Help me convince the new boss that I am not in fact a pain in the ass and should get more money

March 3, 2009 10:36 PM

New boss denied my raise, but agreed to meet with me tomorrow to talk about it. Tell me what to say.

I am a technical writer at a soap factory. I've been there a year and a half. My immediate supervisor is terrific, and seems very pleased with the work I do. She gave my performance review, and it was universally positive except for one thing. Something about: Methylviolet is very passionate about the work she does and tries to make the best it can be. However, her perfectionism sometimes causes strain with other departments. This is an area she could improve. This is fair, and true. My supervisor gave me advice on that, and I recognize the need to go a little more softly. She recommended me for a raise, and sent it to her boss -- who just joined us last month, and doesn't know me at all. That was three weeks ago.

Well, today my supervisor told me that the big boss denied me any raise at all... until there is improvement on the interpersonal side. What? My supervisor disagreed with this, and fought for me: my workload has greatly increased, its complexity has increased, I do work beyond my job classification... but no. Apparently someone has complained about me to her, and she thinks I am just this pain-in-the-ass person.

I stopped by the big boss' office, and asked if she'd be willing to let me know how I could better meet her expectations. She agreed and named a time tomorrow morning. My supervisor will be there too.

You see that I am interpersonally-challenged; please give me your insight on turning this around. What can I do here?

posted by Methylviolet to work & money (17 comments total)

Be as polite and non-abrasive as you can be when you meet with the new boss. Don't give her any reason to believe what she's heard from someone else is founded. Be receptive to her suggestions and try not to argue, even if everything you're being told about yourself is wrong, wrong, wrong. You may not get your raise right now, but if New Boss sees you're not at all the interpersonally-challenged person she seems to think you are, that raise my come before too long.
posted by katillathehun at 11:07 PM on March 3, 2009 [1 favorite]

At the risk of being a... PITA, in the eyes of someone of consequence, you are a PITA, to the extent that this has been mentioned to the boss. As you seem to be wise in grasping, well worth gaining a better understanding/awareness of the details of this perception, what the decision-maker(s) thinks about where things stand and how best to go forward.

With the person being new, she has little context, presumably values the opinion of someone or some people who related the PITA thoughts. No guess if the person or people are at or above the level of your boss, for what that's worth, potentially a lot.

Hopefully your supervisor will be on your side (at least to some extent) in this conversation.

As one who can sing a few bars of this tune, relative to work involving writing, coincidentally or otherwise, this could well be mistaken perception to some extent. Some people are relatively shy and it comes off as aloof/cold/arrogant.

Too, sounds like some of our work is/has been similarly involving work with other departments, getting information/reviews/etc., from 'em. Feels universal that those things, regardless of policies and procedures, how things are supposed to be and such, what people in other departments do relative to your work is too often pushed back due to workload, things coming up, etc., and it's too often done more toward the half-assed realm because of time constraints, people having relatively limited experience doing this stuff, etc.

If there's one thing that drives me crazy about those sorts of jobs, it's being dependent on people over whom you/your boss have no authority, at times having to plead, cajole, etc, Sounds like at least your supervisor is understanding if ___ in the ___ department is being slow, indifferent, etc.

In terms of perfectionism, a boss in a job that required getting writing-related info from other departments once said there are times when one doesn't need to "boil the ocean." Drag racers occasionally speak of wanting to get the car down the track in decent fashion, not go for a world record and say they "aren't trying to rotate the earth."

Short of basic factual errors, blowing deadlines, etc., seems like there could be situations when it could be of value to think, "I want to get this to 100% and/or do it a certain way, but life will go on in acceptable fashion if it's not done all or mostly my way and/or done to 90%." The win-the-battle-but-lose-the-war thing. Or vice versa. Or lose both.

These things aside, feels possible these days that the person doling out raises has very, very little to give out, has to be more selective than he or she would be in better times.
posted by ambient2 at 11:24 PM on March 3, 2009

Try not to be overly defensive. Your role here is not a defense attorney trying to convince the boss you're "innocent" of the charge, it's to say that it's clear there's been some sort of problem, and you want suggestions to address it. Tell her about the work you do and in what ways that work involves coordination with many other departments/people. Ask how this coordination could be improved, what you should be doing differently. For example, if your job involves multiple rounds of review of a document between Editor X, Engineer Y, and yourself, you could say that you notice that there's often a lot of friction in the review process, and you want to get everything right but also don't want to waste anyone's time, how can I make this more efficient?

Let her get to know you and what you do for her department so she can get to know you as someone beyond that "pain-in-the-ass" impression that formed in her mind. Ask her to let you know if she ever sees or hears anything from anyone about your interpersonal skills, that you want to improve and that, if there are any complaints, you want to try to put things right straight away.

Given this economy, is there a chance that your company/department just doesn't have the money for a raise and the big boss is using this as an easy excuse to deny you one?

