Friendships: do i just accept that I'm not gonna understand my guy friends?

March 6, 2009 12:40 PM

Do you approach same-sex and opposite-sex friendships similarly in terms of expectations of care and respect?

First of all, I know rationally it is good never to have expectations when you enter a friendship. But generally, most people would agree that friendship is based on respect, commonality, etc.

As a woman, my female friendships are very respectful. Calls or texts every so often to see how the day/week/month (depending on level of friendship) was, emails sent with funny links, or "thought of you - here's some info i thought you'd like" blah blah.

My friendships with men are weird and I've never know how to act/react. I can talk about anything with them, etc, but sometimes I feel like I'm not respected as a woman. Does this make sense? Like, yeah these guys call each other dumb names and bust on eahc other, and they'll do it to me, I can take that... to a point. I feel like if I ever try to say very off-handedly w/out being a drama queen, "Look dude, why don't we just chill with the xyz" i get teased even further. Or they'll be very blunt with me. Like, if I am talking to a female friend, we'll be, ya know, sympathetic/empathetic. With my guy friends, if I say something or bring up a problem they don't agree with, they're like "oh that's dumb. oh that's weird. oh that's stupid."

I know I am talking like I am a 12 year old girl but I'm in my mid 20s. It's just that I have never really experienced having friends and interacting socially the way most people do till my 20s.

I have a lot more spontaneous fun with the guys, but I feel more warmth and care from the women. I don't need to feel the nurturing stuff from the dudes, and i don't need to be treated with kid gloves, I can hold my own in conversations and argue back, etc. but sometimes I would like to be treated as a "female friend" not "just one of the guys." For instance, I would prefer "hey paperlanterns we're going to a movie" NOT "hey dawg we're going to a movie."

I feel like the guys I hang with are fun, but thoughtless. Am I oversensitive? Generally speaking, should I approach female and male friendships differently? I think my problem is I approach all my friendships similarly. Anybody been in a similar situation or have any advice? thanks.

P.S. In case any of this is germane, I am no supermodel, but I would consider myself fairly goodlooking, or at least, I make an attempt to be--I wear makeup, feminine clothes, nail polish, jewelry, I am in shape.

posted by paperlanterns to human relations (37 answers total)

Maybe you need to hang out with different guys? I have friends (who are girls) who don't like hanging out with other girls because they find them mean and catty in general. That's just as arbitrary though. Everyone is different.
posted by chunking express at 12:45 PM on March 6, 2009

No offense...but are all your male friends from the same frat?
posted by hal_c_on at 12:46 PM on March 6, 2009 [6 favorites]

When you're hanging out with Romans, don't be surprised if they treat you like a Roman.

So yeah, having different expectations might help you deal with your feelings on this.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:46 PM on March 6, 2009

My guy friends are sensitive, caring and thoughtful. Obviously this could get into a whole thing about socialization, but it sounds like mostly you just need friends whose personalities you like more. Or, communicate to them how you feel they're falling short as friends and see if it's something you can "work on." If not: new friends might be in order.
posted by Rudy Gerner at 12:48 PM on March 6, 2009

My initial impression (as a woman who has many close male friends) is that yes, you're being overly sensitive. Your friends, who happen to be male, are treating you the same way they treat their other friends, who happen to be male. You're making a big deal out of gender difference; they're not. In fact, they're treating everyone the same way.

The corollary there is that if you don't like the way your friends (regardless of gender) treat you, you should ask them to stop. If they can't or don't want to stop, they're not the right friends for you. If you want to be treated in some special way that they don't accommodate, you should be friends with people who treat you that way. The fact that you cite gender as the reason for your preference is irrelevant.

But yes, I'd say that reacting negatively to a social invitation issued using slang is oversensitive.
posted by decathecting at 12:50 PM on March 6, 2009 [12 favorites]

A thought, if they treated you differently from the way they treat all their other friends, would you be offended? You say you approach all your friendships similarly, and it looks like they do as well. I guess what I am trying to say is that if they treat all their good friends in a similar manner, a similar treatment of you shows that they consider you a good friend. Maybe differing expectations would be helpful, but if you aren't comfortable with their friendship as it is and they won't change, find new guy friends who do treat you as their female friend.
posted by Carillon at 12:52 PM on March 6, 2009

In my experience (mid-30's female) I have had both empathetic friendships with men and lighthearted (not very receptive to emotionality) relationships with women, but mostly I have had friendships similar to the ones you describe above. However - and I think this is really important - I receive love and care and nurturing from both my male and female friends, but typically speaking these are expressed in different ways. I guess it took me a while to perceive the love, care and nurturing I received from the majority of my male friends, because it's different from how I (and most of my female friends) express it. But it is there, and it is genuine.

