Is my life insurance making me a target for murder?
May 18, 2009 12:25 PM Subscribe
I'm sort of worried that my sister and her husband may be tempted to have me murdered. Am I justified in thinking this or am I paranoid? If I'm justified, how can I gently broach the subject to them of removing them from my life insurance policy?
Background: My sister married her high school sweetheart at age 18. He went to technical school to become an auto mechanic and graduated with 30k in debt. Five (going on six) years later, both my sister and her husband are up to their eyeballs in debt.
They bought a house that they couldn't afford during the boom, had a child (with another one currently on the way) and eventually had to declare bankruptcy about two years ago. I hate to sound like an ass, but the heart of their problems is that they really live beyond their (quite modest) means.
My brother-in-law is constantly moving from mechanic job to mechanic job. He's constantly getting fired and even when he does have a job, the downturn in the auto industry means that his paychecks are often (actually, almost always) too small to pay the bills. They are usually a month behind on their mortgage payments and they are constantly borrowing money from my parents (money that my parents don't really have, either) to stave off the constant threat of foreclosure.
My sister says she doesn't want to work (she's always wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom) and my brother-in-law refuses to get a job outside the auto industry (it's his childhood dream). So they are both having alot of trouble in this economy, as you can imagine.
About a month ago I got a nice job with a major healthcare firm. As apart of my benefits package, I was provided with a very generous company-funded life insurance policy. I don't really have any long-term SO at the moment, and my mom is already the beneficiary on my 401k and IRA, so I decided to make my sister the beneficiary of my new life insurance policy. I figured it didn't really matter since it's company funded, I don't plan on dying anytime soon, and also in the off chance that something did happen to me, it would help them to take care of my niece (whom I adore) and my new nephew on the way.
Everything's hunky dory, right?
So I call my sister and tell her I'd like to make her the beneficiary on my policy, and that I would need some of her info to give to the company. She asks me what it means and I tell her the basics of life and AD&D insurance, and that she would get the money (+175,000) if I died.
There was a bit of silence on the line, and then she said "Check your brake lines." Then she let out a bit of a nervous chuckle and added "I'm just kidding, of course."
Now I didn't think anything of it at the time. I figured that my sister was just having some fun at my expense. But over the past month I've been hearing stories from my other family members that my sister and brother-in-law's financial situation has become increasingly dire and that they are spending more and more of their time fighting about money.
So do I trust them? My brother-in-law is the real X factor in all this. He's a very quiet person -- perhaps eerily quiet. In the past six years that I've known him, he's probably spoken (I'm not exaggerating here) about 3,000-4,000 words total to me despite living in the same city and regular visits to their house. Most of those words consist of "Hey" and "Hi". To tell you the truth, I don't really "know" him at all.
What about my sister? I grew up with her, and I do know her, yet I'm also aware that financial desperation can make otherwise normal people do very bad things. The way she told me to check my brake lines and then added the "just kidding" as an afterthought is giving me more and more second thoughts as time goes on.
So, here are my questions:
1) Am I justified in being worried or am I just paranoid?
2) If I am justified, (or even if I'm not), how can I gently broach the subject with them about removing them from my life insurance policy? The more I think about it, the more a life policy seems like a way for others to profit off my untimely demise. Especially since I don't have a SO or a house.
3) Is there something wrong with me for thinking this way?
Background: My sister married her high school sweetheart at age 18. He went to technical school to become an auto mechanic and graduated with 30k in debt. Five (going on six) years later, both my sister and her husband are up to their eyeballs in debt.
They bought a house that they couldn't afford during the boom, had a child (with another one currently on the way) and eventually had to declare bankruptcy about two years ago. I hate to sound like an ass, but the heart of their problems is that they really live beyond their (quite modest) means.
My brother-in-law is constantly moving from mechanic job to mechanic job. He's constantly getting fired and even when he does have a job, the downturn in the auto industry means that his paychecks are often (actually, almost always) too small to pay the bills. They are usually a month behind on their mortgage payments and they are constantly borrowing money from my parents (money that my parents don't really have, either) to stave off the constant threat of foreclosure.
