A skunk is holding me hostage outside in the cold.

November 3, 2009 5:20 PM

HELP! I'm totally stuck outside because a skunk is holding me hostage, and it's cold.

I stepped outside on my enclosed patio to have a smoke and read an article on my laptop. My patio is enclosed by a building and a tall fence (which the skunk apparently crawled through) and the only way in is through the door I came out from. I sat down and heard some rustling, and a skunk appears in front of the door and then popped back beside the concrete step that leads to the door. He keeps popping his head out and looking at me. I hear rustling.
Do I just make a run for it and try to get in the door (which means packing up my laptop and drink and having to open said door, which means I'll have to hesitate right beside him)?
Or do I try to scare him away by throwing a chair pillow in his general direction or making some noise or something? Will he go on the attack if I do?
It's pretty cold out here, and I'd like to not get sprayed or attacked. I can't get over the fence. Help me metafilter.

posted by greta simone to pets & animals (34 comments total)

My artillery includes a grill, some patio chairs and cushions, some pomegranate juice, cigarettes, lighter, my iPhone, an ashtray, some bricks.
posted by greta simone at 5:22 PM on November 3, 2009

Don't do anything that will startle him.

Do you have any lights that you can turn on? That could encourage him to move along.
posted by alms at 5:25 PM on November 3, 2009

Leave your stuff outside for the moment, run inside and make a lot of noise/turn on lights, see if the skunk moves back through the fence.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 5:26 PM on November 3, 2009

How skittish is it? They're pretty blind and often slow to react. I've walked right by them without them getting alarmed.

If you scoot closer and closer you will be able to see how agitated it gets. They usually do a little stomping and raising their tail before spraying, unless they're really startled.

If you do decide on the dash-in-quick approach, I'd make sure to shut the door. The ones around here do spray after the fact. (Word to the wise for people who are walking/running/biking behind someone who startles a skunk.)
posted by small_ruminant at 5:26 PM on November 3, 2009

Go scare the skunk away. I run across these things about once a week while out running at night, and they run the other direction as soon as they see me. Just don't trap it.
posted by 517 at 5:26 PM on November 3, 2009

Don't scare him.
posted by The World Famous at 5:27 PM on November 3, 2009

Also, here's a recipe for skunk smell remover.

Can you get someone to come over with catfood or something tasty to lure it away?
posted by small_ruminant at 5:28 PM on November 3, 2009 [5 favorites]

I can't see him because he's hiding in the crevice between the step and the building. I have lights on outside already but he's shadowed from them.
posted by greta simone at 5:28 PM on November 3, 2009

My roommate's are due back in about half an hour and if I'm still out here freezing my ass off I'll get them to toss some cat food out the window to the otherside of the fence, but I hope to get in before then as my hands are already getting too cold to type.

I haven't heard any rustling for a little while, so maybe snuck away? But how can I be sure? Throw a cushion from far away maybe?
posted by greta simone at 5:30 PM on November 3, 2009

Jeez, sorry for poor punctuation and spelling etc., but, ya know, crisis mode and all that.
posted by greta simone at 5:31 PM on November 3, 2009

If he does attack, I can personally vouch for the skunk smell remover recipe. Works like magic. Use it while the chemical reaction is still active.
posted by Roger Dodger at 5:31 PM on November 3, 2009

You're making too big a deal out of it. Just ignore it and walk inside when the opportunity presents itself, which sounds like now.
posted by 517 at 5:32 PM on November 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

I don't think he'll stink you unless he's cornered. Just try to not corner him. One species, the striped skunk, I think, will stand on its head before spraying. That's kind of cute.
posted by elder18 at 5:33 PM on November 3, 2009

