one cannot cry severely.

If it's just a light slang usage of a perfectly cromulent word, sure you can.

I mean, say that he was using "thermonuclear" instead. As in, "I would have cried, thermonuclear" or "You hurt me thermonuclear bad." Clearly, he cannot actually cry thermonuclear because his body could not survive converting matter to energy inside his tear ducts.

Or say that he used "level 10" instead. I would have cried level 10. This also can't be, because crying does not involve discrete levels.

Or say he used "filthy." As in "I would have cried filthy" or "I kill you filthy, Vorga." Obviously you can't cry filthy, unless you consider tears to be filth, which is verging on the pathological.

But in all cases you know what he means. He sounds a bit like... dude... but in most circumstances that's not a big deal. If he can speak proper when he needs to, and if he'll stop if this is causing you actual no-shit consternation, all is well.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:40 PM on November 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

ROU_Xenophobe is correct: there is nothing "ungrammatical" about this, it is just a linguistic habit of his you happen to dislike. I strongly suggest you drop the "U R RONG" approach and just say "Honey, I know there's nothing objectively wrong with your use of 'severely' but it happens to bug the heck out of me and I'd be a happier gal if you'd try to cut back." I know I'd respond a lot better to that.
posted by languagehat at 4:43 PM on November 4, 2009 [7 favorites]

It doesn't matter what the word is. In this case it's the overuse of 'severely.' Other folks have a verbal tic where everything is 'random.' I'm with gadget.
posted by fixedgear at 4:49 PM on November 4, 2009

Perhaps if I am correct, I can exchange my knowledge for sexual favors! WIN-WIN!

Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?

Anyway, as an editor, I think you most certainly can modify "cry" with "severely." I also think that fretting about perfect grammar in what is clearly casual speech is a recipe for madness.
posted by scody at 4:49 PM on November 4, 2009

HAHAHAHA, I am going to act in the manner of level 10 henceforth. Amusement ahoy. However, ROU, he is using this in proper speech--not merely colloquially.

I suppose this is just one of those instances where something just sounds wrong but is merely ostensibly incorrect.
posted by opossumnus at 5:02 PM on November 4, 2009

It's more of an awkward phrasing than a grammatically incorrect one. To me, grammar is the rules that structure a sentence--its infrastructure, if you will. Using "severely" like that is more akin to a stylistic choice. FWIW it grates on my ears as well, and you should slap him every time he uses it, but for his aesthetic choice and style, not his grammar.
posted by zardoz at 5:08 PM on November 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

Nthing that's there's nothing much wrong with it, although you could suggest he say "profusely" since it's a more precise word for what he means.

By the way: the problem with "I want to punch you severely" is not that the word severely is being used to mean something it doesn't, but that it's ambiguous whether you severely want to punch (meaning here: very much want to punch) or if you want the punch to be severe (meaning: cause a lot of damage, hurt badly, etc). It sounds like the former when what you seem to have meant was the latter.
posted by Nattie at 5:09 PM on November 4, 2009

My thesaurus suggests that his use is entirely correct:

Main Entry: severely
Part of Speech: adverb
Definition: harshly
Synonyms: acutely, badly, critically, dangerously, extremely, firmly, gravely, hard, hardly, intensely, markedly, painfully, rigorously, roughly, seriously, sharply, sorely, sternly, strictly, with an iron hand

I would suggest that you stop being so severely critical of his choice of words. Perhaps if you did this you could score "sexual favors" much more severely!
posted by torquemaniac at 5:28 PM on November 4, 2009

It's not a grammar problem, it's just odd/colorful semantic choice. It's style.

Your colorless green sleep will be more furious if you let it go.
posted by rokusan at 5:54 PM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I agree that it's a verbal quirk, but one that I imagine could be incredibly irritating. How about if you let him pick a word from your personal vocabulary, and you both agree to ban usage of your assigned words? Impose a $5 fine for each slip, to be put into a common fund for dinner, or something.
posted by ErikaB at 6:05 PM on November 4, 2009

Its not wrong, it just makes him sound like a douche.
posted by BobbyDigital at 7:02 PM on November 4, 2009 [5 favorites]

I think it's ok - I think one can cry in degrees: from a few dripping tears all the way to wailing and gnashing of teeth, which would be "severely".