Assuming you don't get an immediate raise, try to set a date for a follow-up review to see how you're improving. Scheduling a follow-up means that you have a definite date in the future when you can be re-evaluated for that raise, so this won't drag on endlessly because no one has gotten around to it yet. If your raise was denied because you had trouble with X and your follow-up review determines that you're good at X, logically you have a strong argument for a raise at that point.

Good luck!
posted by zachlipton at 11:35 PM on March 3, 2009

If new boss has denied raise, then you're probably not going to get a raise out of this meeting. Your supervisor has already made your case for you. If you then try to re-make your case, you're being a PITA (sorry, Catch 22 here).

You may however ask new boss why your raise was denied. It could be the issue on your performance review, or it could be that the economy is terrible, your company isn't doing great, and almost no one is getting a raise.

If it's a perceived fault of yours, tell new boss that you will work with your supervisor to improve in this area, and ask if you can revisit this review in six months.
posted by zippy at 12:04 AM on March 4, 2009

Don't be defensive, don't attack, be looking for answers. Be curious and open. Ask about the nature of the interpersonal problems, and ask both your boss and your supervisor what the issues are and what their suggestions are for addressing them. You might mention that you are concerned about communication within the (department/company/whatever) since you were blindsided by the negative reaction to your performance review. Mention how your performance is entirely in response to the doing the best job possible for the company. And humbly mention that you have been able to maintain this high level of quality (don't say "perfectionism") despite having many more responsibilities than you were hired to do.

If things are going well you might bring up that, typically a person with your responsibilities not has the position of (something above you that would imply a raise). A full list of all the stuff you do that's not in your job description might be handy.

Most importantly get a list of specific improvements from the boss that he/she expects to see from you and make sure you supervisor gets a copy. Then set a time for another review in 3-4 months where the three of you can get together and see how much progress you've made toward those goals.

But I agree with zippy, you're probably not going to get a raise at this point. I'd be prepared for you boss to make excuses, but don't give him/her a hard time about it or they'll probably get defensive and then you'll have no chance of getting that raise.
posted by Ookseer at 1:04 AM on March 4, 2009

This is a great opportunity to ask the boss' advice on how she would accomplish your goal -- high quality, timely work, or whatever it is -- without stepping on peoples' toes. Seeking this advice, and listening, and being seen to listen, can accomplish all sorts of good things.
posted by amtho at 4:06 AM on March 4, 2009

Ask your new big boss what improvement she wants to see, and then do that. If someone went so far as to complain about you, and if even your immediate supervisor - who likes you a lot - felt compelled to put it in your review, then no offense, but you are probably more of a pain in the ass to work with than you think.
posted by boomchicka at 4:21 AM on March 4, 2009

Most managers I know who give feedback go out of their way to be constructive and positive when it comes to discussing something that needs to be improved, particularly if they otherwise like the staff member concerned. Unfortunately, this can often soften the feedback to such an extent that it makes what can be a very serious issue seem like nothing at all.

If I were to read between the lines, "her perfectionism sometimes causes strain with other departments" probably really means something like "methylviolet has a widespread and probably deserved reputation as a seriously disruptive pain in the arse". "Perfectionist" is a nice way of saying nitpicker, irrational critic, impossible to please. (I'm not criticising - I can be the same - just saying that I've seen others use this sort of code or doubletalk all the time, and have even used it myself.)

This doesn't mean your supervisor doesn't like you - quite the opposite, hence the weasly words, probably written with a silent hope that you'd just take the hint without a confrontation. What it does mean is that his/her opinion as they tell it to you probably counts for diddly squat, and the new boss has probably heard a more black and white account (or accounts) about your behaviour elsewhere. It's going to be hard to change their mind.

So, my advice is don't go in there thinking this is a minor stumbling block. In your new boss's mind, and in the minds of your colleagues and even your supervisor, this is a Big Deal. You could even open with that - talk about your appraisal, say you didn't realise how serious the issue actually was until you found out it was enough to halt an otherwise deserved payrise. Ask for frank and fearless feedback. It'll be hard, but you need to hear it how it really is if you're going to work around it or change it.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:10 AM on March 4, 2009 [2 favorites]

I'm not sure about your corporate culture, but in both corporations I've worked for recently, the general practice amongst employees who were evaluating peer level employees for annual reviews was not to make anyone look bad, no matter how much you disliked working with them. All positive things, except the one question where you had to state a case for improving something, and even that cast in as positive a light as possible.

So if someone -- or multiple someones -- actually went out of their way to describe problems with working with you that would be unusual and indicate and actual, significant problem. What you got on our your performance review wasn't specific enough to work on directly, so that's the information I'd be seeking in this particular meeting. What were the specifics of the issues -- Are you asking for meetings too frequently? Taking up too much time in general? Demanding responses under unreasonable deadlines? Rude and unsupportive to those less competent or experienced than you? (This last one was my issue one year on my review.) Only when you have more specific information can you start to actually improve the situation.

In terms of the raise, I think it's improbable bordering on impossible for you to get a raise out of this particular meeting. But if the feedback you get is specific and seems like something you can work on quickly, then ask for another review in 3 months or so, to get a sense of how your progress is going. You might be able to get a raise or promotion then, out of cycle, rather than waiting for the whole next year.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:48 AM on March 4, 2009

Thank you all so much for your input.

