What are the typical phases of "culture shock?"

March 4, 2009 6:10 AM

What are the typical phases of "culture shock?"

I'm a Canadian who's been living in Japan for about four months now, with one of those dime-a-dozen English teacher jobs. And I'm not enjoying myself very much. Recently I feel like I've moved into a compulsive fault-finding phase, in which all I want to do is talk about how much Japan sucks in various ways, and how much I hate my work and regret coming.

Problem is, another part of me feels like I am just going through a phase. Intellectually, I still very much want to complete an entire year in this country, and the idea of leaving early goes against my most base instincts, which are to always finish what you start, and more importantly, promise to complete.

I'm just curious if other "living abroad" veterans have gone through similar phases, and what, if any, turning points snapped them out of their funk period. Or, if I may ask the same question another way- how does one distinguish between what I assume are traditional culture shock related feelings of regret and frustration, and legitimate, appropriate feelings that your move across the world was, in fact, a bad decision.

posted by filibuster to travel & transportation (20 comments total)

You are not alone in this. I've lived abroad a couple of times (smaller cultural gaps than yours though) and still experienced culture shock (and reverse culture shock on returning home). You should be able to come to a happy medium though (the 'adjustment phase').

Sounds like you may be in the 'negotiation phase' : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock
posted by plep at 6:19 AM on March 4

I lived and worked abroad in London for six months and was miserable. I had a lot of the same feelings you did, finish what you start etc. so I stuck out the whole six months. In retrospect I wish I had just decided earlier on it wasn't for me, bailed and come home. It may not just be a phase.
posted by sweetkid at 6:24 AM on March 4

I experienced all those stages, including the re-entry shock (so much so I came back to the UK in fact!) even though I'd only months before been bitching about how screwed up and backwards everything in Britain is.

One day you wake up and realise you're not 'somewhere else' anymore, where you are is just.... where you are, and letting your physical location affect your mood in so profound a way stops you from getting on with life because you're always thinking about what you WILL do when you are somewhere else in the future.

It can help to have other foreigners to bitch with because they will get why you are frustrated in a way the natives never will. For this reason I remain convinced no one born British could ever find Brazil as funny as I do, since Terry Gilliam is American. But only to blow off steam, not as your sole outlet for social life or you will feel even more isolated and angry over time. Get involved with things where you are not in a position of being the 'other', where you can engage in a part of your real life with Japanese people also going about their real lives... sport is good. Art and other clubs probably are too.
posted by methylsalicylate at 6:27 AM on March 4

I've sent this question to a friend of mine who lived in Tokyo, Japan for a year on a scholarship and recently worked there for a Hilton resort. Her first experience was mostly positive, as far as I know. Her second was horrible, and she left it early. (Japanese work conditions are quite appalling.) Perhaps she'll be able to shed some light on a Japanese-specific experience. I'll post back if she tells me anything that might help you.

As for me, I can provide a little advice as an American living in Australia. I have been living here for three years now, and I have married an Australian who will be returning to the States with me later this year. Clearly, the experience has been good overall! However, my feelings in this country, no matter how great certain parts of it have been, have gone in ebbs and flows.

I think just being foreign, even in a country with similar cultural aspects (you don't have this luxury, really), makes everything a bit harder. Many things feel abnormal; one of the things we take social comfort in (hopefully moderately)--food--is drastically different; accents/languages are different; norms are different. A combination of our feeling like an outsider and locals feeling like we're weirdos make for some tough emotional rides.

There's a fine line between what is an emotional funk and what is something you should go home over. Sometimes they overlap entirely.

Have your superiors or peers been treating you poorly? If so, try to sort this out (be the assertive, bastard westerner, if you must), but if you can't, leave.

If you've been treated well, but still feel bad, consider it homesickness (either by way of actually missing home or just not liking where you are now as much as you thought you would). Now, don't let your automatic response be, "Oh, that's all it is. In that case, I should just plow on through." That isn't necessarily true. Homesickness is a completely valid reason to go home, whether for a visit or for a permanent return. Sometimes we don't know how important our old home is until we've left it. Likewise, sometimes we don't realize how much we've idealized a destination until we've arrived and lived there for a while.

