Swing Swing Swing
July 25, 2009 12:22 PM   Subscribe

BabyFilter: Getting a 4-month old to sleep in a crib instead of her beloved swing...help!

Our 4-month old daughter sleeps like a champ in her swing, but she's getting too big for it. For some reason, she has a really hard time in her crib. At 3 months we were able to get her to sleep one full night in the crib, but any other time we try (even for a nap) she screams like we're torturing her, even if she was hard asleep 5 minutes before. Swaddling and the other Happiest Baby on the Block approaches have worked great up to now, but fail whenever the crib is involved. If nothing else, we'll take the plunge, go the Ferber route and gradually extend the time we wait to comfort her, but if anyone has had any luck with other ideas for the transfer, we're all ears. We'd love to avoid a repeat of the first month's sleep deprivation. Thanks!
posted by sapere aude to Human Relations (21 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Our seven month old is still in the bed with us, so I am not sure how well this will work for crib sleeping. But I find that he goes to sleep much easier if either I or his dad lies down next to him until he's in a deep sleep. Then we're usually able to sneak away. We've also had good experiences holding him in a rocking chair with a nature sounds cd on until he's asleep and then putting him on the bed.

It may be that you need to parent her asleep and then once she is sleeping lay her in the crib. Now, if you're expecting her to fall asleep and stay asleep on her own...well, she might be a little young for that yet. I know that was not an expectation we could have of our son at four months --- indeed at seven months he's still waking up once a night for a diaper change and most times for something to eat.
posted by zizzle at 12:34 PM on July 25, 2009


You might try laying her in the crib first for very short periods (literally seconds) during the daytime while you stay right there smiling and chatting, then once she's OK with that, try changing one element at a time and see what sets her off - she might be fine with you going across the room as long as she can still hear you, or she might like you to sit by the crib quietly.

(In general I think it's helpful to reserve the crib for actual sleep-time, but in this case you might have the best luck introducing it when she's feeling agreeable, not sleepy and pining for the swing.)

I can't say I've seen a traditional rocking cradle for sale anywhere, but that might be a nice bridge between the swing and crib.
posted by lakeroon at 12:56 PM on July 25, 2009


We started with naps in the crib. YMMV. We read HBotB, 12 Week Sleep Solution, Baby Whisperer for ideas. The best advice IMHO is start where you want to end up. Getting used to sleeping in a swing or in Mommy's arms is hard to break.

But, although I LOVE MeFi, I strongly recommend LiveJournal's Parenting 101 group for this sort of stuff. Much more recent parents participate and have solid recommendations.
posted by k8t at 2:00 PM on July 25, 2009


One reason my daughter liked to sleep in her swing over the crib took us ages to figure out, but had a really simple, easy and cheap solution (pediatrician-approved, too).

Sometimes babies have some trouble with reflux, because their little bodies are only babies and haven't wholly adjusted to eating yet. The swing can be nice because rather than laying them flat on their backs as we do in a crib, they are on an angle with head-above-feet. This helps stop that reflux from happening.

Another element is that the swing sort of "hugs" them at the sides - much cozier, more like where they spent their first 9 months! Since we are not allowed to use pillows or lots of blankies in the crib anymore, they seem to sometimes feel kind of....winging out their in the crib. Alone, not snuggled or tucked.

So, one way to "compromise" with the little one, is to use an infant sleep positioner in the crib. There are a few different kinds, most have some kind of side parts that you put the baby in between - the purpose is to keep them from rolling and suffocating, but the effect is that they are more snuggled like they are in the swing. The added feature you want is a wedge, that raises their head above feet just a little bit. We got ours at Babies R' Us for under $10, but it looked basically like this more expensive model from Amazon.

Our pediatrician really wanted our baby out of the swing and into the crib to nap (although she was younger, about 1-2 months when we fought this issue). The sleep positioner was recommended by the babydoc, and helped a LOT. Bonus is that you can get it cheap, so you are not investing a huge payment in something that might or might not work.