My sister says she doesn't want to work (she's always wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom) and my brother-in-law refuses to get a job outside the auto industry (it's his childhood dream). So they are both having alot of trouble in this economy, as you can imagine.
About a month ago I got a nice job with a major healthcare firm. As apart of my benefits package, I was provided with a very generous company-funded life insurance policy. I don't really have any long-term SO at the moment, and my mom is already the beneficiary on my 401k and IRA, so I decided to make my sister the beneficiary of my new life insurance policy. I figured it didn't really matter since it's company funded, I don't plan on dying anytime soon, and also in the off chance that something did happen to me, it would help them to take care of my niece (whom I adore) and my new nephew on the way.
Everything's hunky dory, right?
So I call my sister and tell her I'd like to make her the beneficiary on my policy, and that I would need some of her info to give to the company. She asks me what it means and I tell her the basics of life and AD&D insurance, and that she would get the money (+175,000) if I died.
There was a bit of silence on the line, and then she said "Check your brake lines." Then she let out a bit of a nervous chuckle and added "I'm just kidding, of course."
Now I didn't think anything of it at the time. I figured that my sister was just having some fun at my expense. But over the past month I've been hearing stories from my other family members that my sister and brother-in-law's financial situation has become increasingly dire and that they are spending more and more of their time fighting about money.
So do I trust them? My brother-in-law is the real X factor in all this. He's a very quiet person -- perhaps eerily quiet. In the past six years that I've known him, he's probably spoken (I'm not exaggerating here) about 3,000-4,000 words total to me despite living in the same city and regular visits to their house. Most of those words consist of "Hey" and "Hi". To tell you the truth, I don't really "know" him at all.
What about my sister? I grew up with her, and I do know her, yet I'm also aware that financial desperation can make otherwise normal people do very bad things. The way she told me to check my brake lines and then added the "just kidding" as an afterthought is giving me more and more second thoughts as time goes on.
So, here are my questions:
1) Am I justified in being worried or am I just paranoid?
2) If I am justified, (or even if I'm not), how can I gently broach the subject with them about removing them from my life insurance policy? The more I think about it, the more a life policy seems like a way for others to profit off my untimely demise. Especially since I don't have a SO or a house.
3) Is there something wrong with me for thinking this way?
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- cortex
1. Probably just paranoid, but ultimately, if something bothers you, it bothers you.
2. Just casually bring it up, "Hey, just wanted to let you know: I've decided to name my favorite charity as beneficiary, but don't worry, I shredded all the documents that have your personal info on them." What are they gonna do? Argue with you?!
3. No. There's something about them that gives you the willies. Sometimes these things aren't explainable.
posted by December at 12:30 PM on May 18, 2009 [3 favorites]
2. Just casually bring it up, "Hey, just wanted to let you know: I've decided to name my favorite charity as beneficiary, but don't worry, I shredded all the documents that have your personal info on them." What are they gonna do? Argue with you?!
3. No. There's something about them that gives you the willies. Sometimes these things aren't explainable.
posted by December at 12:30 PM on May 18, 2009 [3 favorites]
I think you are being paranoid.
Your only piece of "evidence" for your fears is what your sister said about your brake lines. It seems very likely that she was being honest when she said it was a joke, albeit not a very good one. Just because they are in a bad financial situation does not make them murderers.
posted by mai at 12:30 PM on May 18, 2009
Your only piece of "evidence" for your fears is what your sister said about your brake lines. It seems very likely that she was being honest when she said it was a joke, albeit not a very good one. Just because they are in a bad financial situation does not make them murderers.
posted by mai at 12:30 PM on May 18, 2009
Just because people are in dire straits for money does not mean they are murderers.
Just because people are shy and/or quiet does not mean they are murderers.
Has your sister and/or brother-in-law given you any indication that they would commit a crime to get the money they need? Or have any sort of violent or sociopathic tendencies?
posted by ejazen at 12:30 PM on May 18, 2009
Just because people are shy and/or quiet does not mean they are murderers.
