How much worse can I feel?
October 8, 2009 4:58 PM Subscribe
I'm scared of the shame of being fired or laid-off, and I'd rather resign than be laid-off. Am I misreading all these signs or am I just burned out?
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (23 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
I've been having some chest pains at work several days
this week, the result of having built up a lot of fear of being laid off or fired. I haven't done anything wrong at work, but the managing director (a lady in her mid-sixties)
of my small company had been treating me very rudely. Her office is right across from mine and, while she is a constant gossip and complainer, a few weeks ago, I heard her complaining about the amount of time I bill doing various reports (at the request of my supervisors who also have me bill it to a business development account and I routinely underbill the hours I've spent). When I first started doing these reports, she was very happy about them. Now, she's asked me multiple times if my reports are actually useful to anybody in our company. I've made it clear that I have no attachment to doing the reports and am happy to do whatever they want (I only do them when there isn't other work to be done), but that hasn't stopped the managing director from being extremely rude to me whenever we pass each other in the hall. She's barged into my office without knocking when my door was shut and just been extremely short and rude to me.
I've worked at this place for 1 year and 5 months so far, and she was always nice to me before she started believing that the reports were a waste of time. It sounds insane, but I can't think of any other issue she would have with me, as I have gone out of my way to be nice, accommodating, and totally transparent.
I've been thinking about returning to school at the local college anyway to fulfill pre-requisites for a second bachelor's degree anyway, so part of me thinks I should just quit and start the January semester at the college.
I'm so emotionally paralyzed at work these days. I had to shut the door to my office and turn on the radio softly just to drown out her voice. I've waited until I am home to cry all week.
I have a plan should I not have work anymore. But, even though severance and unemployment would be helpful in the event I get laid off or fired, I'd rather resign than have them look for a reason to fire me (I don't think there would be any, but they could do it for any reason anyway) or lay me off. I don't think my ego could handle
it, and so many job applications require you to disclose if you've ever been fired or asked to resign.
I imagine all of this sounds very stupid and I'm sorry. I'm sure there are things I'm not articulating properly in trying to describe the situation. I'm either picking up some vibe or I'm crazy and paranoid, but the vibe is so overwhelming that I can't imagine it doesn't mean something. For what it's worth, my salary is pitifully low, probably the lowest at the company.