But I also want to point out that he is using another grammatical structure in that sentence, which almost everyone gets wrong:

"I'm glad I didn't go; if I HAD GONE...I would have cried.."

9 out of 10 people would have said "I'm glad I didn't go; if I WOULD HAVE GONE...I would have cried..."

If I were you and I had that friend, I would be so happy to hear HAD GONE that I would never worry about 'severly'. (now I am all confused about which form to use in this sentence)
posted by CathyG at 7:48 PM on November 4, 2009

opossumnus: HAHAHAHA, I am going to act in the manner of level 10 henceforth. Amusement ahoy. However, ROU, he is using this in proper speech--not merely colloquially.

I suppose this is just one of those instances where something just sounds wrong but is merely ostensibly incorrect.

Speaking as one hyper-verbal smartypants to another: Make some tea, think about what's going on, and get over yourself.

The phrase "merely ostensibly incorrect" is far less meaningful and far more silly than your beau's use of "severely." Why do you use so many adverbs? You seem addicted to "merely" in particular.

And lookey there! not merely colloquially What do you mean? How do you distinguish between "proper speech" and mere colloquy? How should we judge your language here? Are you speaking properly or colloquially?

How does it feel to have someone carping at you about your language? Not so great, right? That's how your partner feels.

You're using your ostensibly superior verbal facility as a bludgeon, a lever, a prop. Don't do that, with this partner or any successors. Let each of them show you what they know and you don't.
posted by dogrose at 8:52 PM on November 4, 2009 [3 favorites]

Yup, please listen to dogrose.

I suspect you're pretty young. I thought I was the smartest little smartass that ever smarty-assed around the age I surmise you to be, too. I used to dance on tables in a black bra and field hockey kilt in grad school and drunkenly hold forth about Marxist literary theory and riot grrrls; rumor has it that there are a few folks at the Deadwood Tavern in Iowa City who still reminisce about said incident. I call it my Useless Audacity Phase (a/k/a Hot, Smart, and Insufferable).

Please try to avoid using your knowledge as a bludgeon, as dogrose so aptly calls it, in relationships. More often than not, it's slow-acting, self-satisfying poison (pls excuse mixed metaphor, kthx), as I eventually realized to my sorrow and shame. When I posed the question as to whether you would rather be happy or right, I wasn't kidding.
posted by scody at 10:08 PM on November 4, 2009

Whoa, did this suddenly get harsh. I just got home from a dinner party with a couple that has one copywriter, quite the grammar-hawk, and a happy-go-lucky super-casual partner. She comments on his grammar, he responds non-defensively. He loves learning, so he gets curious about what she'd consider proper speech there, plus he's lovingly amused by how much she cares. She feels amused at his amusement, and soon everyone's laughing. So, given that we don't know everything here, let's not go too far into making assumptions. Yes, you can care about grammar and bring it up and still have a happy relationship, particularly if you can laugh at yourself. Yes, everyone has flaws and if someone's is that they're a little precious about grammar, just hope they find someone who finds that cute and funny, or who actually goes for that sort of thing.

(Not to mention, it's kind of ironic to judge someone, preach at them, and try to hurt them to teach them a lesson wtf?, in response to the possibility that they're judging someone else.)

(I did love your comment anyway, scody.)
posted by salvia at 11:43 PM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

I think I may indeed have been overly harsh, and I was probably bouncing off the preceding comment more than anything else. Perhaps I'm still digesting a lot of the "relationship hacks" thread, which has made me reflect on how having too much invested in being right has at times hurt people in ways I didn't realize.

And I did -- I carelessly embarrassed and aggravated people I cared about over laughably minor stuff (yes, like verbal tics) because I was too easily aggravated, and it seemed like a great way to score some points. And I wish I could go back 15 or 20 years and tell my younger self just to knock it off. Because that's not what relationships are for; it's not worth it to have to be the smartest one in the room, to have to have the last word, to be right over being happy. It's a double-edged habit to have (because there is an upside: in my case, a certain confidence and the ability to express myself well on my feet), and it would have been a good thing to have developed the self-awareness to start checking that impulse a lot earlier.

opossumnus, I sincerely apologize for getting scoldy and judgey. I'll tell you this: being nitpicky about grammar has certainly always served me well professionally, even when I wasn't an editor. (Though even then, when I did become an editor, I made a pact to myself: I only pick those nits during those hours and tasks where I am paid to do so. Everyone else gets free passes, and free advice only when they ask for it.)
posted by scody at 12:28 AM on November 5, 2009

While it may be correct, I think if I knew someone that was doing this severely, I would probably try and find ways to incorporate their idiosyncratic usage into every nook and cranny of their life severely so they realized it annoyed me severely.

