Does navigating your city make you crazy? What do you do about it?

December 9, 2004 1:50 PM

UrbanAngerFilter: Do you get angry just getting around your city? What do you do about it? [+]

[apologies for length in advance]

Ever since I moved from a midsize city in the southern USA to Barcelona and then to London I've come up against an issue that I have with bigger cities: I just don't think I've got the patience to deal with getting from point A to point B with so many of my fellow city-dwellers around.

Getting around London can be especially trying because the Tube (metro) is so antiquated and badly run compared to most other big cities that some serious stress is introduced into your day merely by using it. There was a discussion on another board where I commented:

Every morning, before I go to work, I check this page. Every day, for the past several weeks, every f*cking day, the one goddamn line I use is highlighted with delays. And every other f*cking day I go down to Old St, wait for an age, only to have an empty f*cking train blast past the platform for no apparent reason, followed by a 10 minute wait and a total sh*tfight for space when the next train deigns to appear.

One of these days, I think a forehead vein is going to throb just a little too hard, and I'm going to go postal.

Just sayin'.

So you can see my general state of mind.

However, it's worse. I get so wound up by the transport issue that I lose patience not only with the system, but with my fellow passengers as well. I become convinced that they are all out to delay my journey, that the guy who steps out of the carriage and then stands in the door, or the woman who waits until she is at the turnstile to fish for her ticket, those people are actively trying to slow me down. I know in my mind that sometimes I am the one slowing someone else down, but most of the time I am filled with a sense that I am, to steal a phrase, surrounded by frickin' idiots. I love London but I think this may be the thing that makes me move away, whenever I decide to do so.

I know, you say, I should relax. The thing is, I know other people get the same feeling because you can see it in people's eyes.

So, what I want to know, MeFites, is do you get this wound up, and if so, what do you do about it?

posted by LondonYank to travel & transportation (35 comments total)

This is why I don't live in London--honestly. I spent four months there, and while I loved it I realized that I can never live in a big city like that for long. Traffic in Chicago does the same thing for me.

I still get worked up even in my mid-sized town, though, about inconsiderate drivers, stupid pedestrians on cell phones, etc. I do what's probably standard in terms of relaxing: deep breathes, etc. And I try to leave early to allow myself extra time, and when possible time trips to avoid congestion (like when classes change on the campus I work at).

I've never confronted anyone about rude behavior: I can't think of witty/cutting lines quickly enough, nor do I have the courage to dish them out. Sometimes I think that would help...
posted by handful of rain at 2:08 PM on December 9, 2004

LondonYank -- I hear you. I live in NYC right above 9th Ave and, since they changed the flow of traffic to the nearby tunnel (about a year ago), EVERY SINGLE NIGHT from about 4 p.m. to midnight the traffic is bumper-to-bumper outside my window, filling my apartment with the shrill screeching of un-oiled brakes and punctuating bursts of horns honking.

I am afraid that I don't have an answer other than: get out of the City when you can. I don't do it nearly enough, but only by leaving for several days does my bloodpressure drop and my outlook change.

Of course, I say this while I am more and more seriously considering moving back to Seattle
posted by papercake at 2:15 PM on December 9, 2004

Yes, I used to get furious with how long it took to go from place to place (not in London, but same deal). That anger also started exhibiting itself in ways that kind of spooked me. (Any time you find yourself furious at a five year old kid you don't know, it's time to step back and think).

I solved my problem by abandoning driving, abandoning public transit, and riding my bike to work. It is usually slightly faster for me, but even if it weren't, I retain a feeling of control that you lack when you're a prisoner of traffic jams or transit system delays. That does wonders.
posted by profwhat at 2:15 PM on December 9, 2004

I walk to work. The exercise in the morning does wonders for my stress level. And I don't have to find parking! Obviously, though, walking and biking aren't realistic alternatives for a lot of people.