Good luck!!
posted by bunnycup at 2:00 PM on July 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


Maybe she likes sitting up better than lying flat. Try putting the head of the crib up a bit on blocks. My baby preferred sleeping in the little carry around car seat better than her bed, so she slept in that in the co-sleeper next to my bed for quite awhile. You are not supposed to put babies in the carseat with the straps unhooked, however, but I didn't know that until after she'd slept there for several months. (My sister's friend's friend was a 911 operator who said somebody's baby got tangled up and died sleeping unhooked in a carseat, but I think that must have been a pretty acrobatic baby... So if you do this, hook the straps.)
posted by artychoke at 2:07 PM on July 25, 2009


Or what bunnycup said.
posted by artychoke at 2:08 PM on July 25, 2009


Best answer: I don't normally do this, but I want to pipe in again after posting to beg you to disregard almost all of hal c on's advice. Espeically the part of it that acts like you are a bad parent who is doing it all wrong. It might be news to hal c on, but different babies have different needs, and in fact different babies have different personalities. I think saying "it's not the baby, it's you" is one of the rudest things I've seen on AskMe, and is an incredible judgment to make with very little knowledge of you or your daughter.

Doctors feel that very young babies simply cannot cry it out. Four months, the age of your child, is considered the absolute earliest it's safe to try. The suggestion that using the "cry it out" for two hours on a 2 month old was appropriate seems almost negligent to me, ESPECIALLY when the proper methodology for "cry it out" is not explained (i.e. you do not plop the kid in bed and let her cry for 2 hours.) Personally, I never used "cry it out" with my daughter (I Babywised with great success, getting 8-hour nights of sleep within 48 hours of starting, but I had a baby that liked schedules and predictability). I admit that methodologies on how to get a baby to bed vary widely, but the advice hal c on gave is counter to pediatrician recommendations and IMHO, irresponsible parenting at least as it's depicted in the question (without further information).

I cannot guarantee my method will work for you, but your words mirror our experience - Vivi slept through the night like a champ in the swing, but would not close her eyes for 3 minutes in that crib until we made it more swing-like. From then on, no more problems - ever. And no need to let her scream for 2 hours straight! YMMV
posted by bunnycup at 2:09 PM on July 25, 2009 [14 favorites]


Yeah. What bunnycup said about hal c on's advice.

Ignore it.
posted by zizzle at 2:17 PM on July 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


I'm SO not posting again in this thread, but I should add a link to the article I reviewed to double check my memory of the age recommendations for "crying it out," along with some instructions on the method that support my opposition to its use in the way hal_c_on described it.
posted by bunnycup at 2:17 PM on July 25, 2009


I think you need to find out if the baby is physically uncomfortable in the crib. Have you talked to her pediatrician? I am not really crazy about the let her cry for two hours scenario.
posted by fifilaru at 3:22 PM on July 25, 2009


This is getting chatty, so I won't say much --- we can take it over to Metatalk if need be.



This is a good summary of what Ferber is and isn't.


I don't think even Ferber recommends leaving a child to cry for two hours on his/her own.

It may be, hal c on, that what you're talking about is not clearly expressed. When I hear "cry it out," I hear, "leave the baby alone to cry until the baby stops crying and falls asleep without ever checking on the baby." That is not Ferber's method --- now, if what you are referring to is the gradual limiting of time spent with the child (as advocated by Ferber), then that's something different --- still not something I agree with, but it's better than what I at least interpreted as being recommended.
posted by zizzle at 4:14 PM on July 25, 2009


Well, here's what we did when baby Llama refused to sleep anywhere but in her Boppy (that U shaped pillow that was supposed to be for breast feeding but we wound up using as a baby Barcalounger.)

We agonized over it right and left and we let it go. Around month 7, she stopped, she'd outgrown it. She was late on turning over, I think because she was so snuggly in that thing every night.

We talked about it with our pediatrician who said that while he wasn't in love with it, the real deal is babies sleep in an enormous variety of ways specific to the baby, and ultimately, you and baby need to get some sleep.