Has your sister and/or brother-in-law given you any indication that they would commit a crime to get the money they need? Or have any sort of violent or sociopathic tendencies?
posted by ejazen at 12:30 PM on May 18, 2009
I think the only problem here is that either you or they watch too much TV/many movies. If it's you, then don't worry about it. If it's them, then make sure they watch a lot of CSI soon, so they know that they will get caught, and that if caught, they won't get any money.
posted by Grither at 12:30 PM on May 18, 2009
posted by Grither at 12:30 PM on May 18, 2009
I can see your reasoning, but I think you might be a teeny bit paranoid. Do you really think they'd have you killed so they could live beyond their means? Hopefully your relationship to them means more to them than that. All I can see of your evidence is that 1) your sister made an off-handed remark (I don't think she would have said that if she was really considering killing you) and 2) they're in financial trouble.
You might consider making your nephew the beneficiary, although I guess that would still give them the opportunity to take it. You could set it up in a trust fund or something, right? Or you could leave it to someone else to execute whom you trust. Another option would be to leave a note or something indicating your suspicions so if something did happen, there would be an investigation at least.
I wouldn't be surprised if you're just worried about/frustrated with your sister and brother-in-law and channeling that into worry about the insurance policy.
posted by emilyd22222 at 12:31 PM on May 18, 2009
You might consider making your nephew the beneficiary, although I guess that would still give them the opportunity to take it. You could set it up in a trust fund or something, right? Or you could leave it to someone else to execute whom you trust. Another option would be to leave a note or something indicating your suspicions so if something did happen, there would be an investigation at least.
I wouldn't be surprised if you're just worried about/frustrated with your sister and brother-in-law and channeling that into worry about the insurance policy.
posted by emilyd22222 at 12:31 PM on May 18, 2009
My sister is on my life insurance policy. I told her this and she asked Dad where he keeps the shells for the shotgun.
This is a pretty common joke about life insurance. Maybe the "Just Kidding" was because she knows you might over think the joke?
Go see your therapist.
posted by Loto at 12:33 PM on May 18, 2009 [2 favorites]
This is a pretty common joke about life insurance. Maybe the "Just Kidding" was because she knows you might over think the joke?
Go see your therapist.
posted by Loto at 12:33 PM on May 18, 2009 [2 favorites]
To tell you the truth, I don't really "know" him at all.
This is the perfect reason to NOT suspect him of plotting your murder.
posted by mudpuppie at 12:34 PM on May 18, 2009
This is the perfect reason to NOT suspect him of plotting your murder.
posted by mudpuppie at 12:34 PM on May 18, 2009
Yes, you are paranoid, just like this woman was.
And if it makes you feel better, then yes, remove your sister as a beneficiary.
I anticipate a lot of people will hop on the please-seek-therapy- band wagon. So I too will join in the chorus.
posted by wocka wocka wocka at 12:35 PM on May 18, 2009
And if it makes you feel better, then yes, remove your sister as a beneficiary.
I anticipate a lot of people will hop on the please-seek-therapy- band wagon. So I too will join in the chorus.
posted by wocka wocka wocka at 12:35 PM on May 18, 2009
I think you're being paranoid. Especially since if you sister was conniving enough to murder you for your life insurance, she probably wouldn't have made an offhand joke about killing you. Either she would be too dumb to carry it out, or too smart to know that she would be the first suspect if you turned up dead, seeing as she is the beneficiary of your life insurance and she's in troubled financial times.
You can always just make your mom the beneficiary for this other policy and tell your sister you thought it would be easier that way (she'd still get help from mom, of course). Or you can just tell her you changed the beneficiary to a charity because of tax benefits or something (she would probably not bother checking if you really do get a tax break for this).
posted by ishotjr at 12:37 PM on May 18, 2009
You can always just make your mom the beneficiary for this other policy and tell your sister you thought it would be easier that way (she'd still get help from mom, of course). Or you can just tell her you changed the beneficiary to a charity because of tax benefits or something (she would probably not bother checking if you really do get a tax break for this).
posted by ishotjr at 12:37 PM on May 18, 2009
It certainly sounds like you're being paranoid or imaginative. Though, as they say, even paranoids can have enemies.
