Having a Fashion Emergency!

May 7, 2009 12:10 PM

Going to an engagement party tonight, as a guest. Is it okay if I wear a white dress? Is it a faux pas? The dress is a simple white shift mini dress with cap sleeves and silver flecks. I'm wearing opaque black pantyhose to give it a mod look, but I have been told with a 50/50 response that it's not okay to wear white to an engagement party. What do you think?
posted by Muffy to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (26 answers total)

Better safe than sorry.

50% of the people you spoke to thought it was a bad idea. If even if 25% of the people at the engagement party think you're out of line wearing white (stealing attention away from the newly engaged woman), that's way too high in my opinion.
posted by BobbyVan at 12:14 PM on May 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

While I don't think it's technically a faux pas to do this, I personally wouldn't do it. Is there really no other dress you can wear?
posted by sickinthehead at 12:16 PM on May 7, 2009

I have no official etiquette rules to back this up, but I feel like the "don't wear white to ANYTHING associated with an engagement or wedding because OMG WHAT ABOUT THE BRIDE, SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS TO WEAR WHITE" is generally an old-fashioned or traditional notion. If you think the engagement party is going to fall into that category, then I'd err on the side of caution and not wear it, just to avoid the aggravation that comes from inadvertanly irritating someone (e.g., the bride or her mom/aunt/sister/whomever) who's inclined to be picky about such stuff. If you think it's going to be a more casual/modern/laid-back setting, then wear whatever makes you feel great.
posted by scody at 12:17 PM on May 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Personally, I would err on the side of caution, and not wear white. Regardless of whether or not it is a faux pas, I would rather have the conversations and memories from the event focus on the couple, instead of what I'm wearing. Even if the bride herself doesn't care or mind what you wear, in all likelihood someone is probably going to bring it up, thereby changing the mood from fun festivity to one of "oh noes will something bad happen now?"
posted by CancerMan at 12:18 PM on May 7, 2009

That's odd, I've never heard of that convention for an engagement party, only for the wedding. The idea is that you wouldn't want to compete for attention with the bride, who would presumable be wearing white.

Just make sure you're not wearing something so formal/short/flashy that you take the spotlight off of the bride-to-be, and I'm sure you'l be fine.

Have fun!
posted by Space Kitty at 12:19 PM on May 7, 2009

I'd recommend asking the bride-to-be. She'll know her own opinion as well as the general culture represented at the party. (Personally, I'd go for it--it's silver and white, not white; and it's clearly a cocktail dress, not a wedding gown.)
posted by Meg_Murry at 12:19 PM on May 7, 2009

You need to ask the fiancee. If she says she doesn't care, it's okay. If she says she is wearing white, or in any way indicates that it is inappropriate, find something else to wear.

Data point: I actually wore a white dress to a wedding, but only after checking with the bride, who it turns out favored ivory trimmed with pink for her wedding dress. I wasn't even considering it, but she ended up encouraging me to wear the white dress because I was dating her new husband's little brother and she thought he would like it.
posted by misha at 12:20 PM on May 7, 2009

How well do you know the bride? If not well, or if well and you think SHE would have a problem with it (screw what other people think), wear something else.
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 12:23 PM on May 7, 2009

I think it's fine in regard to the whole white-for-wedding stuff.

However, it is still before Memorial Day.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 12:27 PM on May 7, 2009 [4 favorites]

Speaking as a soon-to-be-bride, I wouldn't have even thought that it could be an issue for someone to turn up to our engagement party wearing white. Then again, I'm wearing a hot pink wedding dress and my bridesmaids are wearing white. I think it depends on the bride - if you think she's more traditional then i'd probably steer clear, but if not don't worry about it.

Either that or slap a big colourful belt / bolero / shrug / cardigan on top!
posted by ukdanae at 12:27 PM on May 7, 2009

At a wedding I can see how this is an issue, but an engagement party? Do brides wear white to these sorts of parties? My wife had a black dress for ours. (Well, the party we had with our friends before our tiny ass wedding.) I think it's cool. Especially with black panty-hose.
posted by chunking express at 12:28 PM on May 7, 2009

I wouldn't.
posted by decathecting at 12:29 PM on May 7, 2009

I don't see why not. It's traditional for a bride to wear a white wedding dress (in the US at least), but not at her engagement party. In my experience brides typically take advantage of the occasion to wear something colorful or black, not white, since they will be in white/ivory/cream at the wedding.