When I'm stuck in a long line (at lunch or wherever) I put my headphones on and tune the situation out... that can help, sometimes TOO well.

You could also buy a compact digicam and work on your photography while you're cooling your heels.

If you're anticipating stress, you could leave early and make time to stop at a coffee shop and decompress before you step across the threshold into your working day.
posted by selfnoise at 2:23 PM on December 9, 2004

Wow . . . people are getting worked up over an extra 10 minute tube wait? This is so not what I expected when I read your question. In Dallas, most people commute an hour or hour and a half each way in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Getting around London on the tube is such a delight in comparison that I usually sit on the train with a huge silly grin. Which I realise doesn't answer your question, except to help remember - it could be worse!
If this issue is affecting you this much, probably the best thing you can do is try and minimise your travel time. Get a flat within walking distance (or at least quick bus distance) from the office, shop locally, even if it's a bit more expensive, stuff like that. If your job requires you to travel all over town, you'll probably either need to find a new job or move.
^{and if so, may I please be considered for your job in London?}
posted by sixdifferentways at 2:24 PM on December 9, 2004

Will someone be my urban angel?
posted by orange clock at 2:27 PM on December 9, 2004

move to where your job is or change jobs to near where you live. very few jobs are so precious that your life won't be improved in this way - and looking for a job whil already working is a great way to find the perfect environment.
posted by andrew cooke at 2:29 PM on December 9, 2004

Everyone who's ever ridden Boston's T can empathize. It's a great service, when it works. But to be truthful, it works most of the time but the 5% that it doesn't is what I always remember. I never recall the specifics of a ride where the train appeared shortly after I started waiting, passengers dutifully were quiet and efficient getting on/off, and I got to my destination in about the time I had anticipated. But those are most of my rides and, I suspect, yours. Keep a count and you might be surprised.

My worst train ride ever-- I was on a crowded trolley in midsummer. It was filled with people going to the red sox game (including myself). I was so crowded that I was standing on the step. A bunch of people forced their way on to the train, so that my groin was forced right up against the buttocks of the girl in front of me (standing one step up to make her taller). For four unpleasant minutes, I could feel this pretty girl's butt cheeks in thin linen capris pressed against my personal regions. It might sound like heaven to a pervert, but it was way too intimate and I literally couldn't move my feet anywhere to shift. So we were both trying to not to acknowledge our new relationship even though we were very aware of it.

Then it occurred to me that I could get an erection and it would be more embarassing for me and traumatic for her. So I thought about my dead childhood pets for the next three minutes until the door opened and I could turn sideways.
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:38 PM on December 9, 2004

Then it occurred to me that I could ...So I thought about my dead childhood pets for the next three minutes until the door opened and I could turn sideways.

"And today, that woman is my wife"--right?
posted by ParisParamus at 2:42 PM on December 9, 2004

Handing out these (pdf) helps a little.
posted by ba at 2:44 PM on December 9, 2004

Cell phones and headphones audible to others make be violent.
posted by ParisParamus at 2:46 PM on December 9, 2004

Transit rage used to affect me quite a bit. Then I started to always carry around an engrossing book with me, or some source of good, engrossing music. Now I just read or plug in my earphones when I encounter a delay. It helps quite a bit. Same thing applies for road rage, except substitute a relaxing mix tape.

After I began going to the gym regularly, however, I've found that I'm less tense throughout the day, so having a source of distraction isn't as necessary. Maybe that's a good long-term solution for you.
posted by sid at 2:46 PM on December 9, 2004

The one thing I try to do to avoid excessive anger in getting around NYC is to plan on the subway being late so when it is I don't get bent out of shape. And on the rare occurrence when the subway isn't messed up, then I'm early or I have some leisure time to make myself late in a more pleasant way. I take a book or other entertainment for when the subway gets stuck in a tunnel or other lengthy delays, etc. Also, I think of the traffic in Seattle (for same reasons as sixdifferentways' Dallas description: it could be worse).