A certain type of guy friend might tell me that I'm being dumb (which he would genuinely believe or he wouldn't say it), but he would still respect the fact that I am how (and who) I am, and would help me talk through problems I might be having, even if he disagrees with my approach. But I wouldn't expect a long, drawn-out conversation - his goal would be to communicate his opinion, hear out mine, and offer any insights that he might feel I could find valuable. That would be an example of him being my friend - in my eyes.
posted by pammeke at 12:53 PM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

You sound a little overly sensitive to me. I don't know if this is a guy thing, but it sounds like, while you like your group of guy friends, they just aren't your thing. It may be because they are guys, or the fact that they are guys could have nothing to do with it. I don't really see why they would treat you differently than they treat each other simply because you are female (it would bother me greatly if my guy friends did that; I'm sure they do to an extent, but not so much that I notice it, anyway). Personally, I find that I can be friends with either sex with no problems but that certain people (regardless of sex) just don't do it for me. Regular calls/texts to just check up on each other and email forwards sounds like a certain version of hell to me, though. I'm female.
posted by Polychrome at 12:58 PM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

My closest male friends are good guys: smart, warm, and thoughtful. That said, they're still men. Our friendships can be complicated by past or present unspoken attractions, their own ideas about gender roles (both their own and mine) and socialization, etc.

So regardless of how close we are (and I have a male friend who've been in my life for close to 30 years) those relationships seldom match the level of intimacy I have with my female friends. I love the guys for what they bring to my life; I hope they feel the same about me but when it's 4 a.m. and I'm nursing a broken heart or work/life frustration, I dial the girls first and only after, search the cell phone for the guys' numbers.

Finally, my friendships with men have evolved as I have. In my 20s, I was still working through ideas about who I should be. Now that those ideas are clearer (notice I didn't say clear) I have a better idea about what I expect from my friendships.
posted by notjustfoxybrown at 12:58 PM on March 6, 2009

While most girls are sensitive and caring when it comes to friendships, the same can't be said about guys. Some guys are just more sensitive and thoughtful and caring, and some aren't. I have guy friends from both categories, and I "expect" different things from them. The caring ones I know I can talk to without being put down ever, the others I know not to bother expecting a kind word when I have a problem, yet I still consider them friends because I have a lot of fun when we hang out.

So chances are the guys you're describing here aren't going to change, but that doesn't mean that you won't meet other guys that you'll become friends with who are nicer!
posted by KateHasQuestions at 1:00 PM on March 6, 2009

Sometimes I would like to be treated as a "female friend" not "just one of the guys." For instance, I would prefer "hey paperlanterns we're going to a movie" NOT "hey dawg we're going to a movie."

I won't/can't address the bulk of your concerns, but I will tell you that if a dude friend tells you "hey dogg we're going to a movie" that you are loved and respected in a way that "hey paperlanterns we're going to a movie" can never match.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 1:08 PM on March 6, 2009 [6 favorites]

(and I have a male friend who's (not who've) been in my life for close to 30 years) despite the fact that I have poor metafilter previewing skills.
posted by notjustfoxybrown at 1:10 PM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Sounds to me like this group of male friends are expressing their respect and acceptance of you by being blunt and honest, just like they are with each other. The teasing sounds like it is affectionate. It's overly simplistic to break these things down by gender lines, but these are sorta typical guys hanging out. I wouldn't interpret their interactions as disrespectful. It's just a particular manner of interacting and expressing solidarity.

That said, if they're ganging up on you and being rude or anything, that's a different problem. You should feel comfortable in friendships. This situation just sounds like they're accepting you in their way.
posted by dosterm at 1:26 PM on March 6, 2009

I think my problem is I approach all my friendships similarly.

I'd say, rather, that the problem is that you would prefer your male friends to be of a different type than they are -- which is, it appears, a bunch of deeply stereotypical guy type guys.