If there's no reason why you need to get baby out of the swing, my suggestion would be, screw it, let the baby sleep in the swing. An awful lot of that shit just isn't worth getting worked up over. There are plenty of things that really are worth getting worked up over, but stuff like baby won't sleep anywhere but the swing, baby won't sleep anywhere but the car seat, baby won't sleep outside of the boppy--just not worth it. It makes baby happy. "We made the baby sleep in a crib! On her back! Like she's SUPPOSED TO!!" isn't something that actually gets you any awards later on. And I don't personally believe that any of that stuff screws baby up in some future way. I think, the kid just appeared in the world. They're wicked excited about the color white for the first couple of months. That's how new it all is. Making them happy, to me, is what it's about.

YMMV.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:25 PM on July 25, 2009 [2 favorites]


Mod note: few comments removed - some of this really needs to go to email or metatalk
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:27 PM on July 25, 2009


OP, I just read over most of the thread. I didn't have the heart to read over the whole thing, because I was pretty sure how it was going to go.

But I just wanted to say, some perspective is in order. You're going to be the kind of parent that suits you, that's a natural outgrowth of who you are. If you're a CIO type, you'll be that, if you're a co-sleeping type, you'll be that. Something is going to feel intuitively more right than something else and you should do that thing, and try not to overthink it.

We aren't CIO parents, but it's not our personality type and we had a lot of practical help avoiding doing that, because otherwise sooner or later people have to because they go back to work and they find they want to kill themselves. I sincerely doubt that kids who have CIO-inclined parents wind up any more fucked in the head than co-sleeping parents or any other type of parent.

If you're a good parent, it'll show through in the long run, regardless of how you choose to handle this particular set of circumstances.

My main suggestion is really what you've probably come to by reading this thread--there are many ways to handle this, and ultimately the way you choose to do it is what's going to feel authentic to you. Everybody else, me included, can go screw.

Get some sleep!
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:33 PM on July 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


I've so been there, so I feel your desperation and fatigue. But if if I could favourite bunnycup's post a thousand times over, I would.

Your little one is still *tiny*!!! Please, please don't let her CIO at such a young age. Even Ferber has softened his stance on his "method" and has stated that "allowing children to cry for extended periods of time was not meant to solve all sleep problems".

But as Terrible Llama said, she's your baby and you need to do what you feel is right in your own home. Have you tried putting a heating pad in her crib to warm her spot before you put her down for the night? (Just remember to take it out before you put her there!) She may also feel that she's floundering in such a large area. Try putting her perpendicular in the crib, rather than the "traditional" long way and toward one end to make it a little more cozy - just not so far to one end that if she rolls, she will get stuck.

Make sure that she's not having problems with silent reflux. They can have it, but not actually get to the point of spitting up. So rule that out as an issue, as others have mentioned. The last suggestion I have is to check out Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.

Good luck. I promise you, one day you will look back and be shocked that your gorgeous baby was ever this little and that you ever stressed about her sleeping in a swing. Hugs and deep breaths. You will all be fine - just follow your instincts.
posted by dancinglamb at 6:29 PM on July 25, 2009 [1 favorite]


our little dude would only sleep in his swing for the first six months - then he started to get too big for his swing, too.

(if they made swings with a 35-pound weight limit, WE WOULD STILL BE USING IT - good thing they don't!)

At six months, I think he was just ready for the crib. It took a while with several wakeups per night, but eventually he settled in for naps and bedtimes just fine.

(of course then we traveled with him which ruined everything, but he is finally sleeping well again, thankfully!)
posted by pinky at 9:44 PM on July 25, 2009


I see a couple of options--

--Find/buy a bigger swing that can accommodate her.
--Move her to the crib for naps, then for nighttime.
--Go cold turkey, and move her to the crib 100%.

My preference would be for the last one. Although I know that gradual change can be easier on the baby, we just went for it with our baby and it ended up working out OK. She was in a co-sleeper until 7 mo, breastfeeding on demand whenever she woke up. Also the swaddle and pacifier were constants. Then, crib, CIO, no swaddle (it couldn't contain her), occasionally no pacifier (she would throw it out of the crib. I did scheduled feedings (once when I went to bed, once at around 4 or 5 a.m.). I was going back to work full-time, so it just had to happen. It "worked"--I guess--in that she is a pretty good sleeper and has gotten increasingly better. There are still bad nights when she doesn't go to sleep at the best time and cries for a while.