I live in an area with lots of skunks and I can tell you that most people overthink skunk/human standoff situations. Just calmly gather your belongings and walk quietly into the house (a mad dash will scare him). Pretend like you're completely ignoring him. Skunks don't spray unless they're really scared or really agitated (i.e. you'd have to really be trying to piss him off). Once you're in the house, he'll probably just meander away.
posted by amyms at 5:37 PM on November 3, 2009

first you should whisper. then you should hum. then sing. sing, sing, sing in a louder and louder voice, until you're belting out anti-sunk ballads in three-digit-decible volumes. from a dry-paper shake, ramp up the rattling of chairs to a noise akin to a freight train on a rusty trestle bridge. if skunk-buddy doesn't push along, you're screwed. if he raises his tail, be quiet or sing better. here are some song suggestions:

hit the road, jack
you've lost that loving feeling (gone, gone, gone...)
these boots are made for walkin'
so long doesn't mean forever
the auf weiderstein song from sound of music

or my personal favorite: 'just walk away renee' but instead sing 'just walk away pêpe'

you might also try playing youtube clips for the skunk. do you have a webcam?
posted by mr. remy at 5:38 PM on November 3, 2009 [20 favorites]

I'm with 517; just move towards the door. Assuming it's not rabid - and if it starts acting aggressive, you'll need to rethink that "I can't get over the fence" thing - it's more scared than you. Don't throw things. Be calm. I'm not an expert, but if I was in your situation, here's what I'd do the next time it pops its head out:

1. Pretend to sneeze. Twice. Look at it between sneezes.
2. Scratch behind the ear it can see best, multiple times, like a dog or cat does.
3. Look at it, then quickly look away, closing your eyes and sighing.

The goal is to get it thinking that you're just another animal who wants to be let alone. Animals on the hunt do not sneeze, scratch, sigh or close their eyes. I've had this work with dogs, cats, rabbits, foxes and raccoons, but again, it's all amateur hour; I'm no expert.

4. Then I'd move slowly but directly towards the door, stopping to sigh and scratch my ears a little if it looks like it's getting upset. Keep in mind that getting sprayed by a skunk sucks but won't kill you, so try to relax. I'd maybe also try to throw light things (the cigs?) away from the door towards the fence, to draw its attention away from the door as I moved slowly toward it.

Damn. Good luck. If it gets at all aggressive, you need to scream for help and start climbing.
posted by mediareport at 5:40 PM on November 3, 2009 [5 favorites]

Alright. I just made a mad dash inside. Crisis averted. Funny, I live all my life in North Carolina and managed to avoid a skunk standoff until moving to NYC. I mean, really.
posted by greta simone at 5:41 PM on November 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

What a great question, tho. :)
posted by mediareport at 5:44 PM on November 3, 2009

Talk about suspense! I'm glad this one had a good
outcome. This happened in NEW YORK CITY? Wow...
I know this sort of thing happens often in the west
end of Vancouver, B.C., among the high-density
high-rises, so I shouldn't be that surprised.

But I am.

Anyway, I'm glad you didn't end up needing to try that
skunk-odor-removal recipe!
posted by dorgla at 5:48 PM on November 3, 2009

For future reference, usually before attacking, a skunk will first make the cutest, most threatening handstand before delivering the goods.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 5:49 PM on November 3, 2009 [4 favorites]

Glad you're safe and sound.

Now I'm picturing the skunk typing to the skunk version of AskMe: "The human just went inside. Crisis averted!"
posted by amyms at 5:49 PM on November 3, 2009 [17 favorites]

I was about to make the spotted vs striped skunk comment, too, except it turns out I don't know what I'm talking about. Thanks, Cool Papa Bell, for clearing that up!
posted by small_ruminant at 5:57 PM on November 3, 2009

Striped DO do a very cute stomp when they're feeling threatened but don't want to bother with actual tail raising. Rightfoot-righthand then leftfoot-lefthand. Repeat.
posted by small_ruminant at 5:58 PM on November 3, 2009

And here's a cute video of just stomping their front feet.
posted by small_ruminant at 6:02 PM on November 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

If this ever happens again, go slowly and quietly. Not so slow that it looks like you're stalking him, but just...gently.

One summer years ago, I spent a lot of time hanging out with a bunch of my friends at their house. It didn't really have a porch, but it had wide front steps, and pretty much every evening we'd sit out there and drink and play Pictionary.