The one thing that I haven't figured out how to not get vexed over are the people who stop right before or after a turnstile or a doorway during peak travel times or who don't stick to the right side (i.e. use "imaginary lanes" on sidewalks and stairwells) when it's totally crazy with people. For this, I have headphones and the taking of deep breaths. But it still gets to me.

on preview: what sid said; no gym for me, but I run.
posted by safetyfork at 2:47 PM on December 9, 2004

On a totally different tack: Have you had your blood pressure checked lately? Seriously, a few years ago, I felt much the same as you, and realized I shouldn't be getting all that hepped up about such things. My doctor said my BP was borderline high (135/90) and gave me some pills. Oddly, my BP has only come down slightly (130/84) but I don't get the same "rage spikes" when things don't go my way. Just sayin'.
posted by Doohickie at 2:49 PM on December 9, 2004

"And today, that woman is my wife"--right?

No, I got off at Kenmore Square and she sailed off into Brookline, never to be seen again. There's no way I could have chatted her up:

"Now that I've pretty much sodomized you, let me buy you a beer!"
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:00 PM on December 9, 2004

When someone is trying to get into a subway car by prying the doors back open, do one of two things:

(1) push them back out; or
(2) hold a lit match to their fingers

(at least until they install razor wire on the door edges...)
posted by ParisParamus at 3:07 PM on December 9, 2004

So many good points here. I would not be at all surprised if high blood pressure was either causing or being exacerbated by my transit stress.

I suppose I should say that this isn't related completely to the Tube; it's more a sort of "is someone actively conspiring to obstruct my progress?" paranoia - totally irrational, totally without basis in fact and easily dismissable as too many agents with free will in a confined space - yet I still get it. I suppose the worst is when I can anticipate it, and people disappoint me. Walking down the street and thinking - "ooh, I'll bet that lady is going to stop right in front of me" - and she does, and I grit my teeth (and possibly hiss at her) - no fault of her own, but she got in my way, therefore she's not getting a Christmas card.

All I can do is remind myself that I must have pissed off 10 other people doing precisely the same thing everyday, blissfully unaware I was doing it.
posted by LondonYank at 3:17 PM on December 9, 2004

Yes. I find walking on the streets of Manhattan aversive to the point of doing murder.

I have arranged to move.
posted by ikkyu2 at 3:37 PM on December 9, 2004

I've perfected the art of Not Letting It Get To Me. I don't want to spend two hours of my life fuming impotently at others, so I detach. I go onto autopilot and just ignore everyone. iPods are a godsend when there's annoying noises, but I've got pretty good at blocking everything out and still getting to where I need to be.

That is, unless I've had a bad day and then I will grudgingly put up with fellow commuters but GOD HELP the tourists.
posted by corvine at 3:38 PM on December 9, 2004

That's pretty much why I don't live in New York City anymore. I'm afraid that "move away" is the only answer I found that worked.
posted by willpie at 3:43 PM on December 9, 2004

I had an hour-and-a-half commute around Detroit for a year and a half. The strange thing about Detroit is that you either go 80 miles an hour or 5 miles an hour. Lots of hauling on the brakes and hoping for the best. It does things to you, certainly. Since I was driving I think that added to the stress somewhat, especially the times people decided to do Road Rage right next to me, complete with swerving. Needless to say, I quit the job...