With babies and sleep, there's no one size fits all--this is a seriously YMMV situation. However, 4 months is really young, and most babies that age really can't sleep through the night and will continue to need nursing and bottles for several more months (I've read that until 9 months they can still be hungry at night). Good luck!
posted by tk at 10:01 PM on July 25, 2009


My son was used to going to sleep on the shoulder of me or my husband for EVER. He was diagnosed with acid reflux at an early age and the Ped suggested having him get to sleep in an upright position to help with that. That was great, but even after he outgrew the reflux, a habit had been formed. He would absolutely WAIL if he was put into his crib for sleep. I was stoutly in the camp of NOT allowing him to "cry it out" (a few minutes to try and settle, yes, but no more than that).

However, the breakthrough for us came in two waves:

#1 - We started small by still letting him start to fall asleep on our shoulders, but just at the drowsy point, he was whisked away and put into his crib. This was after a very long experimental period where we thought it was better to let him get into a deep sleep and then he wouldn't wake up and would settle. We found the opposite to be true. Once he was super sleepy but not yet asleep, he didn't mind being put into the crib and fell asleep. He hadn't yet learned to sooth himself back after waking with his normal sleep cycles, but that's a whole other story.

#2 - I bought the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child after hearing it recommended by several friends. The biggest tip? Putting the baby to sleep earlier in the night = longer, more restful sleeping. We had previously been putting him down at 8 or 9pm or even later sometimes (!) because we simply thought he would go to sleep when he was tired. That wasn't the case for our little guy. He didn't want to miss anything, so he just ended up getting overtired and wouldn't sleep at all, then would wake up super early. The suggestion was to move the sleep time earlier by 1/2 hour each night until we arrived at the time we wanted. For us, that was 7:30pm. You know what? We followed that and sure as shit, he sleep longer and better and ended up going a full 12 hours! See #1 about the self-soothing, though, it wasn't a miracle cure, but once we got the early bedtime and soothing down, it was great and we had the best time.

Good luck. I know it's incredibly difficult trying to find the right solutions for your own child amongst all the advice thrown at you. The key is just what everyone else is saying, though; you know your child the best and have to try different things before you find the right mix. Hope it works out soon for you!
posted by cyniczny at 10:25 PM on July 25, 2009


Our first slept best in the swing, too, and when she grew out of it, we ended up getting her to sleep by walking her in our arms. Don't fall into this. Oy, my upper back. Co-sleeping became an easier solution. When her brother was born, we'd wised up. He did get swingtime, but the co-sleeping was the trick. When it was bedtime or naptime, one of us would stretch out on the bed with him until he slept. Sometimes he'd fuss and try to fight off sleep, but since there was no transfer from swing or arms to bed, when he konked out, he was out. The added bonus was that we'd often fall asleep for a bit with him. Then we'd put pillows and barriers around him and sneak out of the room.

I agree with the early bedtime advice, too, and not just for babies. Our kids went to bed at 7:30 until they were around 8. They got enough sleep and we got some adult time. Good luck and remember EVERYTHING changes all the time. In a month or two, you'll have another thing to freak out about.
posted by eve harrington at 7:57 AM on July 26, 2009


Response by poster: Wow, thanks to everyone for taking the time to post with your advice and experiences. This also turned up a few new resources that we weren't aware of. We'd looked around but hadn't seen much discussion of this specific problem, so I'm glad to hear from those who have been through it before. I know this will most likely be just another blip in the long run, but for some reason it's a real source of anxiety for us. So again, thanks for all the various perspectives. It's given us a nice boost of confidence.
posted by sapere aude at 11:40 AM on July 26, 2009


One more thing that no one seems to have mentioned: when we transitioned the Squidlet from a bassinet in our room to his crib in his own room (at four months, by the way) one thing I did was wrap a receiving blanket around my torso under my t-shirt- I wore it around the house all day and then laid it out flat underneath the fitted crib sheet- so that the crib smelled like mama instead of like a strange place.

He took to it pretty fast, maybe that helped.
posted by ambrosia at 8:23 PM on July 26, 2009


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