And one night a skunk came trundling out from under the stairs, just a couple of feet from where we were carrying on - yelling guesses, singing rugby songs, etc. (the neighbors were very patient with us) - and just kind of stood there. We froze. After a couple of minutes, the skunk wandered off. This happened a lot over the summer, and as long as we quieted down when the skunk came out, and didn't move around much, he would sniff the grass for a few minutes and then go on his way.
posted by rtha at 6:02 PM on November 3, 2009

Just for research's sake, this little guy was of the striped variety. And he was pretty big too. I've never seen one so big. But he was pretty cute, all things being said.
posted by greta simone at 6:07 PM on November 3, 2009

Somewhat related, and for future reference, if you ever need to lure a skunk away from an area or out of a hiding place: They love cheese. If you make a little trail of cheese pieces, they'll follow it.

Several years ago, a mama skunk gave birth in our crawl space. As the babies got older, they made quite a ruckus, but they didn't show any signs of leaving. We consulted our local Dept. of Fish and Game guy and he told us to use cheese to lure them out so that we could seal up the crawl space.

So we made a long trail of cheese leading out past our backyard and into an overgrown pasturey area. The babies came out, but not the mama. They were adorable and they even let my husband pick them up. My son, who was a toddler at the time, came running toward them waving a piece of cheese, and they did their little "stomp, stomp, stomp" warning with their feet, but they never sprayed. Eventually, after a few more tries, the mama came out and the babies followed her as she gobbled up the trail of cheese and they all made their way safely out of the yard.
posted by amyms at 7:22 PM on November 3, 2009 [2 favorites]

I have encountered skunks in the west end of Vancouver BC more than a few times while walking at night. Sometimes it just looks like a black cat hanging out under some shrubbery until you walk past and realize "that was a skunk, oh shit!". I don't know of anyone that's been sprayed by an urban skunk, because nobody goes out of their way to piss them off or frighten them.
posted by thewalrus at 7:39 PM on November 3, 2009

Awesome use of Ask Metafilter!

( I once cajoled a cute rodent / weasel like thing out of the kitchen tent of a geology field camp ... perhaps a little too aggressively. Only the next day and with internet access did people realize that this was a skunk I harassed. What can I say? I know rocks not cute little spraying weasels )
posted by bumpkin at 9:26 PM on November 3, 2009

They're pretty blind and often slow to react.

You sir, have clearly never met the northern California version that our dogs so love to fight. I have seen those fuckers dance, in the blackest of night and with catlike agility - like something out of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - maneuvering their butt-blasters into perfect firing position to incapacitate a lunging doberman.
posted by allkindsoftime at 6:36 AM on November 4, 2009

Paint a white stripe down your back and woo it. "Affair d'amour? Ah, my little darling, it is love at first sight, is it not, no?".
posted by Oireachtac at 12:47 PM on November 4, 2009 [1 favorite]

You sir, have clearly never met the northern California version that our dogs so love to fight.

Born, bred and currently residing in Northern Californian, actually. I have been unimpressed with most skunks' agility. They're in every back yard and on every bike trail even here in Berkeley/El Cerrito. I have never been sprayed despite walking, running, and biking through mobs of them. (Thanks, ferral cat feeders! /hamburger)
posted by small_ruminant at 1:06 PM on November 4, 2009

For future reference:

We have skunks aplenty around here and run across them or they run across us out at night frequently. Go about your business quietly and purposefully as they will do the same.

BUT... this one time... when I forgot to close the hav-a-hart trap overnight...

I unintentionally trapped a skunk who was, by morning, frantic to escape. I got some advice from a retired trapper friend, donned clothes I was willing to burn and went out to release the poor creature. Friend's advice was to hide my legs and feet on approach (used an old blanket) and move quietly. I raised the trap door and froze in place until the skunk came out. It took about 2-3 minutes and it stopped to sniff the toe of my sneaker before waddling off into the brush. Yay; no spray!
posted by maggieb at 2:30 PM on November 4, 2009

My mother (and others swear they won't spray if in an enclosed space, like a box or a Hav-A-Heart trap.

I haven't been brave enough to put it to the test.
posted by small_ruminant at 2:31 PM on November 4, 2009