It is true that my supervisor has been telling me to go more softly -- in gentlest possible way -- for months now, and I... well, I now realize that I have been pretty much blowing it off. Unfortunately, this can often soften the feedback to such an extent that it makes what can be a very serious issue seem like nothing at all. I have always been slow on the uptake.

what people in other departments do relative to your work is too often pushed back due to workload, things coming up, etc., and it's too often done more toward the half-assed realm because of time constraints, people having relatively limited experience doing this stuff, etc. This is exactly it, or rather -- this is what I get frustrated about, and the problem is that my frustration shows. Which is counterproductive.

Oy. I do need to fix this. I work my tail off, I thought that was the way to go, but if Acme Soap values smooth relations more than whatever extra work I'm squeezing out, I am killing myself and annoying people to no purpose. But if I don't follow-up with people, my documents don't get the info, or approvals, or whatever I need to do my work -- and I'm the slacker.

So how do you find the balance?
posted by Methylviolet at 8:29 AM on March 4, 2009

I'm the same way; fortunately, I haven't yet had to ask for a raise because projects I've worked on have either been in school or on a volunteer basis.

Letting go of perfection is the worst thing, and it's the biggest thing, but since it's standing in the way of a raise, it's also the only thing.

Good luck.
posted by trotter at 8:29 AM on March 4, 2009

It's hard to know where your balance needs to be without knowing your particular style of nagging.

Is it that you're on people's backs at all hours of the day, unexpectedly? Perhaps a standing, scheduled period where you'll follow up with people would help. If you work with the same people repeatedly a daily or weekly check in that lets them say 'No, I haven't got that yet. Here's this other thing that you also needed.' and then lets both of you get on with your jobs would help. It also creates routine deadlines that they know they can work towards meeting.

Plus, by having regular status meetings, you can maintain some level of an ongoing status chart -- ie, one that shows where the blockages occur in your workflow. If the same department is always late with things, or the same person is always the problem, it'll show up in ongoing status tracking, and make it obvious that things are not your fault -- that someone else is the bottleneck in the process. That can also help pinpoint where the solution might lie.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:01 AM on March 4, 2009

Different jobs involve this sort of situation, where someone's job depends on getting something from someone else, so there are a variety of techniques:

- managers (the technique there involves motivating people, creating accountability, and measuring performance [gotta love the jargon])
- project managers (same as above, plus "show respect for people's expertise, make sure they know you're counting on them")
- advocates, lobbyists (find out why it's in someone else's interests to do what you want, find the constituency or powerful messenger that can convince that person to listen)
- administrative assistants and anyone who has to get something from someone with more power ("I know you're so busy, but..." "Sorry to interrupt, but..." "I thought you might want to know..." "Excuse me, but you asked me to remind you...")

There are books about management and project management that might have helpful tips. GOod luck!
posted by salvia at 9:21 AM on March 4, 2009

Take this as a learning experience and accept it. No raise this year? Eh, so be it.

With the economy in the state it's in, this is a time to be thankful you even have a job. It's not a time to push for money. I'm not saying you're doing that. I'm just saying that nobody seems to really know how long this recession/depression will last.

Times are scary!
Protect your job.
Be safe.

Also, this might help.

Best of luck!
posted by 2oh1 at 10:48 AM on March 4, 2009

but if Acme Soap values smooth relations more than whatever extra work I'm squeezing out, I am killing myself and annoying people to no purpose.

Well, if I had a super-productive employee that was making life miserable for everyone else, well, I wouldn't just be sitting on my hands. If it comes to one or the other, you (the lone super-productive employee) would lose. Life rarely gives us such clear-cut dichotomies, though, and it appears like your management is trying to preserve a productive employee while still making it a good place to work for everyone else. This is good.

Don't discount "smooth relations". That's all polite behavior is, after all.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 11:03 AM on March 4, 2009

Oh, and good luck. I've been in a similar situation. And rereading my above comment, I suppose I can see why. Apologies for the tone; I didn't mean to imply that you were making people's lives miserable, just that at least one person thinks that you're causing some conflict.

I have no idea if the impression people are getting of you is justly deserved, but it's a lot easier to change yourself than other people in any case. Improving your skills at dealing with people is rarely a poor investment.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 11:08 AM on March 4, 2009

the big boss denied me any raise at all... until there is improvement on the interpersonal side. What?

This is actually great feedback (one way to look at it). You just want it to be more specific. Talk to big boss about what they're looking for and how you can attain this goal. You can put this in the form of a contract (depending on work environment). You may not be able to melt the heart of that one influential person who seems to hate you, but you could certainly demonstrate that you're working toward better communication (e.g. detailed memos/feedback) and whatever else it is they want.

It's probably frustrating, but if you can get more information about why they felt you needed improvement, you can go about jumping through those hoops in visible ways.
posted by dhartung at 11:45 AM on March 5, 2009