I have gone through homesickness, and it's partly what will be taking me back to the States later this year. (As others have mentioned, going back leads to reverse culture shock.) If you're feeling homesick, but are determined to stick it out, give your mind a rest by remembering that this is only one year in the many you have. Some days of this year, as in all other years, will be wonderful; others...not so much. No matter where you are, that will be the case.

It's good to start what you finish, but don't try to force yourself into making a home out of a place you don't want to make a home from.
posted by metalheart at 6:33 AM on March 4

Did an Amazon search, and I found a psychology book that may be of use to you, if you think you'd benefit from reading a sort of self-help guide. (There is an Amazon Japan branch, so you may be able to buy it through there...may be in Japanese, however!)
posted by metalheart at 6:40 AM on March 4

Wow, this post could have been me 6 months ago (except for the English teacher part). Look at any of my posts or journal entries from around that time and I would have been talking about how desperately I wanted to go home, that I wasn't sure if it was really culture shock, or if Japan was just a terrible place with an unforgiving, unwelcoming character, and how I really didn't know why I even wanted to come here in the first place.

So, as someone at the 10-month mark: I can't promise you, but I'm almost certain it will get better for you. A lot better: I'm about to leave in two months, and I can't even bear to think about going home to Vancouver; I'm definitely coming back here again, any way I can swing it.

I definitely went through the traditional phases of culture shock phases, and the unhappy, dismayed, fault-finding one is a long one, but it does end. And even if, in the unlikeliest of cases, it's not traditional culture shock for you, you're only there for a year; how bad can such a temporary decision be? Will it really be worse to stick it out for a few more months than to cancel your plans, your contracts, and your original goals? Another thing to keep in mind is that (I've heard) people who do leave during the bitter phase of culture shock often never really leave that phase, and retain a certain (usually unwarranted) resentment against the country all their lives.

There were a few things that helped my feelings towards Japan improve:

1. How good is your language ability? Being able to have real conversations with people instead of just gesturing a lot and throwing around nouns made a huge difference, both in how much I came to enjoy coworkers and also in how charitably they felt towards me. If you still don't feel that comfortable with Japanese, you might want to consider taking language classes or meeting to exchange conversation practice.

2. Can you swing going home, even just for a little while? Golden Week is coming up, and the tickets will probably be really expensive, but it may be worth it for you; your school might get a break in summer, too, for O-bon. I went home last winter, and being able to look forward to that probably helped me get out of the slump, or at least keep me from going completely insane during it; to be honest, though, by the time I was home I had come to love Japan and got hit with some pretty hard reverse culture shock instead.

3. Time. Seriously, nothing helps more than this, although it may not feel that way right now. The longer you keep doing your job, the easier and less unpleasant it will get. If you have Japanese friends now, your relationships with them will improve; if not, you may find opportunities to make some. Your understanding of the culture will deepen, such that things you used to find unbearably frustrating may start to make perfect sense, when seen in a wider context.

Finally, here is some advice on cultural adjustment from the website of the program I came here on; it was of great value for me both before arrival and while I was here, and hopefully it will be of some use for you:

These things are pretty general, because I don't know all the details of your situation. Please, please MeMail me if you want to talk more about it or if there's anything else I can do (I like Japan, but I do get lonely for other Canadians sometime)! Feel free to tell me how much Japan sucks, even, although I will probably try to defend it a little. I hope this has helped a little; hang in there! It will get better. This has been an amazing experience, even the bad parts, and I would have missed out on some of the best moments of my life if I had left last summer like I wanted so badly to.
posted by daelin at 6:44 AM on March 4

I'm a Canadian living in Seoul. This happens to everyone to some extent. It'll pass to some extent, but it'll stay with you to some extent, too. It's impossible to say how things'll shake out in a few months. My advice is to learn more of the language (yes, it's really freakin' hard; so is Korean, but that doesn't stop me from trying to learn more) because the rewards are large, and just know that your feelings will change. Dive into a book or something when you feel down.
posted by smorange at 7:10 AM on March 4

