Armchair analysts, take a shot in the dark!

April 23, 2009 5:54 PM

My boss is a very nice man with some very strange shortcomings that I cannot explain. Help me out with some wild conjecture.

I work in the media industry as a designer. My boss is a very sweet, emotional, sensitive and kind man. He is very positive and upbeat, and easily gives praise. There is not a malicious bone in his body and I like him very much as a friend.

But as a boss, working with him can be very difficult. I've been puzzling over the reasons for his sometimes odd behavior for months. The biggest problem I have with him is his seeming inability to relay a message correctly. Clients will tell him why they don't like a layout, for example. "We don't like the guy with the hat in the corner. He looks too formal." He will come back to our design team and say, "No guys with hats, get rid of that guy, he has a hat", when in fact, the guy in question is perfectly acceptable. So we'll get rid of a guy from a photo who we could have used because he did not relay the gist of what the client said, just the most superficial level of it. It's gotten to the point where I never trust anything he says when it comes to relaying information, because it's almost always either fractured or outright wrong. You have to be able to grasp nuance to communicate to your designers, and since most of us never get to meet with our client, this makes our job very difficult.

He often misunderstands instructions and has on several occasions told me the incorrect deadline, or misquoted someone. When I double check this information, the person who was misquoted or who gave the deadline professes confusion, and we discover that it was my boss who gave the incorrect information. As far as I can tell, he is not hard of hearing.

Or someone who barely even knows us or our company will mention, "I hear your company is going to lose XX% of its workforce". And instead of thinking back to last month when we lost XX% of our workforce and realizing that the stranger is clearly referring to what has already happened, he immediately assumes that something is being hidden from him, and panics that we're all going to lose our jobs.

He has very low standards for work, and usually approves the first thing that lands on his desk instead of pushing anyone to do better. He will bring up what he perceives to be a problem, "This layout has the blonde in front, don't you think she should be in back?" and when you try to explain your point for putting the blonde in front, instead of listening to your reasons or pushing his own point, he says, "Ok! Got it, just thought I'd ask" and walks away.

All of this I could understand better if he were unintelligent, but he's not. He is very earnest and sincere, but he also has a dry wit and it's always a delight to be at the butt of his affectionate jokes. To try and fill in the picture more, he is very nervous and takes some kind of medication for his nerves. If not Xanax, then something like it.

So why does this charming, lovable man have such a problem with communication and translating the thoughts of others?

posted by anonymous to work & money (16 comments total)

He might have difficulty processing spoken information. If he does, it has nothing to do with his intelligence. He also sounds like he fears conflict.

For the former, you could summarize your conversations in writing via an email afterwards. ("Hey boss, just a quickie 5 point update about what we talked about so I have it clear in my mind.") Perhaps you could steer him toward having someone from the design team in on the client meetings to help nail down those details that go missing.

For the conflict avoidance, making sure he knows his team has his back will improve his confidence.
posted by jamaro at 6:06 PM on April 23

How long have you worked with him? Are these characteristics widely perceived? Do you or any of your peers have a long enough exposure to him to see whether this has changed over time?

I would be tempted to say that it is a side effect of the medicine. Perhaps he is alcoholic. Perhaps he has serious and distracting personal troubles, or depression, or a learning disorder.

Perhaps he simply doesn't care anymore.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 6:27 PM on April 23

Just some speculation here, but he might be catastrophisizing the client's problems with the organization's work because he's too eager to please and avoid problems. For instance, he'll forget any nuance of the critique ("too formal") and instead call for a clean break with the offending element ("no hats!1!"). The same thing can be said of his reaction to a mention of past layoffs. He's just short-circuiting to the bad in everything.

His disorganization may be something different entirely. Misquoting can be solved by doing everything by email and cc'ing everyone involved. Deadlines could be more reliable if done with some collaborative calendar software, so everyone is working from the same page. And he may benefit by having an assistant in meetings with clients to jot down notes and having someone familiar around to lessen his conflict anxiety.
posted by cowbellemoo at 6:59 PM on April 23

Assuming jamaro's on the right track, perhaps some of the answers to this question might help a little?
posted by scody at 7:23 PM on April 23

He does not know how to manage people -- neither clients nor staff. He may be a creative who finds himself in a more structured, organization-guy role, or a corporate type who has been promoted to a job that requires creative director skills. He also sounds like he employs (consciously or not) a passive aggressive style of being the boss; he doesn't want to be a bad guy so he skirts the direct communications anytime it might 'hurt' someone. It's really annoying but I'm not sure you can do anything about it, but ask him to promote you into a position where it's your (well-paid) job to be his hand-holder/hatchet man/interpreter. Good luck -- it can be exhausting to always be trying to read your boss.
posted by thinkpiece at 7:46 PM on April 23

Could he have some form of ADD or ADHD? I've been diagnosed with ADD and although I'm not like this myself I have met people who appear to have some symptoms of ADD who also seem to have the sorts of problems communicating that you describe.

