I want to rock the party.

September 17, 2009 6:10 PM

One bachelorette party, ten miscellaneous female guests, one extremely introverted organizer (that's me!). Activities are set, but what little things can I do (or how should I behave) to keep things cohesive and lively, instead of awkward or lame?

As maid of honor at my sister's wedding, I'm in charge of running her bachelorette party in a few months' time. The thing is, I'm personally pretty reserved and low-energy. I've never been to one of these things myself, and in general female group socialization of the "SQUEE!"/Sex-and-the-City variety is kind of a mystery to me. Sis is also on the quiet side of average, but she does like parties and I know she'd enjoy having a proper bachelorette experience.

The guests are likely to be a mix of mutually-unacquainted high-school, college, and work friends, ages 25-35, and I haven't seen Sis with any of them, so I have no real sense of the existing social dynamics. We'll likely be doing a pole-dancing class plus dinner, and thanks to this question I'm set with ideas for smaller activities/games.

What I'm worried about are the intangibles of executing this plan, the little details of demeanor and conversation that might help unite everyone into a group and ensure that the energy level stays high. Being a kind of un-fun person myself, I've had plenty of social interactions that bottomed out, energy-wise (as well as some where I ended up having to exhaustedly feign enjoyment for hours at a time), and I'm worried about how the party will fare if I'm the one responsible for getting the evening going.

Normally, just the thought of attending a bachelorette party would fill me with dread and anxiety, but I think I can make it through the hostessing if I have a very clear, explicit plan for how to act/what to say/how to "be"/etc. to keep things lively for everyone. So thinking back to the absolute funnest small party you've ever attended, what qualities and behaviors characterized the host(ess)? And how can I fake being, well, more like that?

posted by yersinia to sports, hobbies, & recreation (9 comments total)

Having planned out bachelor parties, I'd suggest finding one or two other people in the group to help in the process - several benefits:

* It splits the workload
* Everyone wants to participate in suprising/celebrating with the bride-to-be
* You're more likely to get everyone on board if they've participated
* You get a chance to build relationships with people you don't know beforehand.

We just did this for a buddy's bachelor party (3 distinct groups of friends), simply by sending a ton of email back & forth, soliciting opinions & whatnot. Everyone got to "meet" eachother ahead of time, everyone chipped in, and the end result was a blast.

Have a great time!
posted by swngnmonk at 6:18 PM on September 17

Get everyone drunk.
posted by ch1x0r at 6:26 PM on September 17 [4 favorites]

I went to the BEST bachelorette weekend recently, and it was the best because it was so chill. It was actually a joint bachelorette party with two brides, and I only knew one of them. And I only knew two of my bride's friends in a casual "we've hung out twice in ten years at joint parties" way. Half of the girls knew each other, but half didn't, being siblings and all. But the whole weekend went swimmingly, and new friends were made, and a good time was had by all. Here's how:

-Immediately upon arrival, each guest was introduced to the group, and we all mentioned how we knew our bride. We all did the "tell me more about yourself" intro game that people do, and even though I'm an introvert, I like to learn about other people and asking questions is a fine way to avoid the energy-sapping that comes with performing socially.

-We had some chill time to get to know each other--a wine and appetizer party, with music in the background, just to connect and get to know each other. I supplied a fun R&B playlist, which got the girls dancing but without the awkwardness of a club where you actually can't hang out and talk.

-We had planned but chill activities: a hike in the morning, followed by some PG "bachelorette" games in the form of a q&a pack of cards, with questions like "when did you have your first kiss" and "what's your worst dating story"--funny shared stories = bonding. We also went around volunteering our favorite memories with the bride, and the bride was quizzed on her fondest/funniest memories with her fiancee. We also did a lingerie gifting to the brides. We had one planned "event", which was a nice dinner out with cocktails and dressing up. Afterwards, we could have gone to a bar and done embarrassing challenges, but none of us were into that, and so we went home and drank wine and talked some more. The only thing missing was a karaoke machine.