Also, not to devalue the experiences in the other answers, but moving from a Western country to another Western country just isn't the same as moving from a Western country to Southeast Asia. Rejection of the culture is much more common and more extreme in cases of large cultural/language differences.
posted by smorange at 7:14 AM on March 4

I used to live in Japan. Culture shock is a bit like a pendulum: you'll swing between bouts of extreme shock (hatred for host country, hatred of self) to periods of idealized love of Japan. Over time, the pendulum swings become less extreme, until you finally reach equilibrium - acceptance of your host country, and of yourself.

It took me ten years.
posted by KokuRyu at 7:42 AM on March 4

Actually, what really made a difference for me was learning Japanese - really studying the language and becoming engaged with the culture. And exercise.

Fight the dark thoughts, get active, and get engaged. Smiling will also work wonders.
posted by KokuRyu at 7:45 AM on March 4

methylsalicylate is onto something. I've lived outside my home country for about a decade and watched many others come and go. Living in a different culture can be stressful and people often express that through internally or externally directed negativity. On top of that, it can be distressing to notice that some of the bad things about life in the place you came from are still there and to realise, consciously or unconsciously, that they are to do with you, not your environment.

To answer your question more specifically, the ability to step back from your mood and work out where it is coming from is a vital coping mechanism. Become a calm observer of both Japan and your reactions to Japan. Don't expect too much and be overjoyed with the good you experience.
posted by Busy Old Fool at 7:52 AM on March 4

Not much to add to the previous comments. I've been on local contracts in three countries and lived for extended periods in five including a two-year stint in Tokyo and coming up on 18 months in China. Paraphrasing what someone else said early, if living abroad is going to be your gig, you'll know when you wake up and you're just there and not someplace else.

It happened for me after six months in Switzerland (stayed there for ten years) when one day I was on the tram heading to work and a switch went. It wasn't magical or strange or annoying or different anymore. It just was, and it was where I lived.
posted by michswiss at 8:04 AM on March 4

moving from a Western country to another Western country just isn't the same as moving from a Western country to Southeast Asia.

No, it's not the same - it's different. The attitude that things will be analogous, easy even, because hey! I've seen Benny Hill! gets untold numbers of Americans into loads of trouble here, leading in many cases to hating it because they thought it would be like moving to New York but with funny-looking buses. I have British friends who lived in Japan and their descriptions of that experience seems a lot like my experience of coming to the UK from the US (minus the language barrier, but again, if you move to the North don't assume you will understand a damn word anyone says).

Long story short, we are all damned lucky to have the freedom to move around as we do, moving anywhere is stressful full stop, and moving to any other country entails no small amount of work in both attitude and cultural adjustment in order to be successful. Just sayin'.
posted by methylsalicylate at 8:21 AM on March 4

Two stints as an International Development worker. Really I don't have a strategy for breaking out of this mindset, I just continued to go through my daily routine and live my life until it passed... just know that its normal and not weird in any way and it will probably pass - if it doesn't pass in a few weeks, just consider going home.

I don't exactly remember the phases anymore.

Talking to expats from your country can help a lot. I found it a relief to just be able to talk to people in my own accent, and not have to speak slowly and distinctly. These people will generally understand that you are kind of tired of the wonderful exotic local cuisine and you really want a decent cheesburger - people at home, tourists and people in honeymoon phase won't get this.

The acceptance phase involves some adoption of local ways, and otherwise accepting the the fact that in some ways you will never fit in... on one international development stint I can recall things like I could never really internalize the countries' history or politics - I'm involved at politics at home but never really cared about the politics in the host country - this frustrated some people, I never fully adapted to local cuisine and always preferred coffee to tea and always liked beer better than wine unlike the locals, I was educated under a different system, and I had lived my entire life to that point living and travelling in proper democracies - a system that was new to the people I lived with.

The interpersonal relationships in Asia are totally different too, I can recall being very upset when someone I was intimate with referred to me a foriegner in conversation. I don't think I have cried myself to sleep since I was an infant, but it was touch and go for a while.