It's like they "listen too fast" I would call it, as though they've developed some sort of coping mechanism that allows them to pay attention to a conversation without fully concentrating on it but the coping mechanism doesn't work completely.
posted by XMLicious at 7:52 PM on April 23 [1 favorite]

XMLicious: "listen too fast" & pay attention...without concentrating on it= brillant; I am ADD and I have longed for a way to describe the way my brain works, and thats exactly how it feels. Thank you
posted by kgreerRN at 8:15 PM on April 23

I work with a guy like this- we adore him, he's hilarious, but his nickname is "the time burglar". We joke that he can go into final revisions with an already-completed project and somehow emerge with a pile of raw data.
We think it's a history of drug use (he admits to having done a lot of drugs) combined with adult ADD.
posted by twistofrhyme at 8:38 PM on April 23

I think some people just aren't cut out to manage others, but get promoted anyway because it is convenient. Some people are great at their job and then go completely to pieces when their responsibility becomes managing people. I work in the tech industry, so I see this a lot. I know I would be terrible at it, personally.

I bet a lot of the problems stem from wanting to be everyones friend. The irony with this hangup when you're a manager is that you end up alienating everyone eventually. The biggest part of your job is facilitating communication between your group and the outside, who often have divergent interests. A manager that's afraid of being firm just lets all those problems get out of control.

He also seems sorta scatter-brained, but that could just be a symptom of not really being in control of the situation. Hard to tell.
posted by cj_ at 11:29 PM on April 23

I had a housemate like this in college and eventually concluded that she had some kind of auditory form of ADD. She simply couldn't process spoken information and convey it to someone else without making huge mistakes or completely changing the meaning of the original content. You would say to her, "I'm going on a picnic at noon today if it stops raining" and two hours later she would say, "You hate picnics because your friends are always late?" It used to drive me insane, and you could never trust a message that she was relaying from anyone else.

The worst part about it was that it made her appear really unintelligent and lazy, which she wasn't. Well, actually, she was lazy, but I don't think extreme concentration would have solved the problem.
posted by venividivici at 12:17 AM on April 24

I work in the creative services industry and this is very common.

we tend to have account executives whose only job it is to transcribe any wishes a client may utter (aka. keep meeting minutes) and make sure deadlines and briefs are being addressed. they're often dismissed as suits who carry your presentation and laugh at the clients jokes but this schmoozing can make a world of a difference. have an AE who the clients likes and who gets how the client thinks and you'll have a way easier time selling your work. the only problem is that AE's will constantly try to run the ship because all they care about is how much money is being billed on their watch (which means caring about the client being happy regardless of how idiotic a wish might be). I am certain you already have someone whose job it is to deal with administrational duties relating to the client in your company (writing invoices, proposals, following up on calls). have that person write down exactly what the client said they wanted and when.

let's talk about your boss.

unfortunately he is ill-prepared for his position. he lacks maturity and experience. I see this all the time. I have well-liked and absolutely nice guys on my team but they still need supervision. I had a person the other day who said she could do something and when I checked up two hours before the presentation the work had been performed sub-par. I would love to make this nice person a manager but she demonstrates with behavior like that that I still need to check her work. your boss is just like that. he hasn't learned to be diligent yet. he hasn't learned to listen closely and check every last dot no matter how bored he is. that's an experience issue. you need time to figure out what matters most and nothing but time can help you get it. I doubt he will be able to improve quickly.

the "not pushing you" part is trickier as it hints at a lack of professional knowledge and -in this case- passion for design. apparently he doesn't realize what you are capable of. does he not have a comparable education? does he not have the drive to grow? smart managers surround themselves with people better at certain things than they are and if he doesn't dream of producing something better than he could do himself I'd question his motivation. what is important to him? does he come over to your desk to show you the latest cool website or book or is he proud of the latest earning reports? (neither is bad but look at what matters to him personally and you know what matters to him professionally.)

finally let us talk about possible solutions:

(1) his behavior suggests he does not enjoy talking to clients. you should try to be the one who talks to clients. offer to come along to a client presentation and help out. there will be an opening somewhere. prepare as much as you can and shine. make sure the client loves you and make sure your boss realizes on his own you're capable of making him look good. a basic but good trick is to begin your presentation with "I thought about X you said last time and it got me thinking about a solution like Y..." do this right and you will end up seeing this client alone and -eventually- be trusted with presenting to other clients by yourself. I have two young guys on my team who I know I can send to clients on their own without having to fear they might embarrass me or the company and they are quickly becoming my go-to guys when I'm stressed.