But then, sometimes I get passive-aggressive severely.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:28 AM on November 5, 2009

(Oh, and being nitpicky served me well academically, too: it was good for my grades, and a good way to bargain for beer or pizza among dorm mates and roommates who didn't share my fondness, at 20, for Strunk & White.)
posted by scody at 12:35 AM on November 5, 2009

But punching or crying do not really have degrees on their own

So you cannot use an adverb to modify these verbs?

Um, sure you can. You can cry a lot, or you can cry angrily, or you can punch someone ineffectually. But to say that you cry severely or punch severely just means that you do it in a severe manner. (I.E. it brings to mind stereotypes of humorless nuns in school with the ruler, that kind of severe. Not "a lot" or "super hard".) It doesn't really work as a modifier the way the OP's BF is using it.

Also, she should tell him to cut it out if it's irritating her so much.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 4:14 AM on November 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

The overuse of "severely" would bug me, too, but so would "amusement ahoy." Perhaps you're both a little too fond of your verbal affectations? I'd even guess that when the two of you met, you found each other's turn of phrase smokin' hot.

No problem with that, though. If you're around someone for a long time, no matter if they're immensely articulate or the longest word they know is "douchebag," some of their verbal habits will wear on you. The easiest approach is "you say that word a lot and it's getting annoying, could you please not use it so much?" And don't read too much into it when the same is asked of you.
posted by Metroid Baby at 4:32 AM on November 5, 2009

I've gone through any number of verbal tics and my partner calls me on them-- by joshing me about it, he has turned them into something humorous rather than irritating. The way he does this is when he senses I will be using the phrase he uses it before me, or at least chimes in with me. Sometimes he uses my pet phrase out of the blue. For example, I got stuck on the phrase "cheap and nasty" and pretty soon he started to kid me by pointing to something and asking "Is that cheap or is it nasty? Or is it cheap AND nasty?" and then we would giggle together. It made me realize how I had fallen into a rut and I soon stopped myself. Granted, you have to have a partner that doesn't take offense easily.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 6:42 AM on November 5, 2009

Does this sound better?

"I would have cried pretty severely if you had done that."

It's not wrong, just severly ugly.
posted by blue_beetle at 7:48 AM on November 5, 2009

You're correct; it's not normal usage. One cannot severely run or severely shop or severely cry. The word works as an intensifier, typically, only when modifying an adjective ("I'm severely upset") or a transitive verb ("I severely injured him").

When used with an intransitive verb ("spoke severely," "looked severely," etc.), it carries the connotation of strictness. A manner of acting, not a degree. Which is what chesty_a_arthur was saying above, I think.
posted by torticat at 7:43 PM on November 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm not bothered by people..."carping" at me about language (but I'm happy you said that because the accompanying mental image is amazing). Typically I have a good grasp of things, so if I have annoying tics, I'd rather have someone point them out to me, so I won't continue to be in the dark about something that isn't useful (or is sort-of harmful, in the mildest sense of the word) in my wordy repertoire.

I would imagine that he's trying to use it in more of a proper way because when I mentioned it, he did not protest, "It's just a figure of speech, man!!" but rather defended it with THE POWER OF KNOWLEDGE.

Some of you have been taking this far more seriously than I intended. I am not trying to impress him or hit him over the head with my wealth of English experience--& when I do, it's because he's being an aggressive encyclopedia & deserves it anyway. I told him I was going to post the question before I did, & he was amused. No offense taken. The relationship advice offered was appreciated but really, I just wanted to know in what way his use of "severely" was acceptable. I promise we have much bigger problems than the rare occasions on which I poke at his language. Such as, he still won't shave a single armpit & I am severely disappointed. It's only one! He can even keep the hair!
posted by opossumnus at 3:35 PM on November 6, 2009