Should I keep a straight face?
July 7, 2009 8:46 PM Subscribe
Will smiling really sink my job prospects?
In gearing up for an extended interview season, I've been going over advice including the tips here. One of the author's suggestions for women is to avoid "excessive smiling" as it connotes a lack of seriousness or gravitas.
I know this is probably gendered bullshit, but I can't help but wonder if it has some merit. I've been very aware of not being taken seriously by (predominately male) employers and superiors in the past and am not anxious to repeat the experience. Should I adopt a more stoic facade during the interview? On the one hand, I feel like any advantage I could give myself would help. On the other, I'm friendly and enthusiastic by nature, and I always smile when meeting people and generally grin and nod while listening. Hiding that just seems so disingenuous.
Input on your perceptions or experiences is much appreciated.
(Full disclosure: This is in the legal arena, but I'm interviewing with judges rather than firms.)
In gearing up for an extended interview season, I've been going over advice including the tips here. One of the author's suggestions for women is to avoid "excessive smiling" as it connotes a lack of seriousness or gravitas.
I know this is probably gendered bullshit, but I can't help but wonder if it has some merit. I've been very aware of not being taken seriously by (predominately male) employers and superiors in the past and am not anxious to repeat the experience. Should I adopt a more stoic facade during the interview? On the one hand, I feel like any advantage I could give myself would help. On the other, I'm friendly and enthusiastic by nature, and I always smile when meeting people and generally grin and nod while listening. Hiding that just seems so disingenuous.
Input on your perceptions or experiences is much appreciated.
(Full disclosure: This is in the legal arena, but I'm interviewing with judges rather than firms.)
If you feel like you general way (friendly and enthusiastic) has caused men to dismiss you in the past, then maybe you should try to be a little more stoic.
Changing things up isn't disingenuous - I'm sure you always modify your behavior according to situations.
On the other hand, I once met a woman who was warm and kindly and very girly and when I asked her if she thought she had reached her current position (which was a peachy one) in spite of or because of those qualities, she told me that it was 100% because.
Guess it depends on who you meet. Mirroring (which I find really hard to do in most situations) is said to help.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 8:56 PM on July 7, 2009
Changing things up isn't disingenuous - I'm sure you always modify your behavior according to situations.
On the other hand, I once met a woman who was warm and kindly and very girly and when I asked her if she thought she had reached her current position (which was a peachy one) in spite of or because of those qualities, she told me that it was 100% because.
Guess it depends on who you meet. Mirroring (which I find really hard to do in most situations) is said to help.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 8:56 PM on July 7, 2009
There may be some truth to the sense of gender discrimination, especially dealing with older men in a previously man-dominated field. I wouldn't go so far as to advise a total behavioral change based on speculation of discrimination. At the same time, considering the way you act could help.
I'm similar to you in the sense that I'm naturally friendly and enthusiastic. I've had to reign in excessive smiling at points. One thing that helps me a lot is mirroring. You've probably heard of it, but it basically means miming the communication cues of your parter, verbal and non-verbal. You absolutely shouldn't compromise your nature when meeting these people. I'd advise rather just taking your cues from them. Match but don't exceed their level of enthusiasm. Take note of what kind of energy they project when meeting you and try to reflect it back.
Also, as an afterthought, you can channel your natural enthusiasm into being very attentive instead of smiling/positive feelings. I'm sensing you're an extravert. Use those people skills to read your interviewer.
posted by dualityofmind at 9:01 PM on July 7, 2009
I'm similar to you in the sense that I'm naturally friendly and enthusiastic. I've had to reign in excessive smiling at points. One thing that helps me a lot is mirroring. You've probably heard of it, but it basically means miming the communication cues of your parter, verbal and non-verbal. You absolutely shouldn't compromise your nature when meeting these people. I'd advise rather just taking your cues from them. Match but don't exceed their level of enthusiasm. Take note of what kind of energy they project when meeting you and try to reflect it back.
Also, as an afterthought, you can channel your natural enthusiasm into being very attentive instead of smiling/positive feelings. I'm sensing you're an extravert. Use those people skills to read your interviewer.
posted by dualityofmind at 9:01 PM on July 7, 2009
I know this is probably gendered bullshit
Quite. I'd expect excessive smiling would also damage a bloke's interview chances.
posted by pompomtom at 9:02 PM on July 7, 2009
Quite. I'd expect excessive smiling would also damage a bloke's interview chances.
posted by pompomtom at 9:02 PM on July 7, 2009
Friendly and direct usually works for me. Try not to adopt a facade at all during the interview; it is too tiring and will come off as fake. Think of words that describe your best professional/interpersonal characteristics, and use those as kind of a mantra during the interviews. If you know you're intelligent and poised, for example, and you think about those words during the interviews, you'll probably come off that way. Friendly and enthusiastic is fine.