If you prefer the way your female friends treat you, befriend more females, or find male friends who aren't of that type (they do exist; there are people of both genders on every point of that spectrum.)
posted by ook at 1:36 PM on March 6, 2009

It sounds like you're unhappy with your male friends' informality because you find the bro-treatment desexualizing and even a tad insulting, since you went out of your way to mention that you keep up good appearances. Why do they have to acknowledge your femaleness? Should they whip out their coats if you happen on a puddle, or ceremoniously open doors? They're probably aware you're attractive, but they respect the boundaries of your friendship enough to not treat you like a potential girlfriend. That's the hallmark of the best guy-girl friendships, so don't rock that boat.
posted by zoomorphic at 1:47 PM on March 6, 2009 [4 favorites]

Like, yeah these guys call each other dumb names and bust on each other, and they'll do it to me, I can take that... to a point.

Guys often express/acknowledge friendship by teasing each other. It sounds like you interpret the teasing as a bad thing that you have to endure, but for the guys it's the other way around. The teasing is analog to the girls sympathetic acknowledgements. Guys have very delicate rules for the teasing, which can be hard to read. A lot can be communicated very subtle in the teasing.

You should approach the friendships differently. Think of it as two very different cultures, and that you'll have to be an anthropologist for finding out how the guy-culture works, what it values above and below the surface. You cannot use your own girl-based values for interpreting the guys actions correctly.

When a girl has a personal problem, her female friends talk forever about them and sympatizes. When a guy have a personal problem, his male friends acknowledge the existiance of the problem, and then tries to get the guy's mind of the problem, giving him at least a short time of fun instead of being digged into a hole. Two different ways of being supportive, no one is better than the other, just different.
posted by flif at 1:49 PM on March 6, 2009

First thing: I don't subscribe to the notion that men and women are fundamentally different, or that males and females approach friendship differently.

That said, I see 2 things in your email:

1) You want your male friends to treat you differently because you are a girl. I don't get this. If someone is my friend, what difference does it make whether that person has a penis or vagina?

2) Some males are nurturing. Your friends are not. You want them to be. If this is important to you, you should find new friends that are.
posted by coolguymichael at 2:05 PM on March 6, 2009

Men and women in our society - and I'm generalizing a bit here, but my life experiences seem to support this - have different expectations of friendship. In a typical male friendship, there is generally much less regard for "feelings" than in a typical female friendship. Yes, the guys you're friends with are thoughtless. That's kinda the point. You CAN be thoughtless with friends, and this is an integral part of the male friendship.

Now, you seem to be expecting to be "one of the guys"... but not. The thing is, you can't pick and chose which parts of the "bro" deal you'd like - it's all or nothing, usually. If your goal ISN'T to be "one of the guys", then make this clear to your friends. Or, well, find more nurturing guys to befriend.
posted by wsp at 2:15 PM on March 6, 2009

It totally depends on the individuals involved, not their gender. I have more sensitive male friends and more distant female friends and vice versa. I approach my friendships pretty equally in my expectations.

Different people express things differently; it's up to you to learn to read each other.

But to me, as Optimus Chyme pointed out, it seems you are being treated with the utmost affection and respect with the guys.

And I've also been in groups of guys where one of them said something like "Look dude, why don't we just chill with the xyz". Nobody thought he was a drama queen for it. Everyone has a breaking point. Men and women don't exist in vacuums away from each other.

I'm female and I tease and poke and play with those I care about. It's one way I show affection. I'm also physically demonstrative (hugging, kisses, touching).

Some guys tease too in part because it's less direct than say, hugging or kissing or more physical means of being affectionate. I'm also sensitive and nurturing but so are some of my best guy friends.

So yeah, it seems like you're being oversensitive and maybe not reading their signals properly.
posted by cmgonzalez at 2:18 PM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

I won't/can't address the bulk of your concerns, but I will tell you that if a dude friend tells you "hey dogg we're going to a movie" that you are loved and respected in a way that "hey paperlanterns we're going to a movie" can never match. - Optimus Chyme

Does this make sense? Like, yeah these guys call each other dumb names and bust on eahc other, and they'll do it to me, I can take that... to a point. - What you wrote

I think you need to understand something about the men you're hanging out with. For them, they think like Optimus Chyme. Their attitudes toward each other, their friends, their familie, and how they interact revolves a certain way. What your male friends are doing to you is treating you as one of them, claiming you as a part of their pack, and they're treating in the way they normally treat their peers. You are one of them.

