What are some queer-positive books I can recommend to a young, gay Southern male who's uncomfortable with his sexuality?

November 7, 2004 6:16 PM

Gay-positive books (or other resources) to recommend to a young, gay male in the Deep South who's uncomfortable with his sexuality?

I have an email friend (we "met" online at TWoP) who's in his late teens, lives in a small Southern town, and whose family disapproves of his "lifestyle. Now, in light of the success of the anti-gay marriage ballot measures last week, he has started saying how much he wishes he were straight so that he didn't have to feel so under siege. My heart's breaking for him, but since I'm straight and in my 30s and live in a major metropolitan area, I feel that there are some obvious limits to what I can say or do to help him in his particular circumstances. Help!

Please, I do not want this to become an open forum on whether being gay is a "choice" or something that can be "cured." I really want to hear from MeFites -- gay, bi, straight, whatever -- who have some concrete suggestions for gay-positive books/websites/documentaries/etc. that he might get something out of. Thanks!

posted by scody to writing & language (12 comments total)

Also, please "forgive" my "excessive" use of "quotes" above. I don't know what came over "me."
posted by scody at 6:23 PM on November 7, 2004

An AskMe thread from a ways back dealt with good books for a coming out 16 year old gay black teen which might have some useful starting places for you. I second the Stuck Rubber Baby recommendation at the top of that thread. Other things to do would be to look into the gay teen meetups, some of which seem to be happening in the South. There's also a few books in the Rebel Yell series [subtitled Stories by Contemporary Southern Gay Authors] that look a bit tawdry from the covers but are actually pretty good collections of stories about gay folks in the south.
posted by jessamyn at 6:54 PM on November 7, 2004

what jess said, and also look into a search of livejournal and other blogs/journals.
posted by amberglow at 7:05 PM on November 7, 2004

my friend wrote this book of poems called talking in the dark. they are small easily relatable experiences that might validate his feelings.
posted by c at 9:22 PM on November 7, 2004

oh and of course i meant to write that the target audience is teens. hope it helps.
posted by c at 9:23 PM on November 7, 2004

If he has safe net access, Youth Guardian Services might be a good resource.
posted by sueinnyc at 11:36 PM on November 7, 2004

I really like "The Velveteen Father" by Jesse Green. It has nothing to do with coming out or anything; just the nice and true story of a NYT writer's courtship and eventual marriage with a man who has a child.

Adam Haslett's "You Are Not A Stranger Here" is absolutely brutal. It hurts to read it; but in a good way, I suppose. All the stories aren't gay, but the ones that are paint very vivid pictures and show the true dangers of self-hatred, etc. But may be too intense for a young reader.

I realize you may be looking for more self-help type books, but I find reading books like the ones above are normalizing and honest--moreso than the Dr. Phil approach.
posted by adrober at 11:45 PM on November 7, 2004

Entries from a hot pink notebook is a powerful novel about a fourteen year old coming out in small town in the 1980s. It is a very real novel, and thus there are emotionally difficult parts, with some violence, but it is in the end affirming. I would recommend it to any teenager, in fact, anyone who has experienced unrequited crushes, raging hormones, trouble fitting in.

When I was in the process of coming out, I just read anything I could find - but it did help that I live in a city whose public library has a gay and lesbian literature collection. If he does have a discrete library, he may be able to read a lot that way.

Other novels - I have always loved Maurice by E.M. Forster, who also has a gay themed short fiction collection. Forster's fiction has a running theme of sexuality and passion straining against social constraints, and he is decided on the side of passion There are also several collections of gay short fiction, including one from Penguin (their lesbian collection is excellent).

And Amazon being what it is, I just came across this list - Gay Reads for the Teen Age.
posted by jb at 11:49 PM on November 7, 2004

I think serious books and novels will help - I always find that in hardship, I get more comfort from knowing others have gotten through the same thing than from reading platitudes. Maybe this is why I was drawn to literature rather that non-fiction.
posted by jb at 11:52 PM on November 7, 2004

I would also strongly recommend The shared heart : portraits and stories celebrating lesbian, gay, and bisexual young people by Adam Mastoon. Not a great gift if the kid is haivng trouble at home because it's big and hard to hide [though check the web site] but it's a collection of photos and short essays by the people in the portraits. They're all gay/bi/trans/questioning and are all in their early 20's or younger. Some are accepted by family and friends and some aren't but it's a very interesting book about a wide range of different people who share this one characteristic. I also agree the hot pink notebook is a great book.
posted by jessamyn at 9:46 AM on November 8, 2004

Reflections of A Rock Lobster. Aaron Fricke was my hero in high school, and my inspiration for coming out during my senior year in my (very) small, (very) conservative New Mexico village. My senior prom ALL the girls in my class were my dates. All the boys glowered at me.

(though the first school day after prom, during a sneakaway smoke-break, a sophomore boy kissed me on the cheek. It was so sweet.)

The filmed adaptation of Maurice is pretty good, too. It's the one Hugh Grant film I actually love. And BONUS: you get to see Rupert Graves' wang! BONUS 2! No one can utter the words, 'You're a disgrace to chivalry," like the dearly-departed Denholm Elliot. Sigh.
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:05 PM on November 8, 2004

Thanks, all -- I've passed on a number of these to him. I appreciate it!
posted by scody at 4:24 PM on November 8, 2004