MayorCurley, that may be the best un-asked for answer on AskMeFi I've seen ("how not to get an erection when pressed up against a stranger").
posted by Slothrop at 3:44 PM on December 9, 2004

I have a 45 minute (counter-) commute (drive) from Seattle to Tacoma, to work. Since I started it, about 18 months ago, I've "read" more books (audiobooks, that is) than in the past ten years. So put me down as a vote for music/audiobooks (and earphones on public transportation). And, yes, exercise always helps, and a full physical examination, if none recently, might be appropriate.
posted by WestCoaster at 3:47 PM on December 9, 2004

Ipod or walkman--create your own bubble, so that waiting or other transit stress doesn't really get thru. Works wonderfully for me--for decades now.
posted by amberglow at 3:50 PM on December 9, 2004

I embrace my rage. I learn to cherish and love it and expend it on fucktards who deserve it. If someone is in the way, I often say, "I always find the top of the stairs is a brilliant place to stop." I love rainy days because it is so easy to accidently poke someone who is on the wrong side of the stairs. I enjoy clearing my throat loudly when someone stands on the left of the escalator, and my favorite part is getting off: square your shoulders, don't make eye contact, and damn the torpedoes.

It all makes it easier to be nice when I want to. (Okay, I also read and listen to music and pretend no one else is there.)


Cell phones and headphones audible to others make be violent.

When you make the little shithead kid who didn't pay for a subway ride get out of my seat and stop screaming, and stop people from sitting across from one another on an empty train and then yelling across the car, I will turn down my headphones. Until then, I don't give a shit. I keep my headphones as loud as they have to be to cover unreasonable noise. If it bugs you that much, get some of your own.
posted by dame at 4:03 PM on December 9, 2004

Given my nickname I suppose I should weigh in on this topic. It may seem absurd, but I have always found public transit to be one of the more relaxing parts of the urban experience. Once I enter the train station or step on board the bus, whatever, a great burden lifts - everything is completely out of my hands (unlike when commuting by car). From that point on, it doesn't matter whether the train is stopped or moving, early, late or on time - there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. It's a great opportunity - and usually the only opportunity all day - to reflect or just to let my mind wander aimlessly, and I value this time, no matter how noisy or crowded it is, or what part of me is pressed into what part of someone else.

However, if I find myself getting annoyed (especially at those people who stop right in front of me, oblivous to everything, as if they're the only person on the planet!), I just consciously remind myself where I'm going - oh yeah, work... why was I in such a hurry? Of course this won't help if you're in imminent danger of being fired if you're late one more time...

Come to think of it, maybe this whole thing was not particularly helpful to anyone but me. Some practical advice: I have an aunt who finds that it's very calming (and helps pass the time) to memorize those little poems that you often find posted amongst the overhead ads on trains and buses. I don't know if you have them in London, but I've seen them in many cities.
posted by Urban Hermit at 4:07 PM on December 9, 2004

This just in: London Underground admits it hunts for spares on eBay
posted by WestCoaster at 4:24 PM on December 9, 2004

In the car: I listen to soothing or upbeat music in LA traffic - nothing too angry.

When people piss me off: Seriously? I memorized a short Emily Dickinson poem that I repeat to myself over and over. It's basically just a mantra that keeps me from purposefully rear-ending some drivers.
posted by muddgirl at 4:32 PM on December 9, 2004

I changed my hours at work so I could start and leave one hour earlier earlier. The buses and trains are much less crowded and move faster - I shaved a good fifteen minutes off each trip. It still takes me an hour to travel 18 km one way, but that's better than 80 minutes or more.

And I knit, embroider, sew or crochet to amuse myself. Everyone stares at me, but I've gotten used to it. I barely notice the time passing, I'm relaxed (and I am naturally an irritable, high-strung person), and I'm productive. At Christmas I have a stockpile of lovely gifts for my family and friends.
posted by orange swan at 4:49 PM on December 9, 2004

I admit I've had a charmed commute until recently [and even now it really isn't that bad]. I went from a job with a 10 minute commute to 9 months of goofing off at home back to having to drive to work daily -- 19.2 miles each way. The first month was pure shit because of the traffic compounded by road construction on the route. And the radio sucked -- even NPR with the pledge drive. I tried alternate routes and different times but it would still be an hour of torture in each direction.

I did two things: I bought an XM radio so I could have a zillion choices of commercial free music and I adjusted my schedule to get to the office painfully early to beat the traffic. The latest I can stay at the office is 4:30 -- if I leave at 4:35 I'm stuck in traffic.