The reverse culture shock is actually far worse, though the more experienced I get the shorter it lasts.
posted by Deep Dish at 8:26 AM on March 4

First of all, sometimes you just don't like a place. That may or may not be true right now, but it's possible. Second of all, I think living abroad is like the bell curve except your X axis is Time. Starts out ok, you're kind of checking things out. Gets a little more intense and there's this moment (or several moments extending over months) of holy shit, I live here and there's this and this and this that's different or that I don't like. Then it starts to come back down and even out again, and all of the sudden you're used to it, you appreciate the quirks, you miss home but you're happy where you are. Every time I've lived abroad, whether it's 3, 9, or 12 months, that's been about the pattern. Sounds like you're at the top of that curve. This is just my own analogy; I claim no expertise beyond personal experience in 1st and 3rd world countries. This is how it ended up for me. I can just hope for you that it'll get better and even out again. I think Deep Dish is right. You need a support network, even if it's just one other person. Someone who understands.

Good luck! (Is it gambatte????)
posted by cachondeo45 at 11:42 AM on March 4

Everything you describe is normal, fillibuster. Get yourself to an expat group. I don't know where you are in Japan, but I found this Canadian group on Meetup.com in Tokyo. There are bound to be others closer to you, if you look. Expat groups can be a bit of a mixed bag, but I have made some really close friends through mine. On those days when you wonder what the hell you were thinking in moving over, a quick text or two between you and a fellow expat can make all the difference.

I've done the expat thing twice, in western Europe - smorange, you have a point, but all the same... it really is different. In some ways, I feel more foreign living in England than I did living in France. Mainly because when I learned the language and picked up a local accent, I blended in a bit more. In England, it's pretty obvious I'm an import the minute I open my mouth. I'm not doing a Madonna, dammit! ;)

Why not organise a MeFi meetup for your area?
posted by Grrlscout at 12:58 PM on March 4

I was directed here by metalheart, and I actually joined metafilter specifically to comment here. The reason being that I feel I really need to put in my two cents here. I just hope I don't come across as too preachy in my first post! I really feel for your situation, filibuster.

I've read a few comments saying that once you learn more of the Japanese language and can communicate more effectively, you should be able to integrate into the culture more and feel more at home.

I disagree.

I've learned Japanese to a pretty fluent degree. I'm actually completing my master's degree in Translation Studies and have recently qualified as a Japanese translator. My main skill at Japanese is my accent, which, thanks to my deep interest in phonetics and phonology, has no traces of a 'foreign' accent. Quite a few Japanese people who I have met have asked if I am half-Japanese due to my Japanese.

I lived in Tokyo for a year studying at a Japanese university (Ochanomizu Women's College) and recently came back from a working holiday in Niseko, Hokkaido, where I was at a ski resort in Japan.

I could tell you a lot of stories about the working conditions there, about how it was run by the Prince Hotel (the most prestigious hotel chain in Japan) and was in the middle of a change-over to the Hilton, how the two entirely different systems were clashing, etc. etc. But that's probably a topic all of its own.

What I think is best to understand, though, is that if you are not experiencing culture shock, if you are finding that your target culture is rejecting you, language will not help. I had the opposite experience. The English-speaking workers with no prior Japanese knowledge who just came up there to work at the bars and restaurants for fun were treated like kings and queens. The few English speakers who came up primarily to work as bilingual staff members were treated like crap. The more Japanese you spoke, the worse it got. There were a few South Koreans who I befriended who spoke Japanese like a native and were treated like dogs. If you're interested I can give you more examples, but I'm not going to go into it now.

Maybe it was because the more you try to be taken seriously as anything other than a 'gaijin' ('outsider'), the more of an effort you make to be a part of Japanese culture and be seen as anything but a tourist, the more you realise how impossible that is. Japan has a strong concept of 'uchi' (inside) and 'soto' (outside). Even Japanese nationals who have gone to school overseas for a few years are considered 'soto'; it was a very big social issue a while back.