That said - women often have a problem with voice control. If you are not being taken seriously, how is your tone and projection? Are you soft spoken? If you record and then listen to yourself, do you sound professional, or do you sound like a little girl? (That's not intended as a put down - I struggle with voice control myself.)
posted by txvtchick at 9:08 PM on July 7, 2009
That said - women often have a problem with voice control. If you are not being taken seriously, how is your tone and projection? Are you soft spoken? If you record and then listen to yourself, do you sound professional, or do you sound like a little girl? (That's not intended as a put down - I struggle with voice control myself.)
posted by txvtchick at 9:08 PM on July 7, 2009
One of the author's suggestions for women is to avoid "excessive smiling" as it connotes a lack of seriousness or gravitas.
In terms of gendered behavioral cues, women can have a greater tendency to do the nervous "yes, everything is okay?" smile, which can come off as, well, nervous. Meaning, young and experienced. Meaning, it's not the smiling, it's the tendency to assume that women trying to be pleasant are young and inexperienced.
I think that erring on the side of a bit serious isn't a bad idea. But please, feel free to smile when you say hello and goodbye, and don't feel you need to stiffly avoid smiling altogether during the interview.
posted by desuetude at 9:36 PM on July 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
In terms of gendered behavioral cues, women can have a greater tendency to do the nervous "yes, everything is okay?" smile, which can come off as, well, nervous. Meaning, young and experienced. Meaning, it's not the smiling, it's the tendency to assume that women trying to be pleasant are young and inexperienced.
I think that erring on the side of a bit serious isn't a bad idea. But please, feel free to smile when you say hello and goodbye, and don't feel you need to stiffly avoid smiling altogether during the interview.
posted by desuetude at 9:36 PM on July 7, 2009 [1 favorite]
Just be yourself.
A judge that interviews you is not, ever, going to be concentrating on how much you've been smiling. Will smiling sink your job prospects? No. If you really think about it, your question is a laughable No. It's a capital NO.
Go into the interview and do the best you can do. Don't concentrate on superficial distractions, just make eye contact and share what can.
You win some, you lose some. Life. Goes. On.
posted by pwally at 9:51 PM on July 7, 2009
A judge that interviews you is not, ever, going to be concentrating on how much you've been smiling. Will smiling sink your job prospects? No. If you really think about it, your question is a laughable No. It's a capital NO.
Go into the interview and do the best you can do. Don't concentrate on superficial distractions, just make eye contact and share what can.
You win some, you lose some. Life. Goes. On.
posted by pwally at 9:51 PM on July 7, 2009
Never forget that it's easier for an employer to hire someone they like. Be that someone.
Be genuine, above all... but be that someone.
posted by 2oh1 at 10:09 PM on July 7, 2009
Be genuine, above all... but be that someone.
posted by 2oh1 at 10:09 PM on July 7, 2009
I've done, like... hundreds and hundreds of interviews. Maybe a thousand by now. Many for power-suit positions.
A confident, comfortable smile is good. It shows you're in control. Again: confidence.
A nervous, goofy smile can be bad, if it's more than fleeting. It shows you're flustered and maybe can't keep a professional demeanor.
So unless one is applying for some "hostess" position, one shouldn't ever overboard on the friendliness, including smiling. But don't be an ice queen, either: not smiling when you are introduced to someone, for example, is just plain rude.
posted by rokusan at 10:21 PM on July 7, 2009
A confident, comfortable smile is good. It shows you're in control. Again: confidence.
A nervous, goofy smile can be bad, if it's more than fleeting. It shows you're flustered and maybe can't keep a professional demeanor.
So unless one is applying for some "hostess" position, one shouldn't ever overboard on the friendliness, including smiling. But don't be an ice queen, either: not smiling when you are introduced to someone, for example, is just plain rude.
posted by rokusan at 10:21 PM on July 7, 2009
Best answer: It's hard not to smile when you're nervous and what is more nerve-wracking than an interview? I'd smile when appropriate i.e., when you would in normal professional circumstances. If you smile more often than other people, so be it.
It sounds like you might be interviewing for a prestigious clerking position? Whether or not, you wouldn't have made it this far in law if you didn't know how to deal with fellow legal professionals.
So try not to smile when nervous. Otherwise, smile as you would in a normal business setting. Trust your instincts. And good luck!!
posted by vincele at 11:39 PM on July 7, 2009
It sounds like you might be interviewing for a prestigious clerking position? Whether or not, you wouldn't have made it this far in law if you didn't know how to deal with fellow legal professionals.
So try not to smile when nervous. Otherwise, smile as you would in a normal business setting. Trust your instincts. And good luck!!
posted by vincele at 11:39 PM on July 7, 2009
Best answer: You'll lose more jobs by putting off an "I'm not acting like my real self" vibe than by smiling the wrong amount. Be who you are.
posted by davejay at 2:23 AM on July 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by davejay at 2:23 AM on July 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
You grin while listening? That does actually sound quite odd. I smile a lot, but I'm fairly sure when I'm listening to someone, really listening, I'm not grinning. I'm focusing on paying attention to the question. Nodding while listening is good. Grinning while listening seems like you're trying too hard.
posted by Hildegarde at 5:58 AM on July 8, 2009
posted by Hildegarde at 5:58 AM on July 8, 2009
Probably in your field, you may not want to randomly smile but that should go for guys too. A closing smile should be expected but practice your smiles in front of a smile. There are confident smiles which is what you'd want as opposed to a giggly or flirty smile. Make damned sure you're not projecting the wrong kind of smile.
posted by JJ86 at 5:59 AM on July 8, 2009
posted by JJ86 at 5:59 AM on July 8, 2009
To expand a little bit, I find that I usually wear a frown and have to consciously effect a half smile to even it out. I like to practice in front of a mirror to get the proper amount of feedback to do it properly live.
posted by JJ86 at 6:02 AM on July 8, 2009
posted by JJ86 at 6:02 AM on July 8, 2009
On the other, I'm friendly and enthusiastic by nature, and I always smile when meeting people and generally grin and nod while listening.