And that's the problem - you don't want to be one of them. You're in your mid 20s, it's fine to want a different social scene as your life takes you to different places. You're looking for male friends who approach their social relationship differently and interact with each other in a different way. What you're experiencing isn't a "men act this way" "women act this way" thing. It's more of a "this group of men act this way" and "this group of women act this way". I know that pop culture likes to claim that the stereotypes that you've currently found apply to everyone but they don't. Your answer to your problem is simple: find new male friends.
posted by Stynxno at 2:27 PM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

As a thirtyish male with very close female friends, I second what notjustfoxbrown said about this changing over time. Unless you're part of a culture wherein gender roles/expections are clearly defined from the get-go (and probably not even then) it takes time and work to figure out how to relate to the other, in friendship as in romantic relationships. I have started to learn what my limitations are as a friend. I don't usually expect female friends to call me up as a first responder after a heinous breakup and by the same token would never mock their grief.

I'm not super macho, I'm not mr. sensitive; few men I know fit neatly into either category. Yet the patterns of behavior I've learned, or am imbued with or whatever, are there. I'm inclined to dick around and say offensive shit with my male friends, and likely to get annoyed when a female friend relates an endless anecdote that I'm sure must have some point but really doesn't. The above are gross generalizations with many exceptions, of course, but what you describe in your question are behaviors (among your guy friends) that typify the idea of, like, duditude. And for that matter describing female friends as being "sympathetic/empathetic" stereotypes women.

I'm sure that's been your experience though, and I'm sure you'll have more experience. So: yes, you should enter any relationship with expectations of care and respect, and your expectations should be as generous as possible; no, you're not oversensitive; yes, you'll probably end up approaching male/female friendships differently, but that doesn't mean you can't have fantastic friendships with men (we need it!); and it will get easier.
posted by generalist at 2:43 PM on March 6, 2009

As a woman, my female friendships are very respectful.

You are caught up in a stereotype of what respect is. Someone texting you to see how your week has been or emailing you funny links does not necessarily mean they respect you, and lack of these things does not mean a lack of respect.

Some of my guy friends that I'm not in touch with much have done things for me like haul my broken-down car off the freeway, or help me move. They are people I feel I can count on. This means a lot more to me than someone emailing me funny links.
posted by yohko at 2:49 PM on March 6, 2009 [1 favorite]

Have you read You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation? It can be pretty generalized (men do this, women do this), but when I read it it helped me get insight into the way my guy friends interact (and helped me not take it personally if they didn't ask me lots of questions about how my life's going, for example).
posted by cadge at 2:52 PM on March 6, 2009

A phrase that is blunt enough for even the densest of male to understand " I'm not over-sensitive; you're being an asshole!" (it's worked for me a couple times, for nice guys who really just didn't get that they had crossed a line. ) I'm not saying all guys are dense, or that women aren't...but some people just need to be told straight out.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 4:56 PM on March 6, 2009

Many have already hit the nail on the head, namely coolguymichael, flif, and yohko, so I'll just reiterate for emphasis.

You're confusing behavior with meaning. "As a woman my female friendships are very respectful. And here's how... blah blah". You must remember that those call/texts/emails/etc are just the way those female friends are showing their respect. Many people, men and women, show their respect differently. Some perhaps drop formality once they've let you into their inner circle. Perhaps they address their friends colloquially instead of by formal first names. Teasing is often only safe once a level of trust and respect is earned - otherwise the teasing is just abuse.

I do think that you are slightly oversensitive here in that you want to be treated a certain way regardless of the friendship. Just because all your current guy friends lean towards the, uhh..., informal attitudes, and your current girl friends lean towards gushing empathy doesn't mean it will always be that way. Or that those differences will always fall along gender lines.