I left early in the end, about two months earlier than I was supposed to. That's my Japanese working holiday visa used up now. I have never regretted my decision. Since I left, I seemed to have started a trend; I keep hearing back from my friends still there that more and more people are quitting. I was certainly not the only person who felt rejected.

This was apparent - albeit not to such a strong degree - when I lived in Tokyo for a year as well. When I was living there, I was happy. But I did notice what became glaringly apparent when I attempted my working holiday; I could never be a part of them. That wasn't culture shock. That was just a realisation that didn't bother me in all the year and three months that I had lived there until I was thrown into the middle of the cultural battleground of the ski resort. I have spoken to many bilingual expats about this, including other professionals in the translation industry, and have yet to hear of any different experiences.

There's a difference between culture shock, which is internal, and having the culture itself reject you, which is external. You will have to work out for yourself which it is. Unfortunately, Japan is one of those places where one needs to understand that as a culture that prides itself on being 'pure', you will never be on the inside. If you can accept that, or learn to accept that, then it is worth your while staying. If not, I'd recommend to stay anyway, if you think in the future you might be happy with the knowledge that you were able to endure it. If you don't see that happening (as with my working holiday), if you honestly don't think it's healthy for you on a long term basis, don't hesitate to get out, as soon as you possibly can.

I love learning and working in Japanese. I think it's a very beautiful language. And I love to explore all the beautiful provinces of Japan. I will, however, never work in Japan again if I can help it.

Oh, and by the way, if any of your colleagues tell you 'shou ga nai' ('it can't be helped') or 'gaman shita hou ga ii ne' ('it's best to just put up with it') or anything along those lines along the course of business, ignore it. In Japan it is considered a virtue to put up with all kinds of malpractice for the sake of the 'greater good', which in this case is your company. You do not have to put up with abuse. Just leave.
posted by turnipinthemoonlight at 8:52 PM on March 4

This is all fantastic advice, and I really appreciate the long, thoughtful, insightful answers you have all offered. It has definitely given me a lot to ponder. I especially appreciate your comments, Grriscout, and metalheart, for directing you to help me.

I think you've all helped me realize that indeed, I am going through a phase, and indeed, it is a normal one that will pass in time, especially if I utilize some of the specific coping mechanisms suggested.

But one question does remain — there has to be some point at which point a move abroad can be rationally and calmly analyzed as a mistake. Most of you seem to take it for granted that while moving abroad is difficult, it is still ultimately worth struggling through, for various reasons.

And I still believe there is an enormous amount of worth in living abroad for a year. And at this point, I think I'm still prepared to struggle through. All your advice has pushed me even more in that direction. But, at the same time, in a more abstract sense, I'd still be very curious to hear how some of you would define a "bad move" that was not worth continuing. Again, I'm not saying I believe my move to be a mistake, but sometimes it helps if one has some criteria for understanding what it would look like if it was.
posted by filibuster at 4:12 PM on March 5

There's no exact number, of course, but after about 8 months, you'll know whether you made the right decision. For me, it was 6--even though I'm not an absconder, I'm generally a positive person, and I assimilated the host culture into my personality more thoroughly than most, and it took me about 6 months to realize all of this. For others, it's 12. However, there are plenty of people who shouldn't live abroad: these are people who don't engage with the culture, don't eat the food, and don't experience much outside of what they would experience back home.
posted by smorange at 1:04 AM on March 6

But, at the same time, in a more abstract sense, I'd still be very curious to hear how some of you would define a "bad move" that was not worth continuing.

Warning: long, buttnumber post full of personal anecdote (get a coffee and get comfy)

Basically, I see it like this. You moved to this country out of choice. You planned to move over, applied for a visa, put your things on Ebay or in storage, packed your life in boxes, and moved overseas. You had to have a reason for doing that. Like the culture? Just wanted something new? Heard the job market was better? Fell in love with someone from that culture and wanted to be with them? You went to a lot of effort and expense to be there. What motivated you in the first place? There's no right or wrong sort of motivation to do this. The more the reason for your move over resonates with your core values, the more successful your move will be. Connect with that first reason, and it will help you figure out if you want to still be there.