Don't get me started about those total fucks at the grocery store though. I've been tempted to kill people with my shopping buggy. But I'm working on that next.

Good luck.
posted by birdherder at 4:56 PM on December 9, 2004

Not to encourage any of you to come to Boston, because you really should stay away, but I have to tell you that nearly the EXACT same thing happened to me on the Green Line this summer as what Mayor Curley describes.

Maybe she's a regular, eh Mayor?
posted by briank at 5:47 PM on December 9, 2004

Used to. Took care of it by moving within walking range of work.
posted by Mars Saxman at 5:55 PM on December 9, 2004

I live 17 miles from work, and public transit is not an option. The drive can take 17 minutes at night, and typically 45 to 75 minutes in rush "hour" (daylight-7pm). The infernal stop-start-stop-start crawl on the frickin' freeway drives me bonkers, so if it's rush hour I now take city streets and back roads. It takes just as long, but you only have to stop for red lights, not for morons. And I got a smoother, quieter car with a good stereo and satellite radio, so I don't mind being in there for a while. (I should run that past my health insurance as a therapy expense.)

On the road and in other situations, I try to check my frustration & anger at pokey or ignorant people by imagining they're someone's confused aunt/uncle from the country, in town for a funeral, and they're just not thinking straight or navigating right.
posted by Tubes at 6:13 PM on December 9, 2004

I had an hour-and-a-half commute around Detroit for a year and a half. The strange thing about Detroit is that you either go 80 miles an hour or 5 miles an hour.

Slothrop- me too! For a while I had a job in Southgate and commuted there from Auburn Hills- right up & down I-75. Then I got smart and bought a home in Dearborn and had a ten-minute commute, and promptly got laid off. My next job was in Wixom, so I basically had the same commute in reverse.

Anyway, the funniest thing was one slushy morning, all the 4x4's were whizzing by me doin' 70. I didn't feel safe above 40 with front drive. You know how there are the sharp bends in I-75 near downtown? Well, this 4x4 goes whizzin' by me on one curve, and the next one was even tighter. As I came around the first curve, I got the pleasure of seeing him spin out as he went up the embankment of the second curve. Classic.
posted by Doohickie at 7:12 PM on December 9, 2004

Yup, Profwhat has it. I have lived in London for ten years. One year ago I bought a bike. It has revolutionised my existence.

Remember those twenty minute waits for the bus, or the delayed tubes? The bike solves all that. It's shocking how fast the bike is. Quicker than walking, quicker than a taxi, quicker than a bus.

I even have a friend who cycles from Brixton to Camden (ie from South to North London) and back every day - 30 mins each way.

On a more general note, though, you do just have to chill out. Adopt the British attitude, which is one of baffled hilarity at the embarrassingly crap state of affairs. And give yourself an hour to make any journey around London! Use the time to read a book or something.
posted by skylar at 4:56 AM on December 10, 2004

I too copped a Green Line feel. But mine was having a pair of BU coed breasts thrust against my hands that were (and there's no good non-inuendo way to say this) holding the rail. I felt like I needed a smoke after getting off the train.

The issue I have with urban life, and commutes in general, is the hassle of dealing with other people. I feel like I can't trust my fellow urban travellers to be as aware and considerate as I'm trying to be. ("I can not trust you to keep walking with the flow of foot traffic, can I? No, you look about ready to stop, turn slowly, and maybe take a random step backwards. Bastard.") Be aware of your surroundings, people! Crowded sidewalks between two gates are not good places to stop for a chat!

With regards to public transport, the hassle is again trust. I can't expect the Green Line to be timely, busses to arrive on time, and so on, yet I am expected to be at bus stops on time, plan my routes based on T estimates, and so on. The T may only fuck up one ride in 20, but that's all I'll remember.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:37 AM on December 10, 2004