P.S. If your postscript was meant to suggest that you wish your guy friends complimented you more often, then I will drop the gender card and say a lot of appearance compliments 'tween guys-girls get construed as "more than friendly". This varies by geography and the sexuality of complimenter and complimentee, but compliments on one's looks are always fraught with some risk.
posted by whycurious at 5:16 PM on March 6, 2009

I feel like if I ever try to say very off-handedly w/out being a drama queen, "Look dude, why don't we just chill with the xyz" i get teased even further. Or they'll be very blunt with me. Like, if I am talking to a female friend, we'll be, ya know, sympathetic/empathetic. With my guy friends, if I say something or bring up a problem they don't agree with, they're like "oh that's dumb. oh that's weird. oh that's stupid."

I'm 40. That's how we act together a lot.

I usually expect something else from my women friends. More like the stuff you were talking about with your women friends.
posted by Ironmouth at 6:57 PM on March 6, 2009

Yes, I think the problem here is with your expectations. It sounds to me like they treat you the same way they treat eachother. Which is a good thing. But you don't want to be treated the same. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing but you should realize that's what you're doing.

Most of what you give as examples strike me as utterly inoffensive.
posted by Justinian at 7:59 PM on March 6, 2009

As a girl with mostly guy friends, I came here to say basically what decathecting said.
posted by Nattie at 8:18 PM on March 6, 2009

If your guy friends are all friends with each other... it sounds like one/a couple/a few/most of them want to get into your pants and they're competing against one another.

How are they one-on-one with you?

Do you approach same-sex and opposite-sex friendships similarly in terms of expectations of care and respect?

Absolutely, at least for me. If I like someone enough to see them as a friend, I'll treat them as a friend. Regardless of sex, class, ethnicity, handedness, eye-colour, whatever.

If you enjoy yourself hanging out with them - great. If you don't enjoy yourself, then forget 'em (unless you have an ulterior motivation).

As a guy, sometimes it's harder because women think that guys want to be their friends just to get in their pants. It's hard for a guy (well, at least for me) to say no no, I *do* think that you're physically attractive but I really do like you as a friend and... well, not much more.

Sure, there'd be a faint in-the-background hope that you liked me like that too but zero expectation and therefor not even a possibility (or maybe the other way around) and opposite-sex friendships are handled by similar guidelines as same-sex friendships.

OTOH, it's possible that you're just too much of a princess and the guys that you hang out with hate your guts.
posted by porpoise at 8:48 PM on March 6, 2009

The pattern you see in your statistically insignificant group of friends is not common to the (larger, but still statistically insignificant) group of friends of people on mefi. Here's the version of your question that would be true for me:

As a person, some of my friendships are very respectful. Calls or texts every so often to see how the day/week/month (depending on level of friendship) was, emails sent with funny links, or "thought of you - here's some info i thought you'd like" blah blah. My friendships with others are weird and I've never know how to act/react.

In my case, the two groups are not defined or differentiated by gender. As everyone else says - it's just the guys you hang out with, not all guys. If you don't like it, find other friends. They can be guys or girls.
posted by jacalata at 9:02 PM on March 6, 2009

though it's still up for debate, i think the theory of brain types that are predominantly male or female makes a lot of sense. this doesn't mean that one type is female and one is male, it just means that one type happens to occur more in males and the other in females- but it happens the other way around too. (women with the typically 'male' systematic brain; men with the typically 'female' empathetic brain. this is separate from sexual orientation, BTW.) and some people have a fairly equal balance between the two.

anyway, the reason i find it so plausible is because i think it explains why i personally think the way i do. i'm a girl and i have an equal balance of male and female friends, but i think i get along better with men and sometimes feel uncomfortable around girl friends. i just like straightforwardness, dumb humor, etc. around women i often feel uncomfortable with talking about my emotions excessively, i'd rather talk about . . . stuff. plus i don't really understand drama, catty stuff, and center-of-attentionness. i notice that the women i DO get along with seem to be more like me in this respect and less like other girls. come to think of it, i don't think we ever call or text to see how the day/week/month went. we get in touch in order to make plans. i HATE talking on the phone!

anyway, my point is i just think this (theoretical) brain difference does manifest itself in the way that the two relate to and communicate with each other. i agree with what a couple other people said, that you are probably misinterpreting/ overreacting. there's nothing wrong with you OR them, you just communicate differently. i bet there are things you say that confuse them or for all you know, make them think YOU are insensitive. who knows? i don't think they sound like assholes, i think that you sound high maintenance. but thats just because i can't relate to you- i am sure all of your girlfriends love you and probably would not like me at all, lol. but don't judge them for not thinking like you. instead try to put yourself in their shoes a little more. after all, you're the empathetic one :-)
posted by lblair at 9:53 PM on March 6, 2009

First of all, I know rationally it is good never to have expectations when you enter a friendship.