If you are at all worried, wear a wrap or cardigan in a bright color. But I think you'd be fine even without that.
posted by JenMarie at 12:52 PM on May 7, 2009

It really depends, not just on what the bride thinks, but on what the rest of your friends think too. BobbyVan's got the right idea — if the bride's fine with it, but everyone else is horrified, is that really a good outcome?

In other words, our opinion doesn't matter. The opinions in your circle of friends are what matter. If the folks you've been asking are representative of the crowd that'll be at that party, don't do it.
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:58 PM on May 7, 2009

Sparkly silver at an evening party is fair game. It's the black tights that concern me. Bride be damned, only Edie Sedgwick is allowed to wear black tights with a whitish dress...
posted by ladypants at 1:14 PM on May 7, 2009 [1 favorite]

Seconded ladypants, although only if you are pale-ish of complexion: I fear the view of black tights showing through a cute black dress.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 1:23 PM on May 7, 2009

I don't think it matters, and I can't imagine my friends or I really finding it even gossip-worthy. That said, if 50% of the people you asked think it's a no-no, then err on the safe side if you've got something else to wear.
posted by KAS at 1:45 PM on May 7, 2009

Like most people who have responded to this already, I don't see the problem in wearing that outfit to an engagement party.

However, if you've asked other people who are going to be there, or who at least know the couple who is getting married, and half of them have said they think it's a bad idea, perhaps it is? I don't know.

Admittedly I'm far from traditional, but I've never heard of there being a rule about what to wear to an engagement party at all, let alone it being a faux pas to wear white.
posted by jacquilinala at 2:07 PM on May 7, 2009

Personally I wouldn't care if my friends showed up to the engagement party in white jeans, as long as they showed up. As my mom always says to me when I had pre-wedding event outfit panic, "Nobody's going to be looking at you anyway..."
posted by futureisunwritten at 2:14 PM on May 7, 2009

The bride traditionally wears a white dress to the wedding, so it's traditional for guests not to. Engagement party? Brides usually wear any color, so no big deal.
posted by theora55 at 3:19 PM on May 7, 2009

I think the fact that you thought this might be a problem, that fifty percent of the people you talked to says you shouldn't, and that many members in this thread have said you shouldn't will mean that you will spend the entire engagement party worrying about whether you should have worn white to the engagement party. Even if the bride to be says that it's fine and no big deal, you're still going to worry about all the people you don't know there secretly judging you and your fashion taste.

You're not going to enjoy the party at all. Don't wear your white outfit for that reason.

also, like was mentioned above, you're still wearing white before memorial day.
posted by Stynxno at 3:29 PM on May 7, 2009 [2 favorites]

Is it possible that some of the people you asked were thinking about weddings instead of engagement parties? The no-white rule is commonly associated with the former but I've never heard anything about the latter. (Granted, I don't live in the US.)

In any case, I can only see this as a problem if the bride is also wearing white. If you like your dress extra much and are looking forward to wearing it, it might be worthwhile to phone her and ask. The worst case scenario is that you'll make yourself look like a thoughtful and sensitive guest. Yikes.
posted by Orchestra at 4:24 PM on May 7, 2009

I grew up in the US, in the South where people take silly rules like this seriously, and I have never heard of this. But I'm also not really familiar with the idea of an engagement party, so we obviously just run in different circles. I agree with those who say at this point you're freaked out about it and probably won't be comfortable in the white dress anymore.
posted by hydropsyche at 7:20 PM on May 7, 2009

What is the bride's policy on colours at the lighter end of the spectrum? (Some brides are insane and sometimes it happens that the colour thing can be inclusive of more than just white!)
posted by mu~ha~ha~ha~har at 5:41 AM on May 8, 2009

The faux pas in pretty much any clothing situation is criticizing people's clothing choices in public (which includes so-called private conversations with anyone who might pass on the criticism). That said, I would think don't wear white to a wedding unless you're the bride, but I wouldn't think those rules would apply to an engagement party. If you really are uncomfortable with what people might think, wear something else.

I really hate it that people take joy out of these sorts of occasions by looking for things to criticize. Whatever you wear, I hope you have a great time.
posted by nax at 7:55 AM on May 8, 2009

I have never heard of this being a problem before. Why can't you wear white? Is it really because the bride is traditionally wears white on the wedding day? That seems like an awfully far-fetched connection to me.
posted by timoni at 2:57 PM on June 23, 2009