Part-time live-in nannying

August 10, 2009 3:41 PM

I just accepted a job as a part-time live-in nanny and I'm looking for advice from all parties (nannies, parents and children) who have experienced this situation before.

The family is in Berkeley and has two girls ages 7 and 10. My primary responsibilities for them will be getting them ready for school in the morning, picking them up in the afternoon and tutoring. The apartment is an in-law studio unit with a private entrance with access to the laundry room in the main house. When I interviewed with the family they showed me a contract and very detailed hourly work records that they have used with nannies in the past, so I'm not worried about an indentured servitude-type situation. What does concern me is maintaining privacy and boundaries with the kids and how it feels to live and work in the same place. Any tips, tricks or things you wish you had known before entering this kind of situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

posted by easy_being_green to work & money (6 comments total)

Your apartment is off limits to the kids and, as much as possible, to the parents. When you say you have to go home, you have to go home and they can't go with you. Try to get the parents to buy into this and to strictly enforce it with the kids.
posted by pracowity at 4:01 PM on August 10

IAA(ex)N:

From a few wonderful experiences, I offer these words:

You are an employee. You should behave like an employee. While you may be friendly with your employers/charges, maintain enough (shall we call it 'clinical detachment'?) distance from your work to be able to function properly. Do not be hurt when the family do not want you; you are staff, and not part of their essential emotional unit. Keep patching your psychic fence, observing that little space between your life and theirs. It is easy to be drawn into their family milieu (and they will try, and you will want to be drawn in), and epically hard to separate. Remember you have a task to do, and that in the course of the task you will bruise some feelings and egos, and butt against some traditions and expectations, no differently than any other job.

Until you are sure of your relationship and professional boundaries share no more (of your emotional life, your stories, your out-of-work self) than you would with a boss at any $office : you have no obligation, and you must remember that one day you will leave, and that they will be together for life.

Be a graceful, kind, professional and reserved chapter in the book of their lives -- you are squatting on their turf as much than they are on yours.
posted by mr. remy at 5:08 PM on August 10 [2 favorites]

From one wonderful experience, I'd say that mr. remy's advice is wise but don't go over the top with it- one of the joys of the job, for me, was being part of the family and feeling like more than just an employee. Of course, that needs to be balanced out with the knowledge that you wont be there forever.

From one horrible experience, I'd say you need to make certain you're on the same page with the parents in regards to a few things (discipline, homework, physical contact with the children, rules on language, etc) before you start. You don't want to be there for a week before they tell you to smack their child (if you're opposed to that) or if they go nuts at you for pulling one child away from another to avoid a fight.
posted by twirlypen at 6:14 PM on August 10 [1 favorite]

I interviewed for a very similar position once. The couple had a rule that their live-in nanny could have no male guests in the apartment. They felt uncomfortable with the idea of an unknown male being on their property and also seemed to have a moral issue with the situation. I was in my late 20s and the time and felt like this rule was too limiting. You might want to find out how your new employers feel about people coming to visit you in your apartment and/or spending the night before the situation arises.
posted by pluckysparrow at 6:44 PM on August 10

the kids you will be with are old enough to understand the boundaries of your private living area. plus, they have had nannies in the past, so they should be familiar with boundaries. i would suggest that you discuss with the parents how the previous nannies maintained that space, but remember, what worked for the others may not work for you.

when i nannied and lived with the family, my room was just a little off from the kids' bedrooms. when i started, they were four and six and understood that when i went into my room, it was my personal time and they respected that. i did, however, let them play games or make crafts in my room for special days...if they were sick or just needed extra attention. it made the whole experience a little more special. also, i always treated that room as if i expected the parents to enter it at any time. not that they did, not did they expect that, but you know...you are living under the roof they are providing.
posted by ms.jones at 6:53 PM on August 10

I think it's definitely important to maintain your own personal space and personal time away to avoid burning out BUT:

Depending on the family, if you feel they are looking for it... spend time with them out of your 'work' situation. Have meals with them if you are invited to. Chit chat with them and get to know them.

Behave professionally all the time so to keep a good accord with them but I definitely feel like being close with the parents will make for a more comfortable living/working environment.
posted by mittenbex at 5:17 PM on August 11