Let's see, your brother in law is kind of quiet, your sister made a lame joke, and they're chronically in debt. From the perspective of an outsider, it seems like a HUGE stretch from this to OMG, they might kill me for my insurance money.
You say you don't really know if your sister would kill you to get money - if that's true, that's a very sad commentary on your relationship with her, regardless of her financial state. To find out if your suspicions are real or not, you should ask others who know her. Might she allow her financial state to drive her to murder you, her beloved brother?
I'd also suggest you get to know your brother in law a bit better. Maybe you could have a conversation with him about something you both are interested in, or get a dvd of Top Gear and watch it with him.
posted by jasper411 at 12:38 PM on May 18, 2009
Let's see, your brother in law is kind of quiet, your sister made a lame joke, and they're chronically in debt. From the perspective of an outsider, it seems like a HUGE stretch from this to OMG, they might kill me for my insurance money.
You say you don't really know if your sister would kill you to get money - if that's true, that's a very sad commentary on your relationship with her, regardless of her financial state. To find out if your suspicions are real or not, you should ask others who know her. Might she allow her financial state to drive her to murder you, her beloved brother?
I'd also suggest you get to know your brother in law a bit better. Maybe you could have a conversation with him about something you both are interested in, or get a dvd of Top Gear and watch it with him.
posted by jasper411 at 12:38 PM on May 18, 2009
One more thing, if your sister and her husband are so bad with money, you should probably not leave them this money anyway in fears that they would squander if it if they did ever get it.
posted by ishotjr at 12:39 PM on May 18, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by ishotjr at 12:39 PM on May 18, 2009 [1 favorite]
To be honest, it sounds like you have watched way too many TV movies. Is there some other reason you distrust her so much? The feeling your sibling might off you is pretty drastic, no matter what financial situation they are in. That is a pretty far leap from sisterhood to murder if there aren't any dots connected in there somewhere.
If it really bothers you, take her off. Tell her you felt it was more prudent to have it go to your estate. Or set up a trust for her kids with your mother in charge and leave it to the trust.
Or make your own joke back - "murders are prohibited from profiting from their crimes"
posted by domino at 12:39 PM on May 18, 2009
If it really bothers you, take her off. Tell her you felt it was more prudent to have it go to your estate. Or set up a trust for her kids with your mother in charge and leave it to the trust.
Or make your own joke back - "murders are prohibited from profiting from their crimes"
posted by domino at 12:39 PM on May 18, 2009
Just change it, and mention it casually. You don't need a reason. It's not even a particularly awkward situation. And yes, you're probably being paranoid.
Incidentally, I have a similar policy through my employer, and they have asked me for no information other than my beneficiary's name and address. It interests me that you seemed to need more. Perhaps state law accounts for that, but it struck me as strange that you'd have to provide any information about your beneficiary that you wouldn't know off the top of your head.
posted by Miko at 12:41 PM on May 18, 2009
Incidentally, I have a similar policy through my employer, and they have asked me for no information other than my beneficiary's name and address. It interests me that you seemed to need more. Perhaps state law accounts for that, but it struck me as strange that you'd have to provide any information about your beneficiary that you wouldn't know off the top of your head.
posted by Miko at 12:41 PM on May 18, 2009
I also think you're being paranoid, but it strikes me that we don't see many of these sort of things very often because the people with these fears are either embarrassed or dead. Just change it.
posted by jwells at 12:50 PM on May 18, 2009
posted by jwells at 12:50 PM on May 18, 2009
I have a similar policy through my employer, and they have asked me for no information other than my beneficiary's name and address.
I needed my beneficiary's SSN.
To the OP: You're being paranoid.
posted by desjardins at 12:52 PM on May 18, 2009
I needed my beneficiary's SSN.
To the OP: You're being paranoid.
posted by desjardins at 12:52 PM on May 18, 2009
Response by poster: Okay, great. I'll follow up next week with a "Help me adjust my meds" post. Thanks, MeFi!
posted by Avenger at 12:55 PM on May 18, 2009
posted by Avenger at 12:55 PM on May 18, 2009
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