How do you eloquently tell somebody that they are crazy?

April 2, 2009 10:25 AM

What are some eloquent ways to proclaim that someone is crazy? This is for good tidings for some good friends getting married.

Besides eloquence, I would also like to know other ways of saying that someone is without reason in their actions. Especially colloquial expressions.

But really, I am focused on the eloquence.

Thanks guys!!

posted by captainsohler to Writing & Language (23 answers total)

Nuttier than a squirrel turd.

Eloquent enough?
posted by CunningLinguist at 10:32 AM on April 2, 2009

You could make a nod at the root of lunacy by mentioning the moon: e.g. touched by the moon, beloved of the moon.
posted by skewedoracle at 10:33 AM on April 2, 2009

There are a couple of phrases in Queen's I'm Going Slightly Mad.
posted by phunniemee at 10:41 AM on April 2, 2009

Eloquence and politeness are two different things. I need some help figuring out what you are really looking for. Are you approving of this match? Are you bothered by it? Is this a mental wellness thing - or a "head over heels" crazy in love sort of reference.
posted by greekphilosophy at 10:43 AM on April 2, 2009

Mercutio's "Queen Mab" speech from Romeo and Juliet does the job.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:49 AM on April 2, 2009

greekphilosopy: the best answer will be included on a card as part of their gift, so I am really looking for something that would be timeless; but if it is laced with subtle humour, that would be fine.
posted by captainsohler at 10:53 AM on April 2, 2009

“Love that is not madness is not love.”

--Pedro Calderon de la Barca

“'But I don’t want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
'Oh, you can’t help that,' said the Cat. 'We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.'
'How do you know I’m mad?' said Alice.
'You must be,” said the Cat. 'or you wouldn’t have come here.'”

--Lewis Carroll
posted by Skot at 10:53 AM on April 2, 2009

One sandwich short of a picnic?
posted by pettins at 10:53 AM on April 2, 2009

A bubble off plumb?

The oil is not quite touching the dipstick?

This much (hold fingers x mm apart) of a moron?
posted by Danf at 10:55 AM on April 2, 2009

Do you mean stuff like: "They're a couple kopecks short of a ruble"? Or "The elevator doesn't go to the top floor"? kind of stuff, or are you looking for something like poetry? You can find darn near any expression said far more eloquently by Shakespeare than anyone else. I can't search now, but I'd think a decently worded google search with "mad" and "Shakespeare" in it would at least point you in the right direction.
posted by elendil71 at 10:56 AM on April 2, 2009

Non compos mentis
posted by General Malaise at 11:00 AM on April 2, 2009

"As You Like It"

ROSALIND: But are you so much in love as your rhymes speak?
ORLANDO: Neither rhyme nor reason can express how much.
posted by greekphilosophy at 11:10 AM on April 2, 2009

Oh, now I get what you want.

More like this right?

Nietzsche: "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."


"Love that is not madness is not love."
posted by CunningLinguist at 11:23 AM on April 2, 2009

"They say you get two out of three; Sane, Attractive, Available. I'm glad you found someone Attractive and Available."
posted by DWRoelands at 11:26 AM on April 2, 2009

You could tell them their uterus is running around loose in their body.

Hysteria
posted by ZaneJ. at 11:27 AM on April 2, 2009

Mark Twain:
"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
- Notebook, 1898
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:05 PM on April 2, 2009

The other day my friend commented that someone was in dire need of psychopharmacological remediation. I thought it was quite beautiful.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 12:06 PM on April 2, 2009

LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
posted by carsonb at 12:13 PM on April 2, 2009

One from Blackadder

"He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, winner of this year's Mr. Madman competition."
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:42 PM on April 2, 2009

This may not be appropriate to your situation, but when I was in my medical residency I would always complain about the number of crazy people who would come to see me and how I seemed to be doing psychiatric disability evaluations all day long. Upon graduation, the class got together and had a framed certificate made up declaring me "Mentally Disabled," signed by everyone of course. It still hangs in my office today.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 12:53 PM on April 2, 2009

I always liked "a few french fries short of a happy meal." But that's me.
posted by fourcheesemac at 2:26 PM on April 2, 2009

The first line in Scaramouche is "He was born with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world is mad". If you audience will get the reference, you can change that to something like, "He bore his gift of laughter when he sensed that his girl was mad."

My preferred colloquialism: Crazy as a shithouse rat.
posted by joaquim at 3:15 PM on April 2, 2009

A Thesaurus of Madness by Australian poet Sandy Jeffs
posted by sconbie at 3:48 PM on April 2, 2009