...Um....what?

It is impossible not to have some basic expectations when you enter a friendship. What those expectations are vary from individual to individual, but - we all have them. And it is okay TO have them.

It looks like for some reason you're suppressing your own code of how you want to be treated for the sake of "fitting in" or because you think "oh, they're guys, they won't get it." A person's gender has absolutely nothing to do with whether they are capable of hearing you say "don't do blah-de-blah, it pisses me off". If it bothers you when people do blah-de-blah, then of course you would expect your friends to respect that about you, and the gender of those friends has absolutely nothing to do with whether they should comply.

...As for whether people are "sympathetic" or "fun but thoughtless" -- again, some people are more sympathetic than others, some more spontaneous, some more this, some more that...and you will find that among either gender. Take a close look at each of your friends as individuals, and you may notice that you have one guy friend who's sympathetic, or one female friend who's more sponataneous...but you'll also start seeing them as people.

Which means, of course you should approach your friendships similarly, because regardless of which gender your friends are, there is one constant in all cases -- yourself. Not that each and every one of your friendships will be exactly the same -- but that's because all of your friends are individuals as well, and your relationship with Sid is not going to be the same as your relationship with Nancy. But that's not because Sid is a guy and Nancy is a girl -- it's because Sid is Sid and Nancy is Nancy. (Nancy and Louise are both girls, and your relationships with each one aren't going to be the same either.) But you're still half of each relationship, and so it makes far more sense to be you in each of them rather than trying to squelch something because "oh, they're guys, they don't get it." Who knows, maybe one of them would get it, or maybe if they don't get it you may want to cut them loose.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:18 PM on March 6, 2009

If any of my male friends met guys like the male friends you describe, they'd feel as uncomfortable as you seem to. I don't say this to insult them; I only say this to point out that it probably has very little to do with the sexes and very much to do with what society expects of the sexes.

I know plenty of guys who tease girls when they feel uncomfortable about xyz and ask them in a straightforward, respectful way to chill out with it. I know plenty of guys who feel as though it's incumbent on them to explain to everyone within hearing distance that they're right. In my book, a slender volume which isn't exactly a bestseller but which suits me just fine, those guys are properly termed "adolescents;" and while I don't lay the fault for that at their feet, given that society seems to fawn more and more upon adolescent males who are never told to grow the fuck up, it's not my job to tell them to or help them to.

So, yeah: if those two things, teasing you when you express discomfort and telling you they're right about anything you express an opinion about, are really very common among these guys, I emphasize that they don't have the flap of skin between their legs to blame for it.
posted by koeselitz at 10:37 PM on March 6, 2009

Some people behave in ways you don't like. They might be male or female. As a very general rule, groups of people tend to behave in similar ways. Of course there are exceptions to this. But people who stick out, like the proverbial sore thumb, are on the "outside" of a group, and get treated differently to those on the "inside".

This particular group of guys behaves in a certain way. The next group of guys who walk down the street could behave completely differently. The problem is that this group of guys will on occasion treat you like one of the dudes. That's probably not going to change, as there are more of them (who don't have a problem behaving this way) than there are of you. Either deal with it, or don't. But it's going to happen either way.

It's possible to generalise about people - women are bitchy, men sleep around, etc. But don't take a small control group as a representation of the whole society of that type of person.
posted by Solomon at 11:49 AM on March 7, 2009

I think you need to understand something about the men you're hanging out with. For them, they think like Optimus Chyme.

Whoa, "brosef," put down that brush. I never said their other behavior was okay/not okay; I simply don't have the background or knowledge to make that judgment. I only addressed a very specific part of her question - whether or not informality was appropriate or respectful.

I don't think I would necessarily like paperlanterns' male friends - and I certainly doubt I think like them, but that wasn't the question.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 3:34 PM on March 7, 2009

Absolutely. I just have a primal desire to hump the more attractive members of the opposite sex.
posted by tarvuz at 5:12 PM on March 7, 2009

I don't treat my friends differently based on their gender, I treat them differently based on their personalities.
posted by itesser at 8:49 PM on March 7, 2009