This may not be for you guys, but everyone who went said that this was the best bachelorette party ever, and we did not miss the body shots and penis-shaped hats and other things like that.
posted by dhn at 6:32 PM on September 17 [2 favorites]

I have never organized a bachlorette party. However, I'm a former introverted panic-attack-in-the-bathroom shy nerd who knows all the terror and and pain of awkward social interaction who somehow learned to be a scene kid party monster. Here's how I rock the party.

-Wear something that you really really love yourself in, feel comfortable in, and love. Your favorite, "Damn, I'm sexy" outfit. It's not to impress other people. It's so you feel like a confident, rock awesome superhero who has come from a far away planet to have a fuckton of fun. Atomic style.

-Get a little, but not too much drunk. My guideline is: Don't feel drunk? Drink a little more. Feel drunk? Hang back and drink some water.

-Ask questions! Someone else mentioned this, but if you want new aquaintances to like you, and you feel dubious about your own conversational charms, all it takes is a few words strung into sentence to get people going.

-Fake it until you make it! Seriously, the "cool people" who have killer times at the most glamorous parties feel as weird as you do. Just relax. You are an entertaining, awesome person sister who has taken the trouble to organize have-fun-times for some girls. You're there to have fun. You're going to do fine.

-Start the night with your own personal ritual (doing your make-up, having a snack, trying on your outfit, checking your email, whatever) listening to music that gets you pumped. I tend toward really ravey gabber, but whatever floats your boat). Drink a Red Bull. Drink another Red Bull, mixed with a wee bit of vodka.

-If you're nervous about the pole dancing lesson, spend a wee bit of time getting your groove on in absolute private to pole-dancing lessons on You Tube. I am EXTREMELY, ANXIETY ATTACK SHY about performing activities I'm not good at in front of others and find that practicing them just a tiny bit before hand helps me loosen up a lot and remember that no one else has any more experience than I do.
posted by Juliet Banana at 8:09 PM on September 17 [2 favorites]

Alcohol.

Sex toys (maybe get a rep in to showcase her company's products).

Scavenger hunt!!!
posted by Neekee at 8:37 PM on September 17

Having gone to multiple baby showers and bachelorette parties, I have found that things seem to flow better when games are involved. I'm usually pretty low-energy, and I'm not the partying type, but I *loved* the wild and crazy bachelorette party my best friends threw me. We started out at a low-key neighborhood bar, where my various guests (who did not all know each other) mingled and broke the ice. Once we all had a sufficient amount of alcohol, we started the scavenger hunt, which involved me wearing a t-shirt that had the word "bride" sewn on in the form of Lifesavers and offering strangers a suck for a buck. We closed out the evening at an old school country-western bar, two stepping with 80-year-old men. It was awesome, and I'll always thank my best friends for dragging me out on a night when I just wanted to lounge around in my pj's eating ice cream.
posted by snafu at 9:43 PM on September 17

St. Cecilia Punch. It sounds delicate and ladylike (it's named after a saint! It has green tea in it!) but it will get you messed up but fast.
posted by Sara Anne at 11:42 PM on September 17

nthing alcohol. I am an introvert. My sisters took me to a strip club, which I was very uncomfortable with - until my second cosmopolitan. Then I did some things I can't repeat here, and probably some things I don't remember. It was a blast and I would do it all over again.

required caveats: designated driver, if someone passes out make sure they're not left alone, have a puke bag in the vehicle, etc.
posted by desjardins at 7:01 AM on September 18

Yea you need an activity. Maybe a game? The strip club thing is just old and lame (and well to me gross). Any activities you like to do together?

bowling
something outdoors--golf
amusement park (now that's My type of bachelorette party!)
dancing (not much talking needed :))
whirlyball
architectural tour (for us in Chicago we can do this on a boat)

I still need a redo on mine. Mine totally, totally sucked.
posted by stormpooper at 11:04 AM on September 18