(2) he might in fact be stressed out. do you think he has too much on his plate? if so, what could you take off his shoulders? the less one has to concentrate on at the same time, the more focussed one can be. it's just like sending a text message while driving. (of course he might have problems other than workload. don't try to be a psychiatrist in that case.)

(3) consider other options. this is the nuclear option. if your boss won't let you grow, if he turns out to feel threatened by your help, consider changing jobs. if it's time would be a different ask.me question, so I won't elaborate here, but it should always be on your list of possibilities.
posted by krautland at 1:49 AM on April 24 [8 favorites]

I think jamaro's right. He sounds like a lot of my students with a receptive language disorder. It means they can't process and retain things they hear. Unfortunately if the kid is well-behaved, hard-working, and nice they skate through school without getting tested. It sounds like that might have happened for your boss.
posted by christinetheslp at 3:56 AM on April 24

A few thoughts come to mind:

Why is he your boss? (Training, age, intellect, skill set, political smarts, tenacity/longevity, owns the company, started the division, calm under fire, good planner, generally not likely to get employer in legal trouble, friends in high places/well connected?)

There's gotta be a reason. Not just because he was there first and that you/coworkers are so much smarter but just late to the game.

There is a big difference between doing the work and planning the work. That's why sometimes good worker bees make lousy managers, but usually, management selects managers based on their worker bee qualities.

All talents are normally distributed. One seldom finds superb managers, just like one seldom finds superb employees. Don't be surprised that the boss has some shortcomings. So do you. So do we all.

I've been a boss... sometimes a lousy one and sometimes great. Sometimes both on the same day. The guys/girls in the big chair have a different set of problems. Sometimes, they are unaware of how their tiniest little problems affect their subordinates. Pretty much the same with professors and parents, now that I think of it. Unless they are doing unethical, illegal or lethal things, they deserve as much slack as you do. It helps to consider them as classmates.... you have very little control over their selection and in 4 or 5 years, you'll be somewhere else anyway in all likelihood.

It is an interesting game to train your boss though. Very much fun and an exercise in subtlety and influence. Maybe you should help him be a better boss to you?
posted by FauxScot at 4:29 AM on April 24 [2 favorites]

Analyzing your boss is not a good use of your time. Instead, read up on behavior modification techniques, and get to work identifying and reinforcing his good behaviors, and finding techniques to manage his less-than-good behaviors.

I sort of hate the way the word leadership is used, but this situation calls for leadership. If you can help your boss do a better job by leading from within, you'll learn a lot and do well.
posted by theora55 at 7:59 AM on April 24 [1 favorite]

Building on what FauxScot said, it sounds to me like this boss was hired for skills that don't involve incredible attention to detail. In fact, to be a bit contrarian, I'd like to float the idea that your boss may have the attitude that the responsibility for the quality of the final design rests with you, the designer, and not with him. Consequently, he trusts your judgement on the design rather than trying to impose his own (If I were a manager, this is how I would do things, btw, although I would be at pains to make this explicit to my employees).

I agree with you that if he cannot relay information from the client to you in an effective manner, that's a problem, because it has an impact on how well you are able to do your job. I'd bring that bit up with him in a conversation - point out how you think that getting the client's reactions in writing (in an email, for example), which he could flip to you, would be so much easier for everyone involved. You can point out to him how this will benefit himself and the company, in that it will reduce the amount of misunderstandings and consequent difficult conversations with the client, and will get the polished product out the door faster.

Best of luck!
posted by LN at 8:00 AM on April 24

My first thought was ADD, as my husband has some of these traits, especially the mishearing, misquoting, and the jumping to the worst-case scenario. "Listening too fast" is an extremely apt description, and it really really sucks when we're having an argument.

Because he's my husband, I can be more blunt with him than you can with your boss, but I do ask him, "oh, what exactly did so-and-so say? are you sure you're not overreacting? remember last time, nothing bad happened then."

I'd also suggest to your boss that he get the client's feedback in writing and pass it along to the designers. Can some of his duties be delegated to another person? Is there anyone who would volunteer to take some of his load? I was a project coordinator for a design team and keeping track of deadlines was part of my job.
posted by desjardins at 10:25 AM on April 24