I interview a couple of people every year who are looking for their first job straight out of undergrad, and I have definitely seen the second thing you're describing there. It's virtually always women, and it does tend to come across as nervous and a sign of someone who may be a bit of a people pleaser.
For the particular job I'm doing interviews for this isn't necessarily a problem, as it's not really client-facing and I sympathize with the nervousness. I also used to smile a lot when I was in situations where I wasn't 100% comfortable, and it took me a while to stop doing that after I was hired. (I was that chick who would sit through meetings and break into a big toothy smile whenever someone would so much as look at me.) Now I'm much more comfortable, and I'd say I probably smile more than your average person in my office, but it tends to be appropriate--when walking into meetings and saying hello, when laughing at jokes, that sort of thing. It's not my default facial expression anymore, and while it's kind of a chicken-and-egg thing, it's certainly gone hand-in-hand with being perceived as more senior in my workplace.
If you have concerns about not being taken seriously in your field, I would definitely work on this. I'm sure that smiling when you feel a bit uncomfortable feels "natural," but I'm willing to bet that when you're in more comfortable situations that are a bit more serious--say, having dinner with a friend who is telling you about a family member's illness--you don't sit there with a huge smile on your face. You probably concentrate pretty hard on listening to what they are saying, and unconsciously your face settles into a neutral expression. That's what I think you want to shoot for here, to give the impression that you're paying attention to what is being said, not focusing on how others are perceiving you (which is what smiling really signals).
The best advice I can give is to practice, practice, practice. Get a friend who will sit and do mock interviews with you at least 10 times. You'll feel really really silly, but that's exactly what you want: you're going to feel uncomfortable in the interview as well, so if you can practice projecting a calm, friendly (but not overly-smiley), and serious face when doing a mock interview, you'll feel much more comfortable doing it in a real interview as well.
posted by iminurmefi at 7:49 AM on July 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
I interview a couple of people every year who are looking for their first job straight out of undergrad, and I have definitely seen the second thing you're describing there. It's virtually always women, and it does tend to come across as nervous and a sign of someone who may be a bit of a people pleaser.
For the particular job I'm doing interviews for this isn't necessarily a problem, as it's not really client-facing and I sympathize with the nervousness. I also used to smile a lot when I was in situations where I wasn't 100% comfortable, and it took me a while to stop doing that after I was hired. (I was that chick who would sit through meetings and break into a big toothy smile whenever someone would so much as look at me.) Now I'm much more comfortable, and I'd say I probably smile more than your average person in my office, but it tends to be appropriate--when walking into meetings and saying hello, when laughing at jokes, that sort of thing. It's not my default facial expression anymore, and while it's kind of a chicken-and-egg thing, it's certainly gone hand-in-hand with being perceived as more senior in my workplace.
If you have concerns about not being taken seriously in your field, I would definitely work on this. I'm sure that smiling when you feel a bit uncomfortable feels "natural," but I'm willing to bet that when you're in more comfortable situations that are a bit more serious--say, having dinner with a friend who is telling you about a family member's illness--you don't sit there with a huge smile on your face. You probably concentrate pretty hard on listening to what they are saying, and unconsciously your face settles into a neutral expression. That's what I think you want to shoot for here, to give the impression that you're paying attention to what is being said, not focusing on how others are perceiving you (which is what smiling really signals).
The best advice I can give is to practice, practice, practice. Get a friend who will sit and do mock interviews with you at least 10 times. You'll feel really really silly, but that's exactly what you want: you're going to feel uncomfortable in the interview as well, so if you can practice projecting a calm, friendly (but not overly-smiley), and serious face when doing a mock interview, you'll feel much more comfortable doing it in a real interview as well.
posted by iminurmefi at 7:49 AM on July 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
What pwally said. The best interviews I've ever had were the ones where my attitude was, "If I'm going to work here, I want the people I'm working for to like me, not a persona constructed from somebody else's interview commandments."
posted by usonian at 7:58 AM on July 8, 2009
posted by usonian at 7:58 AM on July 8, 2009
I just want to reiterate that taking some care to behave in such a way that helps a prospective employer see you as competent and mature does not necessarily require some sort of fake personality.
posted by desuetude at 11:14 AM on July 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by desuetude at 11:14 AM on July 8, 2009 [1 favorite]
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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:54 PM on July 7, 2009 [3 favorites]