A relationship with a host country is a lot like a relationship with a person. You have to love them enough to be able to tolerate the times when they aren't quite what you'd hope they'd be. If you don't love them, for the great and wonderful and really magical things about them, you'll never be able to wrap your mind around the occasional terrible thing that you find, too. Of course, the more that's true, the more you might want to think about moving on. Or, say, if you find that you just fall out of love with them. Nothing wrong with that. But if you still do love them, you owe it to yourself (and to them) to give it a go and just grit your teeth and get through the occasional tough times. Only you really know where your relationship with Japan really stands. I never really fell out of love with France. I'm still in love with England.

My husband is English - which is why I'm here. He lived with me for a while in the US. In fact, the original plan for him was to live and work in the US indefinitely. He stuck it out for close to a year. Thing is, he really didn't like it in the US. He gave it a genuine try. Really did. But all the things he thought he loved about the US? Well, some of them weren't real. And some of them were too real. And some of them, over time, he found he just didn't value as much as the things he really values in life. A flexible job market vs. time with his family. Or rediscovering his own belief in socialism as the way forward - nothing like learning the value of a social safety net by living in a country without one. He felt really foreign in the US. Everything was different. The voltage. The DVD regions. Jaywalking laws. The electrical outlets. The language. The cops having guns in holsters on their hips. He got tired of being constantly asked about his accent. Being pegged for being Scottish or Irish, because he has a Yorkshire accent and doesn't sound like Hugh Grant. Not being able to get food he grew up with and used consistently. It goes on from there. Even the constant sunshine in southern CA put the zap on his head at times (always the same! doesn't it ever rain here? No seasons?)

That's an example of someone who tried, stuck it out, and decided pretty quickly that it wasn't for him. He fell out of love with his host country pretty quickly. He loved me, but not my country. I love him, so I agreed to put him out of his misery and give England a go.

I'd count myself as a pretty successful expat here. I really do love where I live, and can't imagine living anyplace else. Barring some amazing opportunity elsewhere, I can't see myself settling outside of Yorkshire. Unless it's Durham or Newcastle... definitely not out of the north. I found work here within three weeks of moving over. My in-laws are amazingly accepting. I've made friends pretty easily. This is in a county where someone who moved from one side of the county to the other ten years ago could be referred to as an oftcomed'un (outsider). There's a saying in Yorkshire that you don't know someone until you've known them at least a year (summered and wintered 'em) - after four years here, people really do feel they know me. Each year, it gets easier.

Even so, my answer to your question about that would depend on what day of the week you asked me! After four years here, and after two years in France, I still had days I wished with all my heart I'd never moved over. Rare, but they still happen. I really do love this country, and I'm happy to be here, but there are simply times when I want to be around my own kind, as it were. I tend to have a limit to the number of people who ask me "so... where's that accent from?" "Why on earth would you move from California to Wakefield, of all places?" "How long have you been here?" "Don't you miss your family?" etc. Or people who want to tell me all about the US after their week long holiday to Orlando or shopping weekend in New York. If I hit that limit in a day, I get a little blue. I feel very foreign. It gets really old.

Part of my job is internal audit, which means I travel around the UK to local offices. There's usually one or two new people in each office I visit who want to play Question Time. After a long week of Question Time sessions, I really miss being able to just be that nice woman in finance... just me for me, just someone who's like anyone else in the building and won't be remembered for my accent more than my name, not someone who gets introduced to new people at the pub by "this is grrlscout... not your typical yank" (what is a typical yank, btw... she mumbles to herself) ;)

Those are the bad times. Those are the times when I send a "arrrgh limeys, love 'em but damn!" text to a fellow expat. Those are the times when I need the support of people who are going through the same thing I am. If I didn't have that support, I can't imagine how I'd cope.

There are no set time limits on this. You'll go through those phases of culture shock in one way, then come back around again through them in new and different ways as you grow as a person (and your relationship and understanding of your host country grows and shifts).
posted by Grrlscout